Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 1 - On Your Marks, Get Set, Escape

TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 1 - On Your Marks, Get Set, Escape

Tau

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Tau

You're listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way. We're just big old nerds making improv fanfiction. ROGUE RUNNERS is rated R for pretty much everything you can find in Greek mythology: violence, assault, self harm, offensive language, insensitive humor and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.

[SFX: Title music.] "Longing for the crisp air, a snowy surface—maimed, burdened, and bound by blood and darkness."

Tau

Few tales are told of Hades, and fewer tales still are told of his son Zagreus, who now rules the Underworld in his absent father's stead. And perhaps no tales at all are told of the ensuing Odyssey of small and wretched shades fighting for one more chance at life. I intend to tell you such a tale. So for some reason, Arete you have just heard this ominous voice narrating above your head. As you're finishing a job you wonder for a moment if anyone else can hear it. And before you can spend too long ruminating on that, you make sure you wrap up what you started here, you look around to check if any one of the other shades in Tartarus can see you but they seem to just be milling around minding their own business. And so you lightly touch a circular glyph on the ground and WOOSH! A black starry night bursts from it. The abyss twists and writhes like a flame from the ground. From your belongings, you draw a pouch, something inside the pouch squirms unsettlingly. You try not to think too hard about it and drop it into the story abyss peeking at you through the hole. From within, you hear a voice faintly call out to you. Or is it many voices, perhaps 1000? A voice or voices older than all creation? I feel compelled, though certainly no force compels me, to acknowledge, gravemarker, that my calculations did not account for such swift and capable execution. I remain grateful that you have brought me what I have asked, though, you are under no obligation to do so. I suspect with your newly granted duties in the Underworld, you will have many more opportunities to draw my interest. Should your aims continue to align with mine, you are of course as always free to pursue them. You understand what the voice is telling you about. Today is the day you may finally undertake the escape attempt. Once this endeavor was the sole responsibility of Lord Zagreus, who made the escape attempt out of the Underworld hundreds, perhaps thousands of times. Now with his Father and the Lord of the House of Hades mysteriously absent, Lord Zagreus has made this endeavor available to you and a select few entities in the Underworld. The voice speaks up again. I recall that the prince of your House attempted this feat many times. And through it I may or may not have come to know him quite well. I am curious, perhaps in your time as a shade of the Underworld prior to this...promotion, if you were one of the many shades he cut down in his path. You may respond.

Michael

Unfortunately, I know the man all too well.

Tau

The hole to the abyss then slams shut. Anastasia, your heart swells with emotion as you and your teacher finish the last few notes of an epic ballad that rings throughout the House of Hades. Orpheus puts his lyre to rest and his deep sunken eyes still show great pride in you. Well, I believe that is about all I can teach you. At least before you are summoned to your heroic calling today. I am sure you know that the opportunity Lord Zagreus has offered you is nothing short of unprecedented. Then again. He has always been known to bend and break the rules out of kindness more than anything else. Another chance at life? I once risked everything I had to afford that to someone I love. I paid a dear price for it. Tell me. Are you ready to walk in the flame flecked footsteps of the prince of the Underworld?

Amanda

I think I'm as ready as I can be Orpheus!

Tau

Orpheus nods and says, of course. I believe it is almost time to begin your very first escape attempt. I hope you bring back many stories for us to turn into song together my student.

Amanda

I assure you that I will.

Tau

Clang! The meeting of steel and stone echoes throughout the House of Hades. You don't know if you can believe it, Alexander. But this may be the very first time that you've caught your mentor just slightly out of breath. Before you stands one of the greatest heroes of legend, Achilles, and he pants slightly as he mounts his javelin back on the wall. It's possible you've even extracted a bead of sweat from his brow. Well done lad. You're every bit the student of combat that Lord Zagreus was when he started to escape. To think you had been little but a target for combat practice as a shade once. I am glad that you once struck back. Were it not for that, we'd never have noticed your promise. You've gotten so strong since then. Perhaps you really are my kin. He smiles. Will you remember everything I've taught you?

Nicholas

But of course.

Tau

He takes a deep breath. Mind your stance. Eye on your flank. Always keep your back to a wall. Make me proud out there. Nevermind. You already have. In the lounge of the House of Hades a bell tolls. Behind the bar, Rolf, you finish wiping down a glass on what may be your very last bartending shift for all eternity. Today begins your escape attempt. You've been waiting for this day for ages and everyone in the lounge knows because they go quiet. Across from you. The House Broker's formless body still shifts into a smile as it lets out a pleased bellow. It seems to want to wish you good luck.

Giancarlo

Thank you. And to all of you here, thank you for your company and patronage over, well, not really quite sure how long it's been. But it's always a pleasure. Getting to come together with all of you. I hope to see you all carry on doing the wonderful things that you do. The other figures of the lounge raise their glass to you or tap them on the table and then turn their attention back to their drinks. It is clear the air is rare with anticipation. Could the wretched shades really succeed where Lord Zagreus could not?

Tau

You all find yourselves in the courtyard of the House of Hades. Tall statues line the perimeter of this grand room and along the edges of the wall in one corner you find large pedestals upon which hovered dark shadows of ancient weapons. To your far left you can see a short walkway leading to a ledge looking out over all of Tartarus and its ominous green glow. Its endless chambers turning inward and outward upon itself, well, endlessly. You think to yourself, today is the day I'm going to get out of here. To your far right is a window leading out of the House of Hades though you could consider it more of a portal as you can't quite make out the outside. But you know it's there. At the moment the portal seems to be just a mass of thick grey smoke. But at the moment you may begin, you know, the smoke will change to pink and become passable. That's when you escape. You have a little time to kill before then. Elsewhere in the courtyard, stand a few other noticeable figures, about a dozen or so escapers in all, readying their weapons, talking excitedly with each other, doing stretches and practicing battle stances. Your Olympiad convenes. It's the first time you're seeing each other today. What do you all do?

Giancarlo

Good morning.

Amanda

Hi, Rolf!

Giancarlo

How you doing? Oh, Annie, I brought you something.

Amanda

You didn't have to do that.

Giancarlo

And Ralph is going to reach into his pack, I suppose. And pulls out some chocolate milk.

Amanda

Rolf, thank you. You really didn't have to do that.

Giancarlo

Oh, no, it's, it's nothing at all. And don't think I forgot you Arete I brought your favorite the French 79.

Michael

It's 75 you old fool. And I snatch the drink from his hand and I kind of stand off to the side and down it one shot.

Giancarlo

Glad to see you're as mentally sharp as ever. Alexander? And I bow my head toward him.

Nicholas

He bows in respect.

Giancarlo

I can run and grab you another drink if you want anything.

Nicholas

Alcohol would cloud the judgment but I couldn't resist so if you could, yes I would.

Giancarlo

Oh, yes. In the meantime, water anyone?

Amanda

Sure. Thanks Rolf.

Giancarlo

Hydrate or die-drate bitch!

Michael

Sure I'll take...I'll take a swig of that, please.

Giancarlo

And I toss a little water. I'll be right back. Rolf runs to the bar to get Alexander a drink.

Tau

Okay. Yeah, you can run back to the bar. Everyone in the lounge kind of their heads snap back to you thinking oh my god, he died already. So yeah, you run back behind the bar. What do you do?

Giancarlo

I see the disappointment in your faces, everyone. I know, I'm sorry forgetful Rolf as ever, I should have written it down. Really terribly forgetful of me to forget to get Alexander a drink. Anyways. Oh, what does Alexander like? I'll be right back everyone one second! And I run back to Alexander. Alex, really quick, um, what do you like to drink?

Nicholas

Right. Simple wine would be enough.

Giancarlo

Yeah. Okay. The finest wine we have and runs back behind the bar, grabs a wine, just like one cup of wine and then runs back with it as fast as 64 year old legs can carry him.

Tau

Thankfully, in D&D his 64 year old legs can carry him the same speed as anyone else. 30 feet. Probably.

Giancarlo

Here you are, excellent sir.

Nicholas

Thank you. I appreciate that. Is it a bottle or a cup?

Giancarlo

It's one cup. moderation my friend.

Nicholas

Yeah, Alex downs the whole thing and throws the cup

Giancarlo

Rolfs picks it up and tucks it away neatly.

Tau

Okay, phew.

Giancarlo

Unless anyone in the group has any requests. I think Rolf will just go and just chat with some of the other people in the courtyard.

Nicholas

I would like to see the shadow weapon.

Amanda

I'll probably go talk as well to another group.

Tau

Are you going with Rolf?

Amanda

Yeah.

Giancarlo

Oh, come along. Annie darling.

Amanda

Okay.

Michael

And I don't think I'll talk but like I will accompany Annie and Rolf.

Tau

Okay. Very cool. So Alexander at the moment, you see very, very large shadowy weapons hovering in front of you. You see the shadow of a large sword, like a long sword that is, that could be like, held in one hand. On another pedestal you see essentially a short sword and it seems to be shifting in form such that it could be a short sword or it could be a dagger. It seems like that could like potentially like, vary based on the user which one it was. And on another pedestal you see a greataxe, a massive, massive greataxe, even taller than you are. And it kind of seems to just rotate very slowly on its axis. You also see a rapier that seems to be kind of just standing on an invisible point and twirling in the air. You see a beautiful quarterstaff, an extremely ornate, well, you can't really make out the colors. But you could just make out this really ornate metallic, filigree detailing on a quarterstaff that's also rotating on another pedestal. And those are the weapons you see in front of you right now.

Nicholas

And of course, I have what's already equipped on my person as well?

Tau

Yes.

Nicholas

I see no need for these.

Tau

Sure.

Nicholas

Yeah, I'll go back. Well, I'll follow the group to hang in the back.

Tau

So I'll say the time it takes for you to examine and look at the weapons and decide you want nothing to do with them I'll say is quick enough that you're able to join up with the rest of the group before you miss anything essential. Cool. So you walk up to one of the other Olympiads, and this Olympiad is actually standing near the greataxe pedestal and they are whooping and cheering and clapping the three of them are very very excited. So I think here's how we can resolve this. When I ask for a check everybody can roll history and then whichever is the highest result, I'll say that person knows who this person is. So you find a man in this Olympiad. He is the absolute picture of toxic masculinity. He is super buff. He's blond, he's got his hair and this fuckboy haircut with a really really high part on the skull. He is wearing full plate armor and he is just going Woo! Hell yeah. All right. He's high fiving people in his Olympiad and when has run out of people to high five he kind of just turns to one of the weapons and just pats the air, that is the person you see who stands out the most. Roll a group history check.

Giancarlo

So 19.

Amanda

I rolled a natural 20.

Nicholas

Michael

Tau

Those of you who rolled 18 or better all recognize this as a man known as Ajax the Lesser, he was known as a hero in many famous Greek battles. When it comes to the House of Hades, you understand him to be one of the most physically proficient combatants out there. One of the people that he high fives gets immediately staggered back because he's considerably smaller. You see a man of a much smaller stature and a much more slight frame. He has this shock of bright red hair that furls out in these, long curls that go upward. He's got these big green eyes and he looks very easily impressionable and innocent. He's got this long flowing, green cloak wrapped around him and he wields a bow that is currently mounted on his shoulder. He's not quite the same very large personality as Ajax the Lesser. So this is gonna be a little bit harder to tell who he is. One of the things that sticks out to you is that this person is like the picture of physical attractiveness. Like there's something unnaturally beautiful about this person. Roll history if you want to know who that is.

Nicholas

Michael

16 here as well.

Amanda

Giancarlo

Tau

Anastasia or Annie, you recognize this as Adonis and what you know about him is that he was widely in life considered to be the most beautiful man on the planet, even gods and goddesses used to fight over his affections and intentions. So to protect him almost, it was a relief to have him sent to the Underworld where he could be, you know, watched over in a place where basically most Gods can't normally reach. You also happen to know with that high of a roll that he was raised by Persephone, so he's, like a distant brother to Zagreus. Also cheering and whipping much like Ajax the Lesser is a tall, very buff woman. I would describe her as almost like Zarya-like, if we're talking like Overwatch-eque. She is a tall monk. You can clearly tell she's a monk because she is like she is toned everywhere. She's got these big boxer's wraps around her fists, she wears kind of like very simple, plain clothing and she has this long silver hair that she has tied up in a neat bun behind her and she's got this like deep bellowing voice and she is like uncharacteristically jolly, not maybe not uncharacteristic, unusually jolly, for how Greek women were portrayed as very like feminine and demure and she is like almost one of the guys. Make a history check if you want to know who she is.

Michael

Amanda

Nicholas

Giancarlo

Critical failure.

Tau

So Annie and Alexander, you recognize this woman as Palaestra and Palaestra is considered like one of the greatest pugilists or fist fighters from the Greek world when she was alive. And it is also known that like wrestling, tournaments were obviously a very big part of Greek culture, and gymnasiums were a very big part of Greek culture. You understand that wrestling gyms and gymnasia were essentially called Palaestra after this woman. Now onto the last person, you finally see what everybody is cheering for. You see the fourth member of the Olympiad. She is a fairly short, small statured woman and Alexander I'm going to give you advantage on this for finding out who she is because I think you only you would recognize somebody who looks like this from your travels as this is a woman who is clearly not from Greece. She is from someplace as far as India. She has dark brown skin and long shiny black hair woven into a very long tight braid behind her and her clothes are very different from everybody else's. She wears this red and gold silk garb that also turns into like a veil that goes over her head a little bit and can loosely wrap around her. You see that the other three members of the Olympiad are cheering her on she is cracking her knuckles. She's flexing a little bit and then she holds her hand out in front of the giant shadow we greataxe in front of her and she says Labrys the Earthsplitter, answer my call and the shadowy greataxe turns into a massive greataxe of pure diamond in front of you, and it floats gently over to her and even with her very small frame she holds the axe effortlessly. And then she it's almost like swinging a piece of paper for her like it's so light she swings it and everybody else in her Olympiad just hops back and goes whoa! And then they all kind of laugh nervously like oh my god we might have just died before this thing even started. And then that fierce-ass greataxe effortlessly rests on her shoulder as she cocks it up there with her elbow. So make a history check. And again Alexander with advantage.

Michael

Giancarlo

20 from me.

Amanda

14 for Annie.

Nicholas

Tau

So everybody who got an 18 or better recognizes this young woman as Pandaie, and she is known as the only daughter of Heracles. So Heracles has obviously had many, many children, but she is known as the only daughter of Heracles. Kind of an unknown mother, you know, some Indian woman and yeah, that was obviously not cared about a whole lot by the ancient Greeks, but her father was Heracles and because she was the only daughter of Heracles she is recognized as one of his absolute favorite children. And so in life, she was given command of an entire army in India and essentially rule over a kingdom that she ran with all women. And as you kind of recall these facts about her she builds in confidence as she swings the axe a few more times, and she says, I am Pandaie, the only daughter of Heracles. I once commanded in life an army of 3500 elephants! And in death, I will make sure I command just as many souls! And everybody just whoops and claps and loses it over this, by everybody I mean to three people in her Olympiad. But they are so stoked. What do you guys do? Do you guys like cheer along? Do you kind of just like scope out the competition and what's going on?

Amanda

And he's gonna start clapping along. Just really excited.

Giancarlo

Rolf is gonna give a golf clap but a very genuine golf clap and go, Oh my that's very, very ambitious of you.

Michael

And Arete is gonna just kind of laugh quietly.

Tau

Okay, so Ajax the Lesser is gonna look at you Arete. Almost as if you'd like spilled a drink on him at the bar. What are you laughing at? You want to go? You want to go?

Giancarlo

Oh, I've seen this look before no no sir.. This is just Arete! Hello, Arete? This is, I don't know if you're familiar with Ajax the Lesser.

Tau

It's just Ajax. Okay.

Giancarlo

Oh, sorry, Ajax.

Michael

Can't say I'm familiar, but lesser seems like a fine title in my mind.

Tau

Say that again, punk. And he's gonna grab you by your collar, you can allow this to happen. Or we can kind of roll it as like a grapple check. If you want to, like, evade that in some way.

Michael

I'd like to try to evade it. 24

Tau

Oh, wow. Okay, he gets a 17 which he's like, very confident in, so he swipes at you and describe like how you evade this.

Michael

I take two steps back and then kind of just slide to the right and go, brute strength is not going to be enough, Dude.

Tau

I think brute strength is going to be enough if I ever gotta crush your skull between my fingers.

Amanda

Ajax? Ajax the Lesser I have a question.

Tau

It's just Ajax, okay,

Amanda

Ajax the Lesser. My question is, so, is "the" the middle name and is "lesser" the last name? Or how is it all together? Is it Ajax the Lesser? Like, "Thelesser?"

Giancarlo

Oh, "Thelleser!"

Tau

Oh, you can see him getting like more and more frustrated with this. Palaestra, the very tall monk lays a very confident hand on his shoulder and says, Don't sweat it, man. They just don't know you yet. Listen, he's a really nice guy. I promise. He's just, he's just, really amped today. All right, let's just you know all get out there and try our best. What do you say? And then she like holds out a fist for you guys to like fist bump.

Giancarlo

Rolf is a little confused and puts like a hand on the fist and like shakes it.

Tau

Alright. She is down for that she loves that.

Michael

I think Arete will tentatively kind of hold out his fist and just press it against the olive branch fist but like not in like any sort of like friendly manner. Just kind of like holding it there. And then removing it.

Tau

Nice. And sorry, Alexander, what do you do?

Nicholas

I offer my forearms to, actually, that was the Romans, right? Yeah. Okay, I just offer out my hand to shake. I was going to do like the grab the forearm handshake, but I think that's more of a Roman thing. So I'm just gonna do a regular handshake.

Tau

Well, whatever things you try to do with her, she readily accepts. She is just so pleased that people have accepted this olive branch and um, anyone who makes contact with her fist, you don't even need to make a check for this. You just feel like immense power, like emanating from these fists like this is a woman like her thing is punching and kicking things. But honestly, you don't even feel like any sense of danger. You feel like almost at ease around her. She's got this big, glowing smile and these like crow's feet, but she looks like she's just beaming at you guys. She goes, Another chance at life. Can you guys even imagine?

Nicholas

I believe an Alliance would be beneficial. Should we meet on the field.

Tau

I'd love that. You know, I've heard so many stories about Lord Zagreus trying to make his way out of this thing. And it sounds really rough. To be honest. I'm a little nervous. And her big expressive features kind of like fall like downward a little bit and she seems like so emotive that like you almost feel sad when she says this. But listen, we've all got our reasons. Right. So yeah, I think we should totally help each other out there. What do you say?

Giancarlo

Yes, I also agree I that's what I say. I say that I agree to answer your question .

Tau

Ajax the Lesser huff's and rolls his eyes as he pulls away from Palaestra's hand on his shoulder, and he pulls out a flask and shrugs it off in a corner. Meanwhile Adonis, and Pandaie are basically both staring at you. They're both kind of short, right? So they're kind of both short and small statured next to you know, towering Palaestra, and they're standing on opposite sides of her and looking at you like wide-eyed and like very curious.

Giancarlo

Hello, little ones.

Amanda

Rolf you know, you can't go around just calling people little.

Giancarlo

I think it's cute.

Amanda

Rolf! You know how some people don't like being called little and cute.

Giancarlo

You're right Annie I'm sorry. I'm still being House-trained. I apologize. Hello. Average. heighted people.

Amanda

Rolf, you're not helping.

Giancarlo

Annie please help me out here. I'm doing my best.

Amanda

Hi, I'm Annie. This is Rolf. He's very tall, forgive him.

Tau

Adonis, the red haired ranger kind of stammers. Hello. It's nice to meet you. And then he seems to scratch it at some kind of like unconscious like itch at his nose and sniffs as if he's a little sickly. And then Pandaie who is wielding this massive diamond greataxe says, So you're one of the other Olympiads. Who are you?

Giancarlo

Well, this is Annie.

Amanda

I'm Annie. I'm Annie. This is Rolf again.

Giancarlo

Hello, I'm Rolf.

Amanda

Very tall.

Tau

I didn't ask for your names. I said, Who are you? For example, I am a queen of a kingdom who commanded 3500 elephants in life. I am the only daughter of Heracles. So who are you really?

Amanda

Well, I'm I'm Annie. I play the viol. I normally work with Orpheus. Ralph works at the bar as the bartender

Giancarlo

Well. For a moment. It's not all there is to me I consider myself a student of life. I am also the only son of Harold and Mary and the, well, we have our friend over here if I may? And I lean into Alexander.

Nicholas

You may.

Giancarlo

Our friend Alexander the Great! And he bows down all the way to the floor

Amanda

And let's not forget the quiet one!

Giancarlo

Well I don't know if you...you know how he feels about...

Michael

I'll introduce myself, thanks. I was abandoned on a hillside by my birth parents and that's all you need to know Miss leader of millions armies or whatever the hell it is you do.

Amanda

I think it was 3500 I think.

Giancarlo

Elephants. This is Pandaie. Pandaie. Say it with me. Pan-day. Pan-day.

Tau

So as you're all giving your introductions Pandaie even with her small stature, she seems to look at you like completely level like, she seems to somehow be able to look down her nose at you even though she's probably shorter than many of you. And so Annie when you're kind of explaining like, Oh, I played the viol or whatever she's huff's a little bit through her nose like okay, she plays the viol, I'm carrying a giant diamond greataxe. But then when you say I used to train under Orpheus, like she can't even hide that, like her eyes go wide. And she is very impressed by that. Rolf, she is not really impressed by a lot that you have to say. But you know, when you say that you're a student of life, you know, she nods like, of course, like, you know, everybody should be a student of life, like that is something that she has heard and believes in very much. When she hears Alexander the Great and then you know, you kind of genuflect, Rolf, her eyebrow kind of cocks and she looks at Alexander the Great. Like, that's Alexander the Great? Like, what's he doing down here? If he's so great. And Arete when you say you were abandoned on hilltop, she seems like sympathetic, but like, as if, like, uh, I don't know what to say to that. So I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear a type of thing. So she says very well. So Have any of you mastered the infernal arms? And if you want you can roll to see what those are. If you don't know what those are.

Giancarlo

Sure what what do we roll?

Tau

History or religion, whichever you're better at.

Giancarlo

That's an 11 for Rolf.

Michael

10 for Arete.

Amanda

23 for Annie.

Nicholas

17 for Alexander. The DC for this is very low, the DC was a 10. And the reason it's so low is because everybody has heard about Lord Zagreus wielding the infernal arms to try to escape the Underworld. So what you understand about the infernal arms is that these were essentially legendary weapons from throughout history. And when I say history, I don't just mean the past, I mean, also the present and the future. And I don't even necessarily mean real people. They could also be completely fictional people, just like ideas of people that were so powerful that they became infused into the story of the weapon themselves. And you understand that there are many different types of infernal arms. So on these pedestals around you, you see these dark shadows of them, and there are people who by some means or another, and you can certainly ask to find out how, can become attuned to these infernal arms and wield them and when they do, they develop special abilities that can be either unique to them or actually reflect an aspect of a famous person, past present or future, who once wielded them. So that is what you know when she says So have any of you come to wield the infernal arms?

Amanda

No.

Giancarlo

No. I take that diamond axe is one? Yes?

Tau

Oh, you mean Labrys the Earthsplitter? And then she lets her arm drop and the diamond greataxe just goes FWOOP! And like, if it was possible to guillotine the ground, that's what it looks like is happening right now. Like it just goes cleanly like a solid foot into the ground with like, no space on either side of the axe, like just a straight slice.

Giancarlo

Oh my, well hello Labrys. And I pet it.

Tau

When you pet it. You make a charisma saving throw.

Giancarlo

Okay? I'm charismatic on paper at least. That's a 17.

Tau

Okay, that's very good. When you pet it you feel like a powerful repelling force from it like only somebody who is destined to wield an infernal arm or has proven themselves worthy of it or attained in some means can do this. It doesn't like burn you like you don't catch on fire or anything, but you feel like, you feel like you're doing something wrong, not wrong as in like you're messing it up, but wrong as in like you're committing some kind of like blasphemy, of sorts. She eyes you as you do this, and she actually seems impressed that like nothing bad happens to you.

Giancarlo

Well it does not seem Labrys likes me very much. How? How? How? That is my question for you.

Tau

On the contrary, it seems Labrys has allowed you to live. I am impressed.

Giancarlo

Oh, well. Thank you Labrys.

Michael

So how does one get acquainted with these infernal arms that you're talking about?

Tau

You know, it's interesting, I think, actually, I would like to say that I earned it through some tremendous feat, but the truth is, the answer came to me in a dream. I went to sleep once after a very, very hard day of training and a voice spoke to me in my head, and it spoke to me the words I needed to speak in front of the infernal arm, and I thought, well, it's just a dream. What could it possibly mean? But then I went in front of Labrys and I spoke the words and it materialized right in front of me.

Giancarlo

Oh.

Michael

Unfortunately, I don't dream. I just have nightmares.

Tau

She again kind of just like stares at you unblinkingly for a little bit and then after about 30 solid seconds blinks once as if to say like, that is like all she can respond...to that. The time has nearly come for the portal to open. A god floats into the courtyard and hovers by the portal. His slate gray skin is only slightly darker than his pale silver hair bouncing in those oh, so very Greek curls. Hello. Hello. Good afternoon. At least I think it's afternoon? Not too sure. Anyway. I'm so excited to send you won't find your escape attempt today. When you die, you'll have to tell me all about it! It's been so long since I've had anyone share a good how I died story. Last time I think was oh yeah, Prince Zagreus! Boy, I sure miss him. I haven't seen him around lately? A dark cloaked figure clears his throat admonishingly from a corner. You could swear he wasn't there a moment ago. Nevermind! That's hardly your business. Today, we're here to talk about how *you're* gonna die! So exciting. Is everybody ready? All right, then On your marks Get set...And with this you see that he is using a quill that is somehow able to scribe into stone, and he scribes something into a tablet and then the tablet and the quill fly away from him in a spiraling hurry. ESCAPE! And then the portal turns from this smoky gray to this bright pink, and the moment this happens...the other Olympiad which has been standing directly in front of the portal the entire time, they like just fall immediately into it, like you don't even get glimpses of their faces. The Olympiad that you were speaking with drop all pretense of speaking with you, any niceties with you, even Palaestra who like seemed very genuinely to enjoy speaking with you, they all just bolt for that portal and run straight into it one after the other. What do you do?

Amanda

Annie would like to grab everyone's hand like, Come on let's go! And she pulls them all along towards the portal.

Giancarlo

As we're like falling through the portal I think Rolf is just thinking well that was terribly rude.

Michael

What can you expect from a bunch just stuck up pricks?

Tau

As you're all doing this and falling into the portal you see the silver haired god very chipperly waving at you going Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Good luck. All right. Happy Dying! If you are interested, you are welcome to make a history check, a very easy history check, extremely easy history check, with advantage, to know who this is.

Amanda

Michael

Giancarlo

Nicholas

Tau

Anybody who got more than a five knows that this is Hypnos and he is the personification of sleep. And the reason everybody knows this is because his voice is so annoying and resonant that you can hear it throughout the House of Hades, whether it is your shift or not. And what he delights in most of all is welcoming souls to the Underworld. His job is theoretically to put them at ease and you know, get them ready to stand before Lord Hades to have their souls be you know, judged and you know, administered. You also know anybody, who rolled a 10 or higher knows that he has lately been entrusted with increasing responsibilities, which he has struggled to take on for a long time, but it has increasingly become more proud of being able to take on. And this was just one new responsibility that he has taken on, which is kind of proctoring the escape attempt, or at least welcoming you to you know, hop in and make your first attempt. All that to say you hop into the pink smoke, and your bodies vanish as you begin...your very first escape attempt. Now, here's what happens...

[SFX: Title music.] "Escape...escape...escape...escape..."

Tau

ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Sound Design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C. with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. If you liked what you heard, we hope you'll consider helping us make future tabletop parodies of your favorite stories. You can support us at Patreon on patreon.com/roguerunradio patrons get access to our community Discord channel as well as our behind the scenes chat cast Out of the Blood, where we talk about everything on our minds after the episode. There are free ways to support the show too. We hope you'll leave us a glowing review on your listening app of choice as well as spread the good word about us on Twitter and Instagram where you can follow us @RogueRunRadio. We love hearing from you so hit us up there or email us at rr@whisperforge.org. We're very proud to be in The Whisperforge collective and hope you'll check out our other shows. We think you'll love The Far Meridian, a gorgeous and heartfelt audio drama about places unknown and memories resurfaced. Are you ready for your next run? Then you can listen to our next episode right now. It's already out! 'Til next time sinners. I'll see you in hell.

Vol. 1 Ep. 1 - On Your Marks, Get Set, Escape

Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 1 - On Your Marks, Get Set, Escape