Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 26 - Zagreus vs The Amazons
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 26 - Zagreus vs The Amazons
Tau
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Tau
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ROGUE RUNNERS is...rated R, for pretty much everything you can find in Greek Mythology: violence, assault, self-harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at Whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Intro music. Cheering crowd fades in.]
Tau
You all walk through the gate, and you find yourself in a similar arena on the other side, where you hear lots of cheering and somehow Koalemos seems to be omnipresent. So even though...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(gasp)
Tau
...he was commentating in the previous one, he's also commentating in this arena here. And what you're noticing is that all of the shades in the stands, they all have these tablets in front of them. And they seem to be waving their hands over the tablets kind of like the house contractor used to wave his hand over the contracts. And as they do this, there are these like runes that appear and vanish over the tablets each time. And what you're noticing is that that seems to have some kind of impact on what's actually happening on the field. So it's almost like the audience is participating somehow in it. And on the field, you see the combatants in time with the runes appearing and vanishing on these tablets, are getting various like buffs and debuffs at the same time, that are being rapidly applied and rapidly removed. This is a system that you can also participate in. So as you see this fight play out in front of you, as the audience, you can actually transfer your boons to the people who are fighting in the arena.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(impressed chuckle)
Tau
And the way that the gate you just chose worked, is you only get the reward if the side that you want to win wins. So... let me describe for you who is fighting in the arena. So in the arena, you see two beautiful women and they seem to be in these very light functional tunics of sorts, and they have these like beautiful breast plates is not something (laughing) I imagine being weird.
Amanda (Annie)
Uhhhmm....
Tau
They have these beautiful breast plates that are adorned with these laurels and vines all over them but they're like very like form fitting. They're these two very live dynamic women. So one of them has this very long, wavy hair that is like pinned up very tightly...
[SFX: Energetic fight music fades in.]
Tau
...and the other woman has just like a shaved bald head. And the two of them seem to be fighting a man that you all recognize. It is a man with a skull mantle on his shoulder and flames flecking at his feet. It is the prince of the House of Hades, Lord Zagreus.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps) Put the money on Zag!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Put the money!
Michael (Arete)
I would like to put my money on Tilda Swinton.
Tau
I can see one of them definitely being like the Tilda Swinton-esque and the other one I picture as like what, the Dora Milaje from Black Panther almost?
Tau & Players
(laugh)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Mmm.
Tau
Like I get, like I totally see the bald headed one being like Danai Gurira.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oooo.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yep.
Tau
So these two women, uh, sor- make a history check by the way.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
14.
Amanda (Annie)
28.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Woo!
Michael (Arete)
Oof. Arete rolled a six.
Michael (Arete)
Nine.
Tau
Whatever information you're gonna get, you're only gonna get from what Koalemos reveals here. So he says, (magnified) "For those of you just joining us in this matchup, the UFC, we have the Amazons, Hippolyta..."
Amanda (Annie)
(quietly) "Woah."
Tau
and Penthesilea versus Zagreus!" And everybody cheers. You see the shades on the slates, just like handing gems to their friends and like slamming them into the tablets in front of them.
[SFX: A gem CHIME with a stony undertone.]
Tau
As you see these various boons appearing on the Amazons, every time one of the Amazons strikes with her spear at Zagreus, a different flash of fire comes out of it. So one moment, it's green...
[SFX: Fwoomf with a mid tone shimmer.]
Tau
...and the next moment it's blue...
[SFX: Fwoomf with a higher tone shimmer.]
Tau
...and the next moment it's red.
[SFX: Fwoomf with an even higher tone shimmer.]
Tau
It's just all of these things that are just stacking on top of them. Meanwhile, Zagreus has these two giant fists that have these like giant like bear claws coming out of them and he's just swatting away each of them...
[SFX: The fists whip through the air.]
Tau
Every moment he kind of swats away one, the other Amazon comes into kind of pincer him from the back and he has to dash away to the side. So this is your chance, if you want, you can transfer any of your boons. Or if there is something else you want to do, like cast a spell on someone or like affect the battlefield in some way, you have the ability to do that.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Would transferring the boons take it away from us?
Tau
That is correct.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps, aghast)
Michael (Arete)
Permanently?
Nicholas (Alexander)
If they lose, we lose it, I think.
Tau
That is exactly correct.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"So let's not do that, please. I do not care for these people"
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh I love Zagreus." (beaming)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander's frantically looking for Hephaestion in here.
Tau
Okay, make a perception check.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Jesus Christ with these rollls, six.
Tau
So you see Hephaestion's face on a large banner. And there seems to be like this kind of like gallery of heroes along the top edge of the Coliseum. You know how like when you're watching like any kind of like sports game, sometimes like the stats of a player will come up with their like headshot and their name and stuff? So you see these banners kind of like keep like fading away and then fading back in and like showing like different champions' and heroes' like various like statistics and information and you see Hephaestion's face on there. And he looks so determined and beautiful, like like, this is the face that you fell in love with, like all those years ago, and you just see it for like the moment just before it fades away, and it switches to the Amazon. So yeah, that's what you see with a six. That's the best I can give ya.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"He's going to be competing."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Alexander, are you going to be able to strike him down?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well, are we to fight him?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Uhhm. Based on our luck and because we know that God would probably very much like that. And that's probably the that's, that sounds like the plan."
Tau
That sounds like METAGAMING!
Players
(laugh)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(joking) You LOSE inspiration!
Tau
(gently sarcastic) It'd be totally wild if I only gave you two people fighting against each other now that you don't have such a great stake in so you can learn the mechanics so that later you would have to try to save someone in a situation of life or death that you do care about. That would be...
Amanda (Annie)
(cringing, nervous)
Tau
...so crazy.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Do we all give the boon?
Tau
That is correct.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Like it has to be consensual and all that crap?
[Note: The following dialogue overlaps as players and DM all laugh and speak.]
Michael (Arete)
(jokingly scoffs) I mean, no that makes sense.
Tau
(laughs)
Michael (Arete)
Sorry!
Amanda (Annie)
Alright, yeah, you might wanna--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
In this context--
Michael (Arete)
Keep that for the record, John.
[Note: Overlapping ends.]
Tau
Put that in just the teaser so that, so everybody knows.
Players
(wheeze laughter)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
In the words of Donald J. Trump... (affected) okay...
Nicholas (Alexander)
In this context...
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, let's let's be specific. Sure, that helps.
Michael (Arete)
You can grab by the boons and they don't care because... (laughs)
Tau
(amused but disapproving) Oh, well, my god.
Michael (Arete)
(chuckling) You're famous because you're Alexander the Great.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
They just let you do it.
Michael (Arete)
(still laughing) They just let you... (sighs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
I hate it here.
Michael (Arete)
(sings a few notes)
Tau
Make Alexander Great Again.
Players
(more laughter, Michael is losing it)
Amanda (Annie)
Oh god.
Tau
His campaign. Make Alexander the Great again.
Players
(still laughing)
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my gosh.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(coming down from the laughter) I hate it. I hate it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
(a few final chuckles)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I know I have not been the warmest to the group. I know I have not been even very open about my past. But Hephaestion is going to be competing. He is a very important part of my life. I appreciate your help in assisting him when he is to compete. I would like to offer the the boons to help him. And then hopefully I can make contact with him."
Tau
The fight is heating up meanwhile and if you want to be decisive in it, you will probably gonna have to act quickly.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Cool. How does spell casting work in regards to the arena?
Tau
Most things will be in range, so like if you wanted to cast like something that changes the weather, or affects the fight in a different way and you want to describe for me specifically how it could like, help Zagreus or help the Amazons. I will allow you to sculpt the spell in that way.
Nicholas (Alexander)
The spells can't be... can they be super intrusive? Like zapping someone straight on or has to be more...
Michael (Arete)
Atmospheric, I would think.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Tau
You could try it and find out. You don't see anybody else doing that.
Amanda (Annie)
"I feel like this is illegal."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Zagreus is great and all but it looks to me like with two people versus one, paired with boons, that's not going to go his way. So I want to place my bets on the winning team here. Are we in agreeance there?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I don't know if you should underestimate Zagreus."
Tau
At that moment, you hear Zagreus shout, "Grandmother!" and then a whirlwind of ice emanates from him and freezes the entire battlefield.
[SFX: Wind whirs and ice crackles.]
Tau
And you see like, he is completely unaffected from it, but the Amazons are like blown back from it and they start doing like the Get Out run towards him.
[SFX: Quick footsteps.]
Tau
Like like the Lakeith Stanfields run towards him.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Tau
But it is like in super slow motion because like their limbs are just like turning to ice at the same time.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, yeah, he's got this one. I'm gonna cast booming blade on the twin fists of Malphur.
Tau
Okay, cool.
[SFX: Ding!]
Tau
All right. Make a note of that. Is there anything else anyone would like to do?
Michael (Arete)
I mean, I don't have spells to cast, so if, do we want to use boons or...?
Amanda (Annie)
I think the majority is against the boons.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
At best if we really feel confident in Zagreus, we could give him the Daedalus hammer we just got so he can make extra attacks.
Michael (Arete)
Why don't we throw a boon that we don't--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You want to--
Michael (Arete)
Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, number one rule of gambling?
Michael (Arete)
Aphrodite? We don't really--
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah, exactly.
[SFX: Boon DING!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"How about we just give him Aphrodite?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Okay, I'm willing to give up Aphrodite and Dionysus for Zagreus."
[SFX: Boon ding!]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, stack the odds a little more."
Tau
So Aphrodite is common, is Dionysus also common?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Tau
And you're and you did the booming blade? Is there anything else you guys are doing?
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'll give him... shield of faith to increase his AC by two.
[SFX: The spell chimes.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
If we give him inspiration, can he roll twice?
Amanda (Annie)
I was gonna say, because that's what I was inclined to do.
Tau
You know, I hadn't thought about it, but that's very smart. What I'll do is yeah, I will roll advantage on this roll if you give him inspiration. That will only expand one of your inspirations.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay. Yeah, I would very much like to do that.
[SFX: Inspiration DING.]
Tau
How do you transfer the inspiration to him? Do you just do it through the tablet? Like do you like do something musical or...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Start a chant in the audience like at a sport game.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(chuckles)
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna start chanting (while clapping) "Zag-re-us!"
Players
"Zag-re-us! Zag-re-us!" (the crowd joins in) "Zag-re-us! Zag-re-us!"
[SFX: The crowd carries the chant through Tau speaking.]
Tau
Yeah, I mean, Zagreus is just a big deal. The Amazons are a big deal. And it's like, you know how like FIFA, those soccer games, like you can hear kind of just like...
Amanda (Annie)
Uh huh.
Tau
...a dull drone the whole audience going like (imitates a FIFA game crowd).
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Tau
So you hear that. Zagreus has just frozen them. The Amazons are sprinting up to him. They're about to clash in the middle...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
This is a roll for the Amazon. That is a good roll for the Amazon. But we're gonna roll with advantage for Zagreus.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Oh, okay. Yeah, he inst-okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Woah.
Players
(wheeze laughs)
Tau
So he is running up to them, the Amazons are running up to him. And then he whirls at them. So he backhands one of the Amazon, and she goes (grunts).
[SFX: Zagreus' hand smacks her.]
Tau
And you see this like purple flash of like Dionysus light...
[SFX: Dionysus boon chime with a popping cork and "mmm"!)
Tau
...knock her back and he whirls again, and with his other fist he just like...
[SFX: Zagreus' fist whips through the air.]
Tau
...knocks her back, she goes (grunts in pain). And she also gets knocked back and there's like this pink Aphrodite's light...
[SFX: Glittering boon chime of Aphrodite.]
Tau
...that sends the two of them flying. So. If you were to break this fight up into like three acts, I would say like Zagreus has won act one. So now the fight is continuing. Is there anything else you would like to do?
Michael (Arete)
"I'd say it's probably two out of three would be my guess, team. I say we double down."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'll cast erupting Earth on the Amazons."
[SFX: A gentle ding of the spell.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'll put bless on Zagreus which is basically like bardic inspiration, they get a d4 to roll.
[SFX: Ding!]
Michael (Arete)
Can I, as a grave marker, expend one of my death shrouds for Zagreus?
Tau
(excited) Yeah, that's cool.
Michael (Arete)
You see Arete in deep concentration as he is manifesting invisibility for Zagreus.
[SFX: Ding!]
Tau
You should remember that other people in the audience are also adding things to the Amazons and Zagreus.
Amanda (Annie)
Sure, I would like to give Zag Melf's acid arrow.
[SFX: Ding!]
Michael (Arete)
Arete also turns to his neighbor and goes "You should be going for..." tries to encourage them to go for Zagreus.
Tau
So the Amazon have both been blown back this time. And then Zagreus is going in for the kill. Imagine Koalemos is narrating this more interestingly. So Zagreus is going in for the kill. He runs up to them...
[SFX: Quick footsteps.]
Tau
...he leaps into the air...
[SFX: His body whips through the air.]
Tau
....and as he is like crashing down on them with a fist, a bolt of lightning strikes the fist.
[SFX: BOOM!]
Tau
He just absolutely obliterates one of the Amazons.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasp)
Tau
So Hippolyta explodes in a fountain of blood...
[SFX: A wet EXPLOSION.]
Tau
...and everyone roars! Penthesilea, seeing that, holds up her spear and she just hoists herself onto the spear and passes it through her.
[SFX: Another wet EXPLOSION.]
Tau
Blood goes up and swallows her up as well and everyone is shouting "Zag-re-us!"
Players
(amidst the crowd) "Zag-re-us! Zag-re-us! Zag-re-us! Zag-re-us!"
Tau
So from your tablet you all get a notification that you've gotten a payment of 500 obols.
[SFX: Rich obol chime.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Sweet!"
Michael (Arete)
"Oohoo."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Not to be a Wretched Gentry but I could really get into this."
Michael (Arete)
I put the harpy's feather duster over the tablet.
Tau
It doesn't do anything unfortunately.
Michael (Arete)
Okay, that's all right. It was worth a shot
Tau
Your boons return to you and Zagreus is victorious. You see... a... gate leading out of here that the other shades seem to ignore or not recognize. And it is a gate with a bag of coins on it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Sweet!
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh, we go through it I guess?
Tau
Okay, so nobody's interacting with Zagreus in any way?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(excited) Is he- can can we???
Amanda (Annie)
(immediately ecstatic) I didn't know we could, could we?!
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) Nobody said anything but I was like, okay, the gate open!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I wasn't sure if he was gonna vanish.
Amanda (Annie)
I didn't think we could, I just thought he was gonna be like one of THOSE, you know?
Tau
He seems to be running towards a gate elsewhere that maybe only he sees...
[SFX: Running footsteps.]
Tau
...but if there's something you want to do to try to get to his attention, I mean, tell me what it is.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm gonna run after him and say "Zagreus! We saw you die in the fountain room in Tartarus!"
Amanda (Annie)
Oh no. (laughs)
Tau
Make a... persuasion check with disadvantage? You're just shouting over a lot of ruckus and you're kind of calling from the bleachers.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Seven.
Tau
Yeah. So he is continuing to bolt for his gate that apparently only he can see. You see him like run into like one of those like tunnel thingies on the other side of the Coliseum and he is gone.
Amanda (Annie)
Dang it!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rats.
Amanda (Annie)
(disappointed) All right.
Michael (Arete)
Don't you just love when something is pointed out and then snatched away. (laughs bitterly)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well, I hope I get to speak to him before we try to destroy his home."
Amanda (Annie)
"Ah, geez."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander will go to the gate and press the bubble.
[SFX: Small breaking tinkle as stone and metal slide.]
Tau
You do that the gate slides up. You don't hear applause or audiences on the other side.
Michael (Arete)
"Well, it was a bag of coins. I'm thinking it's a shop."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, the gift shop."
Michael (Arete)
"See you on the other side everybody," and Arete goes in.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf pulls your leg and tries to run in before.
Michael (Arete)
(grunts) And I fall and trip into the portal.
[SFX: Portal SWOOSH.]
Tau
I can't believe you said it was a gift shop because that's what it is.
Tau
Yep!
Tau
So you see actually lots of shades milling through here. And you actually see merchandise of various fighters...
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Tau
(intersted gasp)
Tau
...that come through the UFC. So there are like coins that show like Hephaestion's face on it. There are coins that show like Zagreus' face on it. Um, but I'll just read you the items that are of most interest to you. But if there's like other just cool fun, like touristy souvenirs or merch you want...
Nicholas (Alexander)
Foam Hephaestion thighs.
Tau
Oh, that would be wild.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my gosh.
Michael (Arete)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is already in oversized sunglasses, a little cap, a foam finger, and a big jersey.
Tau
Yeah, you just need like a fanny pack and an electric fan with the spray water bottle.
[SFX: A little fan whirs and a spray wheezes.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He's living his best life right now.
Tau
So there is a super pomegranate, it is 200.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(sharp intake of breath)
Tau
You see 60 gemstones for 100. You see a super centaur heart for 200. You see 100 darkness for 150. You see like a super big meal of like onion rings for 50. And that is all you see.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Typical gift shop, trying to gouge us."
Amanda (Annie)
"Pomegraaaanate!"
Tau
Oh, also you see Charon there, but he is attending to a lot of shades at once who are all petitioning him for, "I want this. I want that, and that and that and that."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Does Charon's hat have two little soda cans?
Tau
With a little tube coming in, yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"The two super things. That's what we should be aiming for."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I agree."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yes."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Yes. What is the best one? I think it makes it like two levels up or max level. So what's the best boon for that?"
Amanda (Annie)
"The pomegranate and the centaur heart?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Uuummm."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well, it could be good to perhaps reinstate Hephaestus?"
Tau
So it's a super, so instead of going up two levels, I'll have a go up one level and give you back the usage.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I really miss the cushion of a Hephaestus. I would like--"
Tau
When we think of Hephaestus, we think of comfy cushions, right?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes. (laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yes. No, I'm totally down for Hephaestus. Is everyone cool with that? Yeah?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay."
Michael (Arete)
I hand over the 200 obols.
Tau
For the super pom. Okay.
Michael (Arete)
And we bite into it and say (gently, sing songy) "Hephaestuuus."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"For you, Hephy."
Tau
Okay, so what what is your Hephaestus rarity right now?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rare.
Tau
So now it's going up to Epic and Epic is pretty fucking sweet. So at Epic, when your adrenaline autoinjector activates, you immediately take your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
(GASP)
Tau
And that is in addition to wherever you follow the initiative order.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Holy shit. That would almost incentivize dying in some situations if you're already close. Wow, that's dope.
Tau
Thank you.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Thank YOU. (laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Tau
All right, and are you paying another 200 for the super centaur heart?
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Tau
Okay, so for that, instead of getting one max hit die plus con, you get three max hit die plus con.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(high pitched) Holy shit!
Amanda (Annie)
Ooooo.
Tau
Yes, you get the con each time so it's three...
Nicholas (Alexander)
(reveling) Ooooh, yes.
Tau
....three times your constitution modifier plus your max hit die.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Mmm juicy.
Tau
Oh, eat that shit up bitches, it is gonna get so hard in here.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
(aggressive) OM NOM NOM.
Michael (Arete)
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, you're gonna need it, eat that shit up. Alexander just goes (loud chomping) into that centaur heart.
[SFX: Silence.]
Tau
All right. (beat) All right.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Tau
You eat it and you get the health. So uh, yeah, you get all those things. There's like other cool merch things at the souvenir shop. So there's just a tray full of gemstones that you can get like a little bag and just filled with gemstones if you want. It doesn't- but it's not like gems gems.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah, I still love that.
Tau
It's just like that thing I loved in like museums and shit. There's like the really really tiny thing that like looks like a flashlight but isn't it's just like the slidy plastic tube thing that you stick your finger in.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs in recognition)
Nicholas (Alexander)
You know those? You've never seen those? Yeah, so there's that. There's candy, there's Ring Pops.
Tau
(gasps, then dancing) Annie wants a ring pop!
Tau
Okay, it costs an obol.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(whispers) "Dammit."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Sorry, Annie. We really--"
Players
(laugh)
Amanda (Annie)
"No, pleeease."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"We have Ring Pops at home."
Tau
(laughing) It's like the Ring Pops at home and it's like something fuckin nasty.
Nicholas (Alexander)
It's just a lollipop on a ring! (laughs maniacally)
Michael (Arete)
Arete takes an obol out of the bag and pays for the ring. So Annie, you have your Ring Pop.
Amanda (Annie)
"Thanks Arete."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf give Arete a little slap on like the upper arm and goes "You're spoiling her."
Amanda (Annie)
"Noooo."
Michael (Arete)
(out of the side of his mouth at Rolf) "I mean I think I have to."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ohhhhh."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(a woops kind of tone) Wawawaow.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He frowns.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Any Hephaestion merch?
Tau
Alexander, make a perception check.
Nicholas (Alexander)
19.
Tau
So you find there's also like postcards of the different champions with like their signatures on them and you see a postcard of Hephaestion. And you see... next to him, you see this like shadowy muscular figure like embracing him like on the side. It like looks a little sinister.
[SFX: Wistful yet suspicious piano notes.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh nooo. Ohoho nooo.
Tau
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs) My baybay!
Players
(laugh)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh no, he's moved on. Awww. (half laughs, half cries).
Tau
Make an intelligence check.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(still laughing) 14.
Tau
You put together that this may actually be... you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Ooo.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Whaaat!
Michael (Arete)
I was about to say, I was like, shadowy figure, a different version of ourselves who have appeared in a similarish fashion.
Tau
It's almost like once there was a version that had the two of you on it, but then they had to like Photoshop one where you're more just like a holographic one.
Amanda (Annie)
Hm. Annie's gonna walk over to Alex and she's gonna be like licking the Ring Pop. she's going (smacks lips). "Mm, that sucks, huh."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ooof.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"No. What sucks is you sucking on that lollipop."
Amanda (Annie)
"Aww, you bshhh, this does not suck, you want a lick?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Uuuuh, I don't like this.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Sure, Anastasia. I will partake in Ring *Pop*."
Amanda (Annie)
"Go ahead, pop it." (laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
(loud scarfing noises) Sorry.
Michael (Arete)
(scandalized and amused) Oh my god.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
On her finger.
Amanda (Annie)
There's just spit all dripping down my arm. (laugh) It's just (wheezes) my hand is wet.
Tau
Cool.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing subsides)
Nicholas (Alexander)
(clears his throat)
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to take a look around to see if there's any like, Olympiads merch.
Tau
Make a perception check.
Michael (Arete)
A 12.
Tau
You see the fuckin' sexiest photo of Adonis you've ever seen.
[SFX: Twangy seductive music plays.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(gasps)
Michael (Arete)
Yes, yes, YES.
Tau
Like he's got his cloak on but his cloak is like pulled down so low on his chest, it's like a super deep V. And it parallels the V of like his abs that are like poking through his tunic because they're just like you can like cut a diamond on 'em.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
With a little bit of snot dripping down.
Tau
Yeah.
Michael (Arete)
Arete immediately grabs that and brings it to the counter to purchase it.
Tau
Okay. That is going to be 15 obols.
Michael (Arete)
All right. He also on the way grabs one of the postcards of Hephaestion.
Tau
Hephaestion's is 30 obols.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"No, Arete, don't--"
Tau
Oh, I don't think it's for you.
Amanda & Giancarlo
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I could just draw you nudes. I have a quill and parchment."
Michael (Arete)
(laughs) Arete pays the amount and tucks the postcard of Hephaestion into Alex's like cloak pocket. And then he returns with his postcard to the counter and goes "Um, is there a bathroom that I could use?"
Tau
Charon goes (low breathy growl) and points like at a tree aways off.
Michael (Arete)
I say thank you and "Would you just hold on to this while I go use the bathroom? I'll be right back."
Tau
Hold on to what?
Michael (Arete)
The postcard, sorry.
Tau
Oh, I thought you would need those but okay.
Michael (Arete)
I was doing a misdirect with the joke. I was trying to set it up and then play against the expectation of my grossness.
Tau
Charon holds on to the postcards. Alright, so as you head over to this tree you see like these like slabs of stone and also the trees have all these carvings on them just just say like, "WE STAN ADONIS 5EVER". And it's like "HEPHAESTION IS A HOTTIE". And it's like "PENTHESILEA COULD GET IT, THEY COULD ALL GET IT". It's just like all of these like, very, like ridiculous comments.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Michael (Arete)
So as he's using the bathroom, he draws La Voix...
[SFX: Scrape of the blade.]
Michael (Arete)
...and carves right next to where the "ADONIS 5EVER" is. "BACK OFF, HE'S MINE". And then he puts the dagger back, finishes up his business and returns to the counter to get the postcard.
Tau
Make a perception check.
Michael (Arete)
It's an eight.
Tau
All right, so, you see also an advertisement and an (alternating pronounciation) advertisement that says "Want to join the champions? Want to fight the UFC? Go through the skull and crossbones gate!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
Hmm.
Michael (Arete)
"Good to know. Good to know." And Arete returns to the counter to collect his postcard.
Tau
All right, Charon hands it back to you and goes (low breathy growl).
Michael (Arete)
"Thank you, I appreciate it, Charon. I promise I'm gonna have that business plan. I know I said I'd have it ready for you the next time I saw you, but next time, buddy."
Tau
(Charon growls)
Michael (Arete)
And he returns to the rest of the group and says, "Hey, uh, if we want to join these fights, we can always go through the skull and crossbones gate."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"What else is there to do?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is looking around to see if I could find any sort of Norse fighters paraphernalia.
Tau
Okay. Make a perception check with disadvantage.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oops, got even worse.
Michael (Arete)
Ohoo. That's an uh oh.
Tau
Oh, you don't get the sense that there is a whole lot of that lying around.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Let's get our faces in here, I guess. We need some Norse representation."
Michael (Arete)
Arete finds like a cup and two like horns. And he tries to hold the horns onto the cup and turn the cup upside down and go, "Here you go, Rolf."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Thank you, Arete." And he puts a little cup on his head.
Tau
And you also see a gate that has some gems on it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No skull and crossbones?
Tau
Nope.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"More gambling? Or we join the fight? I don't want to fight him."
Michael (Arete)
(teasing) "Who are you talking about there, bud?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Who do you think!" and I take the card and I throw it back in his face.
Amanda (Annie)
Whoa!
Tau
And Alexander also has inspiration.
[SFX: Inspiration DING.]
Michael (Arete)
I pick it up and I go, (more gently) "I, uh, I see. I've also been hoping in the back of my mind that maybe, um, Adonis' Olympiad hasn't made it here yet. So that way, we're not putting that position."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(calming down but still with attitude) "You don't want to fight him either, I suppose."
Michael (Arete)
"No, I don't. And I'm sorry to tease you. I... I'm sorry."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well what option do we have if we are put in that situation?"
Michael (Arete)
"Die with dignity."
Amanda (Annie)
"Woah. No, no, no."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I hope to at least speak to him. There must have been something that happened between him and I for me to want to erase my memories."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Look, I understand getting closure and that sort of thing. But we did just propose destroying all of the Underworld. Do you understand? By default, you're going to kill these people."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(struggling) "We'll talk about that another time."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Put it off all you want. The sooner we resolve that cognitive dissonance, the better."
Tau
So there's the gems gate which Arete did touch.
[SFX: Light tinkling break and stone scrapes.]
Tau
The gate slides open, you don't hear a buzz on the other side.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(singing) "I live for the applause applause applause. I live for the applause-plause, live for the applause-plause."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Hearing this, Rolf vogues into the gate.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
Okay, great.
Michael (Arete)
Yes! There he is! And Arete will follow Rolf into the gate.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Michael (Arete)
And through the gate the rest of the party hears (muffled) "I live for the applause applause applause..."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(clears throat, trying to be kind) "You want another Ring Pop? Or are you good?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Do YOU want another? I think you want a Ring Pop."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Noooo. Do you... want another one?"
Amanda (Annie)
"If it'll make you feel any better and I say 'I' want the Ring Pop. But I just give you the Ring Pop because I 'don't want it' wink wink wink anymore. Wink Wink, wink winkers..." and Annie is just blinking because she just really can't wink.
Tau
It looks like she's like having like a nervous tic.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I would especially despise the cotton candy bubble gum wink wink winkaroo winkalicious."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh, I'm picking up what you're putting down."
Michael (Arete)
(still singing on the other side of the gate)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Are you smelling what I'm stepping in?"
Amanda (Annie)
"I'm... eating what you're cooking." And Annie will go over... and "Wait, do you have any obols?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Uhh, Arete has the obols."
Michael (Arete)
Arete, having heard the discussion about obols, throws a few back through the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Amanda (Annie)
Annie catches it with her lightning reflexes. How many obols did you throw, just the one?
Michael (Arete)
I throwed three obols at you.
Michael (Arete)
I sure did. I throwed those obols.
Amanda (Annie)
You throwed? (laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna stride her way over to the Ring Pop table and she's gonna buy one strawberry and one cotton candy and she is going to tip Charon with the third like "You been working real hard!"
Tau
Unfortunately the Ring Pop table, the flavors are not like strawberry and blueberry. They're things like "Victory" or "Betrayal".
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(surprised noise, almost a laugh)
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, well, the color of the packaging because that always tells you.
Tau
Alright, which color do you go for?
Amanda (Annie)
Well, the pink and blue one.
Tau
Okay, so yeah, you get Victory and Betrayal.
Amanda (Annie)
Which one is which?
Tau
Victory is pink and Betrayal is blue.
Amanda (Annie)
And Annie's gonna walk back over to Alex and be like, "I feel bad giving you the Betrayal one. I don't want it. But I think this is what you wanted. So."
Tau
Okay, so the Victory one is sweet. It tastes like pink lemonade. And the Betrayal one tastes like sea salt. Like crystallized sea salt.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna make her way towards the portal but before she walks in, she's gonna turn to Alex and be like "Alex. I know I do this a lot. And I wait and I had to have these moments right before we enter the portal. I think the aesthetic is really nice. But I just want to say sometimes these moments where we could just talk over little Ring Pops and you know. I don't know. I cherish 'em."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(through the Ring Pop) "Me too, I gotta enjoy while I can (takes the Ring Pop out) before, um, before we get sent back. Yes, it's nice to enjoy Elysium while we can."
Tau
Just in the interest of time, is the 15 minute Ring Pop adventurer concluded?
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, we're go and we're going.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
So you find yourself in a beautiful grove with a large fountain inside.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(delighted) Ahhh.
[SFX: The fountain splashes.]
Tau
Big enough for everybody to bathe in or drink of, the water is not like that of the river Lethe so you don't have to worry about that. You also find 200 gems on the ground.
[SFX: Chime and clatter of gems.]
Michael (Arete)
I take the harpy's feather duster and dust it over the gems that are on the ground.
Tau
God. Okay fine. 240 gems.
Amanda (Annie)
Ha ha ha ha.
Michael (Arete)
You gave it to me, I will use it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"How many spell slots are open to you, Rolf? Or you have them all or...?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ah, I expended one."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Great. Before we jump in, would you mind helping me make Bucephalus again?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, yeah, you got it, buddy."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, I'm going to use this time to create Bucephalus, my steed from my past.
Tau
Oh, this will be interesting.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"And if you could give it some false life?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"You got it. You want a level five false life."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Ch, yeah!"
Michael (Arete)
While all this is going on, Arete goes over to the fountain and just washes his hands.
Tau
Okay. For 20 seconds?
Michael (Arete)
A full 20 seconds, he starts singing "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna walk over to Arete and be like "Arete. That's in poor taste."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ohhhhh.
Tau
Ooof. That's cold.
Michael (Arete)
Arete immediately. Like he's already a very pale person. All the remaining color. He almost goes gray, like the remaining color drains away from his face.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh no!
Michael (Arete)
He turns to Annie and goes, "Again. I'm so sorry. I-I-I-" (growing upset)
Amanda (Annie)
"Arete, Arete, Arete."
Michael (Arete)
"I-I-I" Arete just kind of starts crying.
Amanda (Annie)
"Arete, hey, Arete. I'm sorry. I just, I heard you guys were joking about earlier. So I just thought it was open for all of us to joke. But I honestly, I don't even like saying it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I take it ba-- I thought I could joke. I can't. Don't. I don't feel good."
Michael (Arete)
Arete like breaks down and just gives Annie like the biggest hug he's ever given in his life.
[SFX: Arete claps his arms around Annie in a hug.]
Amanda (Annie)
"It's gonna take a second for me to just I don't know. This is weird, but I don't hate you. If that helps."
Michael (Arete)
"Thanks, Annie."
Amanda (Annie)
"You're welcome."
Michael (Arete)
"I don't hate you too."
Amanda (Annie)
"I think that much is obvious."
Nicholas (Alexander)
And then Alexander is just...
[SFX: A magical tone grows.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...conjuring Bucephalus in the background like, "Rolf!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
As Bucephalus is 3d printing from the hooves up, you see black smoke coming out of Rolf as he gives it... 26 temporary hit points with false life. (chuckles)
Tau
All right. It's just like a little witches corner over there where they're doing shady ass stuff.
Amanda & Nicholas
(laugh)
Nicholas (Alexander)
And then I guess I'll go wash my hands in the fountain.
Tau
You also see a gate with a skull and crossbones on it. And it is your understanding that these are basically the qualifiers to enter the UFC.
Michael (Arete)
"Looks like this is our plunge into the UFC everyone."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Any strats?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"The stratagem, right. I'm going to use Bucephalus here, um, maybe Arete? Would you like to ride with me?"
Michael (Arete)
"I would love to. Although, just to say if your boyfriend is on the other side of this gate. How's it going to look if I'm riding with you on the horse? Is he insecure about that kind of thing?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I think he'll understand that there is a battle being had and it's not a romantic thing. (with a little venom) Although if he is with that shadow man, I suppose I can make him jealous."
Michael (Arete)
"All right. I enjoy being used in that way. That's fine." And, uh, Arete hops onto the back of Bucephalus.
Michael (Arete)
What is your strategy?
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Assuming there's multiple again, the ranged attackers will attack their own. Arete and I will attack together. He can hop off the horse once he has to attack."
Tau
So you're both riding Bucephalus?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"All right, gang, shall we?"
[SFX: Bucephalus whinnies.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And Rolf presses the bubble on the gate and steps aside for Bucephalus to run through.
[SFX: The tinkle break of glass and stone sliding up.]
Tau
You hear shouting from voices you recognize on the other side.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
As they ride through, Rolf just barely grabs onto one of their hands and pulls them into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh followed by a gentle wind and birds chirping.]
Tau
You find yourselves on a high grassy cliff with the wind blowing all around you and the sounds of combat are already well underway. You see the other Olympiad. Adonis, Palestrae, Pandaie, and Ajax facing off against a woman. She's in these long crimson robes and she wears this big white blindfold over her eyes. She's got this like kind of long silver hair braided behind her but ostensibly shouldn't be able to see with with this big blind fold on. But you see she is definitely holding off the four of them.
[SFX: Battle guitar music comes in.]
Tau
So you see Palestrae is running up to the woman on the cliff, and she goes (yells)...
[SFX: Her fists whips through the air and thumpthumpthumpthump.]
Tau
...and she unleashes like a flurry of blows as her long Heartlock esque hair flows behind her in the wind and as Palestrae is doing this, you see the woman who was just shaking off Pandaie's diamond great axe, as these blows coming in, you see all of these cards spinning around her as the circle.
[SFX: A humming and sharp whip of the cards.]
Tau
And every time a blow would connect with this woman, you see one of these cards shatter instead of hitting her.
[SFX: Glimmer chime.]
Tau
So it's like Palestrae is just like punching at air and all these cards are flying out of everywhere. And she goes "Damn it! I can't even land a hit on her!" And then Cassandra chuckles and she goes (chuckles with an edge). And then all of these cards that just shattered fly back into her hand and form a new deck.
[SFX: The PPPPPPPP of cards shuffling.]
Tau
And then she fans them out. And then she throws them back up into the air again, and they're spinning around her again.
[SFX: The hum returns as the cards whip through the air.]
Tau
And then Ajax runs at her with his sword, and he's going (yells with effort). And she immediately just puts her hand up and another card around her shatters.
[SFX: Glimmer chime.]
Tau
And she just catches the sword in her hand. He says, "Damn you Cassandra, I told you I'm sorry!" And she simply lifts him up by the sword, which he's still holding. And then she just turns the sword around. And again, she's like, she's like a very small frame, but like with almost supernatural strength, she wheels him around to the other side of the cliff. So he is hanging over the cliff by his sword. And she says, (intensely) "Do you know how many times I gorged myself on the River Lethe (shaking) trying to forget what you did to me?" He says, (desperate) "I told you I'm sorry. I'm different now. I didn't understand at the time."And then she holds up another hand to Ajax's neck and then she releases the hand from his sword. So his sword falls off of the cliff and she's now holding him up by just his neck. And she says, "Pallas Athena, this man tried to defile me in your temple and I will have justice!" And in that moment, a massive spear from the sky crashes down as a flash of gold smites Ajax, basically into the earth, and his body is just completely split in half.
[SFX: Metal CLANKS and wetly splits the body.]
Tau
And the other three, they are watching this. And the shockwave of it is so powerful that they are completely blown back. And they're basically rendered prone slash unconscious for the purposes of this combat. And then, this woman, who you can make a history check to find out who it is, turns to you and holds out her hand and says, "I was waiting for you."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
16.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie rolled a 31.
Tau
You recognize this woman to be Cassandra. You actually tie back a little bit of the things that you were hearing and you learned that this woman actually has a lot in common with the Olympiad that you previously spoke with. So Apollo is also somebody who would not leave her alone. And so he cursed her with essentially the quote unquote "gift of prophecy", which is that she would be able to foresee the future but nobody would be able to believe her. And what you know is that she also, basically in the Trojan War, she was captured by Ajax as this like war trophy, and he tried to like very violently take her in the temple and she has like a very, very powerful resentment against him because of that. So that's what you know. And so yeah, so she she just kind of holds out her hand to you and she says, "I've been waiting for you."
[SFX: Outro music.]
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood, stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon Mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Audio editing by Daniel Manning. Sound design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C., with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. Transcription by Eli Barraza.
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