Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 8 - Burned Prints, Bloody Prince
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 8 - Burned Prints, Bloody Prince
Tau
A product of the Whisperforge.
[SFX: Whisperforge Chime.] Sound and story brought to life.
Tau
You're listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way. We're just big old nerds making improv fanfiction. ROGUE RUNNERS is a rated R for pretty much everything you can find in Greek mythology, violence, assault, self harm, offensive language, insensitive humor and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Intro music. The music fades followed by softly flowing water.]
Tau
Alexander, the sun is hotter here than back home. Even in the golden sunset which bathes you in its burning gaze. You stand on the stone steps which descend into a river below you. You hear someone descending the steps from behind you and turn to see a man, only slightly shorter than you, with dark olive skin and long hair falling in loose braids to his side and back. His armor clatters as he makes his way down the stairs to you, and in the hot summer sun, you could swear his face was a mirror beaming down at you. He slaps a heavy hand on your shoulder as he passes you.
[SFX: A firm hand slaps on fabric.]
Tau
Stopping just one stone step before the river and gazing out before it. The sky darkens as the orange sun dips below the surface of the horizon. The river is covered in rose petals, whole flower blossoms and small censers of oil floating on disks, lighting the river in glows of peach and marigold. The air is thick with sweet perfume. (bright) "Your conquest of India is nearly complete my king," he turns to you and smiles.
Nicholas
"Not my conquest ours, our achievement."
Tau
He smiles and nods and then turns his gaze back to the river and eyes it as it rounds a bend. "Our conquest. It's so strange that this is the first time I'm thinking of it that way even though you sent me to the Khyber Pass all alone, without you to conquer it, but I did. I-I made it. Are you proud of me?"
Nicholas
"If I didn't think you were capable, I wouldn't have asked you to."
Tau
"Of course," he dips one cautious sandal into the river. "This is the most sacred river in the entire region. People come here praying that their sins will be washed away. Do you think it'll work for us?"
Nicholas
"Might as well try."
Tau
He slowly undoes the clasp on his cape and lets it fall behind him.
Tau
"How will we know?"
Nicholas
"Hephaestion, do you believe in fate?"
Tau
"Only the one you decide for me."
Nicholas
And then Alexander will strip all his clothes and dive straight into the water.
[SFX: A deep splash.]
Tau
Alright, you do that it splashes Hephaestion and he kind of frowns a little bit and says (sighs) "Alright," and then still taking his time undoes the rest of his armor and swims into the Ganges river behind you.
[SFX: Gentle splash.]
Nicholas
"Hephaestion, do you know why I do what I... my actions they are not my own. It is not my doing it is the will of the gods. I am their instrument, you see? I am their sword and so I ask you. Do you blame the weapon? Or the wielder?"
Tau
(distorting) "Am your weapon?"
Nicholas
"No, no, you are more than that. You are my ally. I trust you. Do you trust me?"
Tau
His lips person then curl into a frown again, his brow furrows. Without another word, he dips his head below the river Ganges again.
[SFX: Gentle splashes. A tremoring tone swells.]
Nicholas
Alexander will take some water and pat his hair back.
Tau
Make a religion check.
Nicholas
11.
Tau
You wonder if your sins will actually be washed away.
[SFX: The river and stressful tone cut out.]
Giancarlo
"Alexander, are you okay? You have this weird glazed over look on your eye, like you were just imagining a hot frolic through a field with a saucy companion or something."
Michael
"You know, I wasn't getting that look with the field thing. I was feeling more of like, I don't know, like a sunset near a river or something."
Giancarlo
"That's what it is! There we go. I see it in his eyes."
Tau
And as you look behind you in the river, you see your party members watching you.
Players
(laugh)
Tau
No, but that would be very funny.
Nicholas
Alexander comes to, shakes his head, blinks a couple times, and just returns to his stoic (laughs) nature. "We have a job to do, focus."
Giancarlo
"Okay."
Michael
"Well, I'm assuming there's a summoning circle in the middle of the room just like last time, shall we go about it in a very similar fashion?
Giancarlo
"Okay, so how should we place ourselves along the room?"
Michael
"I can take the left flank, the left side?"
Giancarlo
"Oooh, yes, actually, I like that. We have, uh, um, we have one stabby boy on the left one stabby boy on the right. And we can have the majes in the center. Yes?"
Nicholas
"Very well. I will take the right side and Arete will take the left and the majes, as you said, will take center."
Amanda
"Okay."
Giancarlo
"After you, Anastasia."
Amanda
"Okay." And Annie is going to walk forward to the center of the room.
Tau
As you do that. A couple of things happen. Alexander, at your feet springs up another nest of skulls, a Thinktank.
[SFX: Flamelike fwoomf.]
Tau
Arete, surrounding you are four shapes.
[SFX: Flamelike fwoomf.]
Tau
Their silhouettes are large hatted figures. They're like kind of large witches hats.
Giancarlo
I would like to roll history to see if I know what those are.
Tau
Sure.
Giancarlo
Oh, no, that's a five.
Michael
I'm also gonna roll history.
Tau
Sure.
Michael
That's an eight.
Tau
(laughing) These seem completely alien to you.
Nicholas
All right, here I go.
Amanda
Annie would like to roll history as well.
Tau
Sure.
Tau
And uh...
Nicholas
Okay. (laughing)
Amanda
That's uh, that's a dirty 20 for Annie
Nicholas
Natural 20 for Alexander.
Tau
Alexander and Annie, you recognize these as Wretched Heretics, and they are people who in life used to perform dark rituals to bring harm on other people and in the Underworld, they continue to bring that harm upon denizens of the Underworld. With a natural 20, I can tell you a little bit more about their abilities. One of the combat abilities of these Wretched Heretics is that they are able to cast a very, very accurate spell on a number of you. It's not very powerful but they're able to do it a lot of times in succession. And roll initiative for me.
Giancarlo
18.
Michael
Arete rolls a 12.
Nicholas
Alexander also has a 12.
Amanda
Dirty 20.
Tau
So Annie, you are up.
Amanda
"Ahhh, dammit Arete! Get out of there, man! Get get the heck outta there!"
Michael
"As soon as initiative allows me to, dear."
Amanda
What? Okay, uh. Annie is going to turn the other way and look over at (laughs) the Thinktank over by Alex. Is Alex extremely close to the Thinktank?
Tau
He's adjacent to it.
Amanda
Oh, bah, jeez. Okay, well, Annie i think is going to take a chance. Oooooh, Annie would like to dash to get across the river Styx over to Arete and the witches to then cast thunder wave on the witches and unfortunately, Arete as well, and they will all have to make a constitution saving throw.
Tau
So Annie, you are invoking the boon of Hermes.
[SFX: Quiet shoom.]
Tau
As you feel these little wings light up under your feet and you are dashing, you reach that separation of the river Styx and you jump over that rectangle, the little wings on your feet carry you as you clear that gap. You land in front of this cube which has, at its four corners, the Wretched Heretics and then you have Arete in the middle. And you blast this thunder wave at them...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
The witches get a 10.
Amanda
That hits them.
Tau
Okay.
Michael
Arete rolled a four.
Giancarlo
Oof.
Amanda
Awww! That hits Arete too (laughs) All of you get hit for six damage and you're also pushed 10 feet away from me.
Tau
Immediately, the witches and Arete push 10 feet back. The witches looking in very bad shape.
Giancarlo
Rolf has become very familiar, he's becoming very comfortable with little flourishes and he's gonna pull out one of his favorites. And just ACHOO across the Styx and sneeze acid splash onto two of the Wretched Heretics. They need to make a dexterity saving throw.
Giancarlo
Okay.
Tau
And I'm going to use a blood crystal in that as well, so the little shards of red crystal shoot out of the nose with the acid.
Tau
Ew, okay.
Giancarlo
Now that he is higher level, I get a d6 so the blood crystal is bigger now as it shoots out of his nostrils.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Okay,
Giancarlo
And so that increases it by five which makes it a 19 dexterity saving throw.
Tau
Holy moly. Okay, I'm gonna need to roll pretty well to beat this.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
They get a seven.
Giancarlo
Nice! So both of them take three points of acid damage.
Tau
Both of them kind of sizzle.
[SFX: A wet sizzle as the witches rasp.]
Tau
And they are out of the fight.
Michael
"We love to see it." Arete is going to attack one of the witches with his infernal arm, La Voix. It's a 15.
Tau
Okay, that does hit.
Michael
He draws La Voix.
[SFX: Metallic flick.]
Michael
And just thrusts with all his might behind it into the side of one of the witches and deals eight piercing damage.
[SFX: Swish of the blade and the raspy cries of the witch.]
Tau
And it also dissipates. So now there's only one left.
Michael
And then as my bonus action, I am going to take the dash action but I will call upon Hermes to double my dash to head towards the other side where the Thinktank and Alexander are.
Tau
You call upon Hermes
[SFX: SHWOOM.]
Tau
and you start dashing across from the very left side of the room to the very right side of the room, and you just leap over the first rectangle of the Styx, but no problem. You keep running you jump again you leave over the second rectangle of the Styx and you gently float down to right next to the Thinktank and Alexander.
Michael
"Praise you Hermes."
Nicholas
Alexander is going to cut down the Thinktank with his long sword.
[SFX: Dice clatter.]
Nicholas
18.
Tau
That definitely hits.
[SFX: Dice clatters.]
Nicholas
And Alexander can attack twice, so that'll also be a 22.
Tau
Okay, that also hits.
Nicholas
So that would be 20 damage.
[SFX: THWACK.]
Tau
Alright now it is the Thinktank's turn. You hear this chorus of the skulls and the Thinktank.
[SFX: An intense trembling cackle.]
Tau
They're going to summon to Skulltivator they're kind of like in between you and Arete at this point. On the other side, we have that one Wretched Heretic who is looking at Annie. It's gonna hold up this like silhouette of a wand and it's going to point it at everybody in the room and it is going to fire off a barrage of purple orbs.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Everybody takes eight force damage as these orbs just fly to all four of you.
Amanda
Biscuits!
Nicholas
So... nothing...
Michael
No saving throws?
Tau
Nope.
[SFX: Woosh and a hit.]
Giancarlo
"Ahh! Well, that wasn't very nice of you."
Tau
So the two Skulltivators are gonna turn to Alexander they're gonna go (high pitched snarl) they're gonna try to bite down. The first one gets a 24.
Players
(laugh in disbelief)
Amanda
Geezus.
Nicholas
I think that might... yeah.
Tau
It deals one piercing damage, five fire damage.
[SFX: A clicky chomp.]
Tau
And the second Skulltivator is gonna bite you, it's gonna go (high snarl).
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
This one gets a 20, dirty.
Nicholas
(laughs) That hits.
Tau
Okay, also deals one piercing damage five fire damage.
Giancarlo
"I'm a little concerned, were we too cocky coming into this?"
Amanda
Annie is going to go to the Heretic that's closest to her. And she's gonna stab it with her rapier. Oh, that's a 24!
Tau
Okay, that certainly hits.
Giancarlo
(celebratory) Pew pew pew pew pew!
Amanda
Yes! And it hits for... seven damage.
[SFX: Sword slash.]
Tau
Okay. That one goes (guttural, goatlike cry) And it dissipates.
Nicholas
It goes what?
Tau
It goes (guttural, goatlike cry)
[SFX: Goat braying.]
Nicholas
"Don't kill the goat, kill the enemy!"
Amanda
(sarcastic) Ha ha, you're so funny, Alex. Annie's gonna dash over to the fight happening on the other side of the room.
Tau
Alright, you feel like Hermes his boon is paying off in high dividends. Everybody is just like Crouching Tiger leaping across this massive room and clearing it without issue. So yeah, you're able to get to the other side.
Amanda
Thank you.
Giancarlo
Rolf is gonna hold out his left hand toward the blood crystal, lying on the ground that he shattered the witches with, he's gonna float it over and as it comes to his hand, it's gonna almost liquefy and enter his pores. So you can see it work its way through his veins on his left arm up through into his neck. And then he's gonna pinch his nose. Like he's trying to pop his ears and then out of his right ear, which is facing the Skulltivator you're gonna hear a little POP! And then two streams of acid infused with chunks of crystals fly out of his right ear, one onto the Thinktank the other onto one of these Skulltivators. And he's using that blood crystal to increase the DC... increasing it to 18.
Tau
Thinktank gets a 10 and Skulltivator gets a 13.
Giancarlo
And they both take five points of acid damage.
[SFX: Sizzle.]
Tau
So you see the Thinktank take five points of acid damage and one of the Skulltivators, you see it's thick skull feature dissipate. Now it can finally take damage.
Michael
So Arete is going to crouch down in a runner's position and just launch himself forward into the air.
[SFX: Air whips.]
Michael
He will do a front forward roll in the air as he brings La Voix down onto the top of the Thinktank. And it's a 16.
Tau
That hits.
Michael
It does seven damage.
Tau
Okay, you get the sense that does three damage.
Michael
(pauses) That's fun.
Players
(laugh)
Tau
The way we're treating it is like, because it's a giant pile of skulls, like all of those thick skull features inside of it are like mitigating a lot of damage.
Michael
Oooooh.
Nicholas
With the Skulltivators biting on him. He's going to point his sword down and just start stabbing into the Thinktank more.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Nicholas
13?
Tau
That does not hit.
Nicholas
Wow. Alright, one more...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Nicholas
Does the 14 hit?
Tau
It does.
Nicholas
Okay. Alexander's mind was somewhere else at the beginning of this chamber. And that's a six.
Tau
Okay, you get a sense you deal about three damage to it. It is the Thinktank's turn. It is not able to summon any new Skulltivators this turn. Now the Skulltivators are going to attack. They're gonna go (high pitched goatlike bray) and they're gonna continue biting down on Alexander.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Does a 21 hit?
Nicholas
Geez, yeah.
Tau
Okay, it deals one piercing damage, five fire damage.
[SFX: CHOMP.]
Michael
Skulltivators, my goodness.
Nicholas
Remember them being this strong...?
Tau
That next Skulltivator is also going to continue ganging up on you. It's gonna go bahahahaaaa and it gets a 16.
Nicholas
That won't hit.
Amanda
Aw yeah. So. Annie dashed on over from before and now she wants to kick some butt. So she's gonna run on over to the opposite side of the Thinktank and cast thunder wave on that as well. So she'll pull out the viol, play a little brassy tune
[SFX: Strings play.]
Amanda
And push it as far as she possibly can at least this time.
[SFX: Dice clatters.]
Tau
It gets a seven.
Amanda
Haw, nice! Thinktank is gonna get hit for 10 damage, 10 thunder damage.
Tau
Ooooh my goodness, okay, you feel like a paper cut could take this thing down. It gets blasted really hard, like 10 skulls go flying from it.
[SFX: Bones clatter.]
Tau
It gets pushed to the edge like right near the Styx. It's looking in bad shape.
Amanda
Nice.
Giancarlo
Seeing how weak this Thinktank is, like a baby blowing out candles on a cake, Rolf is going to take in some air, blow on it, and the wet spit of acid will work its way onto the Thinktank. And one of the remaining Skulltivators, they have to roll a 14 or higher dex save.
Amanda
(singing) Thaaat's nasty.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
So the Skulltivator gets a 15 and the Thinktank definitely fails.
Giancarlo
Okay, so the Thinktank takes six points of damage.
Tau
The Thinktank just sizzles as your corrosive acid splash just just melts it.
[SFX: Music fades.]
Tau
And as you do this both remaining Skulltivators explode
[SFX: Bones clatter.]
Tau
And, um, that is what happens.
Giancarlo
"You're welcome gang."
Amanda
"Um, thanks Rolf. But like, can I can I just Is there any way for you to like make these attacks but not make it as gross? Just, Just question."
Giancarlo
"Well I'm just trying to... variety you know. Whoever's out there above the maze watching us go through these rooms, they probably will don't want to see the same cast over and over you know?"
Michael
"Come on, Annie. Are you not entertained?"
Amanda
"No, no, I--"
Giancarlo
"I just get the feeling we're being watched or at least listened to so I tried to throw in some spice."
Amanda
"Yeah, no, I guess you're right. I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask 'cause you did was just, i don't-- It's kind of gross. That's it!
Giancarlo
"Well Annie, life is a little gross, if we're being honest."
Amanda
"I agree. I do."
Tau
Two gates appear on opposite ends of the room. One of the crystal globes shows you a symbol for darkness and the other one for obols. Furthermore, a centaur heart appears in the center of the room.
[SFX: Chime.]
Amanda
(excited) Ahhh!
Michael
"Shall we quarter that up? Everyone?"
Giancarlo
"Wait, can we do the the Italian spaghetti sharing... this time?"
Michael
"Oh I love the idea of that."
Giancarlo
"At least Arete, you and I could do it if no one else is interested. I think it could be fun."
Amanda
Okay, Annie's gonna go and touch it.
Tau
Okay, you're holding the centaur heart. It's beating in your hands.
Amanda
Alright, and she's going to split it into three pieces.
[SFX: Wet splitting sounds.]
Amanda
(laughing) Give Arete and Rolf one and give Alex the other and she's going to eat the one.
Michael
So as Arete holds it with Rolf, Arete is going to stare into Rolf's eyes and go "Bon appetit, mes amis." And Arete is just gonna start nibbling on one end.
Giancarlo
Rolf is actually slightly uncomfortable but kind of goes you know what, this is what life is about anyways. Let's try something new. And is gonna start chomping down the other end of the centaur heart.
[SFX: Bite sounds almost like biting into a soft apple.]
Nicholas
Alexander's gonna chew some and then use one last piece. Take a torch off the wall and sacrifice a little piece of it hopefully to Asclepius to help him out with some healing.
Tau
All of you gain additional temporary hit points equal to one maximum value on your hit die.
[SFX: Soft tone.]
Amanda
Woohoo.
Michael
After finishing consuming the centaur heart with Rolf, Arete is going to continue walking towards the two doors and he will open the discussion on the floor. "So team, my fellow Olympiadian's. Where are we thinking? Do we want some darkness to spend on the mirror later or some nice obols in case we come across Charon in our journey here?"
Giancarlo
"Well, it looks like the gang was a little rough this time around. But also I don't know. I feel like we might make it through this time, but just something--"
Nicholas
"(coughs) Take the obols. (clears his throat) I'm not going back there."
Giancarlo
"Sure, I vote obols. Yes."
Michael
"Obols it is."
Amanda
"I mean, hey! I just I just think that... I know we have the whole mindset of 'We're not, we're gonna make it out all this time. Whoo woo hoo.' For sure it completely understand that I completely agree with you guys. Obviously, that's what I want. I wanted that last time. You know what happened last time? We didn't make it out. Which is okay! Of course, it's totally okay. But we, I don't know. I think darkness would be cool to spend because in the long run, it just makes us stronger. Whereas the obols it's like, it's really just temporary and it helps us while we're doing the run but the darkness is foreverrrr."
Giancarlo
Rolf puffs his chest up and does his best Alexander and goes "So you plan for failure?"
Players
(laughs)
Nicholas
"Were the odds not stacked against me when I crossed the Hellespont? When I conquered the Persian Empire? When I taimed Bucephalus at a young age when most men were afraid to walk towards the beast? Grown men. No. I mean, yes, the odds were stacked against me."
Amanda
"Okay."
Nicholas
"And yet here I am."
Amanda
"Yeah your your you're in Tartarus with us. We're, we're all here."
Nicholas
"And how did I die? Disease, nothing else. No battle was lost no man stabbed me."
Giancarlo
"Well except Megara."
Nicholas
"No mortal stabbed me."
Amanda
"Just just just you want, all of you want the obols. I'm not saying I just, I just, I just mentioned the darkness because I think we should, you know, weigh out our options. But it's fine. You're, you, I know you want the obols. We can, I'm fine with either one. I can go with the obols. I'd love to see Charon, Charon's cool."
Players
(drawn out silence)
Amanda
"Oh now you're all quiet. What're you, what!?"
Giancarlo
"Fine, I vote darkness, I changed my vote."
Amanda
"No! Dammit, what's wrong with you!"
Giancarlo
"Annie, congratulations, you swayed us into a tie!"
Nicholas
Alexander, holding his wounds, just shambles over to the obols orb and puts his hand on it.
Tau
You feel it flicker under your hand and push you back.
[SFX: A deep bouncing error sound.]
Tau
As if it is not enough for the party to be divided on whether it's obols or darkness.
Amanda
(laughing) Oh my god.
[SFX: A tense long note grows beneath the conversation.]
Nicholas
Alexander's gonna turn angrily towards Rolf and Anastasia.
Amanda
"Don't look at me like that, I said obols were fine!"
Nicholas
Alexander walks towards Anastasia.
Amanda
"What."
Nicholas
Grabs her wrist.
Giancarlo
"Hey!"
Nicholas
And then pulls her over to the orb and puts her hands on that orb.
Amanda
(frustrated) "What? No! No!"
Tau
Alexander, roll a constitution saving throw.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Nicholas
21.
Tau
You take half of this, so Alexander you take 11 psychic damage.
[SFX: A soft boom.]
Tau
As you get the impression that coerced consent is not consent.
Nicholas
Wow.
Amanda
Suck on that!
Giancarlo
"Don't be an asshole, Alexander. Annie, click on the door, do it."
Amanda
"Wait but--"
Giancarlo
"If you want if you want."
Players
(laugh)
Amanda
"I'm fine."
Michael
"You actually kind of somewhat convinced me, Annie. I'm, uh, gotta say I was also swayed a bit by your words there."
Amanda
"Me and my damn charm. Dammit!" Annie is gonna pull her arm away from Alex and she's just gonna look at him. She'll be really upset. She's gonna have a really big frown on her face. (makes muffled angry noises) And she's gonna look at the other two and she's gonna say "Are we choosing obols or are we choosing darkness? I. Don't. Care. Just tell me which one to touch because apparently I have to touch the door balls!"
Players
(snort with laughter)
Amanda
"So just tell me which one to touch!"
Tau
Okay, so which one are you touching, Annie?
Amanda
"I don't know. Which am I touching? Arete? Rolf? (through gritted teeth) ALEX?"
Michael
"Oh, my vote has now changed to darkness. I am, I am committed to darkness."
[SFX: A breath lets out and dramatic music fades in.]
Amanda
"Okay."
Michael
"As I have been my whole life."
Giancarlo
(laughs)
Amanda
"Oh, we'll unpack that later, we'll unpack that later. Rolf?"
Giancarlo
Rolf is gonna look down at the floor and not make eye contact and like kick his shoes like a like a little kid that just got yelled and go. (quietly) "Darkness."
Amanda
"Okay, I hope that is your decision and wasn't heavily influenced by anything else." And Annie's gonna turn to Alex and be like, "Alex?"
Nicholas
"What does it matter? This is a democracy. You want the darkness."
Amanda
"I want you to be able to voice your opinion. I was just voicing mine earlier."
Nicholas
"I've been voicing my opinion since the first trial. Since we first stepped foot into this. But you are still not swayed. In fact, you have swayed the others. All of you are weak of will, just do it."
Nicholas
"Woah, woah, woah, there buddy."
Amanda
"Well you don't have to be such an asshole."
Giancarlo
This is too unbearably awkward for Rolf and he presses the button on the door.
Tau
Which door?
Giancarlo
The darkness door because that's the group consensus.
Tau
The gate does slide open.
[SFX: Metal and stone sliding.]
Tau
So yes, there is a portal there, the obols door gate slams shut.
Giancarlo
Yeah. And he just like dives headfirst in like, I need to get away from what is happening here right now.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Michael
"Alex, we can talk about willpower later." With that, Arete enters into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Amanda
Annie's just gonna look at Alex and she's gonna say "It always feels like it's one step forward and then a bajillion steps back with you." (muffled cry in frustration), and she's gonna jump into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Nicholas
Alex is gonna kneel down and do some cure wounds.
Tau
That's smart.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Nicholas
That would be an 11.
Michael
It hits.
Players
(laugh)
Nicholas
I'm going to use lay on hands. 10 points for my pool as well so giving you 10 full health.
Tau
Nice.
Nicholas
And then we'll walk through the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
You find yourself again on a very very narrow ledge.
Michael
(whispers) Oh god.
Tau
Overlooking a long rectangular room.
Giancarlo
Oh no!
Michael
"This seems familiar."
Tau
Directly to your left is a loading gray crystal. Furthermore, on the long stretch of ground in front of you, it seems to be about 160 feet. You see it is covered in white tile and every 30 feet or so are these square golden tiles. Furthermore, the floor is covered in two other things. Wretched Goons and Wretched Heretics.
Amanda
"Oh my gods."
Giancarlo
Rolf is going to grab the crystal and see if it has the invisibility effect from before.
Tau
Okay, so Rolf, Arete, Annie you immediately disappear from sight.
[SFX: Fwoomf.]
Tau
Alexander is standing on the ledge.
Giancarlo
I pass the crystal to Arete, so Alexander's concealed.
Tau
Alexander vanishes.
Michael
(whisper) "Alright."
[SFX: Fwoomf.]
Giancarlo
"Do we want to try the rope thing from last time? Or do we just go for it?"
Nicholas
"What rope?"
Giancarlo
"Ah, yes, we lost our rope."
Michael
"Well, let's go for it." Arete will grab Annie's hand or, well, he'll fumble around first a little bit to find Annie's hands since he can't see her and grab her hand.
Amanda
I sure hope you grab the hand.
Giancarlo
And then I think Rolf is gonna try to grab Arete's crystal hand I guess. Like put a hand on his that we're all connected by a chain. And he's gonna say "What do we think about feather fall? And then just Hermes, dashing the hell out of here?"
Michael
"Sounds like a plan to me."
Amanda
"Sure."
Giancarlo
Okay, we all swim down together.
Amanda
And he's gonna hold her hand out for Alex to grab.
Nicholas
And he feels a hand grab it.
Giancarlo
(mysterious sarcastic) But it's not Alex.
[SFX: Mysterious piano music.]
Giancarlo
Actually, a mechanical question for God here. Is dashing, like something that can still be done stealthily?
Tau
Depending on whether everybody is doing it or whether you're doing it, it'll either be harder or with disadvantage or both.
Giancarlo
"Nevermind y'all. Let's just let's go. Keep in mind those gold things. I don't know what they are. But let's feather fall and and we'll we'll move forward. Stealthily Quietly."
Amanda
"Okay."
Michael
"Sounds good."
Giancarlo
"Arete, you lead us. I would say avoid the gold squares."
Amanda
"Kay, wait, wait, Alex? Are you okay with this?"
Nicholas
"Yes."
Amanda
"Okay."
Michael
Aand with that, Arete will lead the leap off the ledge to feather fall down to the floor below.
Amanda
And Annie will cast feather fall on the group.
[SFX: A viol vibrato.]
Tau
Okay, you all gently fall directly underneath the ledge.
Michael
"Alright." And Arete will lead the way and will take the full movement that he can do so.
Tau
Okay. So is anybody attempting to move stealthily?
Giancarlo
All, yes.
Michael
Yes, yes.
Tau
Okay, so make a grip so,
Amanda
Okaaay.
Giancarlo
Oh no.
Nicholas
I have disadvantage on stealth checks guys, by the way.
Amanda
What??
Nicholas
So how much farther we have to go?
Tau
The room seems to be about 160 feet long.
Giancarlo
That's a 12.
Amanda
Annie got a 15.
Nicholas
Alexander gets a nine.
Michael
Arete is a 27.
Giancarlo
Okay, thank god.
Amanda
Oh goodness, thank god.
Giancarlo
That'll pull us up a little bit.
[SFX: Comical sneaking music.]
Tau
Okay, so your group stealth check we're gonna say is a 16. So you're attempting to move stealthily you see these Wretched Goons and Wretched Shades are basically moving left and right in a patrol pattern. So there seems to be a one of them about every 10 feet or so. Right? So these things are gonna have disadvantage to perceiving you.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
So you seem to move past the first three without incident.
Giancarlo
Whew!
Tau
So you have a Wretched Heretic in front of you. And then it goes Wretched Goon, Wretched Heretic, alternating and so on. Furthermore, at this 30 foot mark, you also see a golden tile, ah, very close to you on the ground.
Giancarlo
Can I roll an investigation to try and understand its purpose?
Tau
Yes.
Giancarlo
18.
Tau
You get a sense that you can get it to do one of two things. You can get it to activate a teleportation function and you see that it might be linked to the other golden tiles across the room. The other thing that it can do is it can charge up the crystal that is stealthing all of you.
Giancarlo
Rolf is going to very gently nudge Arete towards that golden pad to try and get him to lead the rest of the group to it.
Michael
Arete, putting his faith in the old man, follows his nudging and will continue in that direction onto the gold pad.
Tau
Do you step onto the gold pad?
Michael
Yes.
Giancarlo
Oh, no. It's gonna teleport him and leave the rest of us here. (laughs)
Amanda
Tau is smiling.
Giancarlo
Oh, noooo.
Amanda
And I don't like it.
Tau
I'm smiling because that would be so funny.
Players
(laugh)
Tau
It's totally a thing I thought about but I'm not an asshole, I promise. Okay, are you all still holding hands?
Players
(laughing) Yes.
Tau
You activate the teleportation magic. And because of the way that the roll happened, you all teleported to exactly where you are right now.
Giancarlo
(laughing) Ohhhh no.
[SFX: Swoosh.]
Tau
But that doesn't mean but that doesn't mean it's always going to be that. In fact, Rolf, if you get the sense that if you stepped on any other tile in the future, the possibility of you going backwards is not necessarily going to happen.
Giancarlo
Okay.
Tau
Basically, for example, if you stepped on a tile and there were six tiles in the room, and someone rolled to d6 and rolled a one...
Giancarlo
Yeah.
Tau
(laughing) That doesn't necessarily mean that's always gonna happen.
Giancarlo
So here's what Rolf is going to do. Rolf is going to try and continue steering Arete. He's going to move him like forward off the pad, and then try and gently pull him back to step on the pad again.
Michael
Arete will comply.
Tau
Okay, you get the sense that you've used up the magic on this pad.
Giancarlo
And Rolf is gonna go nevermind, give him a little tap on the tuchus to go forward.
Tau
(sarcastic) I'm sure Arete hates that.
Michael
Arete, feeling something brush against his tuchus, is kind of gonna stiffen up for a moment. (pauses) Ha ha ha ha.
Players
(laugh)
Michael
And he's like, 'I'm not sure what to do in this moment' and then just take a deep breath and relax and then move forward going for another 30 feet forward.
Tau
Okay, you're gonna move past two Wretched Heretics and a Wretched Goon.
Michael
Great. And I'm assuming a combined stealth check.
Tau
Um, we're gonna keep your stealth check unless you want to change it.
Michael
Okay, sorry, I just, 'cause the last time we rolled it I think every time so that's why I just automatically assumed that we were doing it.
Tau
Is that how I ran it? I did, did I do it every 30?
Players
Yeah, yeah.
Tau
I thought that I ran it every 40 feet? Okay. Yeah. All right. Let's roll stealth again. Everybody do a group stealth check.
Giancarlo
(inhales sharply)
[SFX: Dice clatters.]
Michael
We can, we can play fast and loose.
Giancarlo
(nervous) Hey, let's let's keep that roll, man. Let's keep that roll, man. Let's keep it! (wheeze laughs)
Tau
Okay. So everybody tell me your new stealth roll.
Giancarlo
Oooooo.
Michael
Arete rolled a natural 20 but then with his modifier, it's a 29.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo
(deep, lamenting) That's six from Rolf.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda
That's a six from Annie.
Giancarlo
(gasps and cries out)
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas
(cracking up) And that's a one from Alexander.
Tau
(laughs)
Amanda
(laughing) Oh no!!
Giancarlo
(covering mouth) We're dead, we're dead! We're alive but we're dead!
Tau
Okay, your collective stealth rolls is an 11.
Michael
These Heretics might not be very perceptive. We don't know yet.
Tau
You get the sense that the Wretched Goons are probably the least perceptive out of them.
Nicholas
Damn.
Tau
Okay. See, you're still moving right?
Players
Yeah.
Tau
Okay.
[SFX: Dice clatters.]
Michael
We're committin' to the bit baby.
[SFX: Dice continue to clatter.]
Players
(laugh) Noooo.
Tau
Okay, you go past the next Wretched Heretic, no issue. You go past the next Wretched Goon, no issue. You go past the next Wretched Heretic and it seems to physically bump straight into you, Alexander. And it is alarmed and it is immediately going to try to investigate and see what the heck is going on.
Giancarlo
Rolf is going to pull a dagger out of his waistband and toss it out of the field of invisibility so that it chases that in the other direction.
Tau
Toss it where?
Giancarlo
I'm going to toss it to the right like over its head behind it. So it turns around the way from us.
Tau
It sees a dagger fly over its head.
[SFX: A short woosh then metallic clatter on the ground.]
Tau
And it is again trying to make sense of the thing that it's seeing in front of it and it is going to fire a volley of purple orbs in front of it.
[SFX: Dice roll.]
Amanda
Noo!
Tau
These orbs going boom, boom, boom, it's coming out in a straight line from it and they hit Alexander for eight force damage.
(low) Nooo.
Tau
Furthermore, it's still going (gutteral clicks). It's confused because it's firing the orbs of the orbs are vanishing in front of it.
Michael
We move out of the way.
Giancarlo
I'm going to try and move Arete forward to the pad. I'm hoping it will teleport us away so that as it investigates, we are no longer there. And then we can deal with moving forward wherever we end up.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Due to a very unfortunate roll of the dice, you get the sense that you were again teleported to your exact location.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Nicholas
Wow.
Tau
It's again about to fire off another volley of magic missiles.
Amanda
Annie would like to cast blindness/deafness.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
It gets a 15.
Amanda
Damn, it meets it beats it.
Michael
Arete is going to try to use one of his grave marker abilities, assail senses, which requires invisibility, which we are. It forces the target to make a constitution saving throw. On a failed save, the target is either blinded or deafened, my choice, until the end of our next turn.
Tau
It gets a five.
Michael
It sure failed. It sure failed.
Tau
So it's going (gutteral clicks) and it seems to not be able to see for the moment.
Michael
And with that I think Arete is going to try to move the group forward another 30 feet just, try to press on.
Tau
Okay, make a group stealth check. This time everybody roll with disadvantage.
[SFX: Dice roll.]
Giancarlo
And Rolf has gotten shakier and even worse at stealth and rolls a three.
Nicholas
Nice, me too, man.
Amanda
Annie got an 18.
Michael
12.
Nicholas
Oh no.
Tau
Okay your collective stealth roll is a nine.
Amanda
Euah!
[SFX: Dice roll.]
Tau
So you move past the next Wretched Goon, no issue. You move past the next Wretched Heretic, no issue. You move past the next Wretched Goon, no issue. You are at a teleportation pad.
Nicholas
Wow.
Tau
Additionally, something happens. You see one large portal open up to your right.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
And you see Megara emerge from it. And she and she says, (breathy) "I just don't know how I'm gonna get through to him. It's like I talked to him and he doesn't even listen to me anymore." And then you see a black cloaked figure with a massive scyth--
Amanda
(gasp)
Tau
Emerge also from the portal and says, (deep and smooth) "He'll come around in his own time. I tried talking to him too, but it seems he's too busy smiling and try to convince me that everything's going to be alright. He'll come through for us. I know he will, just like he always does." Now Megara is gonna look around at the Wretched Shades. She is also, I want to be clear, she is adjacent to you guys.
Players
(gulp and laugh)
Tau
She's gonna look at the Wretched Goons and the Wretched Heretics patrolling. And then she's gonna look at the Wretched Heretic going (gutteral clicks). So she sees that Wretched Heretic, like looking very confused and making a ruckus and then eventually returning to its patrol path, that she says, "I don't think she wants to admit it, but things are falling apart around here. I just don't know how much longer it'll last." And then Thanatos also kind of glowers at that Wretched Heretic, and he snaps his fingers and a massive black circle appears underneath it.
[SFX: Black hole swoosh.]
Tau
And then you hear a large bell toll.
[SFX: A bell tolls.]
Tau
And then that Wretched Heretic (throaty gasp) and it explodes. "Is that really necessary?" "He would have had me do it if he was here." And then another portal opens up on your left side.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
And they began moving towards it.
Giancarlo
(dry heaves)
Tau
Do you want to do anything right now?
Giancarlo
(deep gasp)
Amanda
Amanda does.
Giancarlo
Can we go? Can we go through the portal?
Amanda
(quietly laughing, gleeful) Can we go through the portal?
Giancarlo
(low, conspiratorial) Yes, obviously.
Amanda
I'm down.
Nicholas
Which one the one they came from the one they're going to?
Giancarlo
Going to.
Nicholas
Alright, let's go.
Tau
Also, I guess I haven't identified him as Thanatos. You guys could try to roll it to see if you know who that is.
Giancarlo
Sure, I'll roll the history to see if I recognize Thanatos
Amanda
I would really like to know if Annie knows because if Annie does know, Annie has a huge crush on Thanatos.
Giancarlo
15.
Michael
Arete rolled a 17.
Nicholas
18.
Amanda
Annie rolled 24!
Tau
So you will all know this as Thanatos. He is the personification of death. Essentially, when people are re killed anywhere in Tartarus, he's the one who kind of brings those souls to the pool of Styx. So he is also somebody who has done that for your souls when you guys were brought over. So she is moving towards that portal. Everybody tell me what you're doing right now.
Giancarlo
I tug Arete's hand toward the left to try and get him to go towards that portal. But Arete is probably already leading the group that way, I'm guessing.
Michael
Yeah, Arete knows an opportunity when he sees it and he was already starting and he likes that Rolf and him were on the same wavelength that he gives himself a little smile that nobody can see but he knows he's smiling.
Players
(laughs)
Tau
Okay. Alexander? Annie?
Amanda
Annie. Not gonna lie. She's a little she has a huge crush on Thanatos. So she's kind of just like, in shock, but she'll totally let her body be dragged along. 100% It's what she wants. She just can't move.
Nicholas
Okay, Alexander is going to walk towards the portal and probably drag her along.
Tau
So Megara sees this portal going, shew shew shew.
[SFX: Portal swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.]
Tau
She's going "What the fuck was that?"
Players
(laughs)
Tau
She's gonna look back at Thanatos, none of you see this, I guess just the camera sees this, as a wry smile curls on his thin lips and he goes, "Looks like a round just got a little more interesting." Okay, first of all, I'm gonna work group inspiration for that.
[SFX: Ding.]
Giancarlo
Yay!!
Tau
I need to very quickly look at some tables and figure out where you're going. You see Tau Zaman, standing with their arms crossed.
(laugh)
Michael
(imitating Tau) "I disapprove of your shady ways."
Tau
(bright and cheery, joking) "Welcome to the developers debugging room!"
Nicholas
Oh my god.
Tau
"Would you like to start new game plus?" (pause) You run through the portal and you find yourself standing before an impossible number of forks in your path. Each path leads off with a railway track on the ground. Before the forking paths, stands a single chariot, which appears to run on the rails. It fits four.
Michael
"I love philosophy."
Amanda
I'm sorry, can I just say when you said "several forks in your path" I really did--
Giancarlo
I thought literal forks.
Amanda
(laughs)
Tau
A bunch of forks!
Giancarlo
I thought so too.
Amanda
I was like "whaaaaat"?
Tau
Oh, sorry. I apologize. You find yourself standing before an impossible number of branches in your path, but now you're just gonna picture tree branches.
Nicholas
Are we still invisible?
Tau
No.
Nicholas
Dang.
Tau
The portal is open behind you by the way and you hear through the portal you hear "Looks like our rounds just got a little more interesting."
Giancarlo
Oh Rolf books it for a chariot.
Amanda
Annie does as well.
Michael
As does Arete.
Nicholas
Alexander, uhhh, hesitates for a second looking at the portal and then runs to the chariot.
Tau
Okay, as soon as the four of you get on the chariot, a little halfling appears at the front of the chariot that has kind of like low brow like almost like you know, those guys who love breweries caps?
Giancarlo
(laughing) Yeah!
Tau
It's like wearing like one of those low caps. He doesn't even turn around to you, he just goes "Where to?"
Giancarlo
"Take me to Zagreus."
Michael
(gasps)
Tau
"Okay," the halfling seems to shake the reins and the chariot begins taking off on the rail.
[SFX: Wheels clatter on the railway.]
Tau
Additionally, so the chariot starts moving down one of the paths and about five seconds into this suddenly, there are lights flashing all around you and above you in this colorful array and the halfling turns around to you, he just goes (exuberant, game show host) "Welcome to Cash Chariot! Where you--
Amanda
(laughs)
[SFX: Upbeat, swingy music fades in.]
Tau
--answer questions on the way to your destination for fabulous prizes!"
Nicholas
(laughs)
Amanda
Yes!
Giancarlo
"Koalemos, my boy, is that you?"
Nicholas
(laughing) Cash Chariot.
Tau
It is Koalemos, yeah.
Giancarlo
YES!!!
Michael
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nicholas
Are you both like fangirling?
Giancarlo
Yes, yes, Rolf is fangirling.
Tau
Furthermore, you see Meg and Thanatos emerge from the portal, just as your chariot rounds one of these infinite corridors. "So is everybody familiar with the rules of Cash Chariot?"
Giancarlo
Absolutely not.
Amanda
No.
Tau
Okay, how much do you care? Or do you just want to get into it and win fabulous prizes?
Michael
"Are there video bonus questions?"
Tau
"There will be bonus questions."
Giancarlo
"I believe they would be audio bonus questions."
Tau
"Alright. Let's get started on Cash Chariot. Question one. In the kingdom of Ethiopia, King Cassius and Queen Cassiopeia had one of the most beautiful daughters in the world. Who was it?"
Michael
(whispers) "I think it's Calliope, isn't it?"
Nicholas
Can I roll for history to see if I know the answer?
Giancarlo
Yeah, Rolf would like to roll history.
Amanda
Group history check!
Michael
My role is a 13 for the check.
Amanda
Annie is a 22.
Giancarlo
I rolled a critical failure.
Nicholas
Oooh nice, 17.
Tau
Anybody who got a 20 or higher, you seem to remember the name Andromeda.
Amanda
(to Koalemos) "Andromeda!"
Tau
The lights of the Cash Chariot light up again as 30 gems fall into your possession.
[SFX: Harp music and a cascade of gems fall.]
Amanda
Yes!!
Tau
Furthermore, as the Cast Chariot is going through these infinite corridors, you see more and more Cash Chariots, carrying other Wretched Shades to all different parts of Tartarus. They kind of just like zoom past you here and there and sometimes the chariots beep at each other...
Tau
...as they're getting in each other's way but you continue down this railway track, so far without issue. Koalemos says "Question two: Jealous, the nereids called upon Poseidon to punish her beauty. What sacrifice did Apollo suggest to appease them?"
[SFX: Cars honking.]
Nicholas
Gonna roll a religion check.
[SFX: Dice clatters.]
Giancarlo
That's a 15.
Michael
Four for Arete.
Amanda
Annie got, it's a natural 20 plus three so 23.
Nicholas
17 but I think Annie got it.
Tau
So Annie, you remember that the nereids were these sea spirits that were extremely jealous of Andromeda's beauty and so they called upon Poseidon to punish her. And Poseidon was trying to think of a punishment and Apollo had a suggestion for him, and he said that she should be chained to a rock on the sea for a sea monster to eat.
Tau
"Yum yum!"
Amanda
"Apollo suggested that she be chained to rock so that she can be eaten by a sea monster."
[SFX: A ringing bell.]
Tau
The lights of the Cash Chariot twinkle again as 30 darkness falls into your possession.
Amanda
"Amazing! I love it here."
Tau
"Question three, who saved Andromeda from the sea monster?"
Giancarlo
Mass Effect.
Nicholas
Rolling a religion check?
[SFX: Dice clatter.]
Giancarlo
Twelve.
Michael
My history check was an 18.
Nicholas
I got a 22.
Tau
All of you who got a 17 or better remember that it was Perseus who saved Andromeda from the sea monster.
Nicholas
"Well, that would be Perseus."
[SFX: A ringing bell.]
Tau
The lights of the Cash Chariot go all blinging again as 30 obols fall into your possession.
Giancarlo
Not coming close to knowing a single answer so far, Rolf is just smiling blankly forward at Koalemos.
Michael
Just excited to be there.
Nicholas
Going like a million miles per hour in a flashing cab, taking all these winding paths.
Tau
Yeah, it's getting pretty loud and rickety here in this corridor, so Koalemos is gonna shout out to you guys, "Next question! How did Perseus slay the Gorgon?"
Michael
Oh, I don't even--
Giancarlo
Rolf does a little head chop motion with his hand.
Amanda
I'm almost, yeah, I'm pretty positive. It was--
Michael
I mean, do we want to just do the check just to be safe?
Amanda
Sure. I think it's safe. Yeah, I think that's safe.
Giancarlo
13.
Michael
13 as well.
Nicholas
14.
Amanda
25.
Tau
Annie, you remember that it was by beheading the Gordon.
Amanda
(singsong) "Perseus beheaded the Gorgon."
[SFX: Ringing bell.]
Tau
The lights at the cash chariot light up again as you get 30 gems. "Next question. How did Perseus survive the Gorgon?"
Michael
"Well, team I'm pretty sure he used the gleam of the shields the reflection on a shield that he polished"
Giancarlo
"I'm pretty sure it was the reflection, yes."
Nicholas
Uh, I have 16 for history or religion?
Amanda
We could roll history just in case though (laughs).
Michael
I got a 21.
Tau
Arete, what you remember is that, in order to survive the Gorgon, Perseus had to look at her only through the reflection in his shield.
Michael
"He only used the shield's reflection to perceive the Gorgon."
[SFX: Ringing chime.]
Tau
You get another 30 gems as Cash Chariot just showers you in prizes. "Next question. What creature was born from the blood of the slain Gorgon?"
Michael
I... okay. I think I remember?
Nicholas
17 for religion or history?
Giancarlo
19 for history over here.
Amanda
The 16 on history.
Michael
Yeah, five for me. So, that's not gonna.
Tau
Anybody who got a 17 or better knows that it was the Pegasus.
Giancarlo
(exhuberant) "Oh, I finally know this one, guys. I know this one I promise it's the Pegasus."
Tau
All right, the Cash Chariot vibrates underneath you as you get another 30 darkness.
[SFX: Chime and a clatter of darkness falls.]
Tau
"You know, everybody always complains about the smog over here, but I think it's kind of refreshing, don't you think?" And as he says this, you've noticed that--
[SFX: Honking.]
Tau
--there is a large wall of Cash Chariots all in front of you, and the air is almost thick with smog as if in a thick city. And you're all breathing in this smog, and the smog makes it difficult for you to think clearly.
Nicholas
(quietly) Oh no.
Tau
And that it might be more difficult for you to remember information points so readily moving forward. "Next question, who was the famed writer of Pegasus?"
Nicholas
So can we not roll? Is that what it is?
Tau
You can roll with disadvantage.
Nicholas
Disadvantage? Okay.
Amanda
Wasn't it Herakles?
Michael & Giancarlo
(laugh)
Giancarlo
Critical, critical fail.
Michael
With disadvantage, I rolled a 19.
Amanda
21.
Tau
Anybody who gets a 17 or better remembers the name Bellerophon.
Giancarlo
Oooope! Who the fuck is that?
Amanda
Run that by me really quickly again?
Michael
Bellerophon.
Tau
That name came to you once and it is hard for you to hear it again.
Amanda
It was a B Right?
Michael
Yeah. Bellerophon.
Amanda
Beller-Bellerophon. Yeah. "Bellerophon."
Tau
All right. The Cash Chariot hums as 30 obols fall into your possession.
[SFX: chimes and jingles.]
Nicholas
Alexander looks at Rolf, he looks like he's zooted as fuck.
Giancarlo
Yeah, yeah, Rolf, Rolf and Alex are both just like, Rolf goes "I'm hungry."
Tau
It is hard to see at this point, but you get a sense that you're maybe about halfway through the fog. "Where digital Bellerophon ride Pegasus to in the ultimate show of arrogance?"
Giancarlo
I lean in to whisper to Alexander's "Ya mom's house."
Giancarlo & Nicholas
(laugh)
Giancarlo
I rolled a five.
Tau
Okay
Michael
With disadvantage, Arete rolls a 15.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas
(through laughter) Alexander is fucking guffawing.
Tau
It's also laughing gas apparently.
Amanda
Annie rolled in 11.
Tau
Okay, anybody who got a 15 or better seems to think that the answer is Mount Olympus.
Michael
"M-Mo-Mount Olympus."
Players
(laugh)
Tau
All right, the cash chariot bucks as 30 gems fall into your possession.
[SFX: Chimes.]
Tau
(laughing) You feel yourself reaching probably the homestretch of the fog and Koalemos calls out "What was his punishment?"
Amanda
"He diiiied, he's--"
Giancarlo
"Your mom." 13.
Nicholas
Critical fail.
Amanda
Oh my gosh, hold on.
Michael
With disadvantage. I rolled a 5.
Amanda
17. I'm pretty sure he just like fell off of Pegasus and died.
Tau
Is that your answer?
Amanda
No, but I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I'm looking at the group right?
Tau
The cash chariot awaits your answer.
Michael
So the roll wasn't high enough, is what I'm understanding from this.
Tau
You do remember him falling off of Pegasus. You do remember that from your roll.
Amanda
Okay.
Tau
Whatever your answer is, is your answer.
Amanda
"Do you guys just want to go with the with, he fell off the Pegasus and died?"
Players
(snort and laugh)
Michael
"There was like some sort of like icing on the cake because the Greeks love to be creative."
Tau
Somebody say an answer.
Michael
Is there a time-- I don't remember a timer in Cash Cab while the team was discussing.
Amanda
No, there was a timer in Cash Cab. "I'm just I just asking, Arete, I'm just asking Arete if you remember anything, that's all."
Tau
This is Cash Chariot, I don't know what y'all are talking about.
Amanda
Alexander turns to Rolf and he goes "Sassy!"
Players
(laugh)
Michael
"Maybe he was like cast into the depths of Tartarus, Annie, what do you think about that?"
Amanda
"Uhhh."
Michael
"Just has like a nice little creative flourish at the end there."
Amanda
"I mean, I guess, but like then what if that's what makes it wrong? Like I don't know. Maybe it's not that deep, you know?"
Tau
Here a timer buzzing and it's going, tick tock tick tock--
Giancarlo
(yelling) "He fell off of his Pegasus!"
Tau
The Cash Chariot buzzes underneath you.
Nicholas
Uh oh.
Tau
And Koalemos goes "I'd explain to you why that's incorrect. WOAH!!"
[SFX: Screeching of wheels.]
Tau
Suddenly, another Cash Chariot swerves right in front of him and Koalemos quickly tries to steer the chariot to get away from that and nearly runs over a Wretched Shade who goes "AY, I'm walking over here!" And he has to swerve away from that. And then all of this jostling back and forth makes everybody take...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
...four bludgeoning damage.
Nicholas
(sloppy) "Oh, I didn't feel a thing."
Amanda
(retches)
Tau
But then you all emerge from the fog and he goes "That was scary. Well, it turned out that Olympus sent a gadfly to bite Pegasus and when the gadfly bit Pegasus, Bellerophon was dismounted. But the whole point was that he does survive and is deeply injured for the rest of his days."
Amanda
(softly) Ohhhh.
Giancarlo
"So I wasn't wrong."
Michael
"They Tonya Hardinged him is what I'm hearing."
Tau
Why, why, why?? The Cash Chariot pulls up to a series of stoplights and the Cash Chariot says "It's time for our red light challenge."
Amanda
(cackles)
Michael
Oh my god.
Tau
"The way the red light challenge works is this. You can say any number of answers in the allotted amount of time. Incorrect answers will not count against you but correct answers will be counted in your favor and however many you get correct by the end of the red light challenge will be directly proportional to how many prizes you win. Are there any questions?"
Michael
"Yes before we--"
Tau
"Yes there are such as mine which is this."
Amanda
Oh my god.
Giancarlo
"Alex we got this one!"
Nicholas
Alex is like laughing so hard, there's no noise.
Tau
"Name the muses, beginning in three, two, one, go."
Giancarlo
"Eurydice!"
Amanda
"Thalia."
Giancarlo
"Orpheus! Aphrodite?
Amanda
"That's not a muse."
Giancarlo
"Athena!"
Michael
"It's I don't know the names of the muses time. I'm so terrible at this. Oh, god."
Amanda
"I know Thalia. I'm trying to remember... I know there's nine."
Giancarlo
"My high school girlfriend."
Amanda
"I might be saying Thalia wrong. Um"
Giancarlo
"Vanessa!"
Amanda
"There's so many with E's. Thalia! Uh."
Giancarlo
"Hypo-thal-mia."
Michael
"Poetry."
Giancarlo
"Hippolyta!"
Michael
"Drama."
Amanda
"No?"
Giancarlo
"Cassandra and Melisandre and (singing) Guinevere."
Michael
"Blitzer."
Amanda
"Erato."
Nicholas
Musea.
Amanda
El-Elyus.
Nicholas
Museus.
Amanda
Elia.
Michael
Musica.
Amanda
Eliah.
Tau
Time is up.
[SFX: Ringing.]
Tau
Alright. You got two correct answers. You got Thalia and Erato. Plus, you will get 200 darkness for those correct guesses.
[SFX: Chime.]
Amanda
"Sweet, we did it!"
Giancarlo
"Imagine how many we would have gotten if we got more."
Nicholas
"I told you it was Museus."
Tau
That is not a thing.
Tau
Koalemos goes "The correct answers were Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia, and Urania."
Players
(laugh)
Giancarlo
"So NOW you tell us the correct answers." (does a rasberry)
Tau
Yes.
Giancarlo
"Hacks!"
Tau
"All right!" And then the red light changes to a green light and the Cash Chariot begins driving again with great gusto.
[SFX: Engine revs.]
Tau
"Next question. What item helped Theseus navigate the labyrinth?"
Giancarlo
(softly) "Oh! Oh! I know this one."
Michael
"It was a--"
Giancarlo
"The string."
Michael
"It was the string."
Giancarlo
"The thread."
Michael
"It was the yarn is, I-- there's a specific name for it though, I think. So I'm gonna go ahead and roll for history."
Nicholas
(slurred) "Roll to find out."
Giancarlo
16.
Michael
So I rolled a 15 for that.
Amanda
22 for Annie.
Nicholas
Unnatural 20
Tau
Anybody who got an 18 or better rememberss the yarn of Ariadne.
Amanda
"The yarn of Ariadne."
Tau
The Cash Chariot awards you 30 obols.
[SFX: Chime.]
Amanda
"30 obols!"
Tau
"Next question, how did he slay the Minotaur?"
Giancarlo
"This damn Labyrinth will never leave me alone! I dream of it."
Michael
16 for my check.
Giancarlo
12
Amanda
17 for Annie.
Nicholas
Ten. Alex is starting to wake up.
Tau
Okay, anybody who gets a 16 or better remember it's the same answer as the Gorgon.
Michael
"That would be by cutting off its head, cabbie."
Tau
The Cash Chariot awards you 30 darkness.
[SFX: Chime.]
Tau
So the Cash Chariot pulls up in front of a couple of gates and says, "Alright, we're almost at our destination. Now, here's what we're gonna do, we're gonna give you the option of double or nothing. You can choose to double your earnings of all the prizes you have received so far, if you can answer the next question correctly. Otherwise, you will walk out of this cab, I mean (coughs) chariot with nothing. Do you accept that double or nothing challenge?"
Giancarlo
"Absolutely not."
Michael
Three people have inspiration.
Nicholas
Yes, without disadvantage, we can do it.
Michael
I think it might be worth it. Because you guys have the inspiration to spend.
Giancarlo
"I'm going to go in the books as no, but I will follow the will of the group."
Amanda
I-I'd spend my inspiration on it. That's fine. But I just whenever Amanda used to watch cash cash, she would always say, "Psh, I ain't doing no double or nothing. I'm taking what I got." But if y'all want to go for it, sure, I'll do it.
Michael
I'll tell you what we have and then you guys can make a more informed determination. 290 darkness, 90 obols, and 120 gems.
Nicholas
(singing) "Double double double."
Amanda
"I mean, that's not bad. If it looks like Alex really wants to double."
Nicholas
(singing louder) "Double double double."
Giancarlo
Alex is singing double, double double and Rolf pokes him on the nose and says "You're so stupid."
Tau
"I am the God of stupidity!"
Nicholas
"Wait, there's no more fog, Rolf."
Tau
There's no more fog.
Giancarlo
"Oh." And he straightens up immediately. "Yeah, my apologies."
Nicholas
Alexander puts his hand on his cheek like he's bored again.
Amanda
Annie just says "I'll do it. I-I'll do it."
Nicholas
"Double."
Tau
"All right, everybody is playing double or nothing!" The lights of the Cash Cab go red. Suddenly, a little panel, like a little mirror opens up on the side of the Cash Cab and a little video starts playing in the mirror. In that mirror you also see Koalemos. Koalemos is saying, in the mirror, (coming through the speaker) "Who is the child of Hermes and Aphrodite?
Michael
"Okay, so it would be a full god."
Giancarlo
"He needs to be fast and hot."
Michael
I rolled a 21.
Nicholas
Oh, thank God.
Michael
I wrote a 12 again.
Nicholas
And I got a 14.
Amanda
I got a 22 for Annie.
Tau
Here's what I will tell you about the double or nothing. A 21 will give you a very good hint. It is not going to give you the answer.
Michael
Okay.
Giancarlo
I knew it.
Nicholas
(disappointed) Oooh.
Michael
I mean, I don't have an inspiration to spend so that's--
Giancarlo
Who has, who has the highest modifier? I have plus three.
Nicholas
Yeah I have plus five.
Amanda
I have plus eight.
Nicholas
(impressed) Ohhhh.
Giancarlo
So 21 is actually, it's still above average for you. But it might be worth expending just to see?
Amanda
I mean, I'll use the inspiration, that's fine.
Giancarlo
Mathematically speaking, you're probably going to get an 18 but it might be worth it. Who knows.
Amanda
I'll try.
Giancarlo
At most I'll get a 23 so I don't think it's worth it.
Amanda
Oooh!
Nicholas
What'd you get?
Amanda
25!
Tau
Okay, you immediately remember the name Hermaphroditus.
Giancarlo
Ohhh!!
Nicholas
Nice! Hermes and Aphrodite.
Amanda
I would not have gotten that, that's really funny. Annie's just gonna scream, "Hermaphroditus!"
Tau
The Cash Chariot just shoots cannons of confetti above you.
[SFX: POW. POW. Ringing]
Tau
Please double each of the prizes that you receive. "Alright, now get out of my cab!"
Giancarlo
"I love you!" As he runs out of the cab.
Amanda
"Bye, thank you so much."
Amanda
"Thanks again for playing Cash Chariot!"
Michael
"It was a pleasure to be on the show. Thank you so much." As Arete, kind of just like shakes his hand, whether or not he offered it out, Arete will just grab it.
Tau
"Okay." Koalemos afterwards is again yanked up into the black night as if like by a stage pulley. Furthermore, you see one gate in front of you and it is a red spear point.
Players
(gasp)
Michael
(singsong) That sounds like Ares! (normal voice) Well, since it's the only gate we got, Arete just slaps his hand on the door.
[SFX: Stone and metal sliding.]
Giancarlo
"Well, I guess he didn't take us to Zagreus. I knew these shows were rigged."
Amanda
"Well, we don't know that. We have to go in first."
Giancarlo
"And I think it's Ares. But let's see. Who knows? Maybe Zag is hang hanging out. What's up, Zag?"
Amanda
"Why would Are, no, Ares wouldn't be here. Why would Ares be here?"
Giancarlo
"Why would Zagreus be here?"
Amanda
"What do you mean why would Zagreus would be, is that, this is, it's--"
Michael
"Because that's where you wanted to go. And the chariot'll take us where we want to go."
Amanda
"Hopefully."
Giancarlo
"Okay." And I swan dive into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Michael
"Ooo. So graceful. Wooow."
Tau
Yeah. (imitating Owen Wilson) Wow.
Nicholas
Owen Wilson?
Michael
Wow
Tau
Wow, we're gonna meet Zagreus, wow.
Michael
Arete, will take several steps back to get a nice running start at the portal. And he will do a straight of a formation dive forward as he bursts into a run and just,
[SFX: Running.]
Michael
He'll give it a nice torque, so he spins as he enters the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas
Okay (imitating Owen Wilson) wow.
Amanda
Annie's just gonna look at Alex just gonna like kind of like cough a little bit and like, look down at the floor and like, twist, twist her leg and like, hold on to her, her shirt or her jacket or something. And she's gonna be like, "Alex. I'm sorry, even though I know I technically don't have to really apologize because I didn't really do anything wrong, but I'm gonna apologize anyway, because I didn't mean to start any trouble and and for yelling cuz I don't like to yell but I didn't like it when, um, you, you pulled my arm when you, you didn't need to. I was just making a point. That's it. And you, um, can think whatever you think but you're gonna think it and I'm not gonna know what it is." And then Annie's gonna run into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Nicholas
And with that Alex will just walk into the portal.
[SFX: Portal swoosh.]
Tau
You find yourself in a room where somehow the dread feels just a little less burdensome. Two fountains on opposite ends of the room gush sparkling streams of healing water. When you drink from them, you may take a rest and recover up to your full hit dice amount on each roll plus your constitution modifier. Somewhere soft, pensive music plays. At your feet, you see charred footsteps walking towards one of the fountains. You see a figure there, with flame emerging from its feet. It is in red robes and wears a mantle of skulls. The figure seems to crawl and reach for the fountain, desperately. It lets out a cough (coughs). And suddenly, you see that figure levitate into the air above you as blood explodes from it.
Giancarlo
(gasps)
Tau
And gets yanked into the abyss below.
[SFX: A gushing splatter.]
Giancarlo
"Zagreus just fucking died y'all!"
[SFX: Water flowing, fading then intense outro music.]
Tau
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Sound Design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C. with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. If you liked what you heard, we hope you'll consider helping us make future tabletop parodies of your favorite stories. You can support us at patreon on patreon.com/roguerunradio. Patrons get access to our community discord channel, as well as our behind the scenes chat casts, Out of the Blood, where we talk about everything on our minds after the episode. There are free ways to support the show too. We hope you'll leave us a glowing review on your listening app of choice as well as spread the good word about us on Twitter and Instagram, where you can follow us @roguerunradio. We love hearing from you. So hit us up there or email us at rr@whisperforge.org. Lastly, we're big fans of Dungeons and Drimbus by Whimsic Productions. It's another actual play show both I and our cast play on and it's how I met them all, it's so fun. Please give it a listen. Get ready to run with us next week. New episodes drop every Friday. 'Til next time sinners, I'll see you in hell.
[SFX: Title music.] “Escape...escape...escape...escape…”
Giancarlo
"Hello there listeners. It's me, Rolf Yannik. I've discovered we're living inside a podcast and I can talk directly to you at any point by speaking into this strange device." (laughing) Hey everyone, it is Giancarlo Herrera. Rolf slash sound designer slash editor, just here to let you guys know that you're about to hear another short clip from Dungeons and Drimbus. It's another actual play podcast featuring much of the cast that you already know and love from Rogue Runners. And if you love our chemistry, or the way we play the game, or our awesome sound design, (as an aside) your words not mine, I think you'll really like Dungeons and Drimbus. It shares a lot of those qualities and we have so much fun on our homebrew adventures. So you're about to hear a clip from season three which is premiering today. It is called Your Honor in which the party plays as a group of fantasy attorneys attempting to defend the very same monsters that you would usually be slaying. This first clip is a little favorite section of ours called "Toady the Pony" and if you enjoy it and want to hear more just check out Dungeons and Drimbus wherever podcasts are found. This first episode is already up and we have two previous seasons to dive into, if you want more of our chaotic D&D goodness. Enjoy.
Michael
"Excuse me, sir. Sir?"
Giancarlo
"Yeah, yes. Yeah."
Michael
"How much for one of your one of your at your fastest steeds there?"
Giancarlo
"Oh, one of the fastest steeds? Well, it's going to be quite a lot. We have this beautiful war horse here, 400 gold pieces. We have your average horse here, 75 gold pieces. And we have Tony the Pony, 30 gold pieces."
Michael
"Okay, let me just check with my colleagues here. So I've got 15 gold pieces, dear team. Does anybody want to ane up any uh, any gold that they might be holding on to?"
Amanda
"To be perfectly honest, I didn't calculate that before we started the game. Should I? Didn't think we'd b puchasing a damn horse."
Giancarlo
Jessica got a small inheritance.
Amanda
"Apparently."
Michael
"It's, It's from my my dead husband's pension, Frank, he, uh. Oh, that poor soul."
Giancarlo
"If we don't sell Tony the Pony here real soon. I'm gonna have to put him down. He's been here for months."
[SFX: Horse neighs.]
Nicholas
"That doesn't sound like a reliable horse, then. With six hours, I think, uh."
Giancarlo
"Maybe not arrival horse but reliable glue."
Michael
"I have a question for you, sir. Sir. Instead of purchasing, is it possible to rent one of your horses?"
Michael
"Rental service? Hmm. I should have thought about that before."
Amanda
"No!" (laughs)
Giancarlo
"Well, how do I know you'd return it?"
Michael
"I can give you a certified document saying so. I will sign and I have two witnesses here that can impose their signatures on a document as well."
Giancarlo
"Well, I, I certainly trust a lady of the law. However, I will say I'm very good friends with the reclaimers, they get their war horses from me. Should you not return this horse, I will send murderers after you."
Michael
"I certainly appreciate your upfront honesty on your rental and return policies."
Giancarlo
"Absolutely. Listen, if Tony the Pony gets one last good ride before I send him to the glue factory, I'm sure he'll be plenty happy about it." And you see Tony the Pony look at you. Of course it's a pony, it doesn't speak, but a tear streams down his face.
Amanda
Oh no!
Nicholas
Oh my god.
Michael
"So to rent Tony the Pony and then return him for his cruel fate, how much would that be?"
Giancarlo
"Let's say 10 gold pieces.
Michael
"Wonderful." And Jessica will reach into her purse and pull out 10 gold pieces to pay the Cyclops man.
Giancarlo
"Thank you very much, Tony. You live another day." And he unhitches Tony the Pony and he hands--
Nicholas
Spanks him.
Giancarlo
He gets a little a little smack on the tuchus and Tony the Pony very slowly trots out.
[SFX: Horse clopping.]
Giancarlo
He is this brown horse with some darker brown striations along his back. (end of clip) Thank you all so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed (as Rolf) "and we will see you all next week!"