Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 29 - Hypnos, The Chthonic Nightmare
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 29 - Hypnos, The Chthonic Nightmare
Tau
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Tau
You’re listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way, we’re just big ol’ nerds making improv fanfiction.
ROGUE RUNNERS is...rated R, for pretty much everything you can find in Greek Mythology: violence, assault, self-harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at Whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Intro music. Shouting from the crowd.]
Tau
Well all right and then Hypnos turns to you. What do you do?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I say "Hi, I'm Rolf and I'm about to die."
Michael (Arete)
"Wow. Watch where you're landing, Zag."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Zag man what's up? I think we got to kill this guy."
Nicholas (Alexander)
That's y- (wheeze laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
(nervous smiling) Is this what we're choosing to do?
Nicholas (Alexander)
That's your character now?
Amanda (Annie)
(imitating) "Zag man, what's up?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
We're about to die, yo, what's poppin'?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is going through a midlife crisis. He has a sunglasses on indoors. He has one earring (laughs).
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's sweating.
Tau
(laughs) So is he.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Tau
And then he says, "So you've made it to Elysium? Please, help me bring my friend to rest."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Absolutely. We've been hot on your trail for a while, there's a lot we got to talk about but first, let's kill this guy." And I would like to attack. (laughs nervously)
[SFX: Higher pitched beats rush in as the action is really about to start.]
Tau
As you make to attack, Dark Hypnos just still like, eyes closed, just like raises a hand toward you and then just like moves it to the side...
[SFX: Deep scraping sound.]
Tau
...as if kind of like pushing this like invisible like sliding door. And then, you hear and other gong.
[SFX: A deep GONG.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh no.
Amanda (Annie)
(small) Crap.
Tau
Everybody make a charisma saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Dammit! That's my, that's my shit ya'll!
Amanda (Annie)
My shit too.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Well, it's still only an 18 but
Michael (Arete)
That is my least shit.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my GOSH!
Michael (Arete)
Oh, god, NO. NO!
Amanda (Annie)
I also rolled a one, Arete but I have a plus eight. What the shit?
Michael (Arete)
I got nothing. So I got a one, natural! No modifier.
Amanda (Annie)
What the shiiit.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Uh, everyone is near me so add four.
Michael (Arete)
Oh. Well, five.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That helps.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
22.
Amanda (Annie)
(whispers) 13.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Dirty 20.
Tau
All of you immediately drop to the ground.
[SFX: A cascade of thumps.]
Tau
As you drop to the ground, you don't feel yourself drop to the ground, you feel your body drop to the ground and you look down at your own body. And you're still standing there but it's your shade.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(understanding) Ahhh.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasp)
Tau
So this is like what you were before you kind of got your bodies back.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I am my own sleep paralysis demon.
Tau
Yeah, so your shades have been ripped from you. And that's like the the form that you're in right now as your bodies lie at your feet. Now in this form, one thing I want to make clear about this combat, the way that it works is that you're only going to take damage when damage happens to your body. Now what you also see on the opposite end of the arena from Hypnos almost as if like if you imagine like Hypnos is like a midpoint for like a mirror or something like imagine like a mirror image of all of you on the other side. And on that side, you see shadowy versions of yourselves.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ah huh.
Tau
But those are bodies and they are coming for your shades--
Amanda (Annie)
(grunts) Ah.
Tau
--and your bodies on your end of the arena right now.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Is Zagreus also a shade right now?
Tau
You don't see Zagreus's shade here.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Is he asleep on the floor?
Tau
No. In fact, you, so the whole colosseum is empty except for your bodies and you see Hypnos in the middle and then you see your shades on the opposite side.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Mmm.
Tau
Your or your like your nega shades.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Quick someone spin a top.
Tau
Instead of the gong, you just hear BONGGGG.
[SFX: Deep Hans Zimmer like BOOONNNNNGGGGGG.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs)
Tau
Ahhh, roll initiative please.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
16.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Six.
Michael (Arete)
Nine.
Amanda (Annie)
That was a 12.
Tau
So they're about 180 feet away from you and they all start dashing towards you. So they cross 60 feet, so now there are 120 feet away from you. Rolf, it is your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Can I roll like arcana or something to see how we may be able to re-corporealize ourselves?
Tau
Sure.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay. 20.
Tau
With a 20, you figure that if you take a closer look at the shades, they're pretty far from you. But if you were to take a closer look at the shades and if you were to have say, the memories of Arete, which you don't, you would see that they have these like spirits glowing inside them...
[SFX: High pitched gleaming tone.]
Tau
....the same way Arete saw in Annie at her birthday, and if you kill those spirits and take those spirits from them, you can put them back in your own body.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Well, I know that you have potentially 118 HP but you look like a little bitch version of me, SO. I'm going to cast fireballs upon myself and call upon Daedalus to affect Alexe-. Yeah, let's whittle down Alexander with the adjacent damage. And of course Ares and everyone else to increase all that damage. "Olympus! Fuck 'em up!"
Tau
Your boons do not answer you.
[SFX: A deep warning tone echoes.]
Michael (Arete)
Uhhh...
Amanda (Annie)
What the shiiiiit!
Nicholas (Alexander)
Tshhh.
Amanda (Annie)
Fuck!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(oh shit) I have no spell slots left!!
Nicholas (Alexander)
Me neither.
Amanda (Annie)
(lamenting) We're deeead.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That's a 19 though and I KNOW that hits me, I KNOW. (laughs)
Tau
Yeah, so that does hit you. (laugh)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay. Can I still use my blood crystal?
Tau
Uhhhh. If you have them.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Then yeah!
Tau
Oh, wait, no, no! You don't have blood! Fuck off!
Players
(laugh)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh my gosh.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughing) I'm sorry!
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) You don't have blood, fuck off! Write that down real quick.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, well, then. I do 12 damage to myself.
Tau
Okayyyy.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(snarls)"
[SFX: Small explosion.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Can you hear me go "(various grunts)."
Tau
Okay. Do you do anything else, Rolf?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I already used my bonus action. So Imma back up a little bit.
Tau
This is Shadow Rolf acting. He does try to fire a firebolt, let's see what he gets.
Tau
So it's a 21.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah, that hits. Fuck.
Tau
And what's the damage on it?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
2d10.
Tau
2d10.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Peace out ya'll.
Tau
Also 12.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh shit.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Woah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(cries out)."
Tau
Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ahhh, I'm a cunt."
Tau
(laughs) Okay, Annie, it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, I'm assuming that because these are like our shadow versions of ourselves. And because Rolf technically didn't tell us what he saw within the shadow versions of ourself--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"There's a soul inside of 'em, kill 'em and take 'em!"
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs) Well then I'm also thinking because technically if that's like, similar to what happened to me with Arete, Arete didn't KILL me to take you know, that light. So I'm like, do we have to kill them? Or do we just have to reach them and take it. But I understand it's probably best to kill them but then I'm like, is Arete even gonna kill them?? Because Arete wants to be all peaceful now. It's- this is all going on in Annie's head. Okay, okay. It's okay. Ca-- Annie wants to like try to bend down and see if she could actually like grab her body or does do our hands just like phase right through?
Tau
That is correct.
Amanda (Annie)
They phase right through, what the shiiit? Okay. Ahh.
Tau
It's almost as if in order to touch your body, you need that essence from Shadow Annie.
Amanda (Annie)
Of course I do. But of COURSE I do. Okay, so Annie is going to run 30 feet and then would like to cast Melf's acid arrow at level four on her, well, shadow person of herself. Not like herself-self, like shadow person of herself..
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, my tits.
Tau
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
That doesn't work.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You're a minor!
Amanda (Annie)
Nine doesn't hit so.
Tau
Son't you have like plus nine on the attack?
Amanda (Annie)
I have plus eight on the attack and I rolled a FRICKIN' one.
Tau
Oh, yeah, that misses no matter what. Yeah, okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Arete is going to make an immediate beeline for Shadow Arete. And as he's running, he mutters to himself, "I will not let myself hurt anyone again!"
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah. Yeah it does. (getting increasingly agitated) So Annie tries to cast it but is just I guess shocked to see herself in the shadow version and is just really triggered because we have to steal the light, which she already got, like stolen from her. So to have to do that, again is just like really intense. (calming a little) And she's just gonna kind of like, I don't know, just lose it. She's losing it. She's not feeling too hot.
Amanda (Annie)
(chuckles)
Michael (Arete)
So he runs the 30 feet.
[SFX: Running footsteps.]
Michael (Arete)
I use my bonus action to take a cunning action to dash another 30 feet to move 60, closing the gap. And then my main action will be drawing La Voix...
[SFX: Metallic scrape.]
Michael (Arete)
... and readying an attack for myself or whatever shade happens to enter my immediate vicinity.
Tau
Alright, Alexander.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Does Hypnos look engaged in this?
Tau
Yes. So you see Hypnos kind of just like, eyes closed, still, he seems to be like kind of like dodging attacks from something invisible and occasionally taking attacks from something invisible like rapid like fist attacks from something.
Nicholas (Alexander)
How far is Hypnos?
Tau
He is 90 feet away.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Damn, everyone's everyone's too far from me. So I'm just gonna run the 60 feet towards the action.
[SFX: Heavy footfalls.]
Tau
Alright, so at the top of the turret order, you see Dark Hypnos engaged in this more like dodgy battle with someone that you can't see
Michael (Arete)
Zaggy babey!
Tau
Shadow Alexander is up. So Shadow Alexander is gonna move 30 feet, and then... he's gonna throw a javelin.
Nicholas (Alexander)
My last one.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
This is totes opportunity to say look at all your cool features you don't use (laughs).
Tau
(laughing) Yeah, basically. So he's gonna fire a javelin at Annie.
[SFX: The javelin WOOSHES through the air.]
Amanda (Annie)
What!
Tau
Yeah, it's with disadvantage because it's at a very long range.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay.
[SFX: Dices roll.]
Tau
Nine to nine both times plus eight is 17. That hits, right?
Amanda (Annie)
(sighs) Yeah that hits.
Tau
That is 10 piercing damage.
[SFX: A bloody THUNK of impact.]
Amanda (Annie)
"(cries out)!" Wow. Thank you. Does that mean Shadow Annie also loses ten?
Tau
No.
Amanda (Annie)
WHAAAAA. Okay.
Tau
Shadow Annie is gonna go up and join a Shadow Alexander. And then she is going to cast stinking cloud.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Eeewwww.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Pee ew!
Tau
So a 20 foot radius sphere of yellow nauseating gas appears around all of you.
[SFX: A spray-like sound.]
Tau
Gonna hit Rolf and Annie.
Amanda (Annie)
"(coughs) We have a really strong cloud, it'll go away- wind! Wind! Strong wind!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(blows)"
Amanda (Annie)
"Start blowing, Rolf, start blowing!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm blowing!"
Tau
Shadow Arete is gonna move 30 feet and then he's gonna take the dodge action. Shadow Rolf is gonna also meet the part so that whole party seems to move in lockstep apparently. They are all going to go up and then Shadow Rolf is going to cast crown of madness on Arete.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasp)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Woah.
Tau
So make a wisdom saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
11, which is probably not enough.
Tau
You are charmed as a twisted crowd of jagged iron appears on your head and a madness glows in your eyes.
[SFX: An ominous slithering, crackle.]
Tau
You must use your action before moving on each of your turns to make a melee attack against a creature other than yourself that I mentally choose. Otherwise, you can act normally on your turn if you choose no creature or if none are in your reach.
Michael (Arete)
(whispers) Damn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to run forward 30 feet and then I'm going to cast ice knife on the shadow version of myself.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And that is going to be a... 26 to hit which I know does.
Tau
You have to make a constitution saving throw because you're in a stinking cloud.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh shit. Goodbye, guys. "(Coughs)" It's a 15.
Tau
(a bummer) Annie's spell save DC is 16.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(continues coughing)"
Tau
You spend your action that turn wretching and reeling, that's it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh, it has no damage effects?
Amanda (Annie)
No.
Tau
Nope. You're just retching and reeling.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay. "(still coughs and retches) Anastasia..."
Amanda (Annie)
"(coughing) I'm sorry."
Tau
Okay, Annie, it's your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
"(coughs) Well, Rolf where are you?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(through coughing and retching) I'm right at your feet!"
Amanda (Annie)
Annie would like to cast cure wounds on Rolf. Since he's right here.
Tau
Make a constitution saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(nervous) Wooop.
Amanda (Annie)
Kay. (gasp) YES! 22, BITCHES!
Tau
Okay, yeah, you're good.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeeeah. "Rolf, come here!" And Annie's going to...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I can't! I'm retching and reeling. (coughs and retches)"
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna mosey on over to Rolf which is like, right next to her. "Stop so dramatic, Rolf!" And she's gonna cast cure wounds on him. So she's gonna touch his little shoulder. And Rolf gets healed for not much, but it's seven, buddy!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That's almost double my current health.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs) Okay well there ya go. Congratulation.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(struggling, vehement) It's called an audio drama, Anastasia."
Tau
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Whhat?? I'm not copping it. I-I saved.
Tau
A voice somewhere says "(with a snotty attitude) It's the most accessible media."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You told me not to be dramatic.
Amanda (Annie)
Ohhhh.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
It's an audio ~drama~.
Amanda (Annie)
You're right. You're right. Sorry, everyone at home, please, uh, nullify what I said. Rolf continue.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(Continues retching and reeling)"
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, now that you're okay, Annie's gonna spend the rest of her turn moving. Annie wants to get out of the stinking cloud and more towards like Alex and Arete.
Michael (Arete)
All right, they're within 30 feet of me now. So Arete will go ahead and close the remaining 30 feet by using his movement to approach the other Arete. "At last, we meet face... to well, face, you know, because you're me and I'm you, and you know? Well, anyway, we'll chat later." And then Arete will go for a stabby stab.
Tau
Alright, make it with disadvantage because Shadow Arete is dodging.
Michael (Arete)
Okay. 12, which I know misses.
[SFX: Whiff!]
Michael (Arete)
So that's sad.
Tau
Shadow Arete sneers as you try to stab him.
Michael (Arete)
I'm gonna go ahead and go for that second melee attack and... it's not enough!
[SFX: Whiff!}
Tau
Arete continues to sneer.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, I have moved the 60 feet. So, I'm going to run and attack Rolf's shadow. Dirty 20 should hit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Chyeah.
Tau
Yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I did 10 damage with my sword.
Tau
You swipe at Shadow Rolf.
[SFX: Woosh!]
Tau
Shadow Rolf shatters...
[SFX: A wet explosion.]
Tau
...and then reconstitutes...
[SFX: A gently splashing, wet recollection of Shadow Rolf material.]
Tau
....as if only Rolf could kill Shadow Rolf.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(sighs dramatically, disappointed)
Michael (Arete)
(singing) I had a feeeliiiing!!!
Amanda (Annie)
What the fu-shit!
Tau
Shadow Rolf will be locked at one hit point.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh. So I did do some damage.
Tau
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay. Well, I tried to attack myself but that's a 12 and I know that misses.
[SFX: Whiff!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'll do a shield master shove and try to shove my guy to the ground.
Tau
Okay. I won't pretend I haven't thought about this (mildly suggestive).
Players
(laughter)
Michael (Arete)
Me too, Tau, me too.
Tau
Instead of a making an attack roll, you make a strength athletics check contested by the target strength athletics or acrobatics.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alright, I'll do athletics.
Tau
Okay and Shadow Alexander is going to do.... athletics as well. I got a 25!
Tau
I got a 12! (laughs)
Tau
Okay, you try to shove Shadow Alexander...
[SFX: Thump.]
Tau
And Shadow Alexander kind of just swats your shielf away like a "Don't do that."
[SFX: Metal clang.]
Tau
"Like, come on." Now we're at the top of the inititative order again. At this point, here now that more of you are like closer to the center of the battlefield, you see other things happening on the battlefield. They're not affecting your battle but like, you see a hail of thorns falling on the battle.
[SFX: Tearing and ripping of thorns.]
Tau
Anyway. Now it is the Shadow team's turn. So first up is Shadow Alexander. I wanna make clear something. So when they're doing these attacks on you, the damage is being done to your body. So like, you don't have these wounds on you, the wounds are happening to your body back there. So Alexander pulls out this like, Dark Blossom blade...
Tau
You see, like, fire and ice...
[SFX: Pow pow! Of fiery explosions.]
Tau
...burning the grass around it and then freezing it up again. And you see, like, Hypnos seems to be taking attacks from a number of other things.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That's the other Olympiad.
Tau
... like a Shadow Marigold and then slashes at Arete. It is an 11.
Michael (Arete)
That don't hit.
[SFX: Whiffs!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(whispers) Yes.
Michael (Arete)
Not enough!
[SFX: Metal scrapes.]
Tau
Okay. He swings again. And that is a 15.
Michael (Arete)
Meets it, beats it, that hits.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Damn.
Tau
All righty. He deals, oof, five damage. Five slashing damage to you.
Michael (Arete)
And I will use my uncanny dodge reaction to halve that damage.
[SFX: Wet thunk!]
Michael (Arete)
"Oof!"
Tau
Okay, next up it is Shadow Annie's turn. Shadow Annie is going to cast Melf's acid arrow at Arete.
Michael (Arete)
Oh no!
Nicholas (Alexander)
Ohhh no.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
They're focusing their fire.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
And gets a 20.
Amanda (Annie)
(disgruntled noise)
Michael (Arete)
That hits.
Tau
Okay so it's only... 5d4.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Eeeh.
Michael (Arete)
Just, just that.
Tau
You take 15 acid damage immediately
[SFX: The acid sizzles.]
Michael (Arete)
"(grunts)"
Tau
And you take 2d4 at the end of your next turn. So Shadow Arete is going to leer at regular Arete and then vanish with a little...
[SFX: POP!]
Tau
And then Alexander, you need to make a constitution saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
Uh oh, someone's getting marked for death.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Is that what's happeneing.
Michael (Arete)
Or it's an assail senses.
Nicholas (Alexander)
16.
Tau
Okay, you just barely shake off as like a bunch of like knives come at your eyes.
[SFX: A whooshing thud.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
HUH???
Tau
You just close your eyes really tight.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(blows rasberry laughing)
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) WHAT?
Tau
(laughing) And nothing happens.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
They bounce off your eyelids.
Yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Why can I just have luscious lashes that catch them or something?
Amanda (Annie)
'Cause THAT'S not realistic, Nick.
Tau
(poking fun at Giancarlo) Shadow Rolf was also making a big to do about this paucity of spell slots that he has, and actually he has a bunch. He's got a cast thunder wave on Arete and Alexander so make a constitution saving throw, Alexander and Arete.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alright, add four, Arete.
Michael (Arete)
My constitution saving throw was a 10.
Tau
Okay Alexander?
Michael (Arete)
Oh wait.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Ah, with with me?
Michael (Arete)
With plus four, with Alexander's... 14.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I got 24.
Tau
So Alexander, you take two and Arete you take four, thunder damage.
Michael (Arete)
Oh wow.
[SFX: A rolling thunderous boom!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(not actually mad) That's some bull.
Tau
I told you, I don't fudge rolls.
Michael (Arete)
"Ow."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"(higher pitched) Ow!"
Tau
That was really cute. Okay, Rolf is your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So I need to roll a constitution saving throw or is the cloud gone?
Tau
Yes, you are in a cloud.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
14. "(coughs)"
Tau
All right. Yeah, that's still happening. Alright, Annie, it's your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie is going to run over to Arete and cast cure wounds. I'm just assuming you're not looking good, buddy.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Really?"
Amanda (Annie)
"(with attitude) Oh, what Alex? What?!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well you're the only one who can kill Annie and Annie hurts." (chuckles)
Amanda (Annie)
"Well, what do you what do you what do you want me to do?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Take notes!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"You've got the thunder wave! Take notes!"
[SFX: Record scratch.]
Amanda (Annie)
"YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE NOTES BEFORE AND I WAS TRYING TO HEAL PEOPLE! WHAT THE SHIT, ALEX! GO KILL YOURSELF, DAMMIT!"
Amanda (Annie)
Well, kay, she'll take 2d4 more acid damage at the end of her next turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(bursts out laughing)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I'm like, double dead!"
Amanda (Annie)
"DON'T YELL AT ME, YOU'RE STILL ALIVE OVER THERE! WE'RE ALL STILL ALIVE, DON'T YOU DARE, DON'T YOU DARE."
Nicholas (Alexander)
No, just wanted (laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs, then with venom) Annie's gonna cast level four Melf's acid arrow on her shadow self.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
That's a dirty 20!
Tau
Okay. That does hit.
Amanda (Annie)
(not as loud, but still unhinged) Okay, great. That's 6d4. Let's see how it goes. C'mon. That's 15 damage to my shadow self. Now that her concentration should technically also not be concentrated.
Tau
Well, she has to roll concentration.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
She gets a 13 so that saves.
Amanda (Annie)
(disappointed) Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(coughs and retches)"
Michael (Arete)
Great. Since I'm gonna immediately go for a stabby stab against myself, and because Alexander is adjacent, it would land sneak attack damage if it hits. And it's a 28 babey! That hits.
Tau
That does hit.
Michael (Arete)
That's gonna be... 28 piercing damage.
[SFX: A wet thunk!]
Tau
Shadow Arete looks pretty bad.
Michael (Arete)
And then I will use my two weapon fighting to go for another attack against myself. And it's an 18 which hits.
Tau
Nice.
Michael (Arete)
And that's gonna be 18 damage.
[SFX: Metal shink!]
Tau
All right, well, you shatter Shadow Arete...
[SFX: Wet explosion.]
Tau
...and that life force comes right back into you.
[SFX: High pitched gleaming sound.]
Michael (Arete)
"(gasps, vocalizes shaking as it's a weird feeling) Who wants more of my blade?" (chuckles) And that'll be the end of my turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Because Arete technically has like his soul back, does that mean he can use boons again?
Tau
Nope.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, cool just wanted to ask.
Michael (Arete)
Only our bodies are tethered to the boons.
Amanda (Annie)
Ah, word, got it.
Michael (Arete)
The gods don't care about lowly shades. They only care about humanoid forms.
Amanda (Annie)
Well then Arete, run to your body babey!
Michael (Arete)
I will on my turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Attacking the other Alexander. Oof. Okay, a 14 doesn't land.
[SFX: Whiff!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
A second attack is a 24 which should land.
Tau
Mhmm.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And I get an eight on damage.
[SFX: A soft thunk!]
Tau
All righty.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Can I try to shove them?
Tau
Sure, why not.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I got a natural 20. Can I knock them to the ground?
Tau
Yeah, I got an 11.
[SFX: A hard thump!]
Tau
Shadow Hypnos is getting beat down. Shadow Alexander is up, he's gonna use half his movement to stand up, for all that shoving that happened. He's gonna attack you. He crits. Soooo... you take 12 slashing damage total.
[SFX: A bloody slash!]
Tau
Shadow Annie's gonna fire a super Melf's acid arrow at... Regular Annie.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, that makes sense.
Michael (Arete)
Tit for tat, baby
Tau
Yeah babey.
[SFX: Rolls dice.]
Tau
Oh (wheeze laugh/ gasp) I crit again.
Amanda (Annie)
(crying out) Noooo!!! Why?
Tau
So this is, this a 12d4.
Amanda (Annie)
Ahhhh.
Tau
11 plus 10 so 21 acid damage.
Amanda (Annie)
"(cries out)"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
It hurts.
Amanda (Annie)
I just like all I hear is like "Why are you killing yourself? Why are you killing yourself? Why are you killing yourself?"
Tau
Shadow Rolf with his one HP is just spitefully cackling.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(as Shadow Rolf) "(Spitefully cackles)"
Tau
And is gonna cast acid splash at y'all, at Alexander and Arete. Both of you make a dex saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeahahah.
Michael (Arete)
That's a 15 for me.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oooo.
Amanda (Annie)
Sorry bud.
Tau
Okay, you take 10 acid damage, Arete.
Michael (Arete)
Great.
Tau
Rolf, it's your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Great. Do I need to roll a constitution saving throw?
Tau
Yes.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay. 16
Tau
All right, you do save so you're not retching.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, so 16, I save and go "(grunting, getting his bearings)". I'm gonna move forward 30 feet as I cast ice knife on Shadow Rolf.
[SFX: The ice knife WHIPS through the air to land, crackling.]
Tau
Okay, so Shadow Rolf shatters.
[SFX: Wet explosion.]
Tau
You want to do ice damage on Alexander and Annie?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I do very much so yes. Let's see if any creature within five feet must make a dexterity saving throw.
Tau
So Shadow Annie gets a 19, Shadow Alexander... gets 16.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So saves because it's a 16.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(whispers) Damn.
Tau
Okay, your shade soul flies over to you now.
[SFX: High pitched gleaming.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He shatters, he goes "Give me that!" and the soul flies back to him. And I touch my body on the ground.
Tau
You do that, you are removed from play for now.
[SFX: Gentle woosh.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Byyyye."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Fuck.
Tau
Annie it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Great. Annie is once again going to cast... Melf's acid arrow. That is an 18 to hit.
Tau
That hits.
Amanda (Annie)
Ha, I know it does. Hee hee hee. And I do 17 damage to my shadow self and 2d4 later on.
Tau
All right. Arete it's your turn.
Michael (Arete)
Arete looks over his shoulder at real Annie and goes "With your permission," to assist you.
Amanda (Annie)
"Yep, go ahead. Do your worst, best, I don't... um."
Michael (Arete)
"Now, now, we've made it just uncomfrotable, haven't we?"
Amanda (Annie)
"No, just hit her."
Michael (Arete)
And Arete takes La Voix and kind of very hesitantly stabs at Shadow Anastasia.
Amanda (Annie)
How do you hesitantly stab someone? (laughs)
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Ex-excuse me?
Michael (Arete)
Tell you exactly how you hesitantly stab, by rolling a critical fail.
Tau
Okay, do you do anything else?
Michael (Arete)
With the crown of madness on, the metal kind of falling around Arete's eyes, he doesn't quite know where he's where he's looking at. He kind of stabs out wildly...
[SFX: It whips through the air.]
Michael (Arete)
... and he grazes Alexander, if it hits I suppose. Which... the roll is... a 27. Does that hit Alexander?
Nicholas (Alexander)
(sighs) Yes that hits.
Michael (Arete)
And it does... 11 damage.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(sighs) Five health to go.
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to use his bonus action of two weapon fighting to try to another hesitant stab at Anastasia or Shadow Anastasia, rather. And it is a 17 to hit.
Tau
That does hit.
Michael (Arete)
Seven damage.
[SFX: La Voix whips through the air and lands.]
Tau
All right, Alexander.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Swinging myself, critical fail.
[SFX: Whiff!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
And... a 16 which doesn't land.
[SFX: Whiff!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I am... I need help. (chuckles) That's my turn.
Tau
Okay. Shadow Alexander is gonna swing at regular Alexander.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
(makes a noise at the roll)
Amanda (Annie)
Oh no.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Is it a critical?
Amanda (Annie)
There's no way.
Michael (Arete)
Is it a critical?
Nicholas (Alexander)
It's a critical.
Amanda (Annie)
Stop (laughs).
Tau
How's Arete looking?
Michael (Arete)
We're looking at eight HP.
Tau
You never know, it could be a bad roll.
Michael (Arete)
Yeah, we'll find out.
Tau
Uhhh. All right, so what is it? It's 2d8 plus four.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Michael (Arete)
Aww.
Tau
Seven. Total.
Michael (Arete)
And then I will use my reaction to use uncanny dodge to halve the damage.
Tau
Oh. Yeah, you're fine.
Amanda (Annie)
(groans)
Nicholas (Alexander)
So we're both at five?
Tau
(laughing) Yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Michael (Arete)
(laughs) Yes.
Tau
Shadow Annie is going to cast thunderclap.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Ohhhh.
Amanda (Annie)
(sighs)
Tau
Alexander and Arete.
Michael & Nicholas
Ohhh.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh come on.
Tau
Both of you make constitution saving throws.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(groaning, nervous) Ohhhh.
Amanda (Annie)
(encouraging) Oh come on.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alright, it's a dirty 20.
Michael (Arete)
18 for Arete
Tau
18, okay, so actually neither of you take any damage then.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That's just, the thunder hits the shield.
[SFX: The thunder rolls and breaks on the shield.]
Michael (Arete)
(dramatic) I've seen those thunder cheeks clap before, stay away from me!
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs) Oh god.
Amanda (Annie)
What?
Tau
Annie.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie. Yes.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh, did Dark Annie roll her...?
Amanda (Annie)
I was about to say...
Nicholas (Alexander)
Her da-
Amanda (Annie)
The additional for acid arrow.
Tau
Oh for acid arrow, as in to take acid arrow damage you mean?
Amanda (Annie)
I'll tell you right now. Yeah, (whispers) frick! That's two.
Tau
Oh. I rolled much higher on myself. So.
Amanda (Annie)
We could totally use yours. That's fine.
Tau
(laughs) Okay. All right. Shadow Annie dies from acid damage. (laughs)
[SFX: Wet explosion followed by the high pitched gleam.]
Amanda (Annie)
Yes!
Tau
The cloud dissipates as well.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Annie don't leave yet, please."
Tau & Amanda
(laughs)
Tau
Wow. How the turns of table. All righty. Okay, so Annie, it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie is gonna turn to Arete, "Arete. Get out of here and run back to your body! Alex." And Annie is gonna cast a level three cure wounds on Alex. You heal for 19.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(relieved) Hooo. (stretch noise)
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) Why are you rolling your eyes?
[SFX: Calming string music.]
Tau
For the for those of us listening through an audio medium, Tau just did the jerk off motion with a terrible eye roll.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing tapers) You said Annie (laughs again) you said Annie's soul just immediately went back to her. Correct?
Tau
Yeah, what's left of it.
Amanda (Annie)
Ouch. Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Not yet, not yet, don't go, don't go, don't go. Don't gooo.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, well, I already healed Alex, and Annie will just hang out.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yesss.
Amanda (Annie)
Uh.
Tau
All right, Arete.
Michael (Arete)
Why are you keeping her around?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Because I can't kill myself. I'm too strong.
Tau
Arete...
Michael (Arete)
First, I will take the disengage bonus action using my cunning action. So that way, when I run away, Shadow Alexander does not get an attack of opportunity. And then I will take a regular dash action. So I'll move 60 feet back to my body.
Tau
So there's 30 feet left. All right, Alexander, it is your turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Swinging at other Alexander. That's a miss.
[SFX: Whiff!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
That one hits. 23 and 11 damage.
[SFX: A bloody slash!]
Tau
He has 11 health left.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
"Come on, Alex."
Tau
He is gonna swing atcha.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
25.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That hits.
Tau
All righty.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Oh my god! Uh. Well, you take five slashing.
[SFX: Metal whips through the air and lands with a light thud.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay.
Tau
He's gonna swing again. He gets a 26.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That hits.
Tau
You take eight slashing.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, now we're both at 11.
Tau
Annie, it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay. Annie is going to...
Nicholas (Alexander)
"You can just... maybe another cure...?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh, we're making REQUESTS now. Okay, well, that's (gritting teeth) really cute Alex!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Unless you want to fight him yourself?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Well I'm just saying because you said you can't kill yourself..."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Yes."
Amanda (Annie)
"So would you rather I hit you or heal you?"
Tau
(laughing) Oh god. Annie's like, "Ya can't kill yourself, let me show ya how it's done!"
Tau & Players
(laugh)
Amanda (Annie)
I wasn't gonna say it but, ya know!
Nicholas (Alexander)
"A cure wounds is 100%, an attack is going to miss on Alexander."
Amanda (Annie)
"Fine. Okay." Annie will cast, uh, second level care wounds so that she could still have a third level slot. Annie's gonna pat Alex on the shoulder. You heal for 12.
[SFX: Soothing string music plays.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
There we go. Good. Slashing time. Okay, dirty 20 hits... 11 damage.
[SFX: His sword lands with a hard, bloody thunk!]
Tau
All right, you slashed into Shadow Alexander and you've just been fighting so many...
Nicholas (Alexander)
(dramatic sigh)
Tau
... simulacra of Alexander that you are getting a little over it but yeah.
[SFX: Wet explosion.]
Tau
Your Shadow Alexander's shade or spirit thingy returns to you.
[SFX: High pitched gleaming.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(sighs in relief)
Tau
You both sprint back to your bodies.
[SFX: Running footsteps.]
Amanda (Annie)
"(pants)"
Tau
And just as you do you hear a loud crash as Shadow Hypnos crashes to the ground.
[SFX: A loud CRASH, with a reverberating GONG beneath it.]
Tau
And you see him cradled in Zagreus's arms, and Zagreus kind of just comfortingly runs a hand through his silvery hair and says "It's alright now. You can go back to sleep." And then there is an ocean of blood and absolute just fountain of it that explodes up...
[SFX: Wet EXPLOSION.]
Tau
...around both of them. And they're both gone.
[SFX: The music quiets.]
Tau
As you wake up at your regular bodies, you see Nausicaa, Daphne, Cinth, and Icarus running up to you.
[SFX: Soft running footsteps.]
Tau
And Icarus says, "You guys all right? Oh, that was a bit of a ~nightmare~. Bada ba bada ba!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(can't help but smile) You think this is humorous?"
Michael (Arete)
"It really was."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ah, ey, yeah. That was a good one."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yeah, that was that was worse. I'd rather not kill myself again."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"How'd you hold up?"
Tau
"Well, we saw you guys were down and thought, oh, we should probably guard those bodies for many troubles. So."
Michael (Arete)
"That was very nice of you."
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Much appreciated."
Tau
"Well, you can thank Nausicaa, she did most of the protection. The rest of us are mostly just battering away at whatever happened to Hypnos over there. I'm just happy that we could put him out of his nightmare."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Did you guys see Zagreus?"
Tau
"Yeah, he was wailing away with the fists of Malphon on Hypnos over there." So Nausicaa pipes up and she says, "It seems the two of them were locked in a rather painful combat, but he sustained some fairly severe injuries. So I think when the blood came for Hypnos, it came for Zagreus as well."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Interesting. How did the rest of you hold up? I didn't expect to disappear from battle just then."
Tau
Cinth shrugs, and he looks down at the massive gash that like bisects his torso. And he just says, "Well, nothing's really worse than this. So I imagine it was probably fine."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm assuming in your journeys, this is not what you typically fight here."
Tau
"Yeeeah, the colosseum doesn't reeeally put these shadow versions of Gods as contestants, but they get really excited when they see one. And for this one, people were pretty scared of this one."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Okay. We also ran into the other Olympiad when we were fighting Cassandra earlier. So"
Tau
"Oh, how did they turn out?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Exploded."
Amanda (Annie)
"Mhmm."
Michael (Arete)
"Yeah, their their heads kind of went. (small rasberry sound)"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We tried to heal them. But they were under some sort of spell that didn't allow us to wake them."
Tau
Daphne shrugs. And she says, "Yeah, Cassandra is a tricky one. Man, I would do anything to have her on our team."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yeah."
Michael (Arete)
"I almost tried everything, but it didn't quite work."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Anywho, it seems that we are increasingly being allowed into battles with each other. I don't know if this will persist. If we go through the gate, it seems, you know, the world does what it wants."
Tau
So the other Olympiad, they all kind of look at the next gate with dread. And you see a gate with a bottle of ambrosia on it and a skull and crossbones underneath the icon.
[SFX: Deep, ominous, reverberating tone.]
Amanda (Annie)
(also dreading) Mmm.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Hercules, I assume?"
Tau
(Nausicaa) "They say that's, that's the wall right there. It's about time you battered your heads against it like the rest of us."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well, I assume Hercules can't be in two places at once. So if we both go through the gates at the same time, either we will both fight him or one of us will get something else."
Tau
"Hercules, Heracles, I never really can make up my mind about which one to use."
Players
(hearty chuckle)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"It's my accent. I'm sorry."
Tau
"However, I will say this, I have a plan not too dissimilar from yours. Perhaps, well..."
[SFX: Subtle music cues in, guitar with a little swagger.]
Tau
"Remember what we were saying about the Titans? About how they might be our only option for killing gods?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yes."
Tau
"Well, here's the thing about Heracles. He has this... weapon, infernal arm, and you know how we feel about infernal arms. But he has one that none of us have ever heard about or seen before. Something that may in fact be powerful enough for... well, killing Gods."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Tell me more. But what does it do? What is it?"
Tau
"It is a... a thunderous weapon. It changes form. It's very fast, and it's very strong. But more my point is that, what if the Titans weren't our only option? What if we could bring Heracles to our side?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Is he chatty at all? We haven't had great luck speaking to people in combat."
Tau
"(sighs in an eye rolling way) Very, very chatty."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well, I am related to Heracles."
Tau
"I do not think he will hesitate to strike down his own kin."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I don't think so either."
Tau
"Here's my suggestion. Use this battle to learn what you care about. Do not go in expecting to win. But go in knowing that this is an opportunity for you to learn. Find out what he cares about, what matters to him. See if you can bring him to our side somehow. And well, do at least try to put on a good show. I do think he places some stock or respect in people who can."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Let's do some dancing with the gods."
Michael (Arete)
"Yeah, let me brush off my tap shoes."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I mean, I'll see what we can do. Any, any advice based on the fights you've had with him?"
Tau
"(large exhale)" She thinks for a moment. And then she says, "Oh, I think I have just the thing to help you."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yes."
Tau
And then she looks to the rest of her Olympiad. And they kind of look at each other like, should we do this? And then they kind of nod like, yeah, all right, we'll give them ours. And then they all reach into their pockets, and they pull out these crystals and they hand them to all of you. "We devised these little crystals here to give ourselves a bit of an edge in combat, at least strategically. So once you go into combat, you'll see that the battlefield it's, is almost a character in itself. You will have to be braving the colosseum just as much as you will have to be braving Heracles. I believe these crystals will allow you to make some strategic decisions about at least how that battlefield affects you. And there is one other thing," and then she looks to Daphne and Daphne says, "Yeah, we're probably not going to win anyway. So we might as well give it to 'em." And then Daphne and Nausicaa, hold hands.
[SFX: An unwavering tone sounds. Beneath it, electrical buzzing.]
Tau
And then as they hold hands you see, basically kind of like Cassandra was like making that like mini miniature sun, they make like a miniature healing nova between their hands, they smash it down onto the ground.
[SFX: It smashes and the glimmering chime sounds.]
Tau
And all of you are healed.
Amanda (Annie)
(small gasp)
Tau
Basically, up to your maximum hit points.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Holy shit.
Amanda (Annie)
Ahhh! "Thank you so much!
Tau
But, well, then Nausicaa says, "You're going to need it. So yeah, you're welcome. But make good use of it."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I cannot tell you how much this means to us. Kindness is hard to come by on this journey."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Will you not join us? Are you going to stay here?"
Tau
"Well, as you know, the way the gates work is that they don't always send us to the exact same place. We imagine this is going to be your first battle against Heracles. But if we can help, we will certainly make every effort just as we have here."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Where else can you go? It, Hercules is the final boss, is he not?"
Tau
"I believe the way that space time works here in Elysium is that we get to put on different tracks that we have to battle..." (laughs)
Players
(chuckles)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"How... convenient."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well, it may be unlikely, but here's hoping we meet again, in the temple of Styx."
Tau
"We still don't know if we can entirely trust you yet." This is Nausicaa, she says "We still don't know if we can entirely trust you yet. But if you can really pass through Heracles, well, you will be a force to be... considered no matter the equation. So. Put on a good show out there."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We certainly will. I appreciate your honesty."
Tau
"All right. Well, don't keep him waiting. He doesn't like that."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Very well. Till we meet again. Shall we, crew?"
Michael (Arete)
"I guess we shall. And thank you."
Amanda (Annie)
"Thank you!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Thank you all."
Tau
They nod. Icarus does like a very like happy little wave whereas like Cinth does more of like a band lead salute, like two finger salute. Daphne and Nausicaa kind of just like gravely nod. Like they're not the kind of people who would say like "You're welcome!" You know, they're just like, this is what needs to be done.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Anastasia, brilliantly done. I... I have to thank you again. I was in a lot of trouble there."
Amanda (Annie)
"It's okay, Alex, I'm sorry for yelling and getting aggressive. I just--"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I understand the stresses of war can, uh, can cloud the mind. Is there anything to... bolster our... give us an advantage that you could do now before we enter the gate?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Ha! Wouldn't that be nice. Haha."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I would actually like to investigate the crystals to see if we can get a better understanding of them before we have to use them in the heat of battle.
Tau
The other Olympiad departs. When you look at the crystals, you see that there are these crystals that kind of alternate between bright orange and dark blue depending on how you hold them up to the light. And you suspect that they're deactivated right now but once the battle starts, they will be reflective of something that happens to you. So like, you will be able to view your own state on this crystal. And you will be able to somehow change your state on this crystal.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Rolf, what can you make of these?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"It seems to me there not much use now but once we're in battle, it seems this will reflect something of our situation and perhaps give us a choice in that matter."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Cryptic as always."
Tau
Oh! By the way, by the way... you all get a super pomegranate.
[SFX: Glimmer chime.]
Players
(gasp excitedly)
Tau
This will bring one of your boons up to heroic OR you can use it on your adrenaline autoinjector.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We could do Athena, we could Dionysis, or Artemis or we can re-up Hephaestus"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Artemis I think is what we should go for."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Alright."
Michael (Arete)
"I agree."
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Let's do it."
Tau
All right. When your Artemis Boone becomes heroic, you roll three additional crit dice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Woo!
Amanda (Annie)
Wow.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Woah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Shall we?"
Amanda (Annie)
"We shall!"
Michael (Arete)
"Onward we go!" Arete smacks the portal. Kapow!
[SFX: The scrape of stone on metal.]
Tau
The crystal globe shatters as the gate slides up revealing just blue green light from the other side and the sounds of uproarious applause...
[SFX: The crowd claps and cheers.]
Tau
...as well as lightning and thunder.
Michael (Arete)
Arete will lie plank on the floor and worm his way into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
As he's doing that, Rolf runs up to him and like puts his hands on his shoulders and flips into the portal.
[SFX: Rolf whips through the air and then, portal swoosh!]
Tau
Oh my god, okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander piggybacks on Anastasia...
[SFX: A soft thump and rustle of fabric.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...as they go into the portal.
Michael & Giancarlo
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Annie dies.
Tau
Annie is like, I would rather die here.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs) I'm just kidding! Annie carries you straight through the portal...
[SFX: Portal swoosh!]
Amanda (Annie)
...skips right on through.
Players
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Yee haw.
Tau
Unlike the very sparse colosseum you were just in...
[SFX: A cheering crowd and pouring rain fades in creating a blanket of background noise.]
Tau
...when you arrive here, it is absolutely packed to the brim. You have never seen it more packed than this. So every single tablet at each of those stations in the audience is just covered with shades or other warriors or participants in the UFC. People are losing their shit and cheering. And all of this is happening inside a massive hurricane. So it is beating down on you with so much rain, that it is actually difficult to see and hear. Such that, if you were to try to make perception checks in this storm, it would be with disadvantage So like the grass is still thick at your feet, but it's also muddy and like the intermittent like cobblestones are like really slick. But literally the audience like does not care. And you walk out onto this actually empty, otherwise empty battlefield. You don't see anybody on the battlefield. And then you hear a peal of thunder.
[SFX: A thick clap of thunder.]
Tau
And then suddenly you look up at the sky, and you see something really tiny, just getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And then it crashes into the ground.
[SFX: The figure SLICES through the rain, rushing down, BOOMING on impact.]
Tau
Almost like a meteor. And Rolf, you don't even need to make a history check to recognize this. This is something that you have heard about your entire childhood.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh, fuck.
Tau
This is Mjolnir.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I KNEW IT! "I know that shit! WHAT!"
Tau
And as Mjolnir rests in the dirt, a voice rings out from the heavens.
Giorgio Volpe (Heracles)
"(loud guttural shout)"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"How did you get that? That's- no it's not. That's not supposed to exist!"
Tau
Then, you just hear a crash as this figure lands on the ground...
[SFX: A solid THUD.]
Tau
...with like, one knee on the ground but like one knee up, like head down, hands on the ground and everybody loses their shit and goes crazy! The crowd goes wild!
Tau
Everybody, everybody we did it.
[SFX: The crowd does in fact go wild with their cheers and whistles.]
Amanda (Annie)
This is (laughs)
Tau
You see a billowing cape, Alexander, it is so much bigger and cooler and sexier than your cape.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Noooo! That's not possible!"
Amanda & Michael
(laughs)
Tau
Your sex.
Giorgio Volpe (Heracles)
He yells out, "(deeply) Where's my theme music?"
Tau
And then the theme music for Heracles goes out.
[SFX: Energetic, poppy music.]
Giorgio Volpe (Heracles)
"My hair flows like the mane of a Nemean lion. My biceps flex like the pulsing MUSCLES of the Erymanthian boar. If you thought Narcissus and Adonis were handsome, (chuckles) well, you might as well be blind because my name is HERACLESSSS! (coughs)"
Tau
Bang!
[SFX: The thunder bangs.]
Tau
Another peal of thunder and it is a good thing that it is raining so much so as to not reveal how everyone is also just creaming themselves down the aisles.
[SFX: Outro music.]
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood, stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris, and Heracles by Giorgio Volpe. Dungeon Mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Audio editing by Daniel Manning. Sound design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C., with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. Transcription by Eli Barraza.
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