Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 28 - Hephaestion, The Force of Nature
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 28 - Hephaestion, The Force of Nature
Tau
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[SFX: Whisperforge Chime]
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Tau
You’re listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way, we’re just big ol’ nerds making improv fanfiction.
ROGUE RUNNERS is...rated R, for pretty much everything you can find in Greek Mythology: violence, assault, self-harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at Whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Intro music.]
[SFX: A crowd cheering fades in.]
Tau
You emerge a few feet behind Alexander who has come in before you. And Alexander is standing at the center of an arena and the entire arena is just raining these orange and gold Marigold petals slowly as if it's snowing. But 90 feet from you, Alexander, much further out of the arena, you see the most beautiful man you have ever known.
[SFX: Music fades in.]
Tau
He has this long, curly flowing hair that is blowing in the breeze and he has this deep red cloak that matches yours and it also flows gently in the breeze behind him and he has his back turned to you. As he hears you approach, you see his head turn just slightly to the side in profile. And as that head turns in profile, all of the banners along the colosseum also show that exact same face in profile. The crowd goes wild.
[SFX: Cheers echo.]
Tau
Koalemos descends from an invisible pulley system. And he says (magnified) "It looks like we have a reunion of star-crossed lovers! Two former champions of the UFC reuniting in combat against each other." And Hephaestion finally turns around and he just looks so confused and hurt. And he says "You promised me. You promised me you'd never come back here!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
(gently pleading) "Hephaestion, please."
Tau
At his waist, you see the exact same blade as yours. You see another Marigold at his waist. Both of your blades are vibrating near each other.
[SFX: A low rumble from the swords.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Hephaestion please, I know this must be absolutely frustrating for you. And I must have known what I was doing. And I'm incredibly sorry. And I may never deserve your your forgiveness. But I have to know what made me so foolish as to leave you behind."
Tau
"You swore to me you would leave so that you would never become this way again, as you were in life!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I can't remember!"
[SFX: A steady, deep drum beats.]
Tau
"(breath, shaking) Then let me remind you of who you were." And as he draws his blade...
[SFX: Metal scrapes.]
Tau
...he turns fully toward you and you see his powerful muscles, his powerful thighs.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(bashful noise)
Tau
And then you see a shadowy figure embrace him from the side.
[SFX: A movement like liquid. The drums pick up their pace, an undulating beat.]
Tau
And as you look closer at it, and as this figure materializes more, you see, Alexander, that this is you, but this is you in your prime when you were the ruthless conqueror of the entire world. And so you see this absolutely like chiseled, hard-jawed, steely gazed Alexander just run a slow caress down Hephaestion's face and it looks at you, evilly. He says "I will remind you of the monster you were. (roaring) Draw your blade!" He swings it at you...
[SFX: WSH!]
Tau
... and you hear a sonic boom...
[SFX: BOOM!]
Tau
...and you feel an invisible force of energy strike you and you take... 10 force damage. Roll initiative.
[SFX: The drums cease then resume their slower, steadier pace.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
No, no save, nothin'?
Tau
Nope.
Amanda (Annie)
(small laugh)
Tau
Now roll initiative.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
11.
Nicholas (Alexander)
One.
Michael (Arete)
13.
Amanda (Annie)
Ten.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Do you see now Alexander? There is nothing else."
Tau
You are way behind him.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(yelling from afar) Do you see now Alexander!"
Tau
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughing) Yeah, yeah.
Tau
So first up is Hephaestion. And Hephaestion, as he whips his blade behind himself, it changes shape and it changes...
[SFX: The metal scrapes and skitters.]
Tau
....from a long sword into a rapier. And then he swings the rapier in front of him again and he points the rapier down. So Marigold is pointing down and at the hilt, there is a Marigold blossom at the very base of it that is pointing upward. And that Marigold charges up as if it's like a focus for a spell. And then he immediately fires a blast of cold energy at you.
[SFX: BOOM!! A torrent of cold WHISKS through the air.]
Tau
So it's like an ice ball like flies at you. Does a 19 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Not if I call on Iris!
[SFX: Glimmer of the Iris boon.]
Tau
So once that ice ball misses you, you see like a blue orb begins swirling around him...
[SFX: An ethereal tone whirs.]
Tau
...and then he immediately fires another blast at you and this is like a mini little fireball.
[SFX: BOOM! The fire fwoomfs!]
Tau
Does an 18 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
No.
Tau
So after that fireball misses you, you see a red mote of energy spinning around him.
[SFX: An ethereal tone whirs.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Tch!
Tau
Arete it is your turn. You are 180 feet away from Hephaestion.
Michael (Arete)
"This kind of seems like a lover's quarrel."
Tau
A lover's squirrel?
Michael (Arete)
"Looks like they're really going NUTS out there."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ooooooh.
Tau
(jokey pun tune) Wadda wa da wa wa.
Michael (Arete)
Upon that punch line, Arete shimmers, a soft popping noise...
[SFX: Pop!]
Michael (Arete)
...and he's gone. And Arete is going to try to assimilate himself into the crowd in the larger colosseum. He's going to run over...
[SFX: Running footsteps.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(chuckles)
Michael (Arete)
... like hop little wall, (laughing) and he's going to hide in the crowd.
Tau
At the end of your turn, Hephaestion is going to whirl around...
[SFX: His feet crunch in the gravel.]
Tau
...and as he spins he launches two of those like little sonic booms at Alexander.
[SFX: BOOM! BOOM!]
Tau
Alexander, does a 28 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
28 will hit, yeah.
Tau
And does a 27 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Tau
Okay, so you get struck by two sonic booms...
[SFX: Dice rolling.]
Tau
...and you take 18 force damage total.
[SFX: Fwoomf!]
Tau
Rolf it is your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
How close are nega Alexander and Hephaestion?
Tau
Weirdly close you might say (*wink*).
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You love to see it!
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Tau
But to each other not to you. So they're 180 feet from you.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Alright, yeah, Rolf is gonna dash using Poseidon and Hermes to increase his AC.
[SFX: Splash!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He flies forward on a little wave and then casts a level five, erupting earth--
Tau
Nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
--on nega Alexander and Hephaestion.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And he's going to of course, infuse a blood crystal in that. So, please roll a dexterity saving throw, you have to beat a 22.
Tau
Alexander prime saves, Hephaestion saves.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He uses his very last ring of Ruyi Jingu Bang.
[SFX: An echoing BONGGG!]
Tau
Oof, that is less good. Okay, so they both fail.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
They're both going to take 63 bludgeoning damage.
[SFX: The ground rumbles.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
As you see the earth beneath their feet begin to turn almost liquid and bubbly like quicksand. And these big fountains of Earth begin shooting up...
[SFX: An EXPLOSION of earth erupting.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...and you see that in the dirt, chunks of the red crystal.
[SFX: More BOOMS of the earth erupting.]
Tau
And they're both being pounded by the Earth?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm pounding your boyfriend, Alexander."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(breath of laughter)
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my.
Tau
Does that, does that conclude your turn, Rolf?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yep.
Tau
Hephaestion is going to turn his rapier back down and then use the Marigold at the hilt as like a spellcasting focus. And he's gonna fire off these two rapid fire bolts. So one of them is a little lightning ball that flies at you, Alexander.
[SFX: Dice rolls. A BOOM of lightning.]
Tau
Okay, does a 14 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Negative.
[SFX: A whirring ethereal tone charged with electricity.]
Tau
There's like a little lightning ball that's like spinning around him now. He's gonna fire like a little wind ball at you.
[SFX: A rushing BOOM!]
Tau
I guess like a 12 does not hit?
[SFX: A whirring ethereal tone.]
Tau
So now there is also like a green mote of energy around him. So there's a blue or red, a purple and a green orb flying around him.
Nicholas (Alexander)
This was the worst time to roll last in the initiative order, huh.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Tau
So now is Annie's turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I have take all of this punishment before I strike again. Dang.
Michael (Arete)
(flirty) MmMmm.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs) So Annie's gonna run for 30 feet, call on Hermes to use the dash as a bonus action, so that's 60 feet so she's just gonna have to wait this time.
Tau
At the end of your turn, Annie, Hephaestion is going to spin around...
[SFX: His feet twist in the gravel.]
Tau
...and he's going to unleash three sonic booms at Alexander.
[SFX: BOOMBOOMBOOM!]
Tau
Does a 22 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
No.
Tau
Does a 25 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Tau
Okay. And does a 26 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Tau
Okay, you are gonna take... 29 force damage...
[SFX: Boomboom!]
Tau
...as two of these three sonic booms hit you. Now Alexander it is your turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander's gonna obey his lover's command and draw his blade and fight back.
[SFX: Metal scrapes as its drawn.]
Tau
Nice.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I will dash...
[SFX: Woosh!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...and I will use shield of faith as my bonus action.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That will be all.
Tau
At the end of your turn, Hephaestion is going to fire four sonic booms.
[SFX: Boomboomboomboom!]
Tau
So first one is a critical fail.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Second one, does a 28 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
So with Iris, I have 29.
Tau
Nice. Okay, so it will be very hard for him to hit you.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
His next one is a 27, his next one is a 29.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That would hit. Then yeah.
Tau
(laughing) Okay. (composed) You take 18 force damage and this time, now that you are closer than 90 feet to him, you are pushed 20 feet back.
[SFX: A WHAM of force as Alexander gets the wind knocked out of him.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay.
Tau
Now it is Alexander Prime's turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh god.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh.
[SFX: The beating drums fade to favor the guitar of Alexander's past. Layered over it though, high eerie notes.]
Tau
So Alexander, you see this vision of your former self in all your glory. He floats over to the left side of the arena. And he raises his sword...
[SFX: Metal scrapes.]
Tau
And then he points it at the middle of the arena...
[SFX: Metal clink.]
Tau
...and you see a whole spectral army...
[SFX: A powerful woosh followed by the many marching footsteps of a military.]
Tau
...an army that you recognize as your own army that you commanded in life. But you see all of these chariots line up alongside the entire arena and they are all manned by shades of your past armies that you commanded. And they are covering the entire length of the arena on one side and they are preparing to charge at everybody in the arena.
Amanda (Annie)
(not looking forward to this) Oh.
Tau
So Hephaestion on his turn, he is going to take his rapier again and then this time, he's going to draw the four orbs spinning around him.
[SFX: Those ethereal tones coalescing with a deep tone beneath it all.]
Tau
So the blue, the red, the purple, the green, the four of them are going to gather inside the hilt of his blade and he's going to smash them...
[SFX: Thump, shatter.]
Tau
... and then in the center of the arena, across the entire arena, you see this giant spirit Marigold bloom.
[SFX: The earth cracks as the Marigold appears.]
Tau
And it blooms across the entire arena. Everybody needs to make a strength saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
Now because I'm in the audience, am I being affected by this as well?
Tau
No.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Seven.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Dirty 20.
Amanda (Annie)
Eight?
Tau
So everybody who gets an 18 or less takes 24 force damage and is knocked prone. So that massive Marigold just blooms in the middle of the field....
[SFX: Cracking then a fwoosh!]
Tau
... and knocks a bunch of people down.
[SFX: Thump!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(cries out)"
Tau
Arete, make a stealth check.
Michael (Arete)
15.
Tau
Shades are now going to start trying to shove you back into the arena. Make a strength saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
16.
Tau
Okay, they are not able to shove you back into the arena. So you are still in the bleachers for now.
Players
(light laughter)
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Tau
They're shades, I mean. So Arete it is your turn.
Michael (Arete)
Arete, being shoved around by the shades, is going to go ahead and grab one of their stone tablets that they're using to bet on the battle.
Tau
You can probably find one but it will take your turn to get there.
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Tau
Hephaestion is going to take out his rapier again and he's going to fire like a little ice ball and a little fireball at Rolf.
[SFX: BoomBoom!]
Tau
Does a 29 hit?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"IRIS!"
[SFX: The chime of Iris' boon.]
Tau
Then it becomes a 26.
[SFX: The boom of a collision.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"OW!"
Tau
And then the second one is 12. The ice ball hits you, 16 cold damage.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(gasping) Ahey!"
Tau
The fireball misses but there's now a red orb floating around him.
[SFX: The ethereal tone.]
Tau
Rolf is your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Does it seem like the army is in any way connected to false Alexander? If he were to die, the army would go away?
Tau
(affirmative) Mhmm.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to dash towards him...
[SFX: Nyoom!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...and I am going to cast witch bolt upon the shady Alexander. That is a 27 to hit.
Tau
That does hit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And he takes 38 lightning damage.
[SFX: A brief moment of buzzing followed by a lightning boom!]
Tau
He takes 38 lightning damage and the way blast nova works is it damages things around him. The chariots on the immediate sides of him are dispelled so they're gone once they take that blast nova damage.
[SFX: Thump and creak of destroyed chariots.]
Tau
Okay, yeah, so with a passive intelligence, you're able to think quickly enough on your feet that essentially, you've created this little opening in his massive wall of chariots that if everybody moved to the middle of the arena, then when the chariots charge they will miss you.
Tau
What's your passive intelligence?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
13.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I would like to move into that space. I'll only dash to the middle so I'm close enough to both hit him but then also be aligned.
[SFX: He RUSHES over.]
Tau
At the end of your turn, Hephaestion is going to fire a lightning ball and a wind ball at you.
[SFX: BoomBoom!]
Tau
Does a 28 hit?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Iris!"
[SFX: Iris boon chime.]
Tau
Only a 17.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Barely okay, yes, it misses.
Tau
Now he has a purple orb spinning around him. The wind ball was a 12. Does that hit?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No.
Tau
So now he also has a green ball spinning around him.
[SFX: Ethereal tone as the ball finds its place spinning.]
Tau
Annie, it is your turn.
Michael (Arete)
This dude and his balls, bro.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(wheese laugh)
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs) Annie's running towards Rolf and Alexander, to the middle of the arena. She's also going to dash...
[SFX: Splash.]
Amanda (Annie)
...as her main action and then as a bonus action, she would like to cast song of passion.
[SFX: Slow, passionate notes ring out from her viol.]
Tau
Nice.
Amanda (Annie)
So four!
Tau
Arete is unaffected. Rolf, your initiative becomes 15. Hephastion's initiative is also 15. You can choose to go before him or after him. Which one do you want?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Before.
Tau
So you have modified the initiative order such that Rolf is going to get another turn before...
Amanda (Annie)
Yay!
Tau
...Hephastion can go. Do you want to do anything else?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Thank you, Anastasia."
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, now that I'm next to these two goofballs who seem to keep getting attacked, I'm gonna disengaaage.
Tau
Arete, make a stealth saving throw--
Nicholas (Alexander)
Stealth saving throw?
Tau
Or stealth check. Sorry.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I was so confused! (laughs!)
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Michael (Arete)
That would be a 23.
Tau
Okay, yeah, you can stay in the stands.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(amused) They've forgotten you.
Tau
What are you doing?
Michael (Arete)
Having arrived at the tablet that allows me to make some bets, I am going to use the inspiration that I was granted to bet on Alexander.
[SFX: Inspiration DING!]
Tau
Which Alexander?
Nicholas (Alexander)
(chuckles)
Amanda (Annie)
Uh oh.
Michael (Arete)
Ohhh.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh no.
Michael (Arete)
Our Alexander.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Well...
Michael (Arete)
The Alexander we know and love.
Tau
Basically everybody in the Olympiad gets inspiration again.
[SFX: Inspiration DING.]
Michael (Arete)
I will disengage as my bonus action to boost my AC.
Tau
Hephaestion is going to fire two ice balls at Rolf.
[SFX: BoomBoom.]
Tau
12 and 17.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I blow them away. (two puffs of breath)
[SFX: The ethereal tones gently cascade into place.]
Tau
You see that now he has the blue orbs spinning around him so he has a blue, red, purple, and green motes spinning around him. Alexander, it is your turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Someone's got to hit him, right? So I'm gonna try and attack him now.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I think we should focus on the one summoning armies.
Nicholas (Alexander)
For story reasons, I gotta, I gotta fight my boyfriend.
Tau
You're 80 feet away from him. You're pretty close to the gap in the middle.
Nicholas (Alexander)
My boyfriend keeps blowing me back...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(snorts)
Nicholas (Alexander)
...I guess I'm gonna run at the...
Amanda (Annie)
(winky tone) Yeah he does.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I hate it when my boyfriend blows me back. (subtle snort laughter)
Nicholas (Alexander)
If I move on this path towards the dark Alexander though, the army's only on the left and right?
Tau
It's only on the left hand side, which is also where Alexander prime is. He is in the center of that line. And there's a small gap around him.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Regular move and a bonus dash.
[SFX: Dash splash.]
Tau
Okay, so you're about 30 feet from him. Annnnie, Hephastion is going to fire five sonic booms at you.
[SFX: BoomBoomBoomBoomBoom!]
Tau
What the- (resigned) okay.
Tau
27.
Amanda (Annie)
(pained noise)
Tau
26.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
21.
Amanda (Annie)
(oof) Okay.
Tau
24.
Amanda (Annie)
"Art-"
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Amanda (Annie)
"Artemiiiis."
Tau
(small laugh) Crit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
CRIT?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Call Iris
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, Iris, that one. "Iriiiis."
[SFX: Iris boon chime.]
Tau
What is your AC?
Amanda (Annie)
Calling on Iris, it's 25.
Tau
Okay so there's two that hit.
Amanda (Annie)
(faintly )Okay.
Tau
The first one does... 24 force damage.
[SFX: A rushing Boom!]
Amanda (Annie)
(oof) Okay.
Tau
The second one does 26 force damage.
[SFX: Another rushing Boom!]
Amanda (Annie)
I-uh, Annie dies.
[SFX: A wet EXPLOSION.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Shit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You haven't used your death defiance yet.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, defy death but--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Did you use your auto injector?
Amanda (Annie)
I did. I used it with Cassandra. So Annie dies...
[SFX: Wet EXPLOSION.]
Amanda (Annie)
...comes back to life.
[SFX: A woosh then a bell TOLLS.]
Tau
When you pop back, the audience roars.
Amanda (Annie)
"(gasps and coughs)"
[SFX: Shades cheer.]
Tau
They love that, that looks really cool. It is now Alexander Prime's turn. He is going to point his sword forward...
[SFX: A flick of metal.]
Tau
and all the chariots will charge.
[SFX: Hoofbeats and wooden wheels rolling.]
Tau
All the chariots barrel across and then when they hit the other edge of the arena they explode.
[SFX: Booms of many explosions echo.]
Tau
These are exploding chariots.
Michael (Arete)
That seems like it would be a heck of a time to insure those.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laugh)
Tau
(laughs) Yeah.
Michael (Arete)
My goodness.
Tau
Rolf, it is your turn again.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf will maintain the witch bolt on Alexander Prime, I think is what I've heard him called, and begin walking in his direction as you see the bolt strengthen...
[SFX: Electricity buzzes in the air.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...and then you see the veins kind of pop from his shoulder down into his right arm as he casts a fire bolt on to Hephaestion...
[SFX: FWOOMF!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...as a bonus action by expending two sorcery points. 31 to hit.
Tau
On Hephaestion?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Tau
That does hit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
34 fire damage on Hephaestion.
[SFX: A fwoomf of an explosion!]
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And that's going to be 42 lightning damage on Alexander prime.
[SFX: Electricity buzzes before being unleashed with a boom!]
Tau
At the end of your turn, Hephaestion is going to point his blade at Alexander and say, "You wanted to see me so badly, well here I am. Come face me!" Make a wisdom saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
24.
Tau
He was casting a spell on you called compelled duel. You shake that off. It is now Hephaestion's turn.
[SFX: The ethereal tones undulate.]
Tau
He is going to take the four colored orbs; the blue red, purple and green motes. He's going to combine them together and smash them on the Marigold on his hilt...
[SFX: A deep THUMP followed by shattering.]
Tau
...and another massive Marigold blooms in the center of the arena.
[SFX: The earth crackles as it grows then a whoosh as it blooms.]
Tau
Everybody make a strength saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Three.
Amanda (Annie)
15.
Michael (Arete)
Not applicable for Arete.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh wait. I'm going to expend Arete's inspiration to reroll.
[SFX: A bright DING!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
20!
Tau
Rolf takes seven force damage, so everybody else takes 18...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh shit.
Tau
...force damage and is knocked prone.
[SFX: An ominous boom.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That's it, runs over. Bye Annie.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, uh, Alexander... the injector goes off.
[SFX: A burst of noise as the injector plunges in.]
Tau
Because your adrenaline autoinjector is going off, you can act immediately to do something to save Annie in this moment if you want, otherwise she will die.
Michael (Arete)
And Arete, seeing Annie about to explode, goes "(rough, raw) NOOOOOOO."
Players
(laughs)
Michael (Arete)
And just slams the tablet like into the auto injector which like I think we determined it was on its chest. So you just see a man frantically smashing a tablet onto his chest hoping for the best.
[SFX: Thump thump thump thump.]
Tau
I will say, if you do that, you will immediately get thrown into the arena because that is like pretty OP.
Nicholas (Alexander)
His goes to everybody?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No it goes to Annie, or...
Tau
No, it goes to everybody you put it in the--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Well THANK GOD!!! I'M AT 5HP!
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps)
Tau
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I--
Tau
You put the boon in and it goes to everybody.
[SFX: A fwoomf and a DING.]
Amanda (Annie)
Annie was in the middle of yelling at Alex that she was slowly starting to combust...
[SFX: A wobbling sound.]
Amanda (Annie)
.... and then time stops.
[SFX: The wobbling stops.]
Amanda (Annie)
She comes back together...
[SFX: A wet WOOSH.]
Amanda (Annie)
...and she's just like "(gasping, coughing)." It's always a cough, it's always a cough. She's gonna like touch her body and be like "I- that shouldn't have happened that shouldn't have happened, I died."
Tau
In that moment, Annie, you feel like you have some sense of like what Pelops has experienced.
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh, that really sucks. Guys, we really need to talk about this later. I really, this is just not pleasant."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Alright, cool. Cool." I'm gonna finally do something. (gentle nervous laugh) Okay. Yeah, so I'll go attack Alexander Prime.
[SFX: Badass music fades in.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I rolled a critical fail.
[SFX: Record scratch on that badass music.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Then my other attack is a 22.
Tau
Alexander Prime laughs at you and how weak you have become "(deep laughter)."
Tau
That does hit.
[SFX: Badass music comes back.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
40 damage on one hit. Alexander dashes into Alexander Prime...
[SFX: The thump of colliding bodies.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...crashing him into the wall...
[SFX: Thunk.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...with the blade piercing his guts.
[SFX: A wet, bloody strike.]
Tau
Nice.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That was the first attack, the second one is a 23 which I assume lands.
Tau
That does hit.
Tau
Yeah, this is a big twisting of the blade...
[SFX: Blood gurgles from Alexander Prime's stomach.]
Tau
...and the blade explodes with divine smite...
[SFX: Fwoomf!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...and that hit does 42 damage.
Tau
Alexander prime looks bloodied, like he has like half dead. Now we're gonna resolve other adrenaline auto injectors.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's went off.
Tau
But she's knocked prone.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie would like to get up, please.
Tau
What am I gonna say? No?
Amanda (Annie)
I dunno, maybe??
Tau
(laughs)
Michael (Arete)
Please, please, dungeon daddy, let me get up.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my goooood.
Michael (Arete)
Pleeeeease.
Amanda (Annie)
It can happen!
Michael (Arete)
Please don't keep me down on the ground. Don't do iiiit.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my goodness.
Tau
Mother may I arrive?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(highly amused) Mother may I arrive!
Amanda (Annie)
Okay well then, Annie is gonna stand up and how far away is... Alex Prime?
Tau
90 feet.
Amanda (Annie)
Ohhhh! We love to hear it! Great, Annie's gonna cast Melf's acid arrow on Alex Prime. Yeah, that's a nine to hit. I don't think that hits.
[SFX: Whiffs it!]
Amanda (Annie)
And just as a bonus action is going to cast bardic inspiration...
[SFX: Jaunty viol notes.]
Amanda (Annie)
... and she's gonna give that to Alex because "Alex buddy I really think you need this cuz I know it, I don't know how you're feeling, but finding your boyfriend must really really suck so, um, here you go! Here's this. Here ya go."
Tau
Alright. Now begins Annie's turn again in initiative order.
Amanda (Annie)
(excited) Awwwwwwww.
Tau
Now that your adrenaline auto injector has gone off.
Amanda (Annie)
Heheheheheh. That's amazing. Well Annie's gonna try Melf's acid arrow again. (gasps) That's a 23 to hit!
Tau
That does hit.
Amanda (Annie)
That's excellent. So Alex Prime is going to take 20 acid damage.
[SFX: Sizzling splash.]
Amanda (Annie)
And then also 2d4 acid damage at the end of its next turn. Annie is then going to... (melodically) doo doo doo... disengage...
[SFX: Woosh!]
Amanda (Annie)
...to add that plus five AC cuz she knows something's comin'.
Tau
So Alexander, you know this about Hephaestion is that he is like a whirlwind on the battlefield and once he gains momentum, he just keeps gaining momentum and becomes like unstoppable. So now he is picking up speed and he's basically, the way he does this is he's just shifting sword stances.
[SFX: Metal scrapes.]
Tau
And every single time he shifts, he fires another sonic boom.
Tau
So he fires six sonic booms...
[SFX: Boom!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Tau
21 on the fifth.
[SFX: Boom.Boom.Boom.Boom.Boom!]
Tau
....at you this time. Critical fail on the first one.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
12 on the second.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
God. 15 on the third. Oh, okay. 29 on the fourth.
Nicholas (Alexander)
No.
Tau
And critical fail again. Okay, so one of these hits.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Awesome. Wow.
Tau
15 force damage.
[SFX: A boom of force.]
Tau
Just so you know, it seems like the next time he's gonna fire seven of these.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Mhmm.
Tau
And they're not always at you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Woooow.
Tau
So just be aware he is building momentum. I want to make that very clear.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Last time when he fired at Annie, if he had fired at me, even with maximum AC, each one would have hit.
Tau
Arete, it's your turn.
Michael (Arete)
To get out of the stands, I'm going to say Arete crowd surfs...
[SFX: The shades cheer.]
Michael (Arete)
...across the shades, back into the area. And I hop into the arena...
[SFX: He whips through the air and lands with a light thud.]
Michael (Arete)
...I go, "Don't hurt that girl!" I call upon Hermes and Poseidon to do a lovely little bonus action dash.
[SFX: Dash splash.]
Michael (Arete)
I would like to go 90 feet towards Alexander Prime.
Tau
You-you can reach Alexander Prime .
Michael (Arete)
Great. And I'm going to try to strike a blow with La Voix and that was an 11 to hit. So that definitely doesn't hit.
[SFX: His sword whiffs it.]
Michael (Arete)
The second attack with Daedalus is a natural 20. As a Arete has entered the ring, you see the wave come up behind him as he draws La Voix, anger in his eyes having seen Annie nearly killed. The wave crests just as he reaches Alexander Prime...
[SFX: The wave rushes up.]
Michael (Arete)
... and he stabs exactly where Alexander already had his sword in and the blades cross and you hear a lovely like shing!
[SFX: A wet shink! into flesh.]
Michael (Arete)
As he enters the same point at which Alexander had stabbed Alexander Prime, dealing 78 damage.
Tau
You have been dying to rub swords with Alexander and to go in the same hole.
Players
(low chuckles)
Tau
He looks pretty bad.
Michael (Arete)
Great.
Tau
Now that you're in view, Hephaestion sees that you're ganging up on Alexander Prime and he is going to fire seven sonic booms at you. 16 on the first one.
[SFX: Boom!]
Michael (Arete)
That does not hit.
Tau
20 on the second.
[SFX: Boom!]
Michael (Arete)
No that does not hit.
Tau
Okay. 12 on the third.
[SFX: Boom!]
Michael (Arete)
Nope.
Tau
12 on the fourth.
[SFX: Boom!]
Tau
17 on the fifth.
[SFX: Boom!]
Michael (Arete)
No.
Tau
18 on the sixth.
[SFX: Boom!]
Tau
25 on the seventh.
[SFX: Boom!]
Michael (Arete)
Yes.
Tau
All right. How many hits is that?
Michael (Arete)
One.
Tau
All right, 15 force damage.
[SFX: A deep boom of impact.]
Tau
There the seven like sonic boom waves flying at you and you're just like matrix leading through them and then just one finally hits you at the end.
Michael (Arete)
(gravelly deep) Yeeeeeah.
Tau
That's pretty deft. Alexander, it is your turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Gonna finish myself... off.
Michael (Arete)
(cackle laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
In front of the child.
Nicholas (Alexander)
The first one is 22.
Tau
That does hit.
[SFX: Successful hit of metal.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
26... damage... with the sword already pierced he's just gonna slide it up like to cut his dark self in half up the middle.
[SFX: A slice of metal in meat.]
Tau
You might say he's looking... nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Eyyyyy.
Tau
If ya get my meaning.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Another 22.
Tau
That does hit.
Nicholas (Alexander)
34 on this hit. He comes back down, he went up and now back down.
[SFX: Another strike of metal.]
Michael (Arete)
Ohhhhhh. 69. Ohhhh.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Does a 17 hit?
Tau
A 17 does not hit.
[SFX: The sword whiffs it!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
And we're gonna have to crush him again as I dash with the Poseidon Hermes into the wall, kind of.
[SFX: Dash splash.]
Tau
Okay, make an attack roll.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(under his breath) Poop on him.
Michael (Arete)
Ooo.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Uh, it's a natural 20.
Tau
You knock him into the wall, he takes 12 bludgeoning damage.
[SFX: Thunk.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Which leaves us at... 23. Okay cool. I can handle it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Tau
Hephastion is going to fire an ice mote and a fire mote at you.
[SFX: A rushing boomboom!]
Tau
A 21 on the first one, a critical fail on the other.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Then yeah, nothing.
[SFX: Ethereal tones cascading into each other.]
Tau
Now he has a blue mote and a red mote flying around him. Alexander Prime's turn. Hephastion calls out "It is time you were reminded of your savagery on the field." Alexander Prime is going to smirk and his eyes will turn this evil red. And then he is going to draw a dark Marigold.
[SFX: The scrape of metal.]
Tau
And he is going to swing it in a massive arc in a circle around him.
[SFX: The sword whips through the air.]
Tau
Arete, Alexander, make a constitution saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
An 11 from the Arete.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm going to use inspiration.
[SFX: Inspiration DING!]
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
This is 24 now.
Tau
Alexander, you take 17 necrotic damage.
[SFX: A hard hitting CLUNK of sword on armor.]
Tau
Arete you take 37 necrotic damage.
[SFX: This blow lands HARDER.]
Tau
Furthermore, he heals for 54 hit points.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(mutters) Of course
[SFX: An eerie inhalation.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Hold on Arete, you're next to me. So you're not, we have resistance to necrotic damage.
Amanda (Annie)
(happy gasp)
Tau
Niiiice! Okay, so actually, so I'm going to halve that amount that he heals for.
Michael (Arete)
And as Arete gets hit with this attack...
Nicholas (Alexander)
(disappointed) Awwww.
Michael (Arete)
...you see him burst into a cloud of blood...
[SFX: A wet EXPLOSION.]
Michael (Arete)
...but then it reforms...
[SFX: A woosh then a bell TOLLS.]
Michael (Arete)
...and Arete says "Defy this!"
Amanda (Annie)
(gentle laugh)
Tau
Rolf, it is your turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Please, Rolf."
[SFX: The battle music grows in intensity.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"All of you are the same. You're allergic to sense! The difference is, we have nothing left to lose." With the blood crystal burning a hole in Alexander Prime, he is going to maintain that witch bolt and summon another fire bolt. But instead of shooting it at Hephaestion this time, he is going to combine it to make this fiery lightning that rains upon Alexander Prime.
Tau
Nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So... are you shitting me. That's a critical failure.
Tau
Okay so that does not--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
INSPIRA-- I have inspiration of my own.
Tau
Okay, okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to expand it.
[SFX: Inspiration DING!]
Amanda (Annie)
(relieved laugh) Inspiration!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, that is an 18 to hit.
Tau
That does not hit but I believe your witch bolt damage at the very least is automatic, right?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(still disappointed) Yeah.
Tau
Yeah. He shrugs that off like he's taken fire balls many times.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(considering) Mm.
Michael (Arete)
I mean, if he's been hanging out with Hephastion in Elysium all this time, I bet he's taken a lot of balls, babey. Oo.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my word.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He takes 41 lightning damage...
[SFX: A deep boom of lightning.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...along with an additional stack of hangover.
[SFX: A cork pop echoes.]
Tau
All right. Ah, Rolf, finish him.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasp)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Ooo.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He's not a soul right?
Tau
No, he's like an idealized vision, like summoned from Hephaestion.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay. You see the witch bolt connect with the embedded crystal...
[SFX: A deep echoing impact followed by building electrical buzz.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...as it kind of powers it and you see it begin to glow and charge and it works its way deeper and deeper into that shadow, blood amalgamation until it's in his center, and then it splinters...
[SFX: Cracks.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...and you see them fly out like shrapnel...
[SFX: A deep boom!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...as the blood dissipates along the battlefield. And then with searing return, Rolf has it fly back to him and turns to face Hephastion.
Tau
Nice. That's very cool. All right, (laughs) Alexander. When Alexander Prime dies, you feel your alignment move back to neutral. Hephaestion will call out, "I see Olympus has seen fit to shower you with boons even in death," and then he is going to fire a lightning mote and a wind mote at Rolf.
[SFX: Rushing boomboom!]
Tau
Okay, so 20.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yep.
Tau
Okay, so that does hit okay. And then this is--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I don't think it matters because I have five hit points.
Tau
So okay. Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So I'm gonna die regardless.
Tau
All right. Yeah. So you get blasted with a lightning one.
[SFX: The deep boom of lightning.]
Tau
And then does anything happen on your death?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I get blasted with the lightning. And you see, the lightning sinks me straight into the earth and...
[SFX: Wet EXPLOSION.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...it turns into a puddle of blood and then it spits me right back out.
[SFX: A woosh then a bell TOLLS.]
Tau
Nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And he lands on his stomach going...
[SFX: THUD.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(losing his breath, gagging a little)"
Tau
And now this is the wind mote coming at you.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh, fuck, I'm dead.
Tau
Yeah, okay, this is a 13.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, then yes, I'm fine.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Well, even without Iris, you sh--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No, I have a 12, right?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh, Jesus. Okay, thank god.
Tau
Okay, that happened at the end of your turn. Now Hephastion is up. He still only has a blue and a red orb around him because the other ones successfully hit. So he is going to fire another lightning mote and another wind mote at Alexander.
[SFX: Rushing boomboom!]
Tau
18 is the lowest
Nicholas (Alexander)
Doesn't hit.
Tau
28.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, that will hit.
Tau
So only 11 force damage.
[SFX: A deep boom of impact.]
Tau
And he...
[SFX: An ethereal tone zooms in.]
Tau
...has a purple orb flying around him now. Annie, it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Yes! Excellent. Annie's gonna cast mass cure wounds on her Olympiad.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Thank god.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yesssss.
Amanda (Annie)
And you just hear a faint "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor in the background...
Michael (Arete)
(whispers) Yessss.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(chuckles)
[SFX: The viol plays.]
Amanda (Annie)
... as she pulls up her viol...
Amanda (Annie)
and that's 12, my friend.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Makes a big difference for me.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Amanda (Annie)
Alright, take what you can get. There you go!
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Thank you Annie!"
Amanda (Annie)
"Any time, please."
Michael (Arete)
"And great song choice."
Amanda (Annie)
"Thank you. I thought you would like it." Annie's also gonna disengage just for the plus five AC.
[SFX: Woosh!]
Tau
Hephaestion is going to fire to wind orbs at Alexander.
[SFX: A rushing boomboom!]
Tau
26 is the first one.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Doesn't hit.
Tau
Critical fail on the second. Now, because that missed, he does have all four orbs spinning around him.
[SFX: The ethereal tones cascade down complemented by deep undertones.]
Tau
Arete it is your turn.
Michael (Arete)
How far is Hephastion from us now?
Tau
90 feet from you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Arete, you can reach him."
Michael (Arete)
"I sure can." I call upon Hermes and Poseidon as I take a bonus action wave to move 90 feet towards Hephaestion.
[SFX: Dash splash.]
Michael (Arete)
And I lick La Voix as I go...
Nicholas (Alexander)
(chuckles)
Michael (Arete)
...and I attempt an attack. That is a 23.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(gentle impressed blow, almost a whistle)
Michael (Arete)
Does it hit?
Tau
That does hit.
Michael (Arete)
24 damage as I drive my blade into Hephaestion.
[SFX: A quick wet insertion of his blade.]
Tau
So 28 does hit.
Michael (Arete)
And then I will use my Daedalus boon to go again. A 28 to hit.
Michael (Arete)
21 damage as Arete rapidly removes and re inserts his blade.
[SFX: A quick, wet in and out.]
Tau
He looks really good but you are doing damage to him. Hephaestion is going to use your shoulders, Arete, as a pommel horse. He's gonna flip off of you, over you. He kick flips back off of you as a disengage.
[SFX: Hephaestion whips through the air.]
Tau
Propelled back 30 feet. And then as he's flying back in the air, he fires a single sonic boom at you.
Tau
It is an 11, which I don't think hits.
[SFX: Boom!]
Michael (Arete)
No, it does not.
Tau
But it does look cool. Alexander it is your turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Now he's 120 feet from me, right?
Tau
He's 60 feet from you.
Michael (Arete)
(gasps)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Ooo.
Michael (Arete)
He closed the distance baby.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander is going to Superman fly into the air with his sword in front of him...
[SFX: Woosh!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...and then dash down trying to pierce Hephaestion into the ground with his sword.
Tau
Nice.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, I'm going to use the bardic inspiration from Annie...
[SFX: Inspiration DING!]
Amanda (Annie)
Neat.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Turning that into a 22 which will hit. Striking my bow into the ground with 24 damage on the first hit.
[SFX: A bloody thunk.]
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Second attack coming atcha. Dirty 20, I'm assuming hits.
Tau
That does hit, exactly.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So I impale him as I Superman flew down onto him.
[SFX: A intense, bloody thrust.]
Tau
You Superman that hoe.
Amanda (Annie)
Ha ha ha.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Amanda (Annie)
(still chuckling)
Tau
You look into his eyes and you just see so much like hurt and disappointment,
Nicholas (Alexander)
The adrenaline running, I look into his eyes for a brief second, but then I-I pull the sword out and then I-I jam into those luscious thighs I've been dreaming about.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
For 32 damage.
[SFX: The sword pierces his thighs.]
Tau
"(cries out) You haven't gotten any less evil, just weaker."
Nicholas (Alexander)
I rolled a 27 for a Daedalus.
Tau
That does hit.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Hearing that, Alexander kind of winces, like upset, closes his eyes a little as he yanks the sword out as hard as he can for 24 damage.
Tau
Oof.
[SFX: The sword yanks wetly free.]
Tau
He is definitely bloodied now. He's gettin' there. At the end of your turn, he is going to say, "Just like old times, right?" And then he is going to take his rapier. And then what he does, is he puts the blade on your shoulder almost as if he was knighting you.
[SFX: The gentle clink of sword on armor.]
Tau
But then everything around you slows down, Alexander.
[SFX: The intense music with eerie notes slows. Everything comes through slowly, deeply, as if through water.]
Tau
So the roaring of the crowd just turns into this like low hum. And you see Arete, Rolf, and Annie moving in really slow motion. And then you see Hephastion in front of you. And he is moving at completely normal speed and he just does this like whirling flurry of blows on you. So he does like an attack on one side...
[SFX: A whipping IMPACT.]
Tau
...spins around…
[SFX: He whips through the air, THWAP.]
Tau
...does another. Turns it into a stab...
[SFX: Bloody thunk.]
Tau
...pulls it out, leaps into the air stabs down again...
[SFX: He keeps whirling, STRIKING.]
Tau
...yanks it out, spins around, slashes you from the side.
[SFX: Shhhink!]
Tau
And then flips the blade around in his wrist, stabs up again...
[SFX: Bloody shink!]
Tau
...drops it into his other hand and and stabs you from the other side.
[SFX: A harder, bloody THUNK.]
Tau
So make a constitution saving throw.
Amanda (Annie)
(whispers) Woooow.
Nicholas (Alexander)
21.
Tau
Okay, that does save. So you only take 20 slashing damage which is not bad. You were taking a lot of hits but Athena was just blocking like a bunch of those.
[SFX: A brief cacophony of Athena boon chimes, like winning the jackpot.]
Tau
He's furious but he just looks more and more frustrated as he sees his attacks just being like parried off.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander kind of like in the slow stiff motion, the eyes are just watching like in fear as Hephaestion dances around him.
Tau
Yeah and like his hair is like whipping around and the pedals are flying all around him. And then as soon as that, he finishes that last stab like time comes back to normal and everything's moving at like normal speed again.
[SFX: Whirring as time speeds up, the music energetic again.]
Tau
Rolf it is your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He is going to look at that original blood crystal that he buried deep inside of Hephaestion and he's going to say "You're not the only one who has sick elemental tricks, (pointed) buddy," and he's going to now follow it up with a bloody ice knife,
[SFX: The soft, creeping crackle of ice.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
as you see the crystal...
Tau
Nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...frozen within it. So 24 to hit?
Tau
That does hit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So that is 23 piercing damage and then you must roll a dexterity saving throw.
Tau
19 on the dexterity saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You see the ice knife bury itself inside Hephaestion...
[SFX: The crackle and thunk, Hephaestion cries out.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...and it explodes.
[SFX: Boom!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Not dealing any extra damage but leaving that blood crystal there. No now you have these two glowing red crystals.
Tau
Nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
How far am I from him at this point?
Tau
So you're 60 feet from Hephaestion.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Great. I'm gonna dash into him with Poseidon to see if I can hit him.
[SFX: Dash splash.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
25.
Tau
Okay, that does hit.
[SFX: Dice roll.]
Tau
He gets knocked back and he takes five bludgeoning damage as he's knocked back.
[SFX: THUD.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Finish what you started Alexander."
Tau
Hephaestion hears that from Rolf and barks at Alexander, he says "(raw with emotion) You heard him, finish it. If you have already come back here, then I have failed to ever change you. Kill everything you love, like always. Do it, now!" He's gonna fire two sonic booms at you.
[SFX: BoomBoom.]
Tau
23 and... 29.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Better call on Iris for this.
[SFX: The Iris boon chimes.]
Tau
So both of them miss. It's his turn now.
[SFX: The ethereal tones swirl.]
Tau
He is going to take the four motes swirling around him. He's going to charge them into the Marigold...
[SFX: THUNK.]
Tau
...and another Marigold is going to blossom in the middle of the field.
[SFX: The earth crackles and then the SHWOOMP of the blossoming Marigold.]
Tau
Everybody make a strength saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
22.
Tau
Nice.
Michael (Arete)
Eight from Arete.
Nicholas (Alexander)
25, Alexander.
Amanda (Annie)
Dang iiiit.
Tau
Everybody who got an 18 or better only takes six force damage. Everybody who failed takes 12 force damage and is knocked prone.
[SFX: Thumps as bodies hit the floor.]
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You guys are still alive?
Michael (Arete)
Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Jesus.
Amanda (Annie)
Arete, I am going to cast a cure wounds for you, buddy.
[SFX: Calming viol notes.]
Amanda (Annie)
You're healed for 18 hitpoints.
Michael (Arete)
"Thanks, Annie."
Amanda (Annie)
As Annie pulls out her viol and plays a nice little ditty. It's no Gloria Gaynor, you know what I'm saying? Annie is then going to call on Hermes to disengage...
[SFX: Woosh!]
Amanda (Annie)
...and add that plus five AC.
Tau
Hephaestion is just watching all of you guys drop and come back up, drop and come back up.
Michael (Arete)
(laughter)
Tau
Healing each other. He is unleashing just like an absolute maelstrom of blows on each of you and the gods are just shrugging them all off of you. And he just looks so sad and he looks at Alexander and says "Together we said we would defy the gods. It looks like even in death, with all the power I've accumulated, I cannot surpass them, not with them on your side," and then he is going to fire three sonic booms.
[SFX: Boomboombom!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I want to talk but he doesn't want to.
Tau
First one is 18.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Doesn't hit.
Tau
The second was 20 and 20. There's a one in 400 chance of that happening and it did.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs)
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
The third is 23. 28 force damage...
[SFX: Deep BOOM.]
Tau
...and you are blown back 20 feet.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(quietly) Okay.
Michael (Arete)
Arete gets up with half his movement. You see him shimmer and (pop!) he disappears. All the sudden you see something materialize as it leaves Arete's hand as he throws a sticker, and it lands on Hephaestion and he has been marked for death.
[SFX: Ominous tone.]
Tau
All right, it's very hard to save or does that just happen?
Michael (Arete)
Constitution saving throw.
Tau
Okay. Let's see, how, is he good at that?
Michael (Arete)
The DC is a 16.
Tau
He is pretty...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
...good at that. He gets a 15.
Michael (Arete)
(delighted gasp)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ahh!
Amanda (Annie)
(sharp gasp)
Michael (Arete)
Oh yeah. So upon his *failure*, he has become vulnerable against the next individual instance of damage that he takes.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Wow.
Tau
All right.
Michael (Arete)
I will disengage as my bonus action...
[SFX: Woosh!]
Michael (Arete)
And put my hands up and go "What?"
Tau
(laughs)
Michael (Arete)
"What, I-I didn't do anything, I didn't do nothin'."
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Tau
It looks like he's kind of losing steam a little bit, like he's still building momentum but he's just getting more and more ragged and tired with it and his breath is just kind of like super choppy. He's just going (ragged breathing) And he is going to fire four sonic booms at you, Alexander.
[SFX: Boomboomboomboom!]
Michael (Arete)
Looks like he just has to kind of tucker himself out like a child.
Tau
Okay, I shit you not, 20 and 20. (chuckles) The next one is 17. Critical fail...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
28.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That one lands so.
Tau
Okay. A crit and a regular hit.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
For the crit, you take 26 force damage and are blown 20 feet back.
[SFX: Deep rushing BOOM.]
Tau
And then for the regular one, you take 12 force damage...
[SFX: Deep boom!]
Tau
...and are blown 20 feet back. So now you're 60 feet away from him.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I don't know how you're surviving all of this, man.
Amanda (Annie)
Right? I'm like trying to like--
Tau
Marigooold.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, like, I wanna heal you but I'm like, I'm just so worried about Alex.
Tau
Alexander, you are up. You know that Hephaestion is marked for death.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I tumble like a log roll.
[SFX: Rolling thunk.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
And I land in this like heap of smoke and then you see from this heap of smoke, Alexander the Great flies out of this--
Tau
Oh my God.
Nicholas (Alexander)
heaped dust pile...
Nicholas (Alexander)
...up into the air. And with the dash can make it just 60 feet...
[SFX: Woosh!]
Tau
Oh my god.
Nicholas (Alexander)
...as he missile strikes on his star crossed lover. The first one is for 58 damage.
Tau
Okay.
[SFX: A bloody thunk.]
Tau
He looks less than nice. As you dive bomb him, he goes "(crying out, gurgling)" And he just crashes onto the ground.
[SFX: Thump.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander remembers his training with Hephaestion and how he would always get Hephaestion with this one move. So he raises his arm up in the air like to fake and with his arm up in the air with the sword, Hephaestion sees Alexander's arm up in the air with the sword, so Hephaestion goes for a stab at the gut.
[SFX: The blade wooshes through the air.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
And that's when Alexander parries him with the shield...
[SFX: Metallic clunk!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...and then swipes at his leg with the sword.
Tau
Nice.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Will a 16 land?
Tau
It would not.
[SFX: The sword whiffs it]
Tau
"I've learned a thing or two since then," and he rolls...
[SFX: Gentle thud of his body rolling.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(chuckles)
Tau
...just away as your blade plunges into the ground right next his powerful thighs.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And then with Dedalus, 24.
Tau
That does hit.
Nicholas (Alexander)
As he rolls away, Alexander stabs down into Hephaestion's hand. Once again, 29 damage.
[SFX: A bloody thunk.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(whispers) Ouch.
Tau
Okay, he's in a bad way. The blade goes straight through his hand. So with his other hand, you see Marigold light up in his hand. With a desperate blow, he's gonna try to just jam it straight into your heart, Alexander.
Amanda (Annie)
(wincing) Ohhhh.
Tau
20 die.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, will hit.
Tau
Okay, so you take 26 radiant damage and he heals for that much.
[SFX: The blade shhhinks wetly.]
Tau
Rolf, it is your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He puts both his hands together and he says "You," he looks out to the audience. He goes (grandly) "You know what's coming, baby! Let's hear it! Let's hear, baby!"
Tau
The audience cheers.
[SFX: The crowd grows loud, players overlapping.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Witch bolt!
Michael (Arete)
Meteors! Meteors! (realizing) Ohh.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, witch bolt. (now cheering) Witch bo-
Tau
Okay, fair. That's fair.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
(bashful) Thought it was meteors.
Tau
That's valid.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
It is a very powerful bolt as he gets the bonus from the two blood crystals lodged in Hephaestion already. And he YEETS the lightning at him.
[SFX: The electricity builds then unleashes in a cracking boom!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Almost like it's like throwing a thunderstorm at him. A 26 to hit.
Tau
That does hit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And he YEETS the lightning storm over as Hephaestion takes 42 lightning damage...
Nicholas (Alexander)
Woah.
[SFX: Electricity buzzes and the booms cascade.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...as it connects with the different large crystals over and over and over again. And then one of the bolts, you see a purple glow as it applies another stack of hangover as well.
[SFX: Echoing cork pop!]
Tau
All right, you just blast him with these bolts over and over and over. And you feel that you are doing the damage, Rolf.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Mhmm.
Tau
But like, his body is like not moving, like he is just so resolutely just like looking at Alexander.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah, hm.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I guess I'm looking into his eyes as that happens.
Tau
He is just going to hold up a hand to Alexander's face and carress it and just say "When I bathed in the river Ganges, I really believed it would wash our sins clean. Now I know neither Ganges nor Lethe nor Phlegathon nor Styx will wash us clean. Just do it, Alexander."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"(softly) I can't, Phastion, I can't."
Tau
All you see in Hephaestion's eyes is just like deep resignation, like he has been trying to do something for hundreds of years possibly and just has to learn that he will never succeed at it. Annie, it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, I don't even know what to do. I want to hold up like cue cards that tell the audience to go like "Awww" or like you know, something like that. But I feel like, or can I just write absolute like silence on it so that everyone can just like be really quiet so they can have their moment?
Tau
You can try to convey that through like a performance check or something, if you describe what you're doing.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna pull out some cue cards from her body.
[SFX: Record scratch.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(like WHAT) Her body?!
Amanda (Annie)
It's just gonna say--
Tau
There's only a handful of places that you can slot in cards.
Amanda (Annie)
I said what I said, and I meant what I said.
Tau
(laughing) Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
And it says "A hush fell over the crowd." And she's gonna hold that up as high- she's gonna climb Arete...
[SFX: Gentle thumps as she clambors up.]
Amanda (Annie)
... and hold that up. Hopefully the audience can read it.
Tau
Yeah, make a performance check.
Amanda (Annie)
29 for that.
Tau
All right, the audience does what you want. So you're trying to get them to just hush?
Amanda (Annie)
Trying to get in the hush and if I don't, I don't know if there's any chance of us getting a spotlight? Just on the two of them right in the center.
Tau
Yeah, so that happened. So the spotlight happens. The audience does quiet down.
[SFX: The crowd simmers down.]
Tau
But the music, instead of turning off, just changes to like, a slowed down, like downbeat version--
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, yeah.
Tau
--of whatever was playing at the time.
[SFX: Soft, longing guitar music.]
Michael (Arete)
And while Annie was doing that, Arete had pulled out a blonde wig, put some glasses on, put some wrinkles on and suddenly he's a Kate McKinnon character from an SNL sketch.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh my god.
Michael (Arete)
And he goes "Kiss."
Tau & Amanda
(laughs)
Players
(garbled cross talk)
Tau
I veto that. No, I don't. That's awesome. Hephaestion still doesn't do anything at the end of your turn. Arete, it's your turn.
Michael (Arete)
"Let me reset the mood up there for them."
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, gosh.
Michael (Arete)
"Hey! You guys are handsome, make up!"
Amanda (Annie)
"(whisper/chiding) Stop it! No!"
Michael (Arete)
And then-- (laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Annie, just gonna, like smack you on the head a little bit like "What, no, no!"
Tau
It is up to you whether you choose to hear that. Alexander, it is your turn.
Amanda & Michael
(laughs in the background)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Hephaestion, I can't remember. Wha, I... If I defeat you, where- where will you go?"
Tau
He opens his mouth to speak and his body convulses in your arms. And then you see just blossoms coming out of his mouth and then coming out of his eyes. And it just starts like seizing like the whole body just starts shaking and spasming in your arms and then it explodes in blood.
[SFX: Wet explosion.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I cast revivify. For if someone dies within a minute, um, they come back to life with one HP.
Tau
I thought you didn't have slots.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I saved my one for in case anyone died
Tau
Oh nice. And then the blooms fall away. And then he cou- he kind of like coughs and he's like, yeah, he's got that like one HP body in your arms. And he is just super super limp.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"(urgent whisper) Hephaestion! Hephaestion, please, I can't remember. Why would I be so foolish?"
Tau
Because he technically did die, the audience does cheer and all the banners turn to all of your faces...
[SFX: The crowd's cheers swell.]
Tau
...and you are considered to have won. You also immediately earn 500 darkness crystals.
[SFX: Glimmery chime and clink of crystals.]
Michael (Arete)
Can I dust it?
Tau
Yeah, I guess, I guess you could dust it.
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
[SFX: A few thwacks of the duster.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(amused) I guess while we're having our movement he'll go dust some darkness.
Tau
He's just kind of like panting with his like one HP. You also see a gate which has a skull and crossbones across.
[SFX: Ominous deep tone.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(gasp) No.
Tau
So he's just there. He's he's not answering--
Michael (Arete)
(gasp)
Tau
Like I should, like he's in pretty bad shape.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Tau
You see his body just feeling like hot and then cold and then electric and then incredibly light, like as if like all those like four elements that he kept channeling...
Nicholas (Alexander)
Uh huh.
Tau
...are just kind of like circuiting through his body in like this kind of like super erratic pattern. So you don't have the longest time with him and he doesn't seem to be answering your "What happened?" question.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(sighs in disappointment)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf walks up and puts a hand on Alexander's shoulder, still concentrating but not firing the witch bolt yet and says "I suggest you say what you have to say now."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Well he won't answer what happened.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Tell him what you have to say."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I am... I am here for you. I only live for you. And I regret ever abandoning you. I don't plan to do it again. I will come find you again. (pause) Please. Where can I find you again?"
Tau
At that moment, he says "When you become the Alexander I loved," and the four motes of energy burst from him like fireworks.
[SFX: BOOM]
Tau
But instead of blood exploding on you this time, it's just kind of like motes of light everywhere. And your Marigold stops vibrating.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Are you satisfied Alexander?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"No."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"There is nothing left for you here."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander is just on his knees looking where Hephaestion was.
Tau
You see, you hear the crowd kinda go, okay, now can we cheer? Like yyyaaaAAAYYY!
[SFX: The crowd cheers again.]
Michael (Arete)
Arete starts to flip off the audience. "Fuck you guys."
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna walk over to where Alex is kneeling and just gently put a hand on his shoulder.
Nicholas (Alexander)
If you think through all the interactions you've had with him so far, and the flashbacks you've had, there should be some idea of what happened.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander just stares into the sand I guess, where where Hephaestion was.
[SFX: Gentle thump.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I.. I don't know. He's he's just gonna stay there until someone else does something. 'Cause...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(gently) Alexander, look at me."
Nicholas (Alexander)
He doesn't look at him but he does turn his head to towards Rolf.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf like puts his hand on the back of his neck and like brings their heads together to like kind of speak directly to Alex, like in his ear. Almost like he's hugging him but not quite as comforting.
[SFX: Rustle of cloth.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(quiet nervous laugh) Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And he says, "I understand the pain you're feeling. You are realizing that your dream was a false one. Look at what is actually here. Battle. The sooner you leave behind the fantasy, the sooner you may succeed."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"(irritated, hurt) Well, what now Rolf?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Now, we carry on as we planned."
Nicholas (Alexander)
He'll nod slightly.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(more stern) No more killing party members, Alexander. If any of you have issues with this course that we have charted, now's the time to speak up because we are dangerously close to the surface. And I do not want to be held up at a moment of weakness."
Michael (Arete)
"I will get Annie to the surface. But beyond that, I have no cares for the surface world anymore."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Rolf, I care not for the surface. I want those Titans released."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm fine with that. But I sense weakness in this party ties, you understand releasing the Titans it not only ends your afterlife, it ends Hephaestion's, it ends Adonis's. Every person you've interacted with since you've died, will most likely be gone. I need you to reckon with that now. Because if we make it to the surface. And we-we free Annie, we go looking for the Titans, and we suddenly change our minds at the very end of that trail... I don't think things are going to go well for us."
Amanda (Annie)
"What do you expect to happen once we get up there? Like actually happen? Do you think just as soon as we get up, the Titans are good to go and that the gods will fall?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"That will be a quest for those who choose to undertake it. Once we make it to the surface, you're free to go your own way."
Amanda (Annie)
"I-yeah, you keep talking about how you're-you're doing this for me. I don't. I don't think I want that. If- that's a lot. If that's why you're doing it, then I don't want, I don't think I want to do it. I appreciate it. But if that's your--"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"You don't want to what?"
Amanda (Annie)
"To make it up there."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm trying to help you because we all have the same goal. We all signed up for this for a reason, right? We all wanted to get out."
Amanda (Annie)
"No, we all started- where we all started is very different from where we are now, Rolf and you know that."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(losing it a bit) I just want it to end Anastasia! That's all."
Tau
In that moment, you hear screams from the other side of the gate. And then you hear a loud bell toll.
[SFX: Yelling and the deep resonance of a bell.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, he's here. Thanatos, let's go."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Wait, Annie, please. I can't go like this. I need something."
Amanda (Annie)
(without energy) "Um, oh, sure." Annie will pull out the viol and um, I guess cast a third level cure wounds on Alex. And you get healed for 20 hit points.
[SFX: Slow, almost wistful notes.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Thank you Annie."
Tau
In that moment you hear more screams and then another bell toll on the other side of the gate.
[SFX: Deep, urgent yells and the deep toll of the bell.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf opens the portal and goes through.
[SFX: Portal swoosh!]
Michael (Arete)
Arete will follow.
[SFX: Portal swoosh!]
Amanda (Annie)
Annie grabs Alex's hand really quick before he can. "(rushing, urgent) I know it sounds like we're just going into more battle. That's exactly what we're doing. But I want you to know that... Rolf is not entirely right. Just... and you might not believe me, and that's fine. But I just need you to think about that for a little bit. He's, he's not entirely right. And he can't be right. It's not just battle."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"It was in my life."
Amanda (Annie)
"Well then make a new one." And then Annie's gonna walk through the portal
[SFX: Portal swoosh!]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander will turn to where Hephaestion was, and then go through the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh!]
Tau
When you emerge from the gate on the other side...
[SFX: A crowd screams... this is not the cheering of the previous arena but genuine screams.]
Tau
...you see the colosseum in complete disarray. So instead of shades on the stands, you see shades in the stands, but you also see shades in the arena. You see some humanoid figures, like those who have bodies in the arena. And they all seem to be running from something in the center of the arena. And every single time you hear a toll sound...
[SFX: A deep BONG.]
Tau
...more of them just fall over immediately as if they were sleeping. And then, at that moment, you see a body crashing into you.
[SFX: Thump!]
Tau
And... Zagreus...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(gasp)
Tau
...crashes into you as if he has been blown back, straight into you Arete.
[SFX: Thump!]
Michael (Arete)
"Woah!"
Tau
And in the center of the arena, you see a shadowy version of Hypnos...
Amanda (Annie)
(small gasp)
Tau
...as if he is still asleep. And everywhere he turns he holds up his hand, and a bell tolls and a whole nother swath of people just fall asleep directly in front of him.
[SFX: A deep bell tolls.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Mm.
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh no."
Tau
And the Dark Hypnos turns to Zagreus and you.
[SFX: Outro music.]
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood, stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon Mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Audio editing by Daniel Manning. Sound design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C., with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. Transcription by Eli Barraza.
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