Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 4 - Enigmatos
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 4 - Enigmatos
Tau
A product of the Whisperforge.
[SFX: Whisperforge chime.]
Sound and Story: Brought to Life.
Tau
You're listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way. We're just big old nerds making improv fanfiction. ROGUE RUNNERS is rated R for pretty much everything you can find in Greek mythology, violence, assault, self harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then Welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Title music.]
“Longing for the crisp air, a snowy surface—maimed, burdened, and bound by blood and darkness.”
Tau
Okay, so before I give this description, actually, I want a group perception check because this will affect some of the information I give you.
Amanda
A nat 20... 24!
Giancarlo
Me too! That's a 23.
Nicholas
14.
Michael
Six.
Tau
You arrive in a rectangular room that is wide by 30 feet on the side that you were standing. On the long, far end, 150 feet away, is the gate. With your perception checks, Rolf and Annie, you see some scribbled runes on the ground, and they say the words "The Ordeal of Oizys". Additionally, everybody sees this, behind you, you see like a mirror realm of everything in front of you. On the other side beginning like immediately behind you, you see Pandaie, you see Palaestra, and you see Ajax. And the three of them kind of turned around and they like notice you as well, like at the exact same time. And then they look out at the 150 foot stretch. The entire platform is made of smooth black tile. So after about 10 seconds of getting your bearings, on the side that you are on and also on the mirrored realm side where three members of the Olympiad are, this weird lilac colored smoke starts to expand. It is expanding out in both directions like from the mirror. Make a history or Arcana check, only Annie.
Amanda
Oh, that's not good. That's a five.
Tau
There is a very good reason for this. I'm not doing instead of nowhere make it with advantage.
Amanda
(melodically) Oh, yay hey hey! 16.
Tau
So Annie you recognize the name Oizys. Oizys was the ancient Greek goddess of grief, anxiety and depression.
Michael
Pfffft, great.
Tau
Piecing that together with the gas that is emanating from this mirrored space, you suspect that that might have something to do with Oizys. So this gas is expanding out, we're saying even though it's in your space, it's not affecting you for this first turn, because you're seeing it come out, it's like spraying out towards you. And it's expanding out towards the opposite end gate. You know that the mirror realm is impassable. So you cannot touch or otherwise, like reach out to the people behind you. The only way it seems, is forward towards the gate, 150 feet away on the smooth black tile platform. So first up, we have Arete.
Michael
I am going to go ahead and use movement to move 30 feet across the black tile towards the gate.
[SFX: low strings pluck, starting a low undercurrent of music.]
Tau
The party behind you, they also start making a run for it like Arete, away from the weird vapor that's appearing in your space.
Amanda
And he's going to do the same, she's going to follow after Arete, and she's going to look back at Rolf and Alex and tell them "We need to move, it's best not to touch that gas!" And she's gonna go.
Giancarlo
"I have a feeling that this can't be quite as simple as we're making it out to be. But also, I have no idea who Oizys guy is. So I'm gonna book it." And I'm gonna dash and move 60 feet.
Tau
As you move about 40 feet in front of you, the smooth black tile slides upward in the space in front of you.
[SFX: Stone grinding]
Tau
So at the 40 foot space, these walls appear in front of you, they're 15 feet high. Furthermore, the whole platform is 30 feet wide. This takes up 25 feet of the platform. So only the five feet on your right is open. And what that means is you have to expend 15 feet of your movement to go around that wall or you can try to scale the 15 foot wall, whatever you want to do, but so far you've used 40 feet of your movement
Giancarlo
Scaling that 15 feet like is that a very difficult task or would that be something most people can accomplish?
Tau
You feel like it would be a medium difficulty athletics check.
Giancarlo
Ummmm.... Let's gamble it sure.
Tau
So you are dashing you've run 40 feet you see these walls come up in front of you. You're not letting this stop you, you go (makes a grunt) You jump! Make an aethletics check for me.
Giancarlo
That's a 19 from Rolf the jumping man!
Tau
You are the spriteliest sexagenarian. As you leap up you go "Allyoop!"
[SFX: SWOOP!]
Tau
You hurdle yourself up to the top. So you are standing on the top of the 15 foot wall at the 40 foot marker.
Nicholas
Okay, I'll do the dash and try to scale the wall as well. So I have a grappling hook and rope.
Tau
Ooo, okay.
Nicholas
Would that help make it easier at all?
Tau
Are you helicoptering them as you run up to the wall?
Nicholas
Yes, as I run up to it, do the helicopter spin and throw it up,
Nicholas
[SFX: Rope whipping then metal CLANK]
Tau
Make your athletics check with advantage.
Nicholas
Cool, that's 24 I'd like to leave the grappling hook there for the others to climb the wall.
Tau
Alright, so you vault, you just land right next to Rolph, you've got the grappling hook trailing behind you on that wall and you've got that 110 feet of smooth black tile out in front of you.
Giancarlo
"Howdy!"
Michael
I'm going to go ahead and use the rope attached to the grappling hook to climb onto the wall.
Tau
So at initiative 10, the vapor has extended to the 30 foot point. Annie, you're at the edge of the gas right now, but you are not affected by it, only if you remain here would you be. So it is your return.
Giancarlo
"Run, Annie, run!"
Amanda
Amanda is curious, I'm not gonna lie Amanda's very curious. (laughs) Dammi! Annie wants to look over at the other Olympiad to see how they're doing.
Tau
Sure it is a perception check with disadvantage, because now there is 60 feet of smoke between you two.
Amanda
Damn, that's a five.
Tau
So you look through the smoke and you see that there is one person who is still in the smoke, one person who is trying to help them exit the smoke, and you don't see a third person. But you can't make out who is doing what.
Amanda
Okay, Annie would like to run towards where everyone else was going. But I think she's gonna want to walk around the wall moreso than climb it.
Tau
You can spend about 25 feet of your movement going around the wall.
Amanda
Okay, yeah, I would like to be on the opposite side of the wall.
Tau
Yeah, you can spend your remaining five feet to do that, no problem. But you still have your action.
Amanda
Yeah, so I think I want to cast feather fall on the three at the top of the wall.
[SFX: The viol plays a few notes.]
Amanda
"You can really just jump off and you'll be fine."
Giancarlo
"Oh, thank you, Annie. I feel light and spry, like I could just..." and like a swimmer kicking off a pool wall is gonna kick off the wall and dash and move as far forward as he can, I guess just floating down however far Feather Fall takes him.
Tau
So something happens while you're doing that. So you hop off, you get to move about 40 more feet, you're on the ground at this stage. Furthermore, an additional wall appears at the 80 foot mark. So you still have 20 feet of movement. So you can still move around the wall if you want.
Giancarlo
Nothing else is peculiar about it, just a wall?
Tau
I mean, you can look around, try to proceed if there's anything else special going on.
Giancarlo
Sure. Let's see that is a 12 on perception.
Tau
Okay, you don't seem to notice any other hazards around.
Giancarlo
Okay, and I'm gonna move around it.
Tau
As you do make a dexterity saving.
Giancarlo
There we go. That is an eight.
Tau
As you do this giant streaks of flame shoot out from invisible space on the side to fill up that entire line in front of the wall.
Giancarlo
"Oh good lord."
Tau
Okay, you take 10 Fire Damage
Giancarlo
(Yells) "No! Noo!"
Tau
But you do get the movement off. So you're like running through the flame stream, it's going in your face you go "Ah!" but you like keep running towards the flame stream and you take a right which is on the left side of the wall. You go around the wall and you're past the flame stream. That has used up all of your movement but you are ostensibly safe.
Nicholas
I'd like to take the grappling hook back in my possession and then jump off the wall.
[SFX: SWOOP]
Nicholas
Can I dash with that too?
Tau
You can.
Nicholas
And then this time try to climb the wall, that's with my grappling hook again instead of going around
Tau
Okay, so make a dexterity saving throw.
Nicholas
Whoa, 17?
Tau
Okay, you take one fire damage as this flame jet shoots out at you. You just saw Rolph get hit by this so you're kind of expecting it. It barely even fazes you, you throw the hook up and make an athletics check as you attempt to scale the wall with your remaining movement.
[SFX: Dice clatter.]
Nicholas
14
Tau
Excellent. Yeah, you scale it without issue. You're at the top of the wall.
Nicholas
"Shall I leave the rope?"
Michael
"I think I'm gonna be walking around."
Nicholas
Oh, you know, I'll put on the other side so I can go scale the wall down.
Michael
Great. Arete is going to, using Feather Fall, do a dash to move off the top of the wall, run across and then go the same path that Rolf did and use the little side clearing.
Tau
Okay, Rolph ended exactly in that open space, so you have to finish your turn like right before where he is essentially. But you could dash and use all of your movement to scale the wall.
Michael
Yeah, why not? Let's do that.
Tau
Okay, make a dexterity saving throw.
Michael
Oof. Oof. That is a critical fail
Tau
And you take 10 fire damage.
[SFX: FWOOSH, a yell.]
Tau
But you're still climbing, you climb. You spent all of your movement to scale the wall and you're good. You're at the top of the 80 foot wall. At initiative 10, the fog that was at the 30 foot mark moves up to the 60 foot mark. So it's about 20 feet behind folks who are at the wall. The fog has passed you by now, I believe, Annie. Nothing happens here, but if you stay in this fog, things will happen.
Amanda
Ahhhhh, I know I shouldn't do it, but I really wanna stay! Dammit, Tau!
Amanda
I mena, so what you want, I encourage you to--
Amanda
I know! I know, but I shouldn't, I shouldnnn't. (begrudging) Annie's going to run towards the other waaaall.
Tau
You can move past Ralph and Arete but they will both be treated as rough terrain, so they'll take up double your movement. Or you can try to scale the wall.
Amanda
Yeah, then I'll just scale the wall.
Tau
Okay, make a dexterity saving throw.
Amanda
That's a 12.
Tau
You take 10 fire damage.
Amanda
Aww, yeah, babey!
Giancarlo
"We're on fire!"
Tau
But you do scale the wall, you were on top of the wall at the 80 foot mark. So now I think everybody is at the 80 foot mark.
Giancarlo
"Well, I'll see you all in another 40 feet!" And I'm gonna dash straight ahead and try and make it to the finish line.
Tau
So something happens when you move in additional 40 feet. At the 120 foot mark, you get another wall. This time the opening is on the right again.
Giancarlo
I'm going to go around it. Yeah.
Tau
Okay, as you try to move around it, you start walking and the black tile becomes really, really silky smooth right in front of the wall. And you notice it is like black oil essentially. So you try to move around the wall and you kind of just get like slid back. You're kind of just standing squarely in front of the wall. Additionally, a jet of flame fires out at you onto the oil slick and on to you. Make a dexterity saving throw.
Giancarlo
"Well see you all in the next life." That's an 11.
Michael
"This is the next life buddy."
Tau
You take 13 fire damage.
Michael
Ohhh shit.
Giancarlo
"Iris?"
Tau
You entreat Iris and you are on fire.
Giancarlo
(sarcastic) "Thanks a lot, Iris!"
Tau
You see rainbow lights coming off of the flames that are covering your body right now.
Nicholas
If I scale the wall down with my grapple hook rope, could I detach that grapple hook.
Tau
Not without a check.
Nicholas
Right instead I'm just going to take it with me and jump and try to land nicely
Tau
Make an acrobatics check.
[SFX: Dice roll]
Nicholas
And I'm a 21 Acrobat.
Tau
You land just fine, you don't take any fall damage. So you're moving 30 feet?
Nicholas
I'll move as much as I can.
Tau
Okay, so you want to go all the way to the 120 foot wall?
Nicholas
Yeah, and then try to climb that with my grapple hook.
Tau
You try to use your grappling hook which you think would give you advantage but you're standing on an oil slick and that cancels out your advantage so it's only a regular role.
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Nicholas
11?
Tau
You are not able to scale with that role. Furthermore, the jet plane fires out at you, you're coated in oil, you take seven fire damage.
[SFX: FWOOSH]
Tau
And you're basically standing next to Rolf at this flaming wall.
Giancarlo
"How you (COUGH) doing buddy? (COUGHCOUGH)"
Nicholas
"I believe I am on fire."
Michael
Arete is going to make an acrobatics check as he leaps very stylishly, kind of like, almost in a swan dive, to attempt like a mid air flip to then land on his feet, to get off the wall. It's a 22.
Tau
Excellent you land without issue.
Michael
Arete is going to dash forward and attempt to scale the oil slick wall
Tau
Make an athletics check with disadvantage.
Michael
15.
Tau
You are able to scale the wall fine, however make a dexterity saving throw.
Michael
14.
Tau
Oh very nice! Okay, so you feel this oil like slicking you down, you don't give a shit, you're still scaling it. You do it with you know rogue things.
[SFX: Grunting in effort]
Tau
The flame jet fires out at you and you only take five fire damage and you're not on fire.
Tau
"I am the king of the worrrld." as I arrived on the top of the wall.
Tau
So at initiative 10, the vapor has picked up speed. So it has advanced 45 feet. So it has wooshed past you Annie but you're still where you're at. It hasn't affected you yet. The gas has extended 25 feet in front of you.
Tau
Shit. Okay. Annie's gonna follow after Arete and she's gonna remember the fact that Alex took the grappling hook and the rope when there were people still stuck at the top of the wall. And she has, Annie has rope but she doesn't have a grappling hook so that sucks, doesn't it? Yeah, it does! But she's gonna carefully and as skillfully as she can jump off of the wall. 11.
Tau
You take one falling damage.
[SFX: THUMP]
Tau
But you do land on your feet.
Amanda
Brilliant. Annie would like to continue by running towards the other wall.
Tau
Are you gonna try to scale the wall?
Amanda
Yes.
Tau
Okay. Make an athletics check with disadvantage, it's oily here.
Amanda
Damn, yeah, that's an eight.
Tau
So you're not able to scale the wall. So you land next to Rolf and Alexander. Make a dexterity saving throw.
Amanda
Are you kidding me dice? That's a nine.
Tau
You take 16 fire damage and you are on fire.
Amanda
Annie's just blowing out on her arms trying to just not burn. "Oh, ow! Ow!"
Michael
"Remember what they taught us in training camp. Stop, drop and roll."
Tau
Don't do that here. (laughing) Okay, so Raul, you are on fire. You take four fire damage at the start of your turn.
Giancarlo
"Oh no, that's not a good sign."
Tau
No. What would you like to do on your turn?
Giancarlo
Well, let's see. Um, I'm half a breath away from death. So Rolf is going to move around the wall and as he does, he's going to breathe of his favorite vapors and give himself some false life. That is five hit points I'm getting.
Tau
Okay. Maybe they will help you as you make a dexterity saving throw.
Giancarlo
That's a 16.
Giancarlo
Excellent. So you only take three fire damage, but you are now out of the jet flame oil slick area, you're like standing directly in that clear space of the 120 foot wall on the ground. Alexander it is your turn. You take five fire damage at the start of your turn because you're on fire.
Nicholas
So I guess I'll try to climb again with the grappling hook. That would be a 10.
Tau
So that does not happen for you. You still have your movement.
Nicholas
Can I try to scale it like without the rope?
Tau
Okay, yes, but I'm gonna say this is what disadvantage.
Nicholas
Yeah.
Tau
And you're using up your full movement again.
Nicholas
I'm desperate. Okay, yeah. 15?
Tau
Yeah, so you are actually able to scale the wall so you're at the top of the 120 foot wall now.
Nicholas
Whew.
Michael
I am going to jump off the wall. This time I'm not going for style, I'm going for function and I'm just going to kind of like leap down and try to be as gentle as possible on these knees, you only get one pair! 18.
Tau
Excellent. You land with aplomb.
Michael
I gobble up that plum. And then Arete continues on to finish the length of the room and arrive at the gate.
Tau
So first you find a bottle of nectar on the ground directly in front of the gate.
[SFX: bright chimes]
Michael
Cool. I'll pick that up.
Tau
Okay, also the gate shows a bag of coins as a little bubble.
Michael
Great. I've put my hand on the door hoping that it will reset the room and everyone will stop being attacked by fire and oil slick and purple smoke.
Tau
Nice. So the good news is the bubble does pop, the gate slides open and there is a portal of black smoke in front of you.
Giancarlo
"Huzzah!"
Tau
The bad news is none of the other hazards in the room have changed.
Giancarlo
"Oh no!"
Michael
"Alright everyone, better put a little pep in your step there. I triiied to stop everything but keeps on coming."
Tau
At initiative 10, the gas, which was at 105 feet, advances is another 45 feet and 105 plus 45 is 150 which is the whole length of the platform.
Michael
"Ahh!"
Tau
So now the gas is encompassing the entire space of play. At this stage, nothing happens to the very first time you start your turn here. After that, any subsequent turns you have here, things will happen to you. Rolf it is your turn.
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Tau
You take five fire damage
Giancarlo
"Shit okay. Ow, um, everyone please don't die! I care about you deeply. Goodbye!" and I'm going to dash through the portal
Tau
Rolph is removed from play. Alexander, it is your return you take...
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Tau
Five fire damage.
Nicholas
I'm gonna jump off the wall and dash for the portal. 14.
Tau
You are able to land without issue. You run straight into the portal.
[SFX: Swooshing portal sound.]
Tau
For once, you are not the last person through the portal. Alexander is removed from play
Amanda
Annie wants to try and scale the wall once again.
Nicholas
Oh shit.
Tau
Okay, make that roll with disadvantage.
Amanda
Well, Annie rule of 15 both times.
Tau
Oh excellent. Okay, so you're able to scale the wall fine.
Amanda
Does jumping down count as a movement?
Tau
Jumping down but you can still move. You can make an acrobatics check to see if you take damage.
Amanda
That's a 19
Tau
Excellent. You're about to land and it's about to look a little ugly. And you kind of just like strum on your viol.
[SFX: melodic strumming]
Tau
And you like land like just right. So you're on your feet
Amanda
Brilliant. And Arete is still in the room?
Michael
I'm right at the portal.
Amanda
Annie is going to run towards Arete push him into the portal, not caring what he says. Annie's gonna turn around and she's gonna be like "I've dealt with you once, Oizys, we're not doing this again." And she jumps right into the portal and she's good."
Tau
[SFX: Portal swoosh]
Michael
Thank god!
Tau
A plus. I'm gonna award inspiration for that.
[SFX: DING]
Tau
The gate seals behind you in the room filled with Oizys' gas. You have solved my depression puzzle.
[LAUGHTER]
Michael
Is that all it takes?
Amanda
I do it every day, baby.
Tau
I guess nobody will ever find out what happens with the gas. You'll never see that again.
Amanda
What?
Nicholas
Good, I don't want to know
Michael
Again? Like ever?
Tau
Nope, guess not. (Sarcastic) Depression, once you deal with it, it never comes back, you guys. (Resuming) So here's where you find yourself, next. You see a quaint little room lined with dark purple stone tiles, and a series of merchant wares appeared to be laid out over a casket serving as a table. On the table you see a pomegranate, very similar to the palm of power that you consumed earlier. Marked on the casket directly underneath the pomegranate, it says 75. You also see a bag of gemstones, it seems to be about 30 gems and underneath it you see a rune saying 50.
Tau
[SFX: chime and a subtle heartbeat.]
Tau
You see a center heart just levitating above the casket. The center heart has 100 marked under it. You see darkness crystals about 50 darkness worth. It has 75 marked under it. You see what appear to be a burger and a taco and fries.
[Gasps]
Tau
And they have 25 marked under them. And you also see a gate on the opposite end of the room, which shows a centaur heart.
Giancarlo
"Oh my Gods, please, I am so close to giving up the ghost for the second time."
Amanda
I have a question.
Tau
Yes.
Amanda
Is there only one of each of these items?
Tau
There was only one of each of these items.
Amanda
Do we split whatever we get? Or do we? Is it just like--
Nicholas
I think it's up to us.
Tau
So you've consumed the palm so you know how it works. The gemstones, we're kind of treating as like party wide loot, right. We've talked about that. Right? The center heart would work the same way the center heart worked last time, both the one on the casket and the one on the door.
Amanda
Okay.
Tau
The darkness gems are party wide loot. The food can be consumed by one person.
Amanda
Alright, yeah, cuz I was looking at that food.
Tau
And you also implicitly understand that the currency that's being talked about here is the Charon's obols, however many you have.
Nicholas
Mhmm.
Giancarlo
"Secretary of Treasury, how many do we have?"
Michael
Oh, gosh, that's not, that's not a lot. "Alright, team. We've got 20 obols to spend."
Giancarlo
"Oh, just kill me now. Alexander, drive a sphere through my head. Go."
Tau
But then again, it's all just sitting there.
Giancarlo
"Ah, no, I did. No, no, no, no. Do not steal, no."
Nicholas
How far is the next gate portal thing?
Tau
It's up 50 feet away from you.
Michael
"I am quite roguish and I do have a nice sleight of hand."
Giancarlo
"Don't!"
Michael
I have 50 feet of rope.
Giancarlo
(laughing) "Don't! Please!"
Amanda
No. Annie is walking over to the other door and she's gonna, she's gonna pop that bubble, she wants to... no. Nooooo.
Tau
The bubble pops against slides open and there is just a smoky black night in front of you. Furthermore, all the items above the casket vanish.
Nicholas
I knew it, fuck.
Amanda
"That-that was for the best. I promise. Let's go. Come on."
Nicholas
"You're not choosing the next door."
Giancarlo
"Um, how's everyone doing? You know, on a scale of one to 26?"
Amanda
Oh shit. I just looked at my health. (laughs)
Nicholas
(sighs)
Giancarlo
I'm at about a six.
Tau
"Can you heal anyone old man?"
Giancarlo
"Um, I've run out of spell slots. I mean, I've run out of, uhhh... I'm tired. I guess. (laughs) Um... I could potentially take one of my more expensive abilities and use that energy for cheaper ability. Something I like to call sorcery points, you wouldn't understand. It's all about, I've been cataloguing how magic works. It's incredible. Anyways, it could give me some vapors, you know to (breathes in) inhale but how's everyone else doing? Are we grave?"
Nicholas
"Arete?"
Michael
"Oh, I'm on a scale of one to 26 feeling a nice 20"
Nicholas
"And Anastasia?"
Amanda
"I was gonna ask you how you were feeling Alex."
Amanda
"I'm always fine."
Michael
"You don't have to be the tough guy all the time."
Amanda
"I'm gonna keep my comments to myself because I know how you feel when I, when I share certain things that just happen, you know, I- I'm I'm gonna be honest. I can use, I can use a boost. I can also help myself."
Tau
Suddenly the burger and fries appear again!
[SFX: chimes]
Tau
No, I'm kidding.
Giancarlo
"Give me that!"
[Laughter]
Nicholas
"You could heal yourself."
Giancarlo
"Do you want vapors, girl?"
Amanda
"What?!"
Giancarlo
"Do you want vapors?"
Nicholas
"She can heal herself."
Amanda
"Thank you, Rolf but I-I-I can, I got this one" Annie's gonna pull out her viol. She's gonna play a more.... soothing... kind of faint but like classical little melody and...
[SFX: string music gently comes in]
Michael
(singing) Bésame, bésame muuucho...
Amanda
And Arete will sing along? And that's totally fine! Um, and she's going to do that for herself. Six plus four is 10. So she's going to gain that.
Nicholas
"You look inexplicably rejuvenated."
Amanda
"I thought I explained it pretty well. I just needed to play some music and I felt better."
Michael
"The power of song."
Giancarlo
Well, fine! More vapors for me." And you see Rolf is gonna expend a second level spell slot to get three sorcery points back and then spend the four sorcery points to get two first level spell slots back okay and is going to breathe of the vapors of false life.
Tau
So a lot of transactions are happening here like you receive, like the blood is like rippling through your veins. There's fumes flying around you there. A theremin starts playing in the background.
Tau
[SFX: A theremin plays]
Tau
Like just a lot is happening but all those things happened without issue.
Giancarlo
And I regain seven temporary hit points.
Nicholas
Fuckin' junkie.
Giancarlo
Well yeah, that's exactly, like, it's, he's basically brewing his own like drugs inside his veins like (snorts) You see him convulsing and that puts him at unlucky 13 hp
Michael
And with that Arete is going to walk through the portal.
Michael
[SFX: Portal swoosh]
Giancarlo
"Well Cowabunga dudes." and I'm going to run through as well.
[SFX: Portal swoosh]
Nicholas
Look around for anything else, I guess. Can I?
Tau
Yeah, make a perception check.
[SFX: Dice clatters]
Nicholas
14.
Tau
It's something glints in the corner of your eye
[SFX: DING]
Tau
And you see a big juicy pouch full of obols sitting in a corner.
Nicholas
Oh, okay, I'll go grab it.
Tau
Okay, you've grabbed it. You're holding it in your hands.
Nicholas
Mm hmm.
Amanda
"Alex..." Annie hasn't walked through the portal. So Annie is watching, Annie I would assume is watching this.
Nicholas
"Anastasia."
Amanda
"Alex."
Nicholas
"Anastasia."
Amanda
"Alexander."
Nicholas
"Anastasia."
Amanda
"Alex, what are you doing with the pouch?
Nicholas
"This is, uh, money, yes?"
Amanda
"You're the one who rolled a perception check not me."
Amanda
"Well come have a look at it" and then I walk over to her.
Amanda
Okay, Annie looks in the bag, I guess.
Tau
In the bag, you see there are 300 obols in it.
Nicholas
Alex face palms.
Amanda
You couldn't have done that earlier? Alex?
Nicholas
And I zip it up, put it away and just walk through the portal.
[SFX: portal swoosh]
Amanda
"No, Alex!"
Nicholas
Shaking my head
Amanda
Annie's just gonna like look around really quickly just to make sure no one was actually there. She's like, "Oh, gods have mercy." and she walks through the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh]
Tau
The party arrives in a rectangular room that is 30 feet wide on your long side and it is 150 feet long.
Giancarlo
Oh no!
Tau
However, here are some key differences. First, you immediately enter and you are immediately standing on a ledge. This ledge extends out five feet from the edge so you are on that five foot space and you are 30 feet above the ground which extends out before you.
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Tau
There are 19 shades on the ground.
Giancarlo
(gasps)
Tau
And they are these big bulking shades that carry these giant orange clubs and they are like milling around. And it does not take any check to know that you for certain would not survive this if you just went in and tried to fight your way through. However, you do have a glowing gray crystal swirling directly to your left when you enter. So the four of you are lined up, pressed against this wall, and then whoever is on the farthest left there's a swirling gray crystal to your left that's emitting this wispy gray cloud
Giancarlo
Is it within striking distance?
Tau
It is.
Giancarlo
"Somebody hit that thing see what happens."
Nicholas
Can I roll a history or religion?
Tau
This would be probably a heart investigation or a slightly easier Arcana.
Giancarlo
Oh, I have Arcana.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo
Oh no, that's a 12.
Tau
You get the sense that this is a crystal that provides a certain radius of invisibility when held.
Giancarlo
"Ahh."
Michael
"What is it, Rolf?"
Giancarlo
"Well, look at this" and I grab the crystal.
Tau
You grab it and you, Arete, and Alexander all immediately vanish.
Giancarlo
"What?"
Tau
Annie, you just see the three of them go, just completely disappear.
Amanda
"What?!"
Giancarlo
I look around at Arete and Alexander and I hold my finger up to my lips to be like, be quiet.
Tau
They don't see anything.
Giancarlo
Wait, can we not see each other?
Tau
You cannot see each other.
Giancarlo
Oh,
Amanda
Good.
Michael
"Where? Where did you guys go? What happened?"
Nicholas
[SFX: A gasp and a smack.]
Nicholas
"Hands off"
Giancarlo
"There is a limited field of invisibility. Can everyone see Annie? I can see Annie."
Michael
"I too can see Annie."
Amanda
I can see Annie. I--
Giancarlo
"Okay. So Annie, you're outside the winner's circle here. Okay. Arete, hold out your left hand and I'm going to give you the crystal and then we should all be invisible."
Nicholas
"Okay, I'm holding out my left hand."
Giancarlo
I'm gonna feel around to try and pass the crystal.
Amanda
Oh, boy.
Tau
You drop the crystal! No, you're, it's fine. You hand off the crystal. Arete, the minute you hold it, Annie also goes invisible.
Amanda
"Wow."
Michael
"All righty. So here's the deal. We've got to cross very gently, very gingerly across this room. We have to stay very close together. And I would think very quietly."
Giancarlo
"Ah ha!"
Amanda
(gasps)
Giancarlo
"Well, you and Alexander certainly have experienced there."
[SFX: Smack.]
Nicholas
"Hands off."
Giancarlo
"What do you mean by that? What does that mean?"
Michael
"Well tell you when you're older."
Nicholas
Nothing on the ceiling, huh.
Tau
It seems to expand to infinite blackness. But do you look up at the ceiling?
Nicholas
Sure. Yeah.
Tau
When you look up at the ceiling, you feel this very unsettling feeling like you're not supposed to look up.
[SFX: A low piano note followed by higher yet still ominous notes.]
Tau
As if somebody is looking down at you.
Nicholas
And I look forward again.
Michael
And it's a 30 foot drop from our platform?
Tau
It's a 30 foot drop from your platform.
Giancarlo
And no other elevated platforms, correct?
Tau
Not that you can see from where you're standing.
Giancarlo
"Alexander, how long is that rope of yours?"
Nicholas
"50 feet."
Giancarlo
"Nevermind."
Amanda
"I have 50 feet."
Nicholas
"I also, I regret to inform you all that, um, I have disability on stealth checks."
Tau
You have disadvantage on self checks.
[Laughter]
Tau
They do not send you a check when you miss stealth checks.
Nicholas
"I have disadvantage on stealth checks."
Michael
"I also happen to have 50 feet of rope."
Amanda
"That means we have 150 feet of rope all together!"
Giancarlo
"That's correct. Now is there anything we can attach it to on the far end of the room?"
Nicholas
I was going to say "Someone attach it to one of your crossbow bolts."
Giancarlo
Okay, yeah, can we investigate, see if there's anything I could shoot it into?
Tau
Make an investigation roll.
Giancarlo
That is a 22!
Tau
Excellent. So here's how we're going to do this. A lot of times I won't design features for certain rooms, but I want you to be able to shape the world as you move through it. So for example, if you want to have something like, I want there to be like a buttress or something that I can fire a crossbow bolt into, I want you to like give me like a check for that and say like what kind of check you want to make. And if you do well on it, I'll actually allow you to kind of define what appears there. So like, I did not have anything that you could shoot the bolt into above the ground, but because you rolled really well, would you say that it would be a favorable result? For example, they were like buttresses, like every 40 feet or so?
Giancarlo
Yes, very favorable.
Tau
Okay, so you notice those lining the wall at your level. So 30 feet above
Giancarlo
"Alright, gang. So here's what I'm thinking. You see those little buttresses over there? If we can shoot our rope into it, pull it nice and taut, maybe work our way across, and then kind of zigzag our way across the room, then the crystal is just extra insurance, if you will. And hopefully we don't have to talk to the hulky boys down there and, uh, Mr. Pecks over here doesn't have to worry about bumping into any of them and setting them off."
Amanda
Annie will examine the hulky boys.
Tau
Okay, make a history check.
Giancarlo
"Annie, you're too young."
Amanda
"You're not my dad!"
Tau
With that you don't know too too much about them. You've heard that these are called Wretched Goons. And they're essentially heavies from the real world. So their job is to clean up messes, serve as like bouncers, they were always like goons or thugs that would be the muscle for bad people. There's 19 of them,
Amanda
Ha!
Tau
Swarming around back and forth, dragging their massive orange glowing clubs, and they look like they will beat the fuck out of anyone who gets in their way. So just be mindful of that.
Nicholas
May I examine them?
Tau
You can, yeah.
Nicholas
I roll a 21 on history
Tau
Alexander you're more specifically understanding what their combat features are. They have two abilities. One is called Surprising Charge. If the Wretched Goon is 15 feet or fewer away from a hostile target to which it has a clear path on the ground, it may close that gap immediately by taking a bonus action,
[SFX: whistle from player]
Tau
Irrespective of its remaining speed. This may only be used before attacking on its turn and it must immediately make an attack if it is able after using this feature. Its other special abilities called Hard to Dodge. The Wretched Goon ignores disadvantage on attacks resulting from its target taking the Dodge action. Furthermore, it has a massive club, which is very evident that it uses to make attacks
Amanda
"Yeah, no, something tells me that if we got in their way they would really try and fuck us up. So."
Giancarlo
"Annie!"
Amanda
"What?
Giancarlo
"That's a very astute conclusion."
Michael
"Alright, who's got the crossbow? I think it's time to get this show on the road."
Giancarlo
"Well, let's hook it up. If you will."
Nicholas
I offer my rope to be tied.
Giancarlo
"Could you..." and he holds out like a trembling bolt towards you. "My hands you see, the Arthritis set in could you possibly tie it, I-I just couldn't."
Michael
"Not even in the afterlife can you escape the pain of arthritis. What a shame."
Giancarlo
"Tell me about it."
Nicholas
"Sure. I-I will try the ropes.'
Giancarlo
"Thank you." And I'm going to shoot it at the closest buttress, the one that's I guess 40 feet away.
Tau
Okay, there are two that are so it's left and right along the wall. So do you want to shoot the left one, the right one, 140 feet away.
Giancarlo
Sure, let's go left? That's a 15.
Tau
You fire it hits the buttress our roll damage.
Giancarlo
Oh that's a six.
Nicholas
Oh god
Tau
You feel that you might need to get a slightly deeper hit if you want to be able to like sustain any like weight on it right? Because otherwise the bolt will just like get yanked out from body weight.
Giancarlo
"The the recoil on this crossbow's just so... it's so intense. I don't. Is there anyone with a steadier... does better shot want to give it a try?"
Tau
Are you shooting another rope? Or are you yanking this back and doing it?
Giancarlo
I could yank it back.
Tau
Make a strength check.
Giancarlo
Okay, um, it's a 16.
Tau
With that you feel like you were just barely able to yank it back hard enough. Like a little chip falls out and hits the ground but nobody really takes notice of that. But the bolt does come flying back at you and you catch it.
Nicholas
"Impressive."
Giancarlo
"Sick tricks, motherfuckers. Alright, who wants to give it a shot?"
Nicholas
"Who is the most dexterous?"
Amanda
"Probably a Arete?"
Michael
I mean, I have a plus two dexterity modifier.
Nicholas
"Are you proficient in ranged weaponry?"
Michael
"Yes."
Giancarlo
"Well, here you go, give it a shot."
Amanda
[laughs]
Michael
Okay, 10.
Tau
So you feel that you wouldn't normally be able to get it with a 10 but because it was hit once you're able to get it just barely. So you do land, roll some damage on
Michael
10.
Tau
Oh, wow. Okay. You really get it in there.
Giancarlo
"Alright."
Nicholas
"What is our plan from here?"
Giancarlo
"So, I think the plan is to crawl across right? Someone, uh, hmm."
Nicholas
Are the buttresses, does it look like we could stand on them?
Tau
It looks like it could stand about two people at a time at most.
Giancarlo
"Okay, well, now we enter the risky business of, unless anyone else has a crossbow, we may be needing to toss crossbows back and forth over the Abyss as--"
Tau
I will also allow you to fire your grappling hooks.
Nicholas
I have one.
Giancarlo
"Okay, so here's my thinking, gang. We have two people on crossbow crew and two people on grappling hook crew. And if we fall down, if you don't have the crystal on you, toss it to whoever's falling because it's just gonna be a rough time."
Michael
"I mean, we could also do two people quietly climbing across, and then two people with the crystal walking."
Giancarlo
"That could be easier. Perhaps Alexander takes the high route. I think good are more athletic than you are sneaky, no?"
Nicholas
"Arete, since you are already very stealthful."
Michael
"Mhmm?"
Giancarlo
Stealthful!
Nicholas
"It's not a word, I made it up."
Michael
"I think the word you're looking there for, champ, is stealthy."
Nicholas
"Yes, but I like stealthful."
Giancarlo
You're full of stealth.
Nicholas
Yes.
Michael
"I'm just filled to the brim with stealth."
Nicholas
"Our friends here, the old man in the little girl, would benefit from this invisibility much more than you and you are very dexterous. I could use a man of your caliber for the firing of the crossbow."
Michael
"Whatever you want hotcakes."
Giancarlo
"Ah, Annie, are you comfortable with this plan? I don't want to send you down into the valley of death with nothing but an old man to protect you and, you know, at least not against your will."
Amanda
"Well, I feel like at the root of the question, you're just asking me if I'm okay with death and truly honestly, yes, yes. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm."
Giancarlo
"Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that."
Michael
"I mean, we're already all dead. Right?"
Amanda
"No, exactly. Exactly, my point. You know, we did it once. There's nothing saying we can't do it again. Do I have concerns? Of course. Do I have much of a choice? It doesn't really, uh, doesn't really look that way, so. We got to do we got to do right?"
Giancarlo
"Certainly, I have one more vapor burst if we need it."
Amanda
"Sure."
Giancarlo
"I know you're not a fan of it. But it could just save our lives."
Nicholas
"I'm not sure about that. I think once you're spotted, your life is, ah, good as gone."
Giancarlo
"Alright, well, give me a grappling hook and I'll descend into the valley of death."
Tau
Okay, and you're doing this holding the gem? Or you're just doing this completely visible?
Giancarlo
The plan is Annie and I will descend holding the gym while Arete and Alexander will go roof top. "Are we all happy with this plan? Yes?"
Michael
"Gods' speed."
Giancarlo
"Ehm, goodbye."
Nicholas
So I'm going to put my little grappling hook in the cliff and throw the rope down for them to climb down.
Giancarlo
"Anastasia, shall you climb first or shall I?"
Amanda
"Who's gonna hold the... the invisibility thing?"
Giancarlo
"I think you should hold it. If it comes down to it, and you have to leave me in there. I suppose that's alright. I'd rather you stay safe."
Amanda
"Rolf, I'm not leaving you behind. Don't worry."
Giancarlo
"No, I just mean, you know, if a big beefy boy tries to chop me down and, you know."
Amanda
"Then he'll chop both of us down. We don't need two of those party members. We already have one. Annie's going to go down."
Giancarlo
"Alright, well that's-- without the crystal?"
Amanda
(throughgitted teeth, emphaticall) "With the crystal!".
Giancarlo
Okay, so you have the crystal "Great, smell you later." And as Annie descends, Rolf is going to give her some space and then slowly begin to climb down as well.
Tau
You both reach the bottom without incident.
Michael
Should we alternate back and forth?
Giancarlo
I think I'm-- Rolf is at least going to want to wait at the bottom, like one hand on Annie's shoulder so we don't need to communicate verbally. But wait to see if you guys make it to the first buttress.
Nicholas
So they've descended. I'm taking the grappling hook up now and the rope.
Michael
I'm going to drive my dagger very firmly into the ground and then I tie off the rope to the dagger.
Nicholas
I want to take my sandaled foot and step on the hill to that dagger. Make sure it's in there.
Tau
It's in there.
Michael
"Oh, it's in there, buddy." And then with that, I start to climb across like two hands and then I cross my ankles and I'm kind of like shimmying along.
Nicholas
Yeah.
Tau
You're trying to do that. It's going (mimics the initial Mission Impossible theme) And then in that moment, you feel a little rip in the road but you hear (mimics the descending part of the them) No, I'm kidding. Okay, are you trying to do this quietly?
Michael
Yes.
Tau
Okay, make a stealth check.
Michael
18.
Tau
Okay, and now make an acrobatics or athletics check for crossing.
Michael
12.
Tau
Is there anything you can use to improve that roll?
Giancarlo
(Laughs)
Michael
I already had a plus six to it.
Tau
Okay, you do successfully get across, but the rope snaps.
Amanda
Oh, no!
Michael
I mean, I can't communicate with you guys I'm too far away, it would be, it would draw too much attention. So, I'm just gonna chill at the top of the buttress. While you guys try to figure out what to do. I have an idea, but I can't communicate it to you, so good luck.
Tau
If you want, like if you want to try to mime it. I'll let you like make a performance roll or something.
Michael
Great.
Tau
Actually, no, that's not sorry. I'm so sorry. I misspoke. You're just gonna have to make the movements to the camera and people will have to figure that out.
Michael
Great great great great.
[SFX: Quiet laughter and music for a beat."
Tau
Oh, I actually know exactly what he's saying.
Amanda
Okay.
Giancarlo
This is riveting audio.
[SFX: Laughter]
Nicholas
Okay, so Alexander's gonna go and he sets the grappling hook back onto the cliff with the rope and is going to climb back down to meet the others
Giancarlo
Seeing Alexander come down, I put a hand on his shoulder. Okay, so now I have one on Annie and one on Alex.
Tau
Alright, so Alexander vanishes the moment that happens.
[SFX: A gentle woosh]
Tau
At this stage, something happens.
Amanda
What? Oh no.
Tau
For a brief like millisecond, the Vanish Crystal flickers and you all flicker into view for just a moment and then it blinks back and you're invisible again. However, you get the sense that as time goes on, this crystal is going to keep repeating that behavior.
Giancarlo
I squeeze any shoulder to indicate move.
Amanda
Annie goes, Annie starts moving. Annie's gonna try and reach for like Alex's hand so I feel like it's more of a clump than a line.
Tau
Make a group stealth check, everybody roll with advantage because you're invisible. Alexander roll normally.
Giancarlo
21 Baby.
Amanda
19 for Annie.
Nicholas
17.
Tau
In the 40 feet between you and the first buttress, there are five of these Wretched Goons patrolling back and forth. Each 10 feet there's like one goon patrolling back and forth for each of those 10 feet. If any of the Wretched Goons get 19 or better on their perception for this first 40 feet, they will take notice. They don't seem very perceptive for what it's worth.
Nicholas
Idiots.
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Players
Oh no! [laughter]
Tau
I'm like not even exaggerating.
Players
(groans and laughs)
Tau
They have a minus one to perception. So that 20 minus one is in fact 19 (laughs)
Amanda
Wait, wait, wait, there has to be something, there has to be something we can do. Wait a minute.
[SFX: The light music grows louder in anticipation]
Tau
You're getting closer to it in like 5... 4... 3...
Giancarlo
I cast Crown of Madness!
Tau
Sorry, what?
Tau
[SFX: The music cuts out]
Giancarlo
I cast Crowd of Madness to get it to attack one of its friends.
Amanda
Wait, no, no! No, Gian, no!
Tau
It has to make, what, a wisdom saving throw?
Giancarlo
Yes.
Tau
It gets a 10
Giancarlo
It fails. It is now charmed by me as a wreath of thorns appears on its head.
Tau
So this one's gonna go (deep) "Oyeah!". The 10 foot space guy is going to swing at the 20 foot space guy and he's essentially distracted him. So what I'll say is you successfully clear space one. Now you're in the 20 foot space. He is now very distracted by that. And these two guys are like brawling it out. You're now at the 20 space mark, you have to pass two more to reach the first buttress. They have to get a 19 or better. Third guy gets a seven. Next guy gets a 10. So you're all safely at the 40 foot buttress.
Nicholas
"Brilliantly done."
Giancarlo
(laughs) Rolf really wants to respond and have a nice little chat about it but is gonna decide not to.
Amanda
Does Arete need to communicate anything or...
Michael
Well, I don't I don't know where you guys are because you're invisible.
Michael
I'm crouched on the buttress and I'm looking out--
Giancarlo
So what's Arete doing then?
Tau
Sorry at this stage something else happens.
Amanda
No!
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Tau
The crystal flickers again, this time for like a brief moment longer.
[SFX: groans]
Tau
And now you're invisible again.
Michael
I saw them below me and I quickly descend the rope as quietly as I can to get within range of the invisibility crystal.
Giancarlo
I'm gonna put a hand on Arete to bring him into the clump and then once he's in the clump, I'm going to give Annie a squeeze to be like really hurry for real this time.
Amanda
Alright, and Annie's gonna scoot along, she's gonna just keep on going.
Tau
Everybody make a grip stealth check.
Giancarlo
Another nat 20 so 21.
Michael
19 from me.
Amanda
17 for Annie.
Nicholas
Six.
Tau
On a 16 or better you will be noticed in these next 40 feet. So the first 10 of the 40 feet does not notice you. You're passing by the next Wretched Goon. Does not notice you at all. You're passing by the the next Wretched Goon does not notice you. You're passed by another Wretched Goon, does not notice you. You are at the 80 foot mark.
Players
(All gasp)
Amanda
Oh we got past!
Tau
What happens?
Amanda
Annie's just gonna like squeeze Rolf's hand on her shoulder just as like a double squeeze just to double check.
Giancarlo
And I double squeeze back immediately.
Amanda
Perfect. And then she's gonna squeeze Alex's hand two times just to make sure.
Nicholas
He will double squeeze.
Amanda
Brilliant. She's gonna move forward then
Tau
Everybody make a group stealth check.
[SFX: Dice rolls and a small yell]
Amanda
Oo, it's a 20 for Annie.
Giancarlo
That's a 6.
Michael
24 for Arete.
Nicholas
11.
Giancarlo
Oh no.
Tau
This time on a 15 or better, one of these Wretched Goons will take notice of you.
Giancarlo
Keeps getting worse and worse.
Tau
The first 10 feet here's what happens. Does not notice you.
Amanda
Ooo!
Tau
Second 10 feet. 14. Does not notice you. One short, you barely bump into this thing, it does notice you. Next one, it gets a 16.
Players
(Gasps)
Tau
You have about five seconds to try to change the odds in your favor. Five... four... three... two--
Amanda
Annie wants to cast blindness/deafness on it.
Tau
Okay, they have high constitution I will say that.
Amanda
Oh!
Tau
It's a five so do you want it to be blind or do you want it to be deafened?
Amanda
I would like it to be blind, I think!
Tau
Okay, it is blinded so it does not take notice of you. The next, the last one for this stretch gets a 17.
Giancarlo
Oh no!
Tau
You get five seconds to react. Five...
Michael
Arete would like to use Assail Senses.
Tau
So this is your very first time using this feature so explain what you're doing.
Michael
So Assail Senses allows me to force the target to make a constitutional saving firm and on a failed save the target is either blinded or deafened, my choice, until the end of our next turn.
Tau
Excellent constitution saving throw. It gets a 13. What is your save DC?
Michael
(disappointed) It's a 12.
Tau
Okay, are you able to do anything, anybody else? Five.... four.... three...
Amanda
Annie is gonna cast Mage Hand. Can, I want to do a similar thing as before. I would like to cast Mage Hand as a distraction.
Tau
So I did say that you can't do that all the time.
Amanda
Right.
Tau
So what I will say is if you want it to work again this time you have to expend your inspiration to do it.
Amanda
Okay.
[SFX: DING}
Tau
Alright, your inspiration is gone but you wave this Mage Hand in front of it. It goes (deep grunts, swiping), swatting at the Mage Hand. You are now 120 out of 160 feet to the end.
Amanda
Do y'all want to just dash?
Tau
Oh actually, sorry, something happens right now.
Giancarlo
Oh God.
Tau
Oh my god, I roll the exact same thing every single time I've done this. This time, the crystal flickers again and this time you were exposed for a solid three seconds and it is like the longest three seconds of your life. So it goes FWOOM.
Players
(Laughter)
Tau
And then you're out again. So at this stage, creatures will have advantage on noticing.
Giancarlo
"Quadruple squeeze, go go go go."
Amanda
Yeah
Tau
Okay, make a group stealth check.
Giancarlo
18.
Amanda
18 for Annie as well.
Michael
NAT 20 plus six so 26.
Nicholas
Oh, thank god. And then I got six
Tau
So this time they have to get a 17 or better.
Giancarlo
(breathign hard) Oh boy.
Tau
You're in the homestretch. Four Wretched Goons left.
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Tau
It gets a natural one. So the first one, oh sorry , it was advantage, I forgot.
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Tau
Still an eight so not great. Next one rolling with advantage, it saw something weird pop up. It gets a 16 which is just below the threshold so it does not succeed. Third one, eight. Does not succeed. This is the final one. Three, rolling again. 15 which becomes 13. You are all standing in front of a crystal bubble in the bubble you see a cloudy question mark symbol.
Players
(Gasps)
Amanda
Annie reaches out and she touches it!
Tau
Alright, the bubble pops the gate slides open. What do y'all do?
Michael
Enter it!
Giancarlo
I push all of us in just--
Amanda
I pull everyone in. I pull everyone in.
Tau
Three of you go in. Alexander, what do you do?
Nicholas
I'm goin' in!
[SFX: Portal SWOOSH]
Tau
You have solved my stealth puzzle. Really nice job. Also, you grabbed a centaur heart along the way, there was a centaur heart.
[SFX: Chime]
Amanda
Nice!
Tau
Do you guys consume it in the blackness?
Giancarlo
Yes!
Tau
So we're gonna say it, everybody gains temporary hit points equal to the maximum value on their hit die.
Amanda
Oh, sweet. Okay,
Nicholas
I just wanted to make a little fire so I can sacrifice some of my center heart.
Tau
Do you not protect the center heart?
Nicholas
I do. I just I save a little piece for the gods.
Tau
Okay, you-you do that, that, it's, it is good. Mm actually, make a religion check.
Michael
It is good.
Nicholas
22.
Tau
When everybody selects their next boon, whenever that is, you're actually going to be able to select another of the remaining two options and it benefits only you.
Nicholas
Whoa.
Tau
You enter a circular room covered from ceiling to floor in ruby tiles. The smell of rose water fills the air. In the center of the room, you see a pedestal with the most beautifully crafted silver shortsword you've ever seen. If you step close to it, you can hear a heavenly choir from somewhere in the distance.
Amanda
Annie's gonna step closer to it. She, she likes that music.
Giancarlo
"Oh, that's heavenly, yes"
Tau
It's very, very soft, but it gets louder as you get closer to it.
[SFX: Ethereal music grows louder]
Amanda
And he's just gonna reach out and grab it.
Tau
As you reach out and grab it, it phases through your hand. In front of you materializes a creature. It is the face of a human male on the body of a lion. And it says (deep raspy voice) "So, another interloper here to make off with one of the infernal arms. Huh."
Amanda
"Interloper? I, I'm sorry, I just I heard the music and so I I reached. I don't even know that, um, I'm sorry."
Giancarlo
"No, no new friend. This is not one of those animals you eat the, interlopes. No, this is my good friend, Anastasia. Over here, we have Alexander and, ah, where'd he go? There he is, Arete, he's hiding, laying on the floor. He does that often. Hello. You said something about, oh, by the way, I'm Rolf. Hello, and your name is?"
Tau
[SFX: Low music beats begin]
Tau
"I am Enigmatos."
Giancarlo
"Oh, pleasure. May I approach you Enigmatos?
Tau
(scoffs) "You are certainly welcome to try."
Giancarlo
"Well, I don't mean that and, that was very aggressive, I meant like to you know, shake your hand or your mane or something like that."
Tau
It does not answer.
Giancarlo
"Alright. Please, do tell us more about these infernal arms you speak of."
Tau
"I have been charged with protecting treasures such as these. These are priceless artifacts, which reflect the power and nature of legendary heroes throughout time, both past, and present, and future."
Giancarlo
"Incredible. So is this a silver sword here? Is that an infernal arm?
Tau
"It is."
Giancarlo
"And it is your job to not let us take it, correct?"
Tau
"It is my job to protect it from the unworthy."
Michael
"So how do we prove that we are worthy?"
Nicholas
Alexander will step up say "I come to you Alexander, King of Macedonia in, uh, to claim what is mine."
Tau
The human head on the lion's body smirks and says, "and what is yours?"
Nicholas
"My infernal weapon?"
Tau
"How do you know that it is yours?"
Nicholas
"Because it is my rightful possession as a hero on the surface." (clears throat) Raises eyebrows.
Nicholas
"What makes a hero on this surface?"
Michael
"Well, many people believe that it is heroic deeds done for great men and women of the realm. But I think that heroes are born in the smaller things. Heroes are made in the small kindnesses that we show to one another. And that is the measure of a true hero in my eyes."
Tau
"I will tell you whom I determine to be worthy of wielding this infernal arm. On the surface you may believe that heroes are those who may march into battle, foolhardy like this one here, but I believe that heroes possess wisdom. If you answer my riddle correctly, I will award you the infernal arm."
Giancarlo
"Well, let's hear it friend."
Tau
Is everybody agreed to answer the riddle?
Michael
"Yes."
Giancarlo
"Yeet."
Amanda
"Yeah, aw, geez."
Michael
"Speak it to us."
Tau
Even though this human headed lion bodied creature has seemed very gruff at hearing that you are all willing to answer the riddle, it smiles as if a little pleased like okay good, like these are these are people who are actually down to take the test. But before it can show off too much of this being pleased it turns its head away and its mane wooshes behind it as it starts walking away from you. But doing kind of like, you know, like the very iconic walk from The Lion King in Hakuna Matata when they're like walking across the log?
Giancarlo
Yep!
Giancarlo
Yeah.
Michael
Yes.
Tau
It's like doing that little trot and it is like very proudly calling out this riddle. "What are the dozen cypresses erect in all their bravery and loveliness? Each one of them with 30 bows bedecked in Persia never more and never less? First as to those 12 cypresses which rear themselves with 30 bows upon each tree: they are the 12 new moons of every year, like new made monarchs throned in majesty."
Giancarlo
"It's clearly something about boats."
Amanda
Annie would like to roll, like a history check of some sort.
Tau
Sure. Go for it.
Amanda
That is a 19.
Tau
With a 19, you know that this is one of the oldest riddles known to man. This is one of the most common riddles across all cultures and across nearly all languages. So you know that the answer must be a concept that is understood by most cultures in most languages, even in very ancient times.
Michael
Can we hear it again?
Tau
Yes.
Giancarlo
"I'm telling you it's something about boats."
Michael
"Yes, a concept understood across cultures. Boats"
Giancarlo
"Boats 'n hoes."
Tau
“What are the dozen cypresses erect in all their bravery and loveliness? Each one of them with 30 bows bedecked in Persia never more and never less? First as to those 12 cypresses which rear themselves with 30 bows upon each tree: they are the 12 new moons of every year, like new made monarchs throned in majesty.”
Giancarlo
"I think, hear me out here, crew. I could be wrong, but I think it might be the months right? The 12 cypresses erect, with 30 bows upon each tree. 30 days for each month, never more never less. Well, that part might not necessarily be accurate depends on which calendar you're talking about. But, you know, in Persia or wherever else, you're always living on the same time."
Michael
"The 12 new moons sounds like the 12 months of the year as well."
Amanda
"That's brilliant."
Nicholas
"I concur."
Giancarlo
"Shall we hear it one more time?"
Michael
"Yes, I think that would be wise."
Tau
"What are the dozen cypresses erect in all their bravery and loveliness each one of them with 30 bows bedecked in Persia, never more and never less. First as to those 12 cypresses which rear themselves with 30 bows upon each tree. They are the 12 new moons of every year, like new made monarchs throned in majesty."
Giancarlo
"Like newmade monarchs thrown in majest... (sighs) I don't, there's a lot of flowery language there that could lead me to believe it's something else but I really do feel like months? I don't know."
Amanda
"How many guesses do we get?"
Giancarlo
"I have a feeling we get one. I could be wrong. I could be wrong."
Amanda
"Um excuse me. It's a Sphinx right?
Tau
You haven't tried to examine the creature, so...
Amanda
I would like to examine the creature.
Tau
Okay, make an arcana or history check.
Amanda
16.
Tau
You know that this is a large monstrosity known as an androsphinx. Its primary existence is to guard very important artifacts or treasures from people that it deems unworthy and it has given very strict rules about who can get it and it is extremely punishing to those who are not worthy.
Amanda
Oh, brilliant. Okay.
Nicholas
"I don't remember Aristotle telling me this one."
Amanda
"Excuse me, Sphinx, um."
Tau
"Enigmatos."
Giancarlo
"Oh, like an enigma."
Amanda
"My apologies. I didn't, um, uh... how many, how many tries? Or how many guesses would you say we have?"
Tau
"Any who withstand my punishment may continue to demonstrate their worthiness. If they survive."
Giancarlo
"Cool instant of annihilation then. I do think it might be months but the question is which one of us is willing to potentially get mauled to death if we give the wrong answer?"
Nicholas
"I will gladly."
Giancarlo
"Oh, bravery. Look at you, you're a little cypress erect."
Players
(snorts and laughs)
Tau
Everybody...
[SFX: Dice rolls]
Tau
Takes four psychic damage.
Amanda
No!
Giancarlo
(laughing) What! Was my joke that bad?
Amanda
Gian, you get the exact opposite of inspiration.
Tau
Also everybody heals it back immediately, I just thought it was funny.
Players
(laugh and sigh in relief)
Giancarlo
"Alright, um. Does anyone have better ideas than the month?"
Michael
"I really don't."
Amanda
"Alright, you know what? Just we have to shoot our shot, right?"
Michael
"Yep."
Giancarlo
"Do we feel confident in this answer? Are we happy, friends? Are we happy?"
Michael
"Who's ever really happy?"
Amanda
"That's a completely different question, Rolf."
Giancarlo
"Geez. Alright."
Michael
"I don't think we've got any other ideas. So I think this is the best we've got."
Giancarlo
"Alright, who wants to do the honors?
Michael
"I'll go."
Giancarlo
"Godspeed friend"
Michael
And Arete steps forward to the creature and he opens his mouth to speak but kinda like, seeing the creature a little bit closer, he's like, frickin' ick, oh boy.
Tau
It is looking down at you. Its mane is just very slowly blowing in the air. Its eyes are glowing as it's just looking at you like waiting.
Michael
"The answer we give is months of the year."
Tau
At this the Androsphinx closes its eyes and it opens his mouth and it roars... and that is where we will end our session.
Giancarlo
Oh no!!!!
Amanda
What Ahhh!!!
Tau
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the blood stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Sound Design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C. with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. If you liked what you heard, we hope you'll consider helping us make future tabletop parodies of your favorite stories. You can support us at patreon on patreon.com/roguerunradio. Patrons get access to our community discord channel, as well as our behind the scenes chat casts Out of the Blood or we talk about everything on our minds after the episode. There are free ways to support the show too. We hope you'll leave us a glowing review on your listening app of choice as well as spread the good word about us on Twitter and Instagram, where you can follow us @roguerunradio. We love hearing from you. So hit us up there or email us at rr@whisperforge.org. Lastly, we're big fans of Dungeons and Drimbus by Whimsic Productions. It's another actual play show both I and our cast play on and it's how I met them all, it's so fun. Please give it a listen. Get ready to run with us next week. We're dropping two more episodes then. 'Til next time sinners, I'll see you in hell.
[SFX: Title music.]
“Escape...escape...escape...escape…”
Giancarlo
"Hello! This thing work? Hello there! This is Rolf Yannik" and also Giancarlo Herrera who voices him on the show, as well as sound designs. Hi everyone. If you like what we've been doing here, I hope you'll consider giving Dungeons & Drimbus a listen. It's another actual play podcast that features all of us here going on absurd and ridiculous homebrew adventures. It shares a lot of DNA with ROGUE RUNNERS and if you're looking for a good laugh, or just some more of us goofing around, rolling dice, then I really think you'll like it. You're about to hear a trailer which I think speaks for itself. But if you want to hear the show, check out Dungeons & Drimbus wherever you find your podcasts or check out drimbus.com for more. "See you all next week!"
Narrator
Dungeons and Dragons join this cast of professional actors and idiots as they fight their way through homebrew adventures filled with danger.
Giancarlo
Is anyone else getting in on this fight?
Nicholas
Absolutely not.
Amanda
Charlie's waiting.
Michael
Sons of bitches.
Nicholas
(deep robotic) We should play for money.
Nicholas
(twangy) Well I play for the thrill as well. You know that.
Nicholas
(robotic) And I kill for the thrill you know that. Give it here.
Nicholas
Uh, no?
Players
(laughter)
Narrator
Drama.
Nicholas
Oh Leave me alone.
Michael
I am leaving you alone. I am walking away from the situation with a body!
Nicholas
I did nothing wrong.
Michael
(singing) The way you love me is frightening. Oh you better knock knock knock... on wood... babeh!
Giancarlo
That is a beautiful performance for someone who just came out of being unconscious like three times.
Michael
I am a consummate professional.
Narrator
And Drimbus?
Nicholas
And I pull the trigger.
TJ
Uhhh, so we just lost an important character the first 10 seconds in.
Nicholas
Did I break the game?
Nicholas
(robotic) Baby, run.
Amanda
Well baby wants to run but does not wanna leave daddy behind.
Michael
(East European accent) I know. Sometimes it's good to go into a battle with a clear head is there and the thing I can do to help clear your head?
Nicholas
God, how long is the drive from my place to here?
Giancarlo
20 minutes?
Nicholas
You got 20 minutes, go.
Narrator
Dungeons and Drimbus professional actors playing unprofessional D&D characters professionally. New episodes every Friday wherever podcasts are found.
Giancarlo
You see a svelte titanium case.
Nicholas
A svelte?
Giancarlo
Like it looks nice.
Michael
Svelte, it's an adjective.
Nicholas
Svelte, really?
Giancarlo
Yeah.
Nicholas
You mean svelte or felt?
Nicholas
Svelte.
Nicholas
Svelte.
Nicholas (Palazzo)
I guess i don't know svelt either.
Giancarlo
S v e l t e
Nicholas
Svelte, slender and elegant.
Nicholas (Palazzo)
Whoa, I learned a new word today.
Amanda
We get it you passed your SATs. Okay, alright.
TJ
Alright, we're not doing this, we're not doing this. Anyway.
[SFX: Laughter fades out]