Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 12 - Riddle of the Winds
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 12 - Riddle of the Winds
Tau
A product of the Whisperforge.
[SFX: Whisperforge chime.]
Sound and Story: Brought to Life.
Tau
You're listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way. We're just big old nerds making improv fanfiction. ROGUE RUNNERS is rated R for pretty much everything you can find in Greek mythology, violence, assault, self harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then Welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Title music.]
Tau
Arete, as always, you report for duty at the Enklima estate. It is a hot summer day and even in your conditioning, you arrive fatigued and overheated.
[SFX: Birds chirp.]
Michael (Arete)
(lets out a tired breath)
Tau
It was supposed to be your day off. But in this family, there really are no days off. Your adoptive father waits for you in the courtyard, where a fountain of Iris pours her uer into a turquoise blue tile pool below. You almost want to bury your face in it, feel it's cool water on your skin. But that will have to wait. Constantine Enklima stands imperiously before you, his chiton seemingly moving in a breeze you can't even feel. He does not speak, apparently he is waiting for more than just you. You hear insects buzzing past your ear.
[SFX: A gentle brrr of insect wings.]
Tau
Finally, the biggest insect of all comes to your side. He wears nothing but his night undergarments. His long curly hair lies matted with sweat. "Sorry father, I overslept." Your father wastes no time. "I have decided to pass on possession of a small gift to one of my sons. However, only the son with the wit to open it may avail himself of it." He steps aside, you find a heavy black clay jar marked with copper designs on the bust and lid sitting by the fountain just behind him.
Michael (Arete)
"Well, thank you for the gift father, it is very generous of you to give either of us anything so that is appreciated. But any hints at what, how to open this?"
Tau
"I require no hints, father," and then you see Nikolas Enklima stroll over cocksure to the jar and pick it up in his hands. You can see that his muscles flex a little bit, it is heavier than he imagined. It sits heavily in his hands and then after a few seconds he has to put it back down again. He was not anticipating it being so heavy. He stares closely at the jar and then he twists the lid sideways over and over and over, frustrating himself.
Michael (Arete)
Arete, watching his brother struggle with the jar, is going to try to get a closer look at the jar to see if there's any markings, indentations, or inscriptions on the jar.
[SFX: A quiet scrape and clink of fired clay.]
Tau
Roll investigation.
Michael (Arete)
A 14.
Tau
So on the bust of the jar you see various profile depictions of men being blown, uh, on the, sorry.
Players
(make intrigued noises and laugh)
Michael (Arete)
That's my kind of jar.
Tau
(laughs) No, its not that kind of jar. On the bust of the jar, you see various profile depictions in copper. Basically these copper outlines showing men rowing on boats that are being blown apart by winds on the high seas. And on the top of the jar, which you see Nicolas fiddling with, his-he keeps turning the lid left and right but he's not able to lift the lid off of the jar. And then when you look onto the lid from a top down view, you see that the lid actually has all of these tiny little markings on it, all the way at a circle around the jar. And then on the actual lip of the jar itself, that the lid sits on, are actually also additional markings kind of like a little clock all the way around. And they seem to be spinning and locking like a combination lock. Does that make sense?
Michael (Arete)
Yes. Seeing that, Arete goes "Are you done struggling with that or do you want to keep trying?"
Tau
"T-hah, you're not gonna open it before me." He swats the jar at you but it's too heavy, so it kind of just rocks a little bit and then kind of wobbles back into place.
Michael (Arete)
And with that, Arete will walk over closer to the jar. I'm going to take a closer look at the men in the boats.
Tau
There seem to be small inscriptions on the boats that seem to be telling a story, now that you look closer. You see inscriptions that say this: "On the first day, our ship was thrown raggedly by the winds blowing from Notus to Boreas to Zephyrus to Apeliotes. On the second day, our ship followed the winds blowing from Boreas to Apeliotes to Notus to Zephyrus to Boreas again. On the third day, the winds bore us from Boreas to Notus.
Michael (Arete)
(pensive) Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
We zoom into a Nordic Tavern somewhere in the snowy wild lands. And an old man looks up from his table and says, "I got it!"
Tau
(laughs) You do actually hear that voice echoing from another reality, Arete.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(distant, echoing) "I got it!"
Michael (Arete)
Arete like suddenly, like jumps up and looks around very suddenly like "Father, brother, did you hear that voice? Is there someone here?"
Tau
"Oh, looks like the heat's getting to you, Arete."
Michael (Arete)
Arete kind of shakes it off and goes back to the jar. Looking at the top of the thing, with the mechanism that you're turning, is there some sort of pointed end needle that shows you like a demarcation of sorts?
Tau
Yes. So there's a place where it's clearly where you input the number that you want to scroll to, right? So similar to a combination lock, let's say there are 60 numbers that you can input.
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Tau
Nikolas is going to say "Give me that!" and he's gonna yank the jar back from you. And he's going to fiddle around with it.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
And he is not able to make any sense of the inscriptions though he did find the inscriptions.
Michael (Arete)
Okay. God, I can't remember the directions of this. I'm so frustrated. Um. Boreas suggests Borealis to me, which would I think would be North.
Tau
You have a skill check you could make to try to remember the direction.
Michael (Arete)
Thank you. (laughs, relieved)
Tau
Roll nature for me.
Michael (Arete)
And it's a 12.
Tau
With that I can tell you one direction. So pick which one you want to know.
Michael (Arete)
Zephyrus.
Tau
Zephyrus is the west wind.
Michael (Arete)
So Arete takes it from Nikolas saying, "Alright, give me a shot at it," and Arete will turn the dial clockwise to face position 30 where he believes Notus to be.
Michael (Arete)
[SFX: The clay jar dial scrapes.]
Tau
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
Then counterclockwise up to the zero slash 60 direction and then clockwise again to the 45 direction which he believes west for, well he knows Zephyrus is west, and then back counterclockwise to the east for Apeliotes.
Tau
So you try to input these numbers and the lid does not open. However, make an investigation check now that you've had a little time to work with the jar a little bit more.
Michael (Arete)
Okay 13, no 14, sorry.
Tau
So with a 14, you piece together that based on the way the dial is designed and it seems to be designed like many special hephastasian locks you've worked with, that the input is probably going to be three numbers.
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Tau
Rather than the four that you tried to input. At this moment, Nikolas is going to snatch it back and say "Let me see that."
Tau
Oh, okay. He snaps his fingers and he says "Oy, servant girl, bring me some parchment and something to write with." Hurriedly some servant in the Enklima estate hustles off to go get him something to write with and then when she brings it back, he just sits down on the ground and you see like he's dripping like the sun is just like beating down on the two of you. He's like dripping as he spreads out the parchment. You see his like slimy back shining in the sunset as he leans over this parchment carefully trying to make sure that you can't see anything and you see that he seems to be drawing shapes.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
[SFX: Scribbling.]
Tau
Okay, Arete says, "Excuse me, could I also get a piece of parchment and a writing implement please?"
Tau
She nods and then quickly retrieves you some.
Michael (Arete)
And then Arete is going to start drawing a... he'll sit on the edge of the fountain and use that as a writing surface as he starts to try to follow the directions of the winds blowing to try to draw like a shape of sorts.
Tau
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
So, he finds a center point and draws to Notus which he believes to be south and then up to Boreas, which would just be a straight line if Boreas is north and then Zephyrus which is west... (triumphant) ah ha ha HA! And then to the east. And Arete sees that it's a four if he has the directions correct which, assuming he would not have the directions correct, which means-- okay, and then he starts quickly working on it faster so he can try to get to it before--
Tau
Alright. Well, Nikolas Enklima also rolled really well. So he's also going to try to figure that out. He is struggling on figuring out the second number somehow though, so you have a little more time.
Michael (Arete)
Moving on to the second part of the puzzle. "On the second day, our ship followed the winds blowing from Boreas, so I'm starting in the north."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Nikolas Enklima looks over at your paper and starts, uh, copying what you're doing.
Michael (Arete)
Arete repositions himself to like block his brother's view. Starting in the north, he goes eastward to the Apeliotes and then south to Notus and then west to Zephyrus to Boreas again. It makes a diamond shape so a zero. "Okay, a zero, right." And then he moves on to the third day, the winds bore us from Boreas, north, to Notus, south, and then Arete quickly snatches the thing, finds the numbers four, turns into four. Finds the number zero, turns it to zero. Finds the number one, turns into one.
[SFX: The clay scrapes satisfyingly.]
Tau
You feel three satisfying clicks and the lid pops open. He says "Goddamnit!" and he smacks the ground and he just says "I'm done with this shit," and he gets up and he kind of just dunks his head in the water.
Michael (Arete)
"I see you're a you're a little hot and bothered there, brother."
[SFX: A plunking splash.]
Tau
You say that but Arete you are also sweating under your pants like crazy. You're slick everywhere. You finally open this jar. It still feels very heavy inside.
Michael (Arete)
I open the lid to take a look inside.
Tau
Inside you find an exquisite silver dagger. It is heavier than it looks by several pounds, unnaturally so. On its hilt are five silver crosses. Around the dagger is a piece of rolled parchment. When you unfurl it, you find the following words inscribed upon it. "If I am not in the state of grace, may God put me there. And if I am may god so keep me."
Michael (Arete)
"Father, this is a mighty gift indeed. And I will take care of it and I will watch over it with my life."
Tau
You turn to where your father had been standing this whole time But your father is not there. Instead, you see another figure, a figure which seems to have a somewhat shapeless, formless body that occasionally assembles to something resembling a human. Their skin is this opalescent color that alternates between rainbow bright and sometimes slate gray and their hair stands and long silvery spikes. And they speak in many, many voices at once. You've heard this voice before. It says, (many strange voices in unison) "Well done grave marker. What shall you do with your new prize?"
Michael (Arete)
"Whatever you command, my lord Chaos."
Tau
"Have you no aims of your own?"
Michael (Arete)
"Well, there is one aim that I've treasured above all others, getting revenge on Nikolas Enklima."
Tau
The figure's eyes follow your gaze to your brother, who is still just dunking his head in the cool water of the fountain of Iris and then kind of just throws his whole body in, is just trying to cool off in this summer heat. It's getting hotter and hotter by the minute, almost unbearably so.
Michael (Arete)
Arete walks over. As he walks he removes the dagger from the jar and grabs Nikolas Enklima's head by the hair and pulls him up out of the fountain and brings the dagger to his throat. "You killed me and father will have known it. Say hi to him when you go down there." And slits Nikolas Enklima's throat.
Tau
Nikolas Enklima's blood turns the pool of Iris's fountain red with his own blood. Even the water pouring from her uer turns red. Suddenly, everything turns red. The day gets hotter and hotter. And do you feel faint? And do you think maybe it's time to lie down. And you lie down and you rest against the fountain, satisfied with Nikolas Enklima's head hanging from his hair entwined through your fingers bobbing in the water of the fountain.
[SFX: Guitar music fades in. A woosh as the scene changes.]
Tau
You all go through the portal exiting the House of Hades. And here's what happens. First Alexander, you hear a voice saying, (Skelly) "Yeah, so that's really the best you got? I thought you could hit me harder than that," and you hear this voice next to you and it seems to be going farther and farther away from you as you see these bones flying up away from you back into a portal high up in House of Hades.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
And once again, you find yourself on this familiar long rectangular stone platform. Make a group perception check.
Amanda (Annie)
Woo.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Five.
Amanda (Annie)
That's an eight.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Critical fail.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my.
Michael (Arete)
We really did well y'all look at those roles.
Tau
Alright, well, what was the highest result?
Michael (Arete)
Eight.
Tau
Okay, you would have been able to dodge this...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh nooo.
Tau
really, really powerful wave of blood comes up over the lip of the edge of the platform and it splashes onto you
[SFX: Crash of a wave.]
Tau
and each of you take...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
one fire damage.
Players
(graons)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Not a fan.
Michael (Arete)
Ouch.
Tau
And it seems that the blood roiling all around you unnaturally so.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Okay. Other thing we should probably talk about, why the hell is that river overflowing all the time? What is going on here?"
Michael (Arete)
"Maybe each time we die, our volume of blood gets added to the river."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ohhhh shiiiiit."
Michael (Arete)
"And it's just gonna like keep on rising and rising, the more and more we die. So I think we need to die a little less, everyone."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"But people are dying every day."
Michael (Arete)
"Well."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Are we all just going to drown down here?"
Michael (Arete)
"We're all gonna drown and then the river is going to overflow into the surface world and drown the entire world. It's Hades' bid to take over Olympus because then everybody is going to be dead in the gods will be bored."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Has anyone seen my sword?"
Michael (Arete)
"What?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'll look for it. I'll do a little investigation to the tune of 10. I don't see your sword, Alexander. But you know what I do see? Well, I don't see it yet. But I will when I walk 30 feet forward," and I walk forward to see who presents a boon.
Tau
Okay, so you walk forward and suddenly Rolf, you have this feeling of like "Eureka!" It's like you remembered something or noticed something but you just feel this like spark go off in your hea for some reason. You start to smell incense around you. And this gold shield appears in a crystal bubble in front of you.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps)
Michael (Arete)
A gold shield.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh. Is it one of the acia gods? I dunno, I touch it.
Amanda (Annie)
I believe it's Athena.
[SFX: DING.]
Tau
You touch it and you hear the sound of looms running all around you as textiles seem to be waving in the air all around you and that smell of incense intensifies and you smell a warm hearth. From within this cloud of incense that's forming around you, you see a tall singular woman and you see a little mechanical owl flying around you, it's going "hoot hoot, hoot hoot," and then it lands on her raised finger. Through your mind, she speaks to you.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Hello?"
Tau
"It has been far too long since I've heard from my dear cousin. Tell me, have you seen or heard from him? Tell him that his kin, the goddess of wisdom Athena, bids you report on his health. As a token of thanks in advance, please accept my boon in good faith."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Very gracious of you, Athena. Thank you. My name is Rolf. I'll be sure to pass on your message next time I see Zagreus die in a restoration room."
Tau
Roll a d20.
[SFX: The dice thumps.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh, it's a 10.
Tau
Okay, that is a common rarity boon. So you may choose from a Athena power boon, Athena survivability boon, or Athena utility boon.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"How are we feeling y'all?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Uhhh."
Michael (Arete)
"I mean, the darkness at this point is giving us some nice survivability with that die once per room business. So perhaps some uh, I don't think we've done a utility boon yet. That could be fun."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"So here's my thinking, right? I actually agree with you. But it brings us back at a very killable, soft, mushy state. So I'm inclined to go utility now and maybe a survivability in whatever we get next."
Michael (Arete)
"I am open to that."
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We'll talk about that. When we get that is everyone cool with utility?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Sure"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Hmmm."
Michael (Arete)
"Alexander seems very hesitant."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well, Athena was very helpful on the battlefield as well. But I'm okay with utility."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Alright. Utility it is."
Tau
When you say this, the eyes of the mechanical owl glint for a moment as it goes "Hoot hood," and then it flies away.
[SFX: Flapping wings.]
Tau
And Athena's figure vanishes as the incense clears. And that from that Eureka feeling that you had earlier, you feel that you've gained a new common rarity, utility boom. You are a master tactician of the battlefield and with a common rarity, what that means is you do not draw opportunity attacks.
Players
(gasp)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"That's exactly what we needed, folks! Now I can run around to my heart's content."
Michael (Arete)
"I do enjoy running."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"And and Olympus, I accept this message grace-graciously. Thank you!"
Tau
You get the sense that with Athena's utility boons, because they're more about like combat tactics, each increased rarity will offer different benefits rather than empowering the one you currently have.
Michael (Arete)
Ooooo.
Tau
So I mean, once you don't draw opportunity attacks, you don't draw opportunity attacks, you know, like.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well, that's pretty dope. Alright. Shall we get into our standard formation? Come on girls, get in formation."
Amanda (Annie)
Ehhh.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm gonna look for my sword, is there any way I can do that?
Tau
You see it stuck halfway up one of the two guardian statues outside the House of Hades. It's about 15 feet up.
Michael (Arete)
"Here, Alexander, get on my shoulders," and Arete squats down to uh...
Tau
(laughing) Arete gets on all fours and presents himself.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander stumbles on top of Arete to reach for his sword.
Tau
Yeah, you got it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And then he falls onto his back.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, I assume, do we have the Skulltivators up ahead?
Tau
They are. You see two Skulltivators at the head.
[SFX: Battle bass music fades in.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, all right. Let's get....(laughs)"
Michael (Arete)
"Let's get it on."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is gonna run forward and Rockstar like slide on his knees and as he flings his hands out and sends an acid splash to try and get rid of their frickin hard headed trait. You need to roll a dexterity saving throw but guess what, baby! I have skills! I'm going to use a blood crystal to increase that DC by six. So they need to roll a 20 or higher.
Amanda (Annie)
Wow.
Tau
They do not. So the corrosive acid splash burns through. You lodged the blood crystal and one of them though. They never taken any damage but their thick skull effects are gone.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Beautiful. Finish them off boys!"
Tau
They're going "(goatlike snarl)."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander will sprint and jump off of Rolf's shoulders to attack one of the Skulltivators.
[SFX: A bone cracks.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ah! My bones frail."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(lazily) Attack. Hi-yah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
There's nothing better than hearing someone go. "Hi-yah." And then a little click.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs) 22.
Tau
That hits.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, and the damage was seven.
Tau
That one dies. You still have an extra attack great.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Other Skulltivator... "Taste my blade!" Does a 19 land?
Tau
That does land.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That's for nine damage.
Tau
Okay, that one also dies.
[SFX: Bones clatter to the ground.]
Tau
So the gate in front of you shows a symbol of obols.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf and Alexander get up about 30 feet ahead of the rest of the party and go catch up and run to the portal. And Rolf is gonna press in the crystal.
[SFX: Running then the scrape of the portal gate opening.]
Michael (Arete)
With that, Arete sprints after them to catch up. "Nobody leaves me behind."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"No one but your parents," and he jumps in.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Amanda (Annie)
Woooowwww.
Michael (Arete)
(cries) Arete immediately, like turns around, goes to one of like the little alcoves that are along the thing and just kind of like crouches down, curled up in a ball and starts to weep.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Wow.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughing) Oh no!
Michael (Arete)
Arete was not at all prepared for this triggering event from his past come up.
Amanda (Annie)
I think like Alex's drunkenness is rubbing off on Rolf like I don't know what is happening right now. But the beginning of this session has been absolutely just ridiculous. And it's just... Annie, Annie, having seen that and heard that, is gonna go over to Arete and crouch down like "It's okay. It's okay, go ahead. Let it out. Take a deep breath. Come on."
Michael (Arete)
"Mother?"
Amanda (Annie)
"No, no, it's it's me."
Michael (Arete)
"Oh, brother?"
Amanda (Annie)
"It's Annie. It's Annie. You're going to be okay."
Michael (Arete)
"What happened, Annie? What? Where am I?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Where we're on another run, another run through Tartarus. Yeah?"
Michael (Arete)
"Tart-Tartarus. I'm dead?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Hey."
Michael (Arete)
"I'm dead?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey"
Michael (Arete)
"I was left alone and I'm dead. I was left alone and I'm dead."
Amanda (Annie)
"Arete, Arete. Deep breath with me. Okay." (breathes deeply)
Michael (Arete)
(takes deep breaths)
Amanda (Annie)
"There you go. Good one. Okay. How, how are you doing?"
Michael (Arete)
"Much... much better. Annie. Thank you."
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah, no, anytime you need help standing up?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay." And Annie is going to grab Arete's hand. Annie will help, Annie is not really going to be able to do much, but she will take your hand.
Michael (Arete)
"Yes please."
Michael (Arete)
And that emotional support and gesture is all that Arete needs in order to rise up from the ground. And he looks at Annie briefly and gives a bear of a hug.
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh."
Michael (Arete)
"Thank you." And he releases the hug and walks over to the portal and goes through.
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay. All right." Has Alex gone through the portal?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander is standing with the most determined look, he's looking out in the distance you see his cape flapping.
Amanda (Annie)
You have a cape?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes, we went over this.
Amanda (Annie)
I always forget and I'm always going to.
Nicholas (Alexander)
But he's he's just waiting for that fish to come out of the water.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's just gonna walk onto like the same plane as Alex, just like clear her throat "Um (clars throat)" and she's gonna walk through the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And Alexander waits for the rest of eternity.
Amanda (Annie)
For this damned fish.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I know you're out there. You win this time," and then I go into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
(laughs) Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) What is happening today?!
Tau
All right, this is gonna be quite the run.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my gosh.
Tau
You are in a very large rectangular room. You are standing on the south side of it. The length of the rectangle ie the farthest distance away from you is where the next gates are. Those gates are 270 feet away from you on the farthest end of the room.
Amanda (Annie)
Wow.
Tau
The rectangle is also 120 feet wide. You are standing on essentially the width of it, Alexander, you are spaced 15 feet from the bottom left corner. Annie, you are spaced 45 feet from the bottom left corner. So you're 30 feet away from Alex. Rolf, you are spaced 30 feet further away from Annie. So you are... 75 feet away from the bottom left corner. And 30 feet away from Rolf, so closest to the bottom right corner is you, Arete. So you see this very, very long rectangle in front of you. You're all space kind of a little bit apart, doesn't mean you have to stay that way. But that's where you started. Also, you can't really make out the gates at the far end of the room because these dark portals have started appearing there. So four dark portals, each 30 feet in diameter, have started appearing on the opposite end of the room.
[SFX: Fwooshfwooshfwooshfwoosh.]
Tau
So because they're each 30 feet wide, and the room is 120 feet wide. On that dimension. You see four giant portals cover that entire wall. The first portal you see on the left is a dark green portal. The second portal you see as a dark purple portal, the third portal you see, so again, this would be the one in front of you, Rolf, is a green portal. And then in front of you Arete, again, is a purple portal. So it goes green, purple, green, purple.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf pulls out a little French 75 in a to-go cup and holds it out shamefully, to the right, towards Arete.
Michael (Arete)
Arete knocks it out of his hand.
[SFX: The cup tumbles to the floor.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Fair. I'm sorry, I don't know that I've ever found myself in a competitive environment like this. I suppose Norse blood does run a bit hotter than I like to admit."
Michael (Arete)
"Coming from the frozen tundra, I suppose I should take that with a grain of salt."
Tau
At this time, you see the middle purple and the middle green portal begin to charge up they start spinning faster and green and purple flame start coming out.
[SFX: A tone sounds then cuts to low bass music.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to move out of the way of them. I'm going to put myself like where Arete is and I'm going to observe to see what happens.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie would like to do the same.
Tau
Are you also moving to Arete?
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Tau
Okay, so Rolf is right next to Arete so Rolf moves to Arete's position. Annie, while you are moving to Arete's position you have to cross over Rolf's position so you don't fully clear the space before the next thing happens. The purple portal and the green portal in the middle that were charging out shoot out these two massive beams of purple and green light.
[SFX: FWOOSH.]
Tau
That green portal shoots a huge beam of green flame at you, make a dexterity saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
Annie, no!
Amanda (Annie)
Biscuits. (gasps) Oh, no. Okay, I thought it was a one. Well, it's a 12 which isn't very good either. So.
Tau
You take two acid damage.
Amanda (Annie)
(croaks)
Tau
Furthermore, you are coated in this green flame. You just see it radiating off of you. It's not doing any harm. But right now you are coated in a green flame.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, that's kind of metal.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Stop, drop and roll Anastasia!"
Tau
Additionally, the green portal on the far left and the purple portal on the far right, begin charging up.
Michael (Arete)
I'm dashing to the left.
Tau
So you're moving to that middle position. Is anybody else doing anything?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm dashing forward and to the left.
Tau
Okay, so you're trying to go 60 feet in the second column?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Correct.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm running to the middle left lane diagonally up and right.
Tau
Okay. Are you dashing?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Now I will. Yes.
Tau
Okay, Annie. Where are you moving? You're also moving to the middle lanes?
Amanda (Annie)
Yes. Correct. Annie would like to dash close to where Rolf is actually.
Tau
So in one middle column I have Alexander at the purple lane. And in the green lane, I have Arete, Annie, and Rolf is that correct?
Amanda (Annie)
Yyyes.
Tau
At this stage, all along the right wall, from about 150 feet forward all the way to the back of the room, we have portals lighting up.
[SFX: High pitched tone twinges.]
Tau
At the 150 mark going 30 feet down descending it goes purple portal, green portal, purple portal, green portal, purple portal, green portal. So all of you right now everybody has a giant green portal to their right. And they're charging.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Okay, so we know green does acid fire damage and purple...?"
Michael (Arete)
"We don't know."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'll take my chances." Then I'll dash to the furthest purple portal I can.
Tau
So the furthest purple portal is only 30 feet in front of you. If you went 60 you would be in front of a green. So you want to go forward 30 in front of a purple?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
It might kill me but we'll see.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie would like to continue following Rolf.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Then yes, I'm going to meet up with Rolf and Annie at least horizontally.
Tau
Okay, so you're going to move forward 30 feet to stand in front of the purple portal.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Correct.
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to take the full dash for 60 to get to the 120 mark and stand in front of a green portal.
Tau
Excellent.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm sorry, Arete. I hope this isn't the instakill portal. If it is instakill, I hope you feel better."
Michael (Arete)
"Not everything is about you, Rolf. Maybe it's because I know It's a dexterity saving throw and I'll take half damage or no damage if I succeed."
Tau
The green and purple portals barrage everybody from the right with long pillars of green and purple flame.
[SFX: FWOOSH.]
Tau
Now everybody make a dexterity saving throw... except Annie.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Woah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
10.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Dirty 20.
Michael (Arete)
Mine is a nine.
Tau
So you take nine fire damage.
Michael (Arete)
With my evasion ability, even if I fail I take half damage.
Tau
Okay so then you take four.
Michael (Arete)
Great.
Tau
And Alexander, you got a 20. Rolf, what did you get?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
10.
Tau
Purple flame washes over you Rolf and you take eight fire damage.
[SFX: FWOOSH.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Jesus Christ.
Tau
Annie, you get blasted in the face with this purple flame, actually your whole body gets blasted with this purple flame.
[SFX: FWOOSH.]
Amanda (Annie)
(nervous) Okay.
Tau
You take no damage and you were covered in purple flame which has replaced the green flame all around you.
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Tau
Alexander and Rolf, you have taken damage and now you are engulfed in purple flame. Arete, you are engulfed in green flame in addition to the damage that you've taken.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Alright, y'all, they they cancel each other out just keep landing in front of the opposite portals." I dash.
Tau
The four portals in front of you, so on the far end of the room, all start charging up again. It goes green, purple, green, purple. Furthermore, four portals behind you appear.
[SFX: Fwooshfwooshfwoosh.]
Tau
They are not charging up but from left to right again as if your backward to them left to right. The order is purple, green, purple, green.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(quietly) What the heck.
Tau
Lastly, all the portals along the right of you lineup.
[SFX: High pitched twinge.]
Tau
So from 270 feet back all of the portals lineup. They're not charging up but they are now all active portals.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I would like to dash as far forward as I can and put myself in the lane of one of the green portals that are charging up.
Tau
Okay, so you would dash forward 60 feet and Rolf you are at the 150 mark, you have a green portal in front of you, purple portal behind you, and a purple portal to your right.
Michael (Arete)
I would like to dash as well. I will dash forward 30 feet to the 150 mark and then the 30 feet to the left to the purple lane.
Tau
So Arete, you are at the 150 foot marker. You have a purple portal in front of you, a green portal behind you, and a purple portal to your right.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'd like to dash to the 150 foot marker to the leftmost lane.
Tau
So Alexander you are in front of a green portal you have a purple portal behind you, you have a purple portal to your right
Amanda (Annie)
Annie would like to dash to...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh no we screwed up y'all.
Amanda (Annie)
What do you mean? Why?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I see an evil smile.
Amanda (Annie)
Nooo! Um, Annie would like to dash... aw crap... yeah, up forward I mean towards the green portal closest to the right.
Tau
Okay, so in order to do that you wouldn't be able to dash. If you just move 30 feet you would be 30 feet behind Rolf with a green portal in front of you a purple portal behind you a green portal to your right.
Amanda (Annie)
Yes.
Tau
Okay, Annie, you are bathed in purple flame. Alexander you were bathed in purple flame. Arete you are bathed in green flame. Rolf you are bathed in purple flame. And now the four portals at the far end of the room blast their flames at you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(gasps)
Tau
Alexander and you don't make any saving throw. The purple flies past you you take no damage and now you are bathed in green light.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Groovy.
Tau
Furthermore, that green flame passes behind you and it goes into the purple portal behind you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh my god. Okay, I see.
Tau
Arete, you're bathed in green light. A giant purple blast hits you from the portal in front of you. You take no damage. You are now awash in purple light.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Now we're thinking with portals."
Tau
Furthermore, that purple portal flame that blew past you went into the green portal behind you.
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Tau
Rolf, the green flame blasts through you.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Tau
You take no damage. That green flame also goes past Annie and goes into the purple portal behind you. Now here's what happens. All of the portals along the right, start shooting out the color that was fired into them.
Amanda (Annie)
Wait, the portals on the right?
Tau
Yes.
Michael (Arete)
Shoot the colors that were?
Tau
Yes so so you know that you know how the flames that flowed into the portals on the back? Those colors are now being shot out of the portals on the right. So for example, that green flame from the first column that went into the purple column behind Alexander now shoots out at everybody at the 150 mark. It is green fire coming out of the purple portal.
[SFX: Flames WOOSH.]
Amanda (Annie)
(low scream)
Tau
So Alexander, make a dexterity saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Natural twenty.
[SFX: Dice skitters.]
Tau
You only take six acid damage.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Tau
Green fire comes out of this portal.
Michael (Arete)
I was awash in purple, baby, so I should be good.
Tau
Yep. So green fire washes over you, nothing bad happens. Rolf, what color were you?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I believe I had just turned green.
Tau
Green fire washes over you, make a saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh! 20.
Tau
Okay, you only take five acid damage.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Well it's better than the alternative.
Michael (Arete)
Mmhmm.
Tau
So Annie, purple flame is shooting out at you from the green portal on the right. What color flame are you awash in?
Amanda (Annie)
I'm currently green.
Tau
So that purple flame washes over you. You take no damage.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Amanda (Annie)
Okay.
Tau
Annie and Arete, your colors have flipped to the opposite color because you got hit by that color.
Amanda (Annie)
Right.
Michael (Arete)
Yeah, we're green now.
Amanda (Annie)
I'm purple.
Michael (Arete)
Oh, wait. Yes.
Tau
Annie is purple. Alexander, you are...
Nicholas (Alexander)
Green.
Tau
Green. Arete, you are...
Michael (Arete)
Purple now, yeah.
Tau
And Rolf, you are...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(singing Eiffel 65) Blue, if I was green, I would die-- just kidding. I'm green. And I'm going to die.
Tau
Okay, what do y'all do?
Michael (Arete)
Do we see any type of like, charging up of anything?
Tau
You don't see any charging up right now.
Michael (Arete)
Alright.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(yells) "RUN."
Michael (Arete)
I am dashing forward in my lane 60 feet to the 210 mark.
Tau
So you were at the 210 mark in the purple lane, correct?
Michael (Arete)
Yes.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I will also dash up in my lane 60 feet.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to charge as far forward as I can.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, crud. Okay, so Annie. Yeah, Annie would like to move forward also.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
But Annie is really scared. So in front of her is green, side of her is green, back of her is purple.
Tau
That is correct. That's where you're at right now with 180 mark.
Amanda (Annie)
She would also like to pull out her viol and play a rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee."
[SFX: Whirring viol music of "Flight of the Bumblebee" fades in.]
Tau
Okay. Now here's what you see, the portals in front of you light up again.
[SFX: High pitched twinge.]
Tau
Green, purple, green, purple. The portals behind you now go green, green, purple, purple.
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to dash forward 30 feet for half of the dash. And then... I mean, wait, if I went to 270, I'm like basically at the wall. Am I able to like get to the gate?
Tau
If you use up the remaining 30 feet you will be in front of that gate.
Michael (Arete)
I would love to use up the remaining and touch that gate.
Tau
So Arete is now putting his hand into what he believes is the exit gate.
Michael (Arete)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to move forward and all the way to the right so I'm surrounded by purple on all sides and I'm going to wait until this round is done before trying to join Arete where he is.
Tau
Okay so just to confirm, you are at the 210 foot mark, you have a purple portal in front of you, a purple portal to your right, a purple portal behind you.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Correct.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie would like to run to be in the first lane, like the same lane as Alex with a green portal in front of her, green portal in back of her.
Tau
That is correct.
Amanda (Annie)
And she has a green portal to the right...
Tau
That's right.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, I'll meet up Arete at the end.
Tau
Are you going to meet Arete? Or are you going to dash to your own gate at the end?
Nicholas (Alexander)
The middle left lane, I'll go in the middle left lane, if I can get to the end in that fashion.
Tau
So you're moving to the exact same place that Arete is, correct?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Tau
So you run over to that purple portal with Arete throwing in his hand and you throw your hands in as well.
Michael (Arete)
"Welcome to the death club. Party of two."
Tau
Here is what happens. In the first column a green pillar of flame shoots out at Annie, only. Annie, what color are you?
Amanda (Annie)
Purple!
Tau
You turn green and you take no damage.
Amanda (Annie)
Word.
Tau
That green flame goes into the green portal behind you. Nothing else happens to you because you were next to-- oh wait no just kidding.
Amanda (Annie)
I knew it! No!
Tau
You've got a green portal next to you. (laughs) Just kidding, that green flame shoots back out at you from the right green portal. Make a dexterity saving throw.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Amanda (Annie)
Nooooooo! Annie is still playing "Flight of the Bumblebee." Auugh. A 21.
Tau
Okay, you only take nine corrosive damage.
Amanda (Annie)
Ahhh, only nine corrosive damage? Okay, thank you god.
Tau
Okay, purple flame shoots out of the second column. Alexander, what color are you?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Green.
Tau
Okay, you turn purple. As this purple flame shoots out of you, it shoots into the green portal behind you. It immediately emerges again from the green portal to your right. Make a dexterity saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
13.
Tau
So you take eight fire damage.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Tau
Arete.
Michael (Arete)
I'm purple.
Tau
You're purple, the purple shoots out at you make a dexterity saving throw
Michael (Arete)
18.
Tau
Okay you take five fire damage.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Michael (Arete)
But if I succeed with evasion, I take no damage I believe.
Tau
Okay great, so you take no damage. You're still purple, the flame goes into the green portal behind you and comes out of the green portal to your right so make another dexterity saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
24.
Tau
You evade it, you are fine. Rolf, what color are you?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
The color of a fool, I'm green.
Tau
Purple flame blasts you.
[SFX: FWOOSH.]
Tau
You turn purple, but take no damage. The purple flies into the green portal behind you, nothing comes out of it because you've got a purple portal to your right. So you should be fine.
Amanda (Annie)
Awwww.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm not even gonna question.
Amanda (Annie)
I'm confuzzled.
Tau
Let me make sure I did that right
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No you did it, you did it right, don't worry, you did it right.
Amanda (Annie)
What lane are you in, Gian?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
The far right. I thought I had a purple portal behind me.
Tau
Oh wait so the green flame that was in Annie's row does come out of that purple one. I'm sorry.
[SFX: Fwoosh.]
Tau
So green flame is coming out of the purple portal to your right but you're green, no, oh no now you're purple. Okay, no, so you're still fine. So that cancels out.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Wait, I did the math, right? Yes!
Tau
Yeah. So you're good. You got hit with two blasts. It was perfectly timed. They flipped your colors just right. Now at this stage, all the portals vanish.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps)
Tau
And you see in front of you two gates.
[SFX: "Flight of the Bumblebees" ends.]
Tau
One for nectar, one for obols. Additionally, you find a bag of 100 obols at your feet.
[SFX: Chimelike ding.]
Michael (Arete)
Yumyumyum.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Annie, feather dust that shit!"
Amanda (Annie)
Annie is gonna put away her viol and she's gonna whip out the feather duster. And she's gonna Swish swish swish swish over the obols and put her hand on it and gain 20% more.
Tau
You feel the feather duster clog up a little bit and you give it a shake and 20 more obols fly out of it.
Amanda (Annie)
Nice. Thank you!
Tau
You have solved my portal puzzle.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes!
Amanda (Annie)
I mean, did we solve it?
Michael (Arete)
Did we? Or did we just outlast it?
Tau
I thought it was the perfect balance of fiendish and delightful. Y'all can eat it.
Amanda (Annie)
No, I agree. I do agree. I'm just like, I don't think, I didn't solve it, I definitely didn't (laughs)
Michael (Arete)
I guess we could find out next time.
Tau
Okay, so. You see the nectar or the obols gate?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well Annie, I think we all owe you some nectar, don't you?"
Amanda (Annie)
"(whispering) Nectarrr, nectar."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Okay, why are whispering, Anastasia?"
Michael (Arete)
"In case the portals hear her."
Amanda (Annie)
"Why can't you just let me have fun?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(whispering) I think we should get the nectar."
Michael (Arete)
"(whispering)Yeah."
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay."
Michael (Arete)
"I think I think nectar would be a great idea."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Arete, I'm sorry I made an insensitive joke. I- you joke about it often and you know I kind of I got carried away in the heat of the competition. I wanted to--"
Michael (Arete)
"I appreciate your apology. And you can take that apology and you can stick it up your... (even quieter) ass." (speaks at a normal volume) And with that Arete smacks his hand on the nectar portal. And will hop in if it opens.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(still whispering) Rolf is going to walk over to the portal while very quietly describing what he's doing. And he's going to very delicately step into the portal.
Tau
Which portal Rolf?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Well once the gate goes down, he's going to step into the portal.
Tau
Which portal Rolf?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Nectar.
Tau
Okay. Annie, what portal are you going for?
Michael (Arete)
Wait we can separate?
Amanda (Annie)
Did the other gate not..?
Tau
So two are going for nectar but that is not a consensus.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, good. Just checking that we were on the same page.. annie would like the nectar portal but Annie would also like to look over at Alex and once again clear her throat. "Alex, would you, um... would you like the nectar or the the the obol portal?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"The nectar."
Amanda (Annie)
Yes! And Annie's gonna smack the nectar portal.
Tau
Okay.
[SFX: The scrape of the portal gate opening.]
Tau
You all smack the nectar portal, the gate slides up revealing the black abyss
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(whispering) And Rolf goes in.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's just gonna start singing "Hello darkness my old friend." Then she's gonna jump in.
Michael (Arete)
No no, Annie it's a it's a it's a nectar portal, not a darkness portal.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna look at Arete and she's gonna sing it again. "Hello darkness my old friend." And then she's gonna jump in.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Michael (Arete)
(singing) "It's nice to see you there again." And he jumps.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Michael (Arete)
I don't think those are the lyrics. But you know, we're gonna go for it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alex goes in.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Just shaking his head from the dad joke from Arete, he just walks into the portal.
Tau
So first thing you find yourself in a quaint little room lined with dark purple stone tiles and a series of merchant wares appear to be laid out over a casket serving as a table. Additionally, you find some nectar at your feet.
[SFX: A chimelike ding.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"(whispering) We have no money friends, but let's grab the nectar. Oh wait, Annie, Annie put your feather duster. See if we get a little extra nectar."
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay. I don't think that's how it works."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"But try--"
Amanda (Annie)
(whispering) "But I like the way you think." Annie's gonna pull out the feather duster. Swish swish over the nectar.
Tau
The feathers just get sticky as you do it.
Amanda (Annie)
"Dammit, Rolf."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I suck on the feathers.
Amanda (Annie)
"Ew, no! Rolf!"
Tau
The item breaks permanently.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps) No!
Tau
And is forever unusable.
Amanda (Annie)
(scandalized) Stop, stop it right, no it does not!
Tau
So I'll tell you what you have in the shop.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay.
Tau
Laid out over the casket, you have a pom of power for 75
[SFX: Chimelike ding.]
Tau
30 gemstones for 50
[SFX: Chimelike ding.]
Tau
A centaur a heart for 100
[SFX: Chimelike ding and a heartbeat.]
Tau
50 darkness for 75
[SFX: Chimelike ding.]
Tau
or some food for 25
[SFX: Chimelike ding.]
Tau
Oh also a Daedalus hammer for 150
[SFX: Chimelike ding. Then a hammer clink.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Do we see a bag moolah?
Tau
No.
Michael (Arete)
"Are you sure you don't see a bag of--"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Can I search for a bag of moolah? It's a 13 for an investigation
Tau
No.
Michael (Arete)
Arete will also roll an investigation. And it's a 20.
Tau
No.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(disappointed) Oh, seems we are no longer in the Gods' good graces.
Michael (Arete)
"Well, we've got 120 obols to spend."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"So what can we afford?"
Michael (Arete)
"The pom is 75 so we could get a (french accent) lovely little palm to upgrade our boon."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I guess a pom if it's all we can afford."
Amanda (Annie)
"We're on a budget."
Michael (Arete)
Could you run through the other, there was something that was 50, there were two things that were 50, right?
Tau
Pom for 75. Gemstones for 50. Centaur heart for 100. Darkness for 75. Food for 25. Daedalus hammer, 150.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I would say pom is the most immediately useful. I would love some gems, you know."
Michael (Arete)
"Especially to save up for that contract for admin."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Exactly."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Gems are easier to come by than the pomegranates, I think."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"And I'm down with that."
Amanda (Annie)
"I think it's all up to chance, but I'll go for whatever I guess."
Michael (Arete)
"So I'm sensing pomegranate from everyone?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Sure!"
Amanda (Annie)
"Nom nom nom."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Yes."
Michael (Arete)
"Great."
Tau
Alright, subtract 75 as you take the pomegranate and you're powering up your Athena boon?
Michael (Arete)
Yes, Arete will split open the pomegranate and eat the delicious seeds within.
Tau
[SFX: A wet crunch.]
Tau
Okay, so for your common boon, you still have that you do not draw opportunity attacks. Now at rare rarity, you have an additional benefit, which is that as a bonus action, you can add your proficiency to a skill check that you're making in that same turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
What if our proficiency is already on it?
Tau
You add it again.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh, that's tight, y'all. It's gonna help my smooth brain during the game shows.
Tau
Do you do anything else in the shop?
Michael (Arete)
"There is food for 25? Anybody? Anybody? Any takers?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm down 14 hit points. But I don't want to waste the party's funds on healing through one individual."
Amanda (Annie)
"As the tank of the group, I'm doing just fine. So just saying."
Michael (Arete)
"As a fairly dexterous Dodger and lucky flamer, I'm feeling okay."
Tau
Okay. You also see two gates one leading to gems and one leading to nectar.
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh nooo."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ohhhh mannn. I feel like it has to be nectar, no?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I am right?"
Michael (Arete)
"Again?"
Michael (Arete)
"I am partial to getting some gems. I don't know about all of you. I think getting those house contracts to admin to figure out what's going on is very important. And we already tried to do the nectar thing to get into admin and I don't think that's exactly working for us."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"We did-- no we got a stylish little bracelet from it."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Check it out!" and Rolf bangles it around.
Michael (Arete)
"Yeah. Do you know what it does?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yes, it makes me harder to hit."
Michael (Arete)
"Well, good for you old bones."
Amanda (Annie)
Ouchhh.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well, the old bones and I were going to the nectar."
Michael (Arete)
"Well, I am very firmly in place of gems because I think long term benefits are better than than a one time little fancy flight with a with a GOD or a demigod or whatever."
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay, okay hey now, wait a second. Wait a second, y'all. Okay, now, hear me out really quick right?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Ughhhh, now we have to listen to Sesame Street, please."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughing high pitched) What the fuck, man?
Michael (Arete)
Does Sesame Street exist in this universe?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, it's Hades Of course. That's what they play in Hades.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
It's Elmo on Fire, the meme.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughing) Elmo's like (Elmo voice) "Hey Sisyphus!"
Players
(cackling)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Make a dexterity saving throw. ONE. Ah ah ah.
Tau
You see Oscar just hanging out of the chaos gate halfway.
Amanda (Annie)
Can we do a Sesame Street themed campaign?
Tau
Yeah, Achilles and Patroclus are just replaced by Burt and Ernie and no one has anything to say about it. It's played completely straight.
Michael (Arete)
Thank goodness.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing then sighing) Aw geez.
Michael (Arete)
"So Annie, before you were so rudely interrupted by Mr. References that I don't understand over here..."
Amanda (Annie)
"I was just going to say that because we had already gained one nectar that maybe we would want to consider going through the gems this time."
Michael (Arete)
"Thank you, Annie."
Amanda (Annie)
"I thought your end goal was to get into the admissions room. Nectar can only get you so far."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Alexander. You catch more flies with nectar than with gemstones but you pissed off the fly. So it looks like we're going gemstones."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"No, I refuse. I'm sick of these ridiculous choices being made by this party. Gems can be taken any time they can even be purchased."
Amanda (Annie)
"As can--"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Nectar is only found."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Have we purchased a nectar?"
Amanda (Annie)
"What?"
Amanda (Annie)
"You can but you'd need like a Cthonic key. You can you can your... I'm sorry, I don't mean to get flustered but your argument is technically invalid."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"A Cthonic key?"
Amanda (Annie)
"That is what I said. You can get it from the broker if we wanted to. Yes, gems are, Yes, we can come by gems."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"They are abundant. They're so plentiful nectar is not nearly as--"
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah, which is why we only have 280."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Because we've spent a bunch of it looking at ourselves in the mirror."
Amanda (Annie)
"No, we spent darkness we spent darkness on the mirror. Gems is for the contractor, Alex! I'm just, look, all I'm saying is that you're saying that one is more abundant, or easy to come by. Where I'm gonna be honest, I think it's really just up to chance. I think things are kind of just getting rolled."
Nicholas (Alexander)
And I think it's about who you know, in the Underworld, and bribery."
Amanda (Annie)
"Sure. And it seemed like you knew Achilles pretty well, but you didn't really get far with your, you know, well, I'm not trying to be you know, I'm not trying I'm not trying to be rude. I'm really just trying to point out."
Michael (Arete)
"Damn, Annie sick burn, sis."
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay, Arete. I'm not look, we've, I don't want to cause any more tension in the group because for whatever reason--"
Michael (Arete)
"She's about to end this man's whole career."
Michael (Arete)
"Oh my gosh, Arete!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I truly feel you're wasting an opportunity here."
Amanda (Annie)
"I don't think so. I mean, we already got one nectar this round. I can go either way, but I think it just made more sense to go for the gems."
Michael (Arete)
"Fine. We'll go with the nectar because the stubborn brute won't see reason."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Beautiful."
Amanda (Annie)
"But we also can't do that every time."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Oh! The one time we go with what I want? Don't worry. I'm sure it will never again."
Amanda (Annie)
"'The one time...the one time we go...' Are you kidding me? Check yourself Alex! Check yourself." and Annie's gonna smack the nectar.
Tau
It slides up and open.
[SFX: The portal scrapes open.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander cartwheels in.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh I wanted to talk to you when the rest were gone, alright.
Michael (Arete)
Arete offers his hand to Annie to take her hand to enter the portal together.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna look at Arete and she's gonna put her hand out but she's also going to look back at Rolf and she's gonna put her hand out to when she's gonna wait for Rolf to grab it.
Michael (Arete)
Arete will wait as well.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf will, assuming that he's being duped somehow is going to very cautiously give his hand.
[SFX: A soft smack of hand in hand.]
Amanda (Annie)
I'm not, I'm not, no, there's no dupe here. There's, I'm Annie, no, no dupe, no scoop dupe.
Michael (Arete)
Scoop ida scoop and we enter the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
Okay, I'm gonna take it to me that everybody is there.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughing) Yeah.
Tau
All right.
Amanda (Annie)
I'm so sorry Tau.
Tau
That's okay. So here's what happens next. So you find yourself standing on a very narrow ledge again. And this time again, in front of a very long rectangular room. You see dozens and dozens of Wretched Heretics patrolling left and right across this path. One thing in particular is different this time than previous stealth challenges you've done. There is no gray crystal hovering to your left.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Aw mother fu--
Michael (Arete)
I'm gonna roll an investigation to see if there's anything else around. Ooh, natural 20 with my bonus at 21.
Tau
Ooo, okay. Here's what you notice with a 20. You notice just below you, you see some of the dust moving around as if like they were like invisible steps.
[SFX: Quiet laughter and light footsteps.]
Michael (Arete)
"Son of a--Everyone, there is another Olympiad here and they have the crystal and we're fucked."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Kill them."
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Wait, wait no splash. No, no, no. Splash them with one of your your snot, cover them."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, I have infestation. It makes them move in any direction. It will send them out of the invisibility cloud and give us enough time to go in there."
Amanda (Annie)
"Wait. wait."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I go back. "Psst! Here, get down here."
Michael (Arete)
"Okay." Without hesitation, Arete deftly climbs down from the ledge.
Tau
You are all planning to murder them which I think is so funny.
Amanda (Annie)
No, I don't want to. I was about to stop them. I'm like why you gotta jump? Why I got Oh, so quick to stab. Oh my word.
Michael (Arete)
Stabby stabby.
Tau
Rolf will also climb down.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander will climb down.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie will too.
Tau
Okay, you all climb down.
Michael (Arete)
I walk closer to where the dust had settled, hopefully entering the field of invisibility.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
While he's walking in, Rolf is gonna put a hand on his shoulder and then hold his hand out too, I guess, Annie's behind him?
Tau
Okay, Arete, you become invisible and you bump into somebody.
Michael (Arete)
I just immediately awkwardly like kind of pat around until like, I find a good place to hold on, preferably a shoulder or like hips. Their waist would work as well.
Tau
You grab on to a very slim waist and then you hear advice. (Adonis) "Sorry, I'm right here."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh no.
Nicholas (Alexander)
He's gonna sneeze.
Michael (Arete)
Arete unknown to everyone blushes profusely because he's invisible. Nobody sees him. He whispers as quietly as possible. "It's okay."
Tau
You hear another voice and say. "Get the rest of your Olympiad in here and we can start moving."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is going to enter the invisibility circle holding Annie's hand and like I to tell her to grab Alexander's so we can all enter.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna hold her hand out for Alexander. But she's not necessarily happy about it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And Alexander will grab her hand and walk into the cluster of people that are now invisible.
Tau
You have to squish up quite tightly to fit into this because the crystal has a very small radius. So Rolf and Alexander you feel yourself squeezed up right against some plate mail armor. You smell axe. You hear a voice say, "Don't worry. I think..." and again, a voice that could be much quieter than it is going. "Don't worry. I think Adonis can get us out of here." And you hear Adonis go "But I just burned a spell slot." And he says "Just do it again. Just do it again. We'll all get out of here just fine." He goes, (sniffing) "Okay. One second." And then, Arete, you feel Adonis shifting a little bit as he moves his arms and he whispers something under his breath. And he casts... actually let me see how many people this can affect.
Michael (Arete)
As he feels Adonis shifting in his hands and because we're all scrunched up against his body, he...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh god.
Michael (Arete)
subtly tries to shift his waist and pelvis kind of like away from Adonis.
Amanda (Annie)
This is fanfiction, we're we're, we're just we're, this is what you're doing. I want you to know what you're doing. I want you to be aware!
Tau
Each creature you choose within 30 feet of you. Okay, so this will work just fine. Suddenly, he casts the spell, and a veil of shadows and silence radiates from him, masking him and his companions from detection. For the duration, each creature he chooses within 30 feet of him, including himself, and he chooses you guys obviously, has a plus 10 bonus to stealth checks and can't be tracked except by the magical means. A creature that receives this bonus leaves behind no tracks or other traces of its passage.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Tight. So let's go.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So I already roll at disadvantage. So what does that mean?
Tau
Now here's what this means. You have to have eight people moving in unison very closely around this crystal if you want to stay invisible. So here's what I'm gonna say. You can all try to do this, you will have the benefit of pass without trace. But you will be making these rolls with essentially flat instead of with advantage, because I'm going to say it's a disadvantage that you're all trying to move in lockstep in a very tight group. So that disadvantage cancels out your advantage from the invisibility and you're rolling flat, but still with a really solid dexterity bonus. Alternatively, you can let this group go with the crystal and you guys can try to move on your own without the invisibility of the crystal, but you could potentially try to find other ways to give yourselves advantage or hide, etc. But you won't have the disadvantage of everybody trying to move as a group.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You roll with disadvantage, again, because it was canceled out? Right? It canceled out for regular rolls instead of advantage rolls?
Tau
Yeah. And then it becomes disadvantage on top of that,
Giancarlo (Rolf)
But you have plus 10.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I want to move with the group.
Michael (Arete)
I also am thinking I would like to move with the group.
Amanda (Annie)
I think I want to do that as well.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah.
Tau
Okay, so you all move with the group. So you're moving really slowly. That's the other thing I will mention. So everybody make a group stealth check.
Michael (Arete)
24 for Arete.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf rolled a three which becomes a 13. But then he whispers "Athena, aid me in this time."
[SFX: A bell dings.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That becomes a 16.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie rolled a 15, which then becomes a 25. Annie will also call to Athena. (whisper) "Athena, please make, help me be a stealthy stealth. Thank you." And then so the 25 then becomes 28.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I get a 22. And then Alexander will call, (shouting) "Athena help me sneak around!" and that will add plus, so that's a 25.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Um, Annie's about to let go of Alex's hand, like I don't even.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is about to push Alex out.
Amanda (Annie)
Like, what!
Nicholas (Alexander)
But it's the roll, guys.
Amanda (Annie)
Are you still drunk, is that it?
Nicholas (Alexander)
No, I think he's sobered up after getting hit with billion fire waves.
Amanda (Annie)
Then. What. Is. Wrong with you?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Annie, you're the one holding his hand.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Tau
So as you do that, you feel several pairs of hands shove you out of the crystal. Furthermore, you see four Wretched Heretics go (goatlike sounds of delight) And they all look at you. All four of them are going to fire their bolts at you. It's going to be 12d4 plus 12.
Michael (Arete)
(singing in the background) It's been great knowing you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, I think he just died (laughs).
Tau
You take 42 force damage.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, he's dead.
Tau
As they go bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! Then, yeah, as you're swallowed into a pool of blood.
[SFX: Outro music.]
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood, stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon Mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Sound design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C., with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. Transcription by Eli Barraza.
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