Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 3 - Daddy Hammer
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 3 - Daddy Hammer
Tau
A product of the Whisperforge.
[SFX: Whisperforge chime.]
Sound and Story: Brought to Life.
Tau
You're listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way. We're just big old nerds making improv fanfiction. ROGUE RUNNERS is rated R for pretty much everything you can find in Greek mythology, violence, assault, self harm, offensive language, insensitive humor and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Title music.]
“Longing for the crisp air, a snowy surface—maimed, burdened, and bound by blood and darkness.”
Tau
You arrive in a large square shaped room filled with three concentric squares. The center square houses a sundial flecked with green flame on each of its intervals, which counts down from the five minute position.
The second square, a border of the middle square is a series of grates with holes in them. You were standing on the third outer square, which borders the two inner squares. The room suddenly feels very hot, as if a flame were very close to your face. Somewhere you see the profile of the lord of the House of Hades or at least the prince of the House of Hades.
“No, they're not doing badly at all. But we couldn't be making this too easy for them now could we?”
At that moment, two large shades spawn from the ground in the outer square on the opposite side. So these are these large, orange round bodied shades that hold these massive goblets in their hands and like wear these large chains around their necks and we call these Wretched Gentry and what the Wretched Gentry shades are, they're the souls of aristocrats and very exploitative, rich, wealthy figures in life who now like to throw around their weight in the after world or afterlife. What you know about them is that they like to catch you by surprise and charge at you out of nowhere and smack you with their fine plates and goblets that they're carrying. Also as this happens, you notice that the sundial, which started at the five minute position, it starts counting down towards the midnight position essentially and roll initiative.
Amanda
Nice.
Michael
Arrete rolls an 18.
Amanda
Annie rolled an 11.
Giancarlo
Rolf got a 6.
Nicholas
And I have a 4.
Tau
These two Wretched Gentry are about 50 feet on the opposite side of the room and are moving towards you. Arete, it is your turn.
Michael
I lick my fingers and I press them down onto my feet. As if Usain Bolt, I just bought forward at my top speed to close the distance between us.
Tau
So as you cross the 20 foot and the 40 foot threshold, you are crossing a series of grates on that second square essentially that borders the center square.
Michael
Oh god.
Tau
Massive spikes come up from the grate.
[SFX: metal sliding and a yelp]
Tau
And try to impale you. What we'll say is you can cross over the first time and if you are still alive, you can choose to continue crossing over the second time if you want. So go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw for me
Michael
16
Tau
So you only end up taking three piercing damage. When you cross the grates the first time as the grates just jab up under your feet. You're in the center square now.
Michael
“I think I'll be staying put rather than taking any more risks like that” I'm gonna prepare to dodge.
Amanda
So Annie wants to use Bardic inspiration on Arete. She is going to pull out her viol and she is going to play just a quick little ditty, light timber, to try and empower Arete.
Tau
Sure.
Amanda
I would also like to move 15 feet.
Tau
Make a dexterity saving throw as you cross over the grate.
Amanda
Oh no all right, that's a nine.
Tau
You end up taking only for piercing damage, but you're standing on the grate so all these spikes pop up around you and they're kind of just there.
Amanda
Okay.
Tau
Like one of them nearly stabs your viol and you yank it out of the way at the last second.
Amanda
Can I move off the grate?
Tau
Yeah you can.
Amanda
I would love to move off of the grate.
Tau
Yeah, you can move the rest of the 15 feet and you can move to where Arete is, which is just the center square.
Amanda
Okay, yeah, let's move to the center square.
Tau
The two Wretched Gentry are up. They actually need to take the dash action to both meet you Annie and Arete a at the center square. Also you notice that the grates do not come up when they pass over them.
Nicholas
Awwwwww.
Michael
Those sons of bitches.
Giancarlo
"Well, that put a real stinker in my plans. Um. Okay, you asked for it." And Rolf is gonna like, raise both his hands up, twiddle his fingers and focus on one of the Wretched Gentry as he's going to attempt to cast Crown of Madness. For Crown of Madness one humanoid of my choice that I can see must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or become charmed by me for the duration. While it is charmed it must use its action before moving on each of its turns to make a melee attack against a creature other than itself that I mentally choose.
Tau
It gets a three.
Giancarlo
(laughing) That does not beat the 13. So, out of almost thin air, these thorns grow around the Gentry's head and dig into it as Rolf jacks into I guess its mind and is going to attempt to hold it there and deal damage to its companion on the next term.
Tau
The Wretched Gentry is thrilled to have a crown on so it goes "OH HO HO HO HO" and starts like patting its crown and then it's like dancing and swinging its massive goblet around.
Nicholas
I'm gonna have to cross those grates but I'd like to run over to Arete and use heroism spell which requires me to touch him.
Tau
Make a dexterity saving throw as you cross the grates.
Nicholas
Seventeen.
Tau
So you also only take three piercing damage as more spikes shoot up underneath.
Nicholas
And now I touch Arete. This is for Heroism. “A willing creature you touch is imbued with bravery until the spell ends the creature is immune to being frightened and gains temporary hit points equal to your spell casting ability modifier at the start of each of its turns” so that will be for 10 turns because it's for one minute and you would get three temporary hit points per turn.
Giancarlo
That's sick.
Michael
Thanks for the extra 10 there.
Nicholas
Alexander nods.
Tau
Now as soon as Alexander does this the flame marker on the five minute mark ticks down to the four minute mark also at this moment two more Wretched Gentry appear on the opposite side of the room.
Giancarlo
Oh god we need to run we need to survive I have a feeling if we reach the zero minute marker perhaps, uh, you know things might cease to be? I don't know.
Amanda
Mhmm.
Giancarlo
Stay alive friends. [laugh]
Tau
Don't die, something you've all been very successful at.
Michael
I am going to go ahead and strike the nearest shade with my blade. 15.
Tau
And are you doing this on the one that has the crown on it or a different one?
Michael
I'll do it with the one with the crown on it. It is five piercing damage. Taste my blade you son of a bitch.
Amanda
Annie would like to join Arete in fighting that Wretched Shade by pulling out her rapier and slashing away on it. Eugh. That's a 13.
Tau
That still hits, these are pretty easy to hit.
Amanda
Five piercing damage.
Tau
That one looks like it's in pretty bad shape. It is also its turn. It has the Crown of Madness on it so it's going. "Oh ho ho ho." and it's whirling around and it's gonna smack its goblet into its adjacent Wretched Gentry [dice rolls] and it deals five bludgeoning damage to it.
[SFX: breaking plate].
And here's a thing that you notice when it deals bludgeoning damage that seems to not be as effective as it seems to bounce right off. So it only does two bludgeoning damage to its partner. It is the partner's turn, the partner is not thrilled and is going to try to do a dinnerware smash on Annie, it is gonna get a 16.
Amanda
(disappointed) Mmmmm.
Nicholas
Boon it up baby, boon it up.
Amanda
Boon it up. (laughs) I don't know what do Isay? What should I say?
Nicholas
Just call Iris.
Giancarlo
Hey Iris!
Michael
Yo Iris AY BAY-BEE!
Amanda
I hate it I hate I hate that so much. Wow thanks guys.
Michael
Iris I summon thee!
Tau
Persona!
[laughing]
Nicholas
Persona.
Amanda
Iris grace me with your protection!
Tau
As you do this one of the strings of your viol lights up with a rainbow light and Wretched Gentry goes "Brawwww" and it still tries to make its attack. It only gets a 14 with the disadvantage.
Amanda
(Groans) It still--
Nicholas
You get plus one AC.
Amanda
I know.
Nicholas
Man you suck.
Amanda
I hate you.
(laughing)
Tau
So it does smash you with the plate, you take five bludgeoning damage.
[SFX: A plate breaks and a small cry.]
The two Wretched Gentry that spawned on the opposite end of the room are going to dash crossing over the grate with no repercussions. They are going to meet you in the middle and surround you one on each side. Arete, and Annie.
Giancarlo
“My dear friends, I think it might be in your interest to leave the immediate area of attack of the many, many large, uh, people around you right now.” (yells) And he's gonna maintain control over the one that has the Crown of Madness, so that's my action for the turn.
Nicholas
I would like to use my Holy Bulwark, as an action I get a bonus AC of plus two to distribute between myself and up to four other creatures within 30 feet of you. So I'm going to use one of those AC for me and one for Anastasia and then I would like to boot, scoot, ‘n boogie the heck out of there away. I don't want to cross the grates but I want to get further away from the fatties.
Tau
Okay. I mean, they're big boned. You know, they're fat cats because of their wealth, not their bodies. Ah, so, so, when you use the Holy Bulwark, that's a feature that we created specifically for the Order of Divine Paladin that's unique to this game. So why don't you describe what it's like when you invoke the gods for this ability.
Nicholas
I throw my shield in front of me and aim it at Anastasia, I call out "Athena aid me and my ally" and a beam of light shoots from my shield, it glows white and the beam of light shoots from my shield to Anastasia.
[SFX: WHOOSH]
Nicholas
And then I quickly glow white as well for a little bit and our AC goes up by one.
Tau
As this beam of light shoots out you hear like a little owl go "Hoot, hoot hoot" and you both get your AC bonus excellent. As you do that, your turn finishes and you notice that the green flame marker on the four minute mark moves to the three minute mark.
[SFX: TICK]
Tau
And two more Wretched Gentry appear on the opposite end of the room.
Michael
Do I know more about this sundial style thing?
Tau
Like what are you looking at, like what are you investigating about it?
Michael
How to stop it (laughs) because there's obviously a connection between the countdown and the shades coming in.
Tau
So for this I'll say you make an Intelligence check flat intelligence. However, if you are proficient in either Arcana or Investigation, you may use those instead.
Michael
It will be a flat Investigation and it is a 15.
Tau
So here the wretched shades are being summoned obviously every time it ticks down and your understanding is that the gate across from you will unlock the moment it reaches the zero marker and the Wretched Gentry at that stage will not be a threat once they reach the zero marker.
Michael
Oooh okay. So just survive. Good to know.
Amanda
Annie would very much like to do a slash and dash. She would like to, she would really like to stab the, the Wretched Gentry that's right next to her and then run as far as she possibly can away from it.
Tau
Sure you have a bunch of Wretched Gentry next to you however...
[Amanda laughs nervously]
Tau
So you have two that are full health around you. You have one that is slightly damaged by its partner and the partner that was doing the damage has a Crown of Madness on it. It is swinging around wildly. It is also very low health
Amanda
I would like to attack that one. Annie takes out her rapier once again and she stabs the heck out of that Wretched Gentry. That roll looks like a seven though so I don't know how effective
Tau
These things are very easy to hit. However, not that easy to hit. You are about to stab at this thing but this thing is just whirling around so wildly because of this Crown of Madness. It's not even trying to evade necessarily it just kind of swings itself out of the way in its madness.
Amanda
Annie's gonna run away towards where we came in from.
Tau
As you do this, one of the Wretched Gentry is going to try to make an opportunity attack at you. It gets an eight.
Amanda
No! Get out of here you Wretched--
Tau
Yeah, well, I had to at least ask, okay, I mean.
Amanda
No, I know, I'm talking to the Gentry, not you I promise.
Tau
The second Wretched Gentry is gonna "OH HO HO HO" it gets a 5.
Amanda
No!
Tau
The third Wretched Gentry is going to swing at you, he gets also a five.
Amanda
No!
Tau
Make a dexterity saving throw.
Amanda
What?! Come on. Are you kidding dice? It's a nine.
Tau
You only take two piercing damage as the spikes shoot up once again. But you do safely cross over to Rolf.
Giancarlo
"Slap me five Annie."
Amanda
"I hate it here. I hate it here."
Giancarlo
"Well, we're trying to leave."
Tau
The Wretched Gentry are up. There are four Wretched Gentry here and so one of them has a Crown of Madness on him. He only gets a four so he does not save that time.
Giancarlo
He is going to continue wailing on the same one he already smacked the goblet.
Tau
Okay, he's going "Oh ho hoh ho." he only gets a four on the attack roll so he does not hit his friends Now he makes a wisdom saving throw at the end of his turn right?
Giancarlo
Correct.
Tau
M'okay. 16. Does that pass?
Giancarlo
That does.
Tau
The Crown of Madness dribbles down the side of him. And he goes "Awwwww." He's very displeased that he doesn't have a crowd anymore. Three Wretched Gentry we're going to move to attack Arete.
Michael
Ahh
Tau
One crits. It deals 10 bludgeoning damage
Giancarlo
Boon! Boon! Boon!
Michael
Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I always thank you for saying that. “Iris, I implore thee!”
Tau
The steel of your blade glints with this rainbow light and it imposes disadvantage on the attack and he gets a not a natural 20. He deals only five bludgeoning damage instead of 10.
[SFX: SMACK and an oof.]
Tau
Now the next is going to attack it gets a 16.
Michael
It hits.
[SFX: SMACK and an oof.]
Tau
So that one deals five budgeting damage as well. [SMACK] How are you looking?
Michael
I've got three temps left and two regular left.
Tau
The third one gets a 10 so it does not hit. Meanwhile, the two Wretched Gentry on the opposite side of the room that spawned are going to use their dash actions to meet you in the middle. You now have six Wretched Gentry surrounding you in the middle of the room Arete.
Giancarlo
"Arete, my friend, hold out. We are nearly done. You know, in fact I think it'd be wise for you to leave the center of that square. However I'm going to send a little help your way HYEAH!". And roll cast Acid Splash out towards the middle of the room to try and do some damage to the Wretched Gentry around Arete. Two of the Wretched Gentry need to roll a dexterity saving throw.
Tau
So one gets a six.
Giancarlo
Okay, that fails.
Tau
And the other also gets a six.
Giancarlo
So both of them will take 1d6 acid damage and I rolled a six.
Tau
One of the ones you've targeted was the one with the crown on it originally so you splashed some acid at it, it corrodes like its goblet and its chains and its already melted crown. It just dissipates into the ground in this like gross orange puddle. So that one is a goner and the one that it was hitting take six acid damage which it is not a fan of and it looks like it's in pretty bad shape.
Nicholas
Arete, your health right now. What was it again, the temporary and regular?
Michael
Temporary was three, regular two.
Tau
Also you know that these things very consistently hit for five
[SFX: String music gently plays in the background]
Nicholas
Alexander is going to put his shield on his back, run towards Arete and tackle Arete, shielding him like a turtle and use the remaining health pool from Lay On Hands to heal him with 10 points of health.
Tau
Alexander, you charge at Arete, [RUNNING] Arete is standing by the sundial, you push him onto the sundial. He lands directly on it. You throw your body over his, you are laying your hands over his body, and you feel those like spectral snakes entwine around your hands and go into Arete's body and heal him for 10 hit points. You are both I'm going to say prone on the sundial essentially, however, Alexander you're providing we're going to say three fourths cover to Arete.
Nicholas
Okay.
Tau
So the way prone works is anybody who is in melee range of you gets advantage on their attacks. However with three fourths cover, we're going to say you have plus five AC.
Michael
Okay!
Tau
That only applies to Arete, I want to be clear.
Nicholas
That's good that's good.
Tau
So that happens as you land on the sundial, Arete, you feel like the green flame in your back tick down towards the two position and two more Wretched Gentry appear at the opposite end of the room. So now there are eight total in the room, six at your position.
Michael
"Not since my early army days have I had a man on top of me like this."
[LAUGHTER]
Tau
You know, from basic training.
Nicholas
So I guess if he wanted to attack, could I be his turtle shell and he's just prone army crawling around?
Tau
If you two consent to doing that, I fully empower.
Nicholas
Because I want to continue to shield him as much as I can. "Arete, Trust me"
Michael
"I trust ya, bud. I've got an idea. Are you ready to, for a little, uh, little action?"
Nicholas
"Go for it."
Giancarlo
"Oh my, Annie, cover your eyes."
Michael
"Here's the plan. I will unsheath my sword while still lying prone. And I will swipe at the ankles of the Wretched Shade. 17
Tau
So you're gonna find the ankles of this thing. And then it becomes very clear to you that these Wretched Gentry don't have ankles, they just have these large wide bases that they move on and kind of like wade around on so you find that very quickly.
Michael
"Even Achilles had a weak point at his ankles. Looks like yours is nice and wide for me." and he just stabs. It's gonna be eight piercing damage.
Tau
"Whoa, whoa, whoa ho ho" As you slash it, it dies.
Nicholas
Wow, that really was his Achilles heel.
[SFX: Music gets deeper.]
Tau
So well done. And also I'm gonna award inspiration for the Achilles reference.
Amanda
(breathless) "Rolf, I don't know about you, but I'm feeling, I feel a little helpless right now. I'm really not sure what we're supposed to do? And I guess any ideas, any?
Giancarlo
"Well, Anastasia. You see, I believe that clock over there is counting down. So really just by talking to me in this moment, you're doing quite well. We're just waiting for it to run itself out. Now I could give you more vapors to breathe off if you, if you think that would be beneficial..."
Amanda
"I-I... to be perfectly honest, Rolf, those vapor... that-that freaks me out. That was really weird."
Giancarlo
"Well, I'm sorry. I certainly hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."
Amanda
"Yeah, an explanation would have been really nice. I, you're cool. But that was just really weird."
Giancarlo
"I now see the error of my assumption in that you understood what the vapors were perhaps a bit creepy coming from a man of my age and I apologize."
Nicholas
How is all of this happening?
[laughing]
Tau
There's some time dilation happening here. So you're all speaking at like the speed of chipmunks. And this all happens in six seconds.
Giancarlo
"Get behind me I can shield you. I'll do a little Alexander action over here."
Amanda
Annie's gonna I guess, get behind Rolf. But like very cautiously and hesitantly because it's--
Tau
You're like, Don't try anything funny and you kind of like, you're behind him but you're, like dodging.
Amanda
Yeah, we'll do that.
Tau
Alright, the Wretched Gentry are up. Four of them are going to attempt to attack you, Alexander. They make these attacks with advantage. 21.
Nicholas
What's that?
Tau
21.
Nicholas
21?
Tau
Yes.
Nicholas
"Iris!" I called her and the shield glows again on my back and the rainbow comes and smacks the face of whoever.
Tau
Excellent, it goes. And it only gets a 16.
Nicholas
Okay, we're good.
Tau
The one wretched Gentry misses. The next gets a 17.
Nicholas
Doesn't hit.
Tau
So now we're on to the third one rolling with advantage. 11 is its best.
Nicholas
Doesn't hit.
Tau
Okay, fourth. 13 is its best. So these four are like wailing on you, cannot get any traction. The two Wretched Gentry on the opposite side of the room are going to join them. So now there's six in the middle.
Giancarlo
"Friends, I really do think you should get out of there. If you look at statistics in the law of probability, maybe not a great idea to continue to be there. But alright, here's a little gift. HYAH!" And again, hurls more acid at two of the gentries that are attacking my friends.
Tau
One of them gets a 19 on its deck save the other gets a six.
Giancarlo
So the one that failed takes five points of acid damage.
SFX: OOF
Nicholas
Can I spin my sword 360 and get them all?
Tau
Yeah, but you have to do it like anime style. Like you have to grunt with each swing and it feels like six times heavier with each turn. And we're gonna need to hear it sure.
Nicholas
Do a little helicopter blade action? Or are you joking?
Tau
No, I'm serious.
Nicholas
Yeah? okay, so. So Alexander unsheaths his sword and starts spinning it above him like a helicopter. (yells LOUDLY)
Tau
Beautiful.
Michael
"Geez Louise. Man. At least buy me dinner first."
Tau
Is it warm in here? Um, all right, let's roll up that attack with disadvantage.
Nicholas
Yes, seven.
Tau
Alright, so you do this and the Wretched Gentry are cheering you on like "Oh ho ho ho!" (applause) Their goblets are sloshing with blood. They're thrilled. They love that you're doing this. It's a great show. As you do that Alexander, Arete underneath you, you feel the infernal clock tick down to the one minute position aaaand... two Wretched Gentry appear on the opposite end of the room.
Nicholas
"Arete if you need to disappear, I will leave you."
Michael
Because I am already underneath him, I am going to attempt to use a bonus action using Cunning Action to hide underneath him. So I'm gonna roll that stealth check and it was a 10.
Tau
You attempt to hide under him you feel like you did a 10 out of 20 job and who knows whether they will take notice of you or not.
Michael
Great. with that, I am going to try to attempt a sneak attack on the one that had the acid splashed onto him. 14.
Tau
Oh, that definitely hits, yeah.
Michael
I do 11 damage. Hidden underneath Alexander I kind of just squirm around underneath him wiggling a little bit. I see the acid just kind of dripping off the one guy and I just lunge forward with both of my arms with the sword in my hands and I just go (grunts).
Tau
Alright you obliterated it, it also melts. So where there were six there are now only five.
Amanda
Annie would like to cast Mage Hand. Now, Mage Hand really can't do much but she would like to use it more so as a distraction. So she would like to pull up her viol, play a little like sound effect essentially for a floating hand to appear. And she would like to move that towards the closest Wretched Gentry near Arete and Alex and hopefully distract it away from them.
Tau
Make a performance check.
Amanda
That's a 27.
Tau
First I want to award inspiration.
[SFX: DING]
Tau
Because I think it's a very clever use of a spell. So I like that. And what this will do is one of the Wretched Gentry will waste their turn trying to chase after the head
Amanda
Sweet, alright, cool.
Tau
It is the Wretched Gentry’s turn so one of them chases after the head goes "Whoa, whoa, oh." If you would like you can use your reaction, both Alexander and Arete, to make opportunity attacks against this.
Nicholas
Oh, I'll be using my reaction?
Tau
It will use your reaction.
Nicholas
Then no.
Michael
I will, I'm going to go ahead and do that. That's a nine.
Tau
That seems to be exactly what you need to hit it.
Michael
Woo!
Tau
So roll up the damage for me.
Michael
Six.
Tau
It's about half dead and it's still chasing the hand. That cancels out one of the attacks so four that are remaining there are going to try to make attacks with advantage against you, Alexander. Eight is the first one. 14 is the second and 19 is the third
Nicholas
Does not hit.
Giancarlo
What?
Tau
Okay, wow.
Nicholas
Because of Holy Bulwark.
Tau
And this is the fourth 21
Nicholas
"Iris!"
[LAUGHTER]
Tau
As it hits you hear the sound of a distant waterfall and it seems to bounce right off and not do any damage to you. The two on the opposite end of the room are going to run over to you so they're meeting you in the middle now. That is about all they can do.
Giancarlo
"Well, time to feel like a badass motherfucker" and I'm going to pull out my little cross bow and try and shoot at the one that is chasing Annie's spectral hand. 15 to hit
Tau
That definitely hits.
Giancarlo
Rolf takes the little crossbow off his back shooting it for like probably one of the first times and figures, Hey, I don't think there's much time left. Let's loose an arrow and flies that meets him just as he's chasing that hand and he takes nine points of damage
Tau
Okay, describe how you kill this thing
Giancarlo
It's gonna tear through the side of its like jelly head and enter through one ear and go out the other as it kind of disperses into a blob of orange goo that is ripped apart.
Tau
Alexander it is your turn. Arete, you're on deck.
Nicholas
Whoo. Uh, I hope this is the end though.
Giancarlo
"No, it's not the end. It gets better. I promise Alexander."
Nicholas
I mean, like, "I mean, I hope that the thing ticks down to zero." And because I'm paranoid I'm just gonna stay on his back. Can I do another anime helicopter?
Tau
Yeah.
[Nicholas yells out]
Tau
Alright, you just barely miss it. The Wretched Gentry are doing little golf claps, they're thrilled. They love this show that you're putting on for them. As you do this, underneath you, Arete, you feel the infernal sundial tick down to zero. And at that stage two Wretched Gentry appear on the opposite end of the room.
Giancarlo
"Oh, no."
Amanda
"What?"
Giancarlo
"Friends, I seem to have made a grave miscalculation. I hope--"
Tau
Well make a flat intelligence check, Rolf.
Giancarlo
16.
Tau
So you piece together that what the timer is telling you is how many rounds are left.
Giancarlo
I see.
Tau
So because it ticked down to zero, it means there is zero rounds left. So this is the last round.
Giancarlo
"We're here friends. Let's not fall down and die at the finish line."
Nicholas
Good because I almost jumped off of Arete.
Michael
I'm gonna go ahead and do the same thing that I did previously. And I am going to use Alexander to hide underneath. And I rolled a NAT 20. And now I'm going to go and go with the sneak attack. And it is a 14.
Tau
Now tell me what damage you do.
Michael
I do nine damage and I'm going to go ahead and aim for whichever is the weakest one.
Tau
The remaining are at full health but you do so much damage to this one, you seem to have taken it down like by three fourths. It seems to be in very bad shape.
Michael
I'm just gonna whisper to Alexander. "Thanks for the cover, bud. This has been a real bonding experience."
Tau
Does Alexander say anything?
[Laughter]
Nicholas
I don't think so. He's focused.
Tau
He's too busy helicopter blading.
Nicholas
Yeah.
Amanda
And Annie just kind of wants to hang out right here with her buddy Rolf. She's feeling okay. She's, uh, she's just look at Rolf like "Rolf, Is it almost over?"
Giancarlo
"Yes, I think so. Yeah, yes. Yeah."
Nicholas
"Why do you sound like a child born at recess? I'm dying up here."
Amanda
"No one told you to stay in the center. Alex, you could've come over here
Nicholas
"You're right and let and let Arete die."
Amanda
"You could have brought Arete, I don't- why are you being? Is this because of what I said before we entered the room? Is that why--"
Nicholas
Make an action already!
Amanda
"THIS IS MY ACTION." [LAGUHTER] I do. I do want to do stuff but I don't I don't want to make Arete or Alex have to roll like a saving throw or something like that because I don't want to hurt them. You know what I mean?
Nicholas
"Save your resources."
Amanda
"What do you want from me?! You're telling me one thing is and you're telling me another! I don't I? Ahhhh!"
Giancarlo
"This is what people are like Anastasia."
Amanda
She's gonna run forward at least 15 feet past the grate so maybe 20 feet. Pull out the viol, play a very thunderous tune, really brassy, and use Thunder Wave.
Tau
Well, first you have to make a dexterity saving throw because some grates shoot up directly underneath where you're standing.
Amanda
Oh yeah, baby! That's a 23. Woo!
Tau
Nice job. Okay, so you only take one piercing damage. So you're fine just standing there, you're furiously thundering on this viol. Thunder Wave unleashes from the strings of it. So four of them have to make constitution saves. Seven. 17.Two. Five.
Amanda
So three of them get hit for 2d8.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda
And are pushed 10 feet away. The one that will to 17 takes half as much damage and is not pushed away.
Tau
How much is the damage?
Amanda
That is 12.
Tau
Is it really?
Amanda
Yeah.
Tau
Okay, you're run up there. And the one who was hit really hard by Arete is the one who saves. So he takes the half damage, the rest take full damage and all four of them explode.
[SFX: EXPLOSION]
Tau
Really nicely done. There's only two left on that platform and they are very startled. They kind of blink a little bit at their exploded friends and then they also just clap for you like "Oh ho ho ho. Very well done."
Amanda
"Alex, (breathing hard) next time just communicate your feelings like a normal person like everyone else. Okay?"
Nicholas
"Most impressive. Could have used that two rounds ago."
Amanda
[high pitched laugh] She's gonna she's gonna just, she's gonna turn around. She's gonna be counting to 10 but she's gonna be walking back to Rolf because she's, she's moving. She's leaving
Giancarlo
"Careful with the grate Anastasia."
Tau
Excellent. Okay, so there are two Wretched Gentry who are going to try to make attacks with advantage on you, Alexander. 11. 20.
Nicholas
“Iris!”
Tau
I'm going to need different things each time.
Nicholas
“E-REESE.”
[LAUGHTER]
Tau
Siri!
Nicholas
“Iris, I beg you one last time...for this room.”
Tau
All right, you say that and your helicopter blading makes this like swirly rainbow effect. And so it only gets a 12. So I imagine both of them miss. The remaining two run up to you from the end of the room.
Giancarlo
So Rolf is gonna kind of bumble his way closer towards the grate, like wandering around. "What? Does anyone have... have uh.. does anyone have a tissue?" and out of the nose is gonna fly the acid splash onto two of the Gentry in this sector
Tau
18 and 17.
Giancarlo
Goddamnit. Those both succeed.
Tau
Do you do anything else on your turn?
Giancarlo
He looks up and goes. "Eh, let's see what happens in a few seconds and he's gonna sit down and cross his legs."
Nicholas
Alexander's going to kick off of Arete and basically do an Ike Smash Brothers “Up B”, throw the sword up in the air. Gonna catch it and come down on the nearest one for 21 to hit
Tau
Okay, that hits.
Nicholas
And then that would be an eight. "AHHHH!"
Tau
As you do that, Arete, underneath you, you feel the flame of the sundial recede into the dial and you see the poor Wretched Gentry around you all melt into the ground. Also 150 darkness crystals appear in front of you. Additionally, based on the number that you killed, you get an additional 140 darkness. Additionally, two gates appear on the left and right sides of the room. One gate displays of beautiful giant hammer and the opposite side gate displays a blue trident.
Giancarlo
Ooh, I would like to see if I know more about these. That's a 12.
Tau
You recognize the blue trident to be the sign of Poseidon.
Giancarlo
"Oh look, it's, uh it's the water guy. Poseidon."
Nicholas
I want to see what the hammer is. 20, not natural.
Tau
You have heard myths about somebody that you had to answer a question about in the previous trivia, so you learned that Daedalus had to create a labyrinth for the king of Minos and he was basically a master legendary craftsmen. In addition to creating the labyrinth, he also created many powerful weapons and tools here for the underworld and you recognize that hammer to be something of his design
Nicholas
"That hammer" Alexander points. "That's the symbol of Daedalus."
Giancarlo
"Oh, a Daddy Hammer."
Nicholas
"Yes, he crafted the labyrinth that you were so unsure of."
Giancarlo
"Um, yes, well. So on one hand we have water God. On the other hand, we have a hammer boy, what shall serve us best?"
Nicholas
"I believe the master craftsman would be far more advantageous than Poseidon."
Michael
"Yes, but Poseidon is a God and Daedalus is but a man."
Giancarlo
"Well, do we have anything worth having Daedalus work on? I mean, I have, if he upgrade my fingers for my casting ability that would be excellent, but--"
Nicholas
"Perhaps not you old man. But the rest of us have weapons."
Giancarlo
"I would take offense to that but that's an accurate assessment."
Nicholas
"Why would a God be worried about our problems?"
Michael
"I mean, Iris was pretty keen on giving us a nice boon so I'm thinking maybe Poseidon might have something in there for us. Ya following my logic, stud?"
Giancarlo
"Oh my."
Michael
"I definitely learned this time around what the Macedons were underneath their skin."
Giancarlo
"And that would be...?"
Michael
"That's for me to know when you to find out, Rolf."
Nicholas
"I think you think too kindly of Poseidon and the gods."
Michael
"The gods are giving us this opportunity to get to Olympus and live another life--"
Nicholas
"Was is the gods or was it Zagreus?"
Giancarlo
"I mean, I-I can't speak to your Gods too much. But you know Thor did kill one of my pets once."
Nicholas
"And the gods did bring me here among... you."
Michael
"Ouch."
Giancarlo
"Somebody make a decision. I'm happy with either."
Michael
"Hey there, Annie. What's going on? You're awfully quiet."
Amanda
Annie's just gonna like--
Nicholas
"The old man has chosen one. Arete, you've chosen another.
Michael
"Hey, man. Would you stop? This poor thing, she's only 17, Dude."
Nicholas
"I did not call Anastasia an old man. I was referring to the outlander.”
Michael
"Yeah, but you interrupted that poor girl. All she is trying to do is express her emotions. Leave it to a to cishet man to really just trample all over a woman."
Nicholas
Alexander rolls his eyes. He walks with Arete and he says, "Close your heart to your enemy's pain, they feel no sympathy for you, don't feel any for them." And he's gonna walk over to the hammer bubble and put his hand on it.
Giancarlo
"Daddy Hammer it is, let's go."
Tau
Alright, the bubble pops. The gate slides upward to reveal a black smoky portal. Meanwhile, the blue trident bubble also pops the gate slides down to reveal an impassable barrier. Now there's just that swirling portal of darkness in front of you.
Nicholas
Alexander motions his shield hand.
Michael
Arete walks over to Annie, puts his arm around her and starts walking towards the portal with her.
Amanda
Annie walks through.
Giancarlo
"Well, here we go." And Rolf follows.
Nicholas
Alexander will go in last.
Tau
You find yourself in a room where somehow the dread feels just a little less burdensome. Two fountains on opposite ends of the room gush sparkling streams of healing water. So when you drink from them you may take a short rest to recover up to your full hit dice amount on each roll plus your constitution modifier, that's what that means mechanically. Somewhere soft pensive music plays. The gate on the other end of the room shows a bottle of nectar.
Nicholas
Roll intelligence or-- no, religion I guess? Can I? To see what that would do?
Tau
Sure.
Nicholas
22
Tau
So nectar, you understand this to be a very very sweet, almost inhumanly sweet impossibly like beyond nature's abilities, sweet beverage that is extremely favored by Gods and mortals alike though especially Gods. You know that it's forbidden within the underworld, it's kind of a contraband down here so you're not really supposed to have it. However you also know that it is such a good gift that almost nobody will be able to refuse it. Furthermore, you know that when you give depth to somebody, mechanically it improves your relationship with that person and they might be inclined to perhaps give you gifts in return or give you advice or offer other kinds of help. However the only way to advance certain relationships is to have these one on one interactions with them. So if you all four of them accost them every time like here's the nectar give me nice things they're not going to do that. So you will have to invest in relationships individually if you want to advance them further. That is what you know about nectar
Giancarlo
"Well, oh, I don't know about all of you but I love a nice hot spring." and Rolf is going to disrobe, very carefully fold his clothing, cover his, his sensitive areas and dip into one of the pools.
Tau
I was hoping he would be like one of those dudes at Planet Fitness you know who just like goes like, completely like, all out.
Giancarlo
He would, but there's a child in the room.
Tau
Okay, that is a very valid reason.
Michael
I will go ahead and disrobe and join Rolf in the same fountain that he has dipped himself into but I will maintain my underpants as Arete is a modest boy.
Giancarlo
"Oh, welcome to the party, Arete."
Amanda
Annie's going to go to the fountain that they're not bathing in.
Tau
That's a good plan.
Amanda
And, um drink from it.
Tau
That's good.
Nicholas
Oh, man. All right, I have to go with the boys fountain and [LAUGHTER] Alexander will go into the fountain, strip everything, bathe in it, and drink from it. And I would like, I have a water skin. So I'd like to put some water in that water skin.
Tau
I'm so amused by this because I had not in my mind set it up as like his and hers bath.I thought y'all were just gonna drink from the fountain. And y'all just like got naked and jumped in, which is awesome. I love that. Great. That's very Greek, but not what I was expecting. Okay, so Annie, you drink from the fountain and you get all of the benefits that they get from bathing from it. Also you all level up so all of you are level four now have four hit dice.
Giancarlo
Okay, so Rolf goes up to level four combined with the healing of four plus the level up HP and the temporary hit points he's now sitting at 33 hit points. His intelligence and wisdom have both gone up to 16. So the modifiers become a plus three and he has gained the spells of Infestation as a cantrip and Cloud of Daggers as a second level spell.
Tau
Very good.
Michael
As Arete dips into the fountain, he feels his strength and wisdom score both increased by one bringing his modifier to plus two for each and he also feels his health return and he's sitting at 26 regular then adding in the temporary brings them to 35.
Tau
Very nice.
Amanda
Annie goes over to the opposite fountain that the others are bathing in and cups her hands and she drinks a few cup fulls from the fountain and she feels that her constitution has now gone up. She feels a lot better. She feels rejuvenated, she feels refreshed. She feels as if she was at max HP. Basically.
Tau
Very nice.
Nicholas
Alexander was at six hp. His max went from 20 to 28 and I have a plus nine from temporary hit points from the centaur heart and his strength has gone up to 18. His charisma has gone up to 18.
Tau
Excellent.
Amanda
Annie was gonna do Song of Rest if anyone was still missing HP, but no one is so she's just gonna pull out her viol and just help relax.
Giancarlo
"So Arete, Alexander, are you two…”
Nicholas
"I was keeping the team alive by any means necessary but you are not an ugly man, I will say."
Michael
"And, uh, I would say the ends justify the means if you know what I mean." (suggestively laughs) And he just continues to laugh for an uncomfortably long time.
Nicholas
Alexander grabs a vase, fills it with water and dumps on his head, so hoping that the water gets in his ear so he doesn't have to hear a weird laugh.
Tau
As you do this. Your charisma goes up to 18 so as you like shake the water off your head it like glistens like I don't know, hot-ly.
Nicholas
Hot-ly!
Michael
And Arete kinda just stares, like his mouth kinda like falls open and he's just, he falls silent.
Nicholas
I guess he gets a pump lifting the vase so his strength also comes in.
Tau
Excellent.
Michael
And then, uh, Arete doggy paddles in the found a little bit closer to Alexander. "Hey, uh, you know what, I-I joke a lot in all in good fun, but I'm sorry if I, uh, I don't know, cross a boundary at any point. You just, you tell me to take a step back and I will. You know?"
Nicholas
"Could you kindly take a step back?"
Amanda
Geez Louise.
Michael
"Sure thing. Sorry. Sorry." Arete kind of does like an elementary backstroke away and without meaning to bumps into Rolf.
Giancarlo
"Oh, my."
Michael
"Sorry. Sorry."
Giancarlo
"It's quite alright."
Nicholas
"Oh and Arete?"
Michael
"Yes?"
Nicholas
"Well done on the field."
Michael
"Thank you."
Giancarlo
"Yes. Good job, all of you. I'm so proud of our little Olympiad. And we haven't lost a single soul yet."
Michael
"Yeah. We're uh--"
Giancarlo
"Oh sorry. Did I ruin something here?"
Nicholas
"No, no, no, no, no, no!"
Giancarlo
"Oh dear, I'm such a klutz. I'm so sorry."
Tau
You also notice that Annie is in considerably better spirits and as a lot healthier and happier.
Amanda
Yeah. Annie's happier and Annie's still just, she's doing her own thing. She's kind of in her own world right now when she's playing. She's kind of just adding like background music for you guys. You don't even notice but she's, she's totally fine just playing her tunes.
Giancarlo
I think Rolf at this point will step out of the water and begin to re-dress.
Amanda
Thank you.
Giancarlo
And perhaps just sit and enjoy the music.
Nicholas
Yeah, Alexander will step out and start reading up again.
Michael
Not wanting to be the only one without clothes on, Arete pops out of the fountain then goes behind one of the pillars. You hear him like take off his underpants because now they're like soaking wet. His arms poke out from behind the pillar, as he just rings out his underpants doing his best to get them dry and kind of like beating them against the side of the pillar just [makes drying sounds] and then he re-dresses and then walks over to Anastasia and he goes "You doing okay there? The music's beautiful."
Amanda
And Annie's just gonna like shake her head and she'll stop playing like "What? I'm sorry?"
Michael
"I said are you doing okay? Just wanted to... Annie, are you okay?"
Michael
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I was just just playing. Sorry. Was I distracting you all?"
Michael
"Oh, no, not at all. It is beautiful music and I I just, you know, with Alexander being the way he is. I just wanted to, to make sure that you're doing okay."
Amanda
"Oh, no, it's cool. I don't even- no, no, it's fine. I don't, I just had, I wasn't feeling very good. I was low on you know, if everything's okay. Nothing's wrong. We're okay now."
Tau
Annie, make a perception check.
Amanda
That is a 19.
Tau
You notice before anybody else a glistening hammer rotating in the middle of the room
Amanda
Annie will stop talking, get up, and she'll go grab it.
Tau
The hammer itself vanishes but its power remains with you, everybody in the party gets benefit. You can choose to empower attacks, you can choose to empower people's special abilities in some way. Or you can apply like a miscellaneous offensive boon.
Amanda
I'm thinking either attack or miscellaneous.
Giancarlo
"Well, I think we all have lots of special things about us and it might be interesting to see what happens if we become even more special You know."
Nicholas
"I think that only helps you."
Tau
We have a vote for special from Rolph.
Nicholas
Dangit, I'm voting attack.
Tau
Okay, we have a vote for attack from Alexander.
Michael
Oh, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna vote for miscellaneous.
Michael
[laughter]
Amanda
Oh no!
Tau
Annie, as the holder of the hammer, you get to decide exactly what boon everybody gets
Amanda
Annie is no longer okay.
Michael
If you're having a lot of trouble roll a six sided die.
Giancarlo
"Yes!"
Amanda
So I actually did roll that d6 and it was a two. So technically, that would go for attack I would say.
Tau
Alright, so you select attack and here's the benefit that everybody gets, you gain an extra attack but you take the attack action on your turn.
Nicholas
Oh nice. We're all Cleetus.
Giancarlo
"Huzzah! My fingers feel more nimble. I suddenly feel like I could possibly pull off several actions at once. Does anyone else share this sentiment?"
Michael
"I feel that I could swing my blade around in very deft movements."
Tau
You make the effort to swing the blade and like before you even finish like swinging the blade or what your muscle memory understands as swinging the blade goes like it just goes twice where it would have only been once. Alright, so that's what happens. You've still got the gate, you all feel refreshed and ready to go. It's like everything that happened to you didn't even happen.
Giancarlo
"Shall we?"
Michael
"Onwards, in our March out of hell." Arete puts his hand on the door, I assume popping the bubbles, sliding it open, revealing the smoky portal.
Tau
Well, fine. Yes, that is what happens.
Giancarlo
"That's when there's a failed tactician!" and I run through the portal.
Nicholas
(laughing) Damn.
Amanda
Annie will jump in the portal.
Michael
Arete follows.
Tau
Annie and Rolf are in, Arete is in. Alexander, as always you are left.
Nicholas
Alexander throws his shield on the floor jumps on and starts to surf boarding into the pool.
Amanda
Oh my gosh.
Tau
Do you do like the Legolas down the stairs thing? With the shield, right?
Nicholas
Yeah.
Tau
Alright. So you do that. Here is where you arrive….
[SFX: Intense title music.]
Tau
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Sound Design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C. with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. If you liked what you heard, we hope you'll consider helping us make future tabletop parodies of your favorite stories. You can support us at patreon on patreon.com/roguerunradio. Patrons get access to our community discord channel, as well as our behind the scenes chat casts Out of the Blood or we talk about everything on our minds after the episode. There are free ways to support the show too. We hope you'll leave us a glowing review on your listening app of choice as well as spread the good word about us on Twitter and Instagram, where you can follow us @roguerunradio. We love hearing from you. So hit us up there or email us at rr@whisperforge.org We're very proud to be in The Whisperforge collective and hope you'll check out our other shows. Are you a fan of the Wild West, bounty hunting, sex with demons, maybe the power of friendship? If any of those things excite you, give Caravan a listen. Are you ready for your next one? Then you can listen to our next episode right now. It's already out! 'Til next time sinners, I'll see you in hell.
[SFX: Title music.]
“Escape... escape... escape....”