Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 22 - Fountains of Pain

TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 22 - Fountains of Pain

 

Tau 

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Tau

You’re listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way, we’re just big ol’ nerds making improv fanfiction. 

 

ROGUE RUNNERS is...rated R, for pretty much everything you can find in Greek Mythology: violence, assault, self-harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at Whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.

 

[SFX: Intro music.]



 Tau 

You ride this raft all the way to what appears to be a very large mound of rock and dirt, so emerging from the lava it's this kind of triangular shape emerging from it. So you can actually get off the raft and you actually climb up these makeshift muddy dirty stairs to a large refreshing basin of fountain water.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(gasps)

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Wow."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

It's like land, land ho, but it's just water.

 

Tau 

And it's nice and cool to the touch even though it's surrounded by magma everywhere.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Arete is going to ignore the no diving signs and go neck first into the fountain.

 

[SFX: Splash.]

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(joking) Arete snaps his neck

 

Michael (Arete) 

I can't die, I'm already dead.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

How deep is the fountain?

 

Tau 

Pretty deep, enough for Are- maybe basin was the wrong word, more like a hot spring but with cool water in it.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Okay.

 

Tau 

Yeah, so Arete can fit in there, as can other people if they want to go in.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Yeah.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Rolf does the very dramatic like camera behind them shot of like releasing the cape or whatever he's wearing as he just walks into the basin.

 

Tau 

Do we have to caped people?

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

After his war flashback thing with Morpheus, Rolf emerges with a cape.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Wowww.

 

Tau 

His poncho has turned into a cape.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Yes.

 

Tau 

He like switched it to the back sexily.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

And, and uh, he wades into the into the water and sits in it just up to his chin.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

You all really just, you really couldn't just drink from it, huh? You really just had to jump in, huh? Well, Annie just wanted to take her shoes off and dip her feet in.

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Only your feet regain hit points.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Nooo, staaahp.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Yeah, Alexander will take off like pieces of his armor and rub the fountain water over the wounds that have gone through those chinks in his armor.

 

Tau 

All right, so while you're doing that, you can go ahead and roll up your like short rest hit dice, and heal up if you want to and restore your spell slots as necessary.

 

Michael (Arete) 

(satisified) "Ahhh."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

And as he regains the spell slots, you see the rest of Rolf's head dip into the water, completely submerged.

 

Tau 

Are you guys making conversation? Are you all just doing like a very solemn healing in the fountain, licking your wounds?

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie just wants to ask, "Did you guys see Pelops go down?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Yes."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"That was pretty intense."

 

Tau 

Like the last thing you saw was like just the Hydra sinking underneath him. And then you got on to the barge. It doesn't mean he like was obliterated by the lava. The man can jump.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Ooh.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

As like Alexander's like tying his wrist armor back on and like his shin armor and all that, he's "Anastasia. May I talk with you for a moment?"

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie's gonna like look behind her. And then she's gonna like look back and then point at herself.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Yes, you."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Oh, okay." Annie's gonna get up. She's gonna put her little shoes back on. She's gonna waddle over to Alex.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"It's not that I don't wish to be butting heads with you all this time. I would just suggest that from now on that you take a more medical approach in our party. I would suggest keeping everyone alive with your healing spells. Now that we've rested, I... ah... you have a very capable damage output... but for it to survive, we're going to need more than blindness and deafness and... you understand, yes?"

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(soft, downturned) "Yeah, I understand."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"It's just the tactical approach. I mean, you, you've done nothing wrong, I just, uh..."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"No, I get it. You're the... you're the tactical guy."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"I still owe you."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"You're the guy with the strategy."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"I still owe you for that drink of water from before, when we arrived here in Asphodel."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"You don't, no, you don't. It's just, I had a straw and you needed a straw. It's like you're the you're the guy with the tactics and the strategy. I'm the girl with the straw. You know what I mean? I don't I don't--"

 

Tau 

At that moment...

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Aw crap.

 

Tau 

... You feel a strange vibration in the water.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Uh oh.

 

 

[SFX: Soft bass tones play.]

 

Tau 

And then that vibration picks up in speed and then you feel rumbling within the entire mound that you're all resting in, and then suddenly, the ground in the fountain underneath you breaks...

 

[SFX: Bubbles then an explosion of water.]

 

Tau 

As a Hydra emerges (laughs).

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Of course.

 

Tau 

You are all blown back. You're all blown out of the water 15 feet in opposite directions.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Oh my god.

 

Tau 

(laughing) There is a massive Hydra going (roars) ahead of you from the fountain.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

 My fishes!

 

Tau 

Roll initiative.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Alright.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Seriously?

 

Michael (Arete) 

Ow.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

What the shit!

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Alexander gets a 16.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

FIVE.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Arete rolls a 13.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie also got a five.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

High five!

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Ha ha!

 

[SFX: Smack!]

 

Tau 

Alexander you were blown back you are surprised. So actually everybody was surprised except the Hydra. So the way surprise works is that you can't use any reactions until the start of your turn when you get your reactions back. Furthermore, you're not able to take actions or movement on your turn. So Alexander you're surprised this round. Arete you are surprised this round. The Hydra is immediately going to take a bite at Annie.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

WHAT!

 

[SFX: Dice rolls.]

 

Tau 

Let's see what it gets. It only gets a 14. Does that hit you?

 

Amanda (Annie) 

No, it doesn't.

 

Tau 

Oh. Okay, well see, then you're fine. Oh, so. Oh sorry. Oh sorry, it has advantage because you're surprised. I'm sorry.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(GASP) Call, call upon call--

 

Tau 

Does a 27 hit?

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(mocking) Does a 27 hit? (indignant) What kind of question--

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Call upon her!!!

 

Amanda (Annie) 

What?

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

IRIS!

 

Michael (Arete) 

Using Iris is a reaction and she can't use a reaction.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Awwwww.

 

Tau 

Ah, you can't, you can't, y'ca- you can't and you can't use reactions until the start of your turn.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Can one of the other people expend their reactions that has already had their turn?

 

Tau 

To what, give Iris' boon to someone else?

 

Michael (Arete) 

Yeah.

 

Tau 

(gently sarcastic) Yeah that's how that works. Anyway the--

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(cackling)

 

Tau 

You take 15 piercing damage as the Hydra goes (snarls).

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(screams)

 

Tau 

And bites right into you, Annie for that 15 piercing damage. Additionally make a strength saving throw.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh no, oh (laments). 11.

 

Tau 

You are now grappled within this bite. So your speed is now also reduced to zero.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Ohoho what the shit.

 

Tau 

Annie it's your turn, you get your reaction back.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(a joking laugh of relief)

 

Tau 

Rolf, it's your turn you get your reaction back.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Incredible.

 

Tau 

Now we go back to the top of the initiative order so Alexander you're up.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Alright, I'm going to run to the Hydra and climb on and attack it. A dirty 20.

 

Tau 

Okay, that does hit.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Alexander will kick himself up to his feet, run up to the Hydra, and with the divine smite his sword glows white and he stabs into the jaws of the Hydra trying to open it and save Anastasia. And that's 33 damage with the first hit.

 

Tau 

Excellent. It goes (roar). You run into it for 33 damage.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Rolf is still facedown on the ground, starting to get back up after being thrown into the pool. He shouts out to the group "Clear the Hydra."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Would a 12 land?

 

Tau 

It does not.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Yes. And then as a bonus action, I will actually dash away for, how far do I have to be from?

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

10.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Okay, I'll dash just 15 feet.

 

[SFX: Splash.]

 

Tau 

Okay, it's gonna make an opportunity attack at you. Does the 27 hit?

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

If I call upon Iris..... can stop that...?

 

[SFX: Glimmering boon chime.]

 

Tau 

I don't know, does that put you at 28 AC or more?

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

I'm at exactly 27.

 

Tau 

Okay, meets it, does beat it. So it bites right into you, make a strength saving throw.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

23.

 

Tau 

Okay, so actually you are still able to move away, you take the 15 piercing damage. It tries to grapple you with its bite. It does get the bite off on you, but like a little bit of the bone breaks away as you just keep running and your, y'know, your momentum lets you break out.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Arete uses 15 feet of his movement to rise from his fall and the next 15 feet of his movement to run up and leap and jump on to the Hydra's head and while he's in the air he will drive La Voix into its skull. Does a 25 hit?

 

Tau 

Ooo. That does hit.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Excellent.



[SFX: A series of boon booms and chimes.]

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Ares, Dionysus and Aphrodite aid me in this stabby stab." 14 damage.

 

 

[SFX: Thwack! The Hydra ROARS.]

 

Tau 

You deal 14 damage to it. It still looks in very good shape.

 

Michael (Arete) 

And then I'm going to go ahead and use my bonus action to disengage, increasing my AC. "Hermes, I thank thee."

 

Tau 

The Hydra is going to take another bite at Annie.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

No!

 

Tau 

Does a 25 hit?

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(sigh)

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(whisper) Call upon her.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(quiet) Fuck.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(louder whisper) Call upon her.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Iris!"

 

[SFX: Glimmering Iris chime.]

 

Amanda (Annie) 

It still hits.

 

Tau 

Well it gets disadvantage though.

  

[SFX: Dice rolls.]

 

Tau 

On the attack. So now it's only an 18.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(hopeful) Mm?

 

Michael (Arete) 

And you add five to your AC.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

That's still hits.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

No if you have 14, and you add five.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh you're right! I can't do math.

 

Tau 

It tries to bite into you and then there is the most brilliant shield of rainbow light you've ever seen...

  

[SFX: A whirring gleam.]

 

Tau 

...momentarily blinds it as it just bites into the rock right next to it. It goes (rumblin roar into rock) So Iris really came through.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Thank you, Iris. Alex, I know you said, I-I think everyone's looking really good right now so I don't know if I should do what you wanted me to do. Is this the right, is it the time? Is that what you want?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"You're good for now, we just healed."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Okay just just wanted to check in, just wanted to make sure!"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Of course. Yes thank you for that."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

She says as blood dribbles down her mouth.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(laughs) I know.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(coughs) Since Annie is already still so close to the Hydra, she would like to use thunderclap. So... and I know that's a constitution save for the Hydra, but Annie doesn't care.

 

Tau 

It got a nine.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

YEAH!

 

Tau 

Ah, doesn't doesn't Arete have to make the save as well?

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh, yeah, sorry about that, Arete. Aw shit.

 

Michael (Arete) 

My constitution saving throw's a six.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Fuck, okay I'm really sorry, I forgot you were on top of the head.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Eh, well y'know.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Hi Atrete, didn't-didn't see ya there, buddy." Uh.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"This is the opposite of what Alexander asked you to do."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

I'll be nice, so look, I won't add Ares just in case cause you're here.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

I think that's a good idea.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Yeah. So it's a 10 damage! That's just 10 thunder damage.

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Athena protect me!"

  

[SFX: A powerful chime of the boon.]

 

Amanda (Annie) 

There you go! Alright. Yes.

 

Tau 

A thunderclap resounds on the Hydra's head as it takes 10 damage. It's like somebody just like flicked it on its forehead.

  

[SFX: The viol wobbles to higher and higher notes until a small thunderclap explodes.]

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Yeah, take that. And Annie is gonna call on Hermes to dash away from the Hydra.

 

Tau 

Okay, yeah, so it's gonna make an opportunity attack against you.

  

[SFX: Dice roll.]

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(mutters) What the chit!

 

Tau 

It gets a 26.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(resigned sigh)

 

Tau 

It deals 15 piercing damage to you.

  

[SFX: The crackle of bone and Annie lets out a small groan of pain.]

 

Tau 

And now make a strength saving throw.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(struggling) Okay, that's just 12.

 

Tau 

Okay, but you do save.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Yeah!

 

Tau 

You took the damage, but it tries to grapple you and it can't. And you move away pretty gracefully.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Yeah, suck on that!"

 

Tau 

Okay, well, it'll take that as a challenge.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Uh oh.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Aw shit.

 

Tau 

Rolf.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(quietly) No.

 

Tau 

It is your turn.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

All right. Rolf is still, he's older so it takes him a second to get up. So he's still working his way up off the ground. And then you see there's a splash of the, I guess holy water near him that they were bathing in. And he like shakes out one of his hands. And as he does, so a blood crystal just drops into that water...

  

[SFX: A thunking splash.]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

...freezes it...

 

[SFX: Ice crackles.]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

...and he flings it toward the Hydra. And he's going to cast ice knife on him and he says "Ares, Dionysis, Aphrodite , do your thing!"

  

[SFX: A cascade of boon chimes; a boom, a popping cork, and a shimmer.]

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Ooo! He gets a critical hit and does... 27 times two is 54 damage as the ice knife, with the blood crystal frozen in the middle, lodges itself into one of its eye sockets and then explodes and it needs to make a... dexterity saving throw.

 

Tau 

Okay, it gets a... nine.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Okay, that fails.

 

Michael (Arete) 

And Arete gets a 25

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Okay, wonderful. I won't to spend my sorcery point then. (chuckles) So that is 6... 12. That is 25 cold damage as the ice knife explodes from within its ice socket.

 

Tau 

So what ends up happening is, you drop this blood crystal into the fountain water and you think you're creating this ice knife as this ice begins forming around the crystal to make this ice knife. But then out of nowhere, the blood crystal pulses and you see this light float over the rest of the ice knife and it just gets keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger...

  

[SFX: Ice crackles, spreading.]

 

Tau 

...until it makes essentially--

 

Michael (Arete) 

(whispered) Ice penis.

 

Tau 

--like an ice... (laughs)

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(a hoarse laugh)

 

Michael (Arete) 

(chuckles)

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(laughs)

 

Tau 

Until it makes an ice javelin essentially, and you send it rocketing into the eye or where an eye would be of this bone Hydra. And it just goes (roar) and then it shatters and more than three fourths of its skull just shatters away as that javelin explodes. So it is looking in very bad shape right now. Is there anything else you do on your turn?

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

I dash to increase my AC and go "That's a level one spell slot baby."

 

Tau 

Oh my god. Okay.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Hmmm. I'm gonna Poseidon Hermes dash boon after that explosion. I'm gonna I'm just gonna body it with my dash. (small explosion impact noise)

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

And then start cutting into this long neck of bone.

 

Tau 

Alright, so the water from the fountain whirls around you and then it makes this like wave that your feet that you ride, cape flowing behind you as you blast into this Hydra. It's gonna make a strength save that it fails, so it's knocked 15 feet back but you don't care. You're riding and closing that gap too. You swing down on it with your sword and do...

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

37 damage.

 

Tau 

Alright, Alexander finish this thing.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

So anime style we're gonna keep running along (brring noise) with all the way down the vertebrae as the s--

 

Tau 

Screaming the entire time.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Yeah, as the sword is cutting through every single little vertebrae.

 

[SFX: The sword shink shink shinks through the vertebrae.]

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(gutteral yelling) , 'til there's nothing left. And I don't go into lava.

 

Tau 

(laughs) Okay,

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

If you don't say it, I have to assume you ran into the lava.

 

Tau 

Yeah, I must assume, right? All right, so yeah, so the Hydra is obliterated. You know, pretty much 18 seconds after it came out of the fountain.

 

Michael (Arete) 

And as the Hydra is obliterating and just exploding, Arete, seeing the anime style running of Alexander, he tries to one up him and leaps from piece of shattered skull to piece of shattered skull, back down to the ground, does a tumble roll and then lands on one knee like a superhero and goes "Boo ya, baby."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Rolf pulls out a little card from beneath his cape and it's a six and then puts it back.

 

Tau 

(chuckles) Okay, beautifully done. So as that Hydra is obliterated in front of you, you see an arrow fly from the darkness above you straight into the ground with like lightning speed. There's just a green flash of light as this arrow strikes into the ground...

  

[SFX: A speedy woosh, thunk, and tinny wobbling as the arrow quivers)

 

Tau 

...and where it lands, you hear a little pop. And then there's a Crystal Globe there with a little green bow and arrow sign rotating inside of it.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Wow.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(half joking, laughing) Where did that come from? We're under fire.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(also joking) Everybody get down!

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I believe Artemis sent us a message."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Let's pop that sucker open and see what she has to say." And Arete will take out La Voix and cut open the bubble.

 

 [SFX: A whisperlike tone emanates.]

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(laughing) What the shit?

 

Tau 

As if like the skinning of a sacred deer but it's a bubble. Okay.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Yes!

 

Tau 

At that moment, again.

 

[SFX: A high, clear DING.]

 

Tau 

The heat of Asphodel seems to fade away for a moment as you're kind of surrounded in this mist again, and you get the smell of woods and damp caves and you hear this hunting horn blare somewhere and then you hear the thumping of hundreds and hundreds of hooves as if a Wild Hunt were taking place somewhere. And then somewhere through the mist you see a silhouette of a giant stag and on that stag is the silhouette of a woman wearing a skull for headwear with massive antlers coming out of it and that silhouette of a woman turns to you as a voice rings out in your ear. She points the bow at you, but not in like a "I'm gonna shoot you" way, just as if to like address you and the voice says (clear, firm, mildly alarmed) "Just what in Hades is going on down there? I swear, it gets harder and harder to get a message down to the Underworld. Do me a favor. I won't stop you from trying to escape. But if you can just make sure things don't get too crazy down there, I'll make it worth your while." Roll a d20, Arete.

 

Michael (Arete) 

14.

 

Tau 

Okay, that is a common rarity boon.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Dang.

 

Tau 

You may choose from an Artemis power boon, an Artemis survivability boon, or an Artemis utility boon.

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Goddess of the hunt. What do we think team?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I would say power. She's the goddess of the hunt."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"I agree."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Sure, power is fine with me."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Power it is, baby."

 

Tau 

All right, everybody's decided on power. When your attacks find their mark, you become confident in tracking your prey. Once you deal damage to a target, you gain advantage on your next attack against it.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Woo!

 

Tau 

So add that to your rolodex of 30 boons.

 

[SFX: A warping woosh and she's gone.]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Thank you, Artemis."

 

Tau 

And then on the opposite side of the mound from where you came in, you see a little raft that leads away and there's a little question mark globe on it.

 

Michael (Arete) 

(gasp) "I sense a quiz show coming. Let's go, gang. It's not safe here."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Ooo.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Okay, well, let's go. I'm sick of, I want to.. yeah. I'm sick of this little sword," and he'll hop in and try to paddle with his long sword.

 

Tau 

You're paddling through the magma with your sword? It's gone now. There is no more sword for Alex.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(laughs)

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh nooo.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(laughing) I thought it was like river Styx.

 

Tau 

No, it's the river Phlegathon. It's a river of fire.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

You better hope you answer this question right tho because (laughs).

 

Tau 

Right now you have to get this question right.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

He's gonna blow really hard to make the boat go faster.

 

Tau 

What's everybody else doing?

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie's getting on the boat.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

I'm on it. I'm assuming the globe won't pop until everyone's on it. So Rolf is just kind of like, why isn't this working, like pressing the globe over and over again.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Arete minds the gap as he boards the raft and is polishing La Voix after battle.

 

Tau 

Finally the globe shatters, and the raft begins moving over the river Phlegathon.

  

[SFX: The river swirls around the boat.]

 

Tau 

Once again, you slowly find yourself reaching the edge of one of these circular discs of magma.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Oh shit.

 

Tau 

And it is about to fall off the edge very soon.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Yeah, let's, let's feather fall there, I wanted an infernal arm."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Okay." 

 

[SFX: Annie's viol wobbles over a few notes.]

 

Tau 

You better fall adjust as the raft goes over the edge and you are once again descending into blackness. And you very gently fall on some cool ruby tile in a red room with a pedestal in the middle of it. Alexander, roll history.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

12.

 

Tau 

So Alexander, you remember when you were conquering India, you stopped by the river Ganga or the river Ganges, as it's called to the Greeks. And when you went to this river, you and a certain someone in your past had a very memorable time at this river which was covered in marigold blossoms and these kinds of censers of oil in these lamps and it smelled beautiful and they were just flower petals all over it. And you recognize one of these flowers because you see a long sword in the middle. It looks less like a blade and more like a bouquet and the hilt is just bursting with Marigold blossoms all over it. And it has this long swooping orange blade emerging from it and it is rotating on its axis at the pedestal.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"It's very floral... for a weapon."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(snorts)

 

Michael (Arete) 

"If you don't want it, I'll take it"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

I'm gonna go for it, I guess.

 

Tau 

Alright, so as you try to grab it, your hand obviously phases through it and then you hear a thump as behind you a very happy sphinx goes (deep and hoarse) "Hello my old friends, come to claim another one of my treasures, have you?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Yes, if we may?"

 

Tau 

"Very well."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Hi Enigmatos. It's lovely to see you as always."

 

Tau 

"It is lovely to see people who can answer my riddles. And it is lovely to eliminate from my sight those who cannot!"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Great."

 

Tau 

"Are you prepared to answer?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Yes."

 

Tau 

Alright, he begins his Hakuna Matata trot around the ruby tiled room. He says "There are two sisters, one gives birth to the other and she in turn gives birth to the first. Who are they?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I know this one,  it's Tia and Tamara."

 

Tau & Players 

(laughs)

 

Tau 

(singing) Sister sister! Can't believe how much I missed ya.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh my goood.

 

Tau 

Which I always mix up with (singing) He's a smaaaart guy.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Yeah.

 

Tau 

"Is Tia and Tamara your final answer?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"It most definitely is not, Enigmatos my good friend."

 

Tau 

(laughing) Okay.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"May I hear that riddle one more time?"

 

Tau 

"There are two sisters, one gives birth to the other and she in turn gives birth to the first. Who are they?"

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"What?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I thought there were three sisters."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(begrudgingly) Hahaha.

 

Michael (Arete) 

All the cultural references. Wow.

 

Tau 

I don't think I get that one.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

It's Chekov.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"I have an idea but I don't think it's correct."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"It could be it could be a day and night."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Oh yeah. Yeah, that feels right. That feels right in my bones."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Is it day and night?"

 

Tau 

He roars. "That is correct!"

 

Amanda (Annie)  

"Wow. On the first try. Has that happened yet?"

 

Tau 

Okay, well, that was obviously too easy. Now I'm only going to give you extremely hard riddles that have no reward (laughs) other than to survive. So Alexander, make an arcana check.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

18.

 

Tau 

Okay, this is the blade called Marigold, Blade of the Lovers. On a successful attack roll, you restore one hit die plus your constitution modifier.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Oh! Ooh!

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Wooow.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Ah!! WHAT!

 

Tau 

And every time you swing with it, more and more petals fall off of it. But they always come back.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Very Japanese Sakura Storm.

 

Tau 

Yeah.

 

Michael (Arete) 

I love that.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Holy hell!"

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Congratulations Alex!"

 

Tau 

And this is obviously the Aspect of Alexander.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(deep inhale) "And it smells divine. Groovy. I mean, splendid."

 

Tau 

(laughs) Okay.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"You're losing yourself, Alex."

 

Tau 

Speaking of mom's spaghetti.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(laughing) What?

 

Tau 

You turn around and you see a magnificent feast.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Mother's spaghetti!

 

Michael (Arete) 

(laughs gleefully)

 

Tau 

Everybody gains 15 hit points.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(whispers) Yes.

 

Tau 

Your hit point maximum also increases by that much temporarily. You are cured of all diseases and poison, you become immune to poison and being frightened and make all wisdom saving throws with advantage.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

And we had one already from the previous...

 

Amanda (Annie) 

We did.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

So we're double in the

 

Tau 

(sly) You're double feasted, all the way.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Herd immunity. Uhh. "Let's let's talk with Enigmatos guys. I feel like he has much much wisdom to share."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"He's gonna disappear."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Yeah, but we can usually ask him one or two questions."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Ask him a question."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Pass the bread, would you?"

 

Tau 

"That is your first question." And then he passes the bread.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Worth it." (scarfs down the bread)

 

Michael (Arete) 

"So Enigmatos. When you're not asking people riddles, what do you do in your downtime?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

That's a question?!

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(laughing) Are you hitting on Engimatos?

 

Tau 

"I guard these treasures from extra planar threats."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Ooo, like Dormammu?"

 

Tau 

"Sure. Their names are not pronounceable to me."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Enigmatos. How many Hydra are there to slay?"

 

Tau 

"What?"

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Ope.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Hydra heads?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Enigmatos. Have you interacted with a Zagreus lately?"

 

Tau 

"Is- are these riddles?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Yes, they are riddles. Can you solve them? Wooo."

 

Tau 

"What treasure will I win for answering them?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Satisfaction of a successful challenge, uh, overcome."

 

Tau 

"Ah, all right. Perhaps I should take back Marigold over there since you have the satisfaction of answering a riddle."

 

Players 

(laugh)

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Enigmatos, I can offer you five obols for your trouble."

 

Tau 

"You insult me. Are you done eating?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Enigmatos. What do you even lust for?"

 

Michael & Giancarlo 

(snorts and laughs)

 

Tau 

"That concept is alien to me."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(higher register, through laughter) This is the weirdest fucking interaction we've ever had.

 

Tau 

"I'm ace."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"I thi, yeah, we should have--"

 

Tau 

(aggressively) "What did you lust for?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(wheeze laughs)

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"I suppose power... rawr."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Uh, Annie is just going to like wipe her mouth with a napkin be like "Okay, I think we've had enough fun. I think it's time we get going. Enigmatos, thank you so much for your hospitality. It's always a pleasure to see you."

 

Tau 

"It always a pleasure to see people who answer my riddles with such aplomb. A-P-L-O-M-B."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Thank you, that that was necessary, I do think."

 

Tau 

"But also, have a plum!"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Oh, yes."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Everyone, don't forget your plums."

 

Michael (Arete) 

Arete instead goes for a peach.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(gasps) "I love peaches."

 

Tau 

Yeah yeah, then the eggplant, we get it. Alright.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(gasps indignantly)

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Enigmatos I look forward to your next riddle."

 

Tau 

"I look forward to delivering more treasures to those who are worthy."

 

Michael (Arete) 

Aww.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I love a good deliverance."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Okay, time to go. Let's go."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Yep."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Everybody up. Come on."

 

Tau 

All right, you see a gate with some obols on it.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie touches it.

 

Tau 

All right. It shatters, the gate slides up to orange smoke emerging from the portal.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(impresed) Oh.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Are we... wait. Have we seen orange smoke before?"

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"It's... we're an Asphodel. So it's just, I think it's just the aesthetic of this. You know how like in Tartarus..."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"They don't always smoke."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"No, I just, in Tartarus the portals were like, you know."

 

Michael (Arete) 

While they were discussing the smoke, Arete has tied several of the napkins from the banquet table together. And he performs a rhythmic gymnastics routine, and then does several backflips as he enters the portal.

 

[SFX: Arete's body WHIPS through the air.]

 

Tau 

Alright, you get more rotations in the air than Simone Biles. While you've got all these dinner table napkins whirling around you and then you go straight into the portal.

  

[SFX: Portal SWOOSH.]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Rolf wants to turn around and say "Enigmatos. What... how do you tell a false dream apart from a true dream?"

 

Tau 

"Well, false dreams are made from bones of ivory and true dreams are made from bones of horn."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Hm. 'Til next time, my friend," and he goes through the portal.

  

[SFX: Portal SWOOSH.]

 

Tau 

Okay, you arrive at another mound.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh nooo.

 

Tau 

But instead of a fountain at the top, you just see a bag of obols.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Huh.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Dust it."

 

Tau 

It's a bag of 200 obols pre dusting.

 

Michael (Arete) 

"As you wish my lord." I run the Harpy's Feather Duster over the top of the obols sack.

  

[SFX: Thwap thwap thwap.]

 

Players 

(chuckle)

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

It shrinks a little.

 

Tau 

Alright, well it does what it does. So add whatever the correct amount is to your inventory. And then... at that moment, make a group perception check.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

I like group checks.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

18.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(gasps) Oh, are you kidding me? It was so gonna be a 19. Stinkin' butts. Alright, it's a six.

 

Michael (Arete) 

14 from Arete

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

16 for Alexander.

 

Tau 

Okay, so more than half of you got 15, which is what you needed. So you're not going to be surprised this time as you feel a rumbling in the mound. Which sounds weird, but you feel that rumbling and a Hydra bursts from it, thinking it's surprising you but you were pretty prepared for it.

  

[SFX: Rumbling, followed by a cracking burst.]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

It pops out of the ground and before it makes a noise, Rolf defensively goes "AHHH!"



[SFX: Battle music slowly fades in.]

 

Tau 

It loves that. It's like you're egging it on. So you know when you're egging on a dog?

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Yeah.

 

Tau 

So you do that. It goes (low roar).  Roll initiative.

 

 

[SFX: Dice rolls.]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Five again.

 

Michael (Arete) 

15 from Arete.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh, now you want to be 19. 23 for Annie.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

15 Alexander.

 

Tau 

Alright Annie, you are up first.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Because Annie had good luck last time, Annie's never gonna quit. She wants to cast blindness deafness. But also, after you having said something last round, I'm worried that this won't apply because it really is just a skull head, right?

 

Tau 

I don't know, try casting blindness deafness.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Ah, Annie wants to cast synaptic static.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Whoa? I don't know why I turned into Tim Allen!

 

Tau 

All right, Jean Grey, tell me what goes on here.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Alright, it's a new spell! It's a--

 

Tau 

You float into the air, and you go "Scott! Scott!"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(laughs) What?

 

Amanda (Annie) 

So synaptic static, I choose a point within range which is 120 feet. And that point is going to be just where the Hydra is.

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Each creature in a 20 foot radius sphere centered on that point must make an intelligent saving throw.

 

Tau 

Okay, it's not very intelligent.

 

[SFX: Dice rolls.]

 

Tau 

Okay, got a 20 minus four which is 16.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Oh (sighs) yeah, it needed to beat a 16. And I would really like to add Ares to that.

 

Tau 

Yeah, you would.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Yeah I would! That is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Whoa, look at all those dice. (laugh) Alright, so that's 48.

 

Tau 

Holy shit.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

But we got to halve that, we got to halve that.

 

Tau 

(relieved)  Okay.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

So yeah, so she pulls out her veal and she would play, I would like to imagine that she plays a tune that just sounds sharp enough where it sounds like it's just electricity pumping out of the viol and it's just like piercing sort of like blue lightning ish kind of thing that is striking at the Hydra.

  

[SFX: The bow scrapes across the viol as electricity buzzes and arcs.]

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Alexander will dash with Poseidon and Hermes into the Hydra, and stab it with the force of sonic speed. But a 13 won't hit it, will it?

 

Tau 

It will not. Also, I want to let you know one more thing about Marigold is that when you crit, you heal double the amount.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Ooo.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Cute.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Hot.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

And then if he tries again, because he doesn't want to look dumb, he gets a 21 on his next hit.

 

Tau 

Yeah so the wave and Hermes' wings are pushing you a little too fast the first time, you go SHWING and you go right past it, and then you gotta swing it back around and it's kind of like Mario Kart, like when you get turned around. You got to like, back it up and then like quit and then like turn around again over and over. But you finally get around, you're swinging back at it and then you land a hit and you do how much damage?

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Okay, when the hit lands, he will do 39 damage with divine smite straight into the Hydra.

 

Tau 

Dang. Okay, well, yeah, you hurt it very badly.

  

[SFX: THWACK.]

 

Michael (Arete) 

Alright, Arete is going to draw out La Voix and say, "Let's do this thing." And Arete will run up leap onto the Hydras head, as he calls out "Ares, Dionysus, and Aphrodite, aid me in this melee attack!"

 

[SFX: The cascade of boon chimes; the boom, the cork popping, a feminine "Mmm".]

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Michael (Arete) 

And he will stab his lovely La Voix into the base of its head, does a 26 hit?

 

Tau 

It does.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Wonderful. The damage is... a 35.

 

Tau 

You stab it and (ROARS) it is clearly feeling its own pain and the pain of its sibling heads that you have taken out over time

 

Michael (Arete) 

And then I will use my bonus action to disengage, calling upon Hermes. "Hermes, grant me protection."

 

Tau 

It is the Hydra's turn. The Hydra is going to rear back its head and then blow out a massive circle of flame all around. So everybody needs to make a dexterity saving throw.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Because I'm on its head, do I also have to roll the dexterity saving throw? Because I'm technically outside of the path of the fire.

 

Tau 

You know what? No.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Ah ahhh.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Clever girl.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie rolled a 22.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

I rolled a 21.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

I rolled an eight.

 

Tau 

Okay Rolf, you take 30 fire damage.

  

[SFX: The Hydra ROARS and Rolf cries out in pain.]

 

Tau 

Annie and Alexander, you only take 15.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Minus three!

  

[SFX: The boon chimes.]

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

So, because of my shield master ability, if you're subjected to an effect that allows you to make a dexterity saving throw to take only half damage, you can use your reaction to take no damage if you succeed on the saving throw.

 

Tau 

Sweet. Yeah, so that flame comes at you and you just hold up your shield and with your mastery, you just see like, like you're down on one knee, you hold the shield up, the flame blasts against you and you're like cape is like flowing behind you but you are unburned.

  

[SFX: The flame ROARS past Alexander.]

 

Michael (Arete) 

That's such a cinematic like silhouette shot. Love it, ugh, gorgeous.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Rolf is so entertained by your stance, that he doesn't move at all as he takes the full blast of the flame and just stares at you.

 

Michael (Arete) 

(laughs)

 

Tau 

Yeah.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Great um, because we have so many boons at this point, he just goes "Olympus! Aid this strike!"

 

[SFX: Boon cascade: Boom, cork popping, "Mmm".]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

And he calls upon all the many gods that have aided him and I'm going to cast witch bolt upon the Hydra, using of course a blood crystal. That is a 22 to hit.

 

Tau 

That does hit.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Brilliant, and that is going to be 43 lightning damage as these red bolts of lightning spring forth from his fingers and he says "Unlimited power!"

 

[SFX: Electricity buzzes then cracks forward.]

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"We're all still looking pretty good, right? Everyone's looking good?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Eh."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"You guys feeling good like you should?

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"We're okay."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Feeling good, looking gorgeous."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Okay, just wanted to make sure."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"I'm alright.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

 (sarcastic) "Okay, you are the one I'm most concerned about. Okay, that's that's good, that's--"

 

Michael (Arete) 

Shady queen, bitch.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Sorry, no I didn't no, I didn't mean for it to come off that way." Annie would like to cast bestow curse. So Annie would like to bestow a curse on the Hydra and the Hydra has to make another wisdom saving throw.

 

Tau 

Okay. IT's not great at those.

  

[SFX: Dice rolls.]

 

Tau 

But it did get a 17.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Awww, no no! Dangit, okay.

 

Tau 

I'm sorry. I really not fudging it.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

It's okay. I know, it's okay. You beat it. You beat it. You're, you aren't getting cursed this time.

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie would like to disengage as a bonus action and add that AC.

  

[SFX: Woosh!]

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

I'm going to dash and do it again and hope to stab it this time with that dash.

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

With the 17, I think that lands.

 

Tau 

That does hit.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

That is 31 damage.

 

Tau 

All right. Describe how you kill it.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(gasp) Ahhh.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Oh. Okay. So he dashes so hard that he takes the skull off with it as like Alexander the meteorite...

  

[SFX: A crash of bones.]

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

...crashes through and rips the head off the Hydra with its head impaled on the very small blade in comparison of Marigold.

 

Michael (Arete) 

And as he does this, Arete is still on the head of the Hydra. So Arete kind of just grabs its snout and takes it for like a Disneyland ride and just goes "Weeeeee!"

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Wow.

 

Tau 

So yeah, you've you've killed it.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(laughs)

 

Tau 

You see a little raft and it has a symbol of a diamond on it with a skull and crossbones underneath.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"No, no."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Okay. Get ready, folks. It's final boss time. I recognize that symbol from the readings. I'm pretty sure that means we're going to fight the big bone daddy, the bone granddaddy, if you will."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Alright."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Okay. Okay, just let's. How is everyone looking? Actually?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Yes, let's assess the damage."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Honestly. I am like, totally fine. Completely 100%."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Okay, okay. We like that. Good for you."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I'm down 30 points, but that still leaves me at 58."

 

Tau 

Geezus!

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Okay, good. Good."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"You might want to use a spell now on to heal him."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Alexander. How are you? And Anastasia? How are you?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Very good."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

(assessing) "Ahhhh."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Oh, so good, dude."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"I'm okay. I'm... I'm almost just, I'm over half."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Can you heal yourself?"

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Yeah, I can."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"This is the final boss. I don't want to be... I don't want to... you know you, I don't think you can be too careful."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I agree."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Okay, I'll heal." Annie's gonna heal herself. She's gonna cure wounds.

  

[SFX: Soothing string plucking.]

 

Amanda (Annie) 

That's 11. Then Annie is going to mosey on over to Rolf, give his shoulder a little pat pat and heal him for... also 11.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

You hear his bones pop as a shoulder like realigns.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Oh."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

And a little more blood flushes into his skin.

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Annie, you do chiropractic work? Could you take a look at my back sometime? Because like it is wack."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"Sure we can do that later on."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"I'm feeling pretty nice. (aside) I have 69 hit points."

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Nice."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Sounds more like naughty if you ask me. (trills like a cat)"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Very well. Do we need any planning before we enter this final encounter?"

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

"Yes, I think there will be multiple targets. You two target one, Arete and I will target the other, once we get to the final one..."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Annie, keep an eye on everyone's vitals. If you can, please."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"I'll do my best."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Very well."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

"If you feel like you're dying at any point, please feel free to just shout that out."

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Once, once you're below half, alert the group and every 50% reduction beyond that please."

 

Michael (Arete) 

And with that Arete will do like a running leap somersault flip in the air and land gracefully in the raft.

 

Tau 

Okay.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Arete hears the sounds of war approach but it's just Rolf.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Annie will follow the sounds of war.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"We shall succeed this time," and he presses the bubble.

  

[SFX: Clink!]

 

Tau 

All right, you all right the raft and you reach this river of magma on the Phlegathon that flows upward and instead of falling off of a disc this time, it's still like a waterfall of magma but the raft just starts going straight up.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Oh, there's a camera at the top get ready."

 

Tau 

As the raft starts going vertically up you will just stand just like perpendicular to the raft and just like without falling, you guys just somehow start going up.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Well there goes gravity.

 

Tau 

Yeah, don't lose yourself in the in the raft. So you're going up.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Wow.

 

Tau 

And then it like stops. It's like have you ever been on a roller coaster where it just like keeps going up and up and up and like building this like anticipation.

 

Players 

Yeah. Mhmm.

 

Tau 

So you hear the sound in the distance of a Hydra just going (roars). It seems that you're going up these various like tiers on this magma cake of Asphodel. Finally you reach the top and then you reach this large flat plateau that has magma all around it, but is probably the largest platform you've been on so far. And you see only the head of a Hydra. Make an intelligence check.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Aw geez.

 

Michael (Arete) 

21 from Arete.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Four.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Dirty 20.

 

Tau 

So Annie and Arete, what you have pieced together is that this Hydra head is actually connected to all the other Hydra heads that you fought so far, and they were all actually one creature. So what would have happened is, if you had run away from all those other Hydras, you would have been fighting all of those Hydra heads at once.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(releived breath)

 

Tau 

But because you've been diligently each room killing off the various Hydra heads, sometimes maybe even two Hydra heads at a time, you've actually killed off all of the other heads. And this is basically the last surviving head and it is in really bad shape. It already looks beat up. And then once again, true to form, you see a bolt of lightning crash down on it...

  

[SFX: A player claps.]

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(whispers) Yesss.

 

Tau 

...as Pelops splits it open.

 

[SFX: A thundering FWOOM.]

 

Tau 

And then he lands and he gets up and he shakes the magma off of his lance. But he doesn't see you yet, his back is to you. The raft is just coming up on this and you see within the remains of the shattered Hydra skull is a beautiful brilliant diamond.

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

Oh.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Sweet.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Wow.

 

Michael (Arete) 

"Pelops! Hey Pelops!" And I start waving frantically.

 

Tau 

Pelops has not turn around to you.

 

Michael (Arete) 

Oh.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Wait, so he killed it, like it's dead?

 

Tau 

Yeah, it's dead.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Oh.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

What!? Wait, it's done?

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

(smiling) Yes. We skipped the boss.

 

Tau 

Yeah, sorry, was I not clear that it died? When I said it exploded?

 

Nicholas (Alexander) 

No, I got it.

 

Michael (Arete) 

No, no, no, it was very clear to me.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

You were but like, I guess I was anticipating initiative anyways.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Yeah, I don't know. You were definitely clear. But I'm like, There's no way that we get off, no way! Us? Get easy? Nooo.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

Rolf is gonna look very suspiciously around like this can't... be... it. And then is gonna walk towards the head to look at the diamond and Pelops and says, "Well done."

 

Tau 

(almost disappointed, through his helmet) "There were supposed to be more heads here. I suppose you must have taken care of the rest. I took care of a few on the way here too."

 

Michael (Arete) 

"We helped break up some of those heads. So there's a little bit less at the end here."

 

Tau 

"Hm." That's all he says.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Very well. And what do we do with this?" As he picks up the diamond.

 

Tau 

"Probably useful for trading down in Tartarus among the wretches."

 

Michael (Arete) 

Arete attempts to run Harpy's Feather Duster over the diamond to see what happens.

 

Tau 

It's like polishing a diamond.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(joking) It grows a little wart. 1.2 diamonds.

 

Tau 

(soft laugh) Yeah.

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

"Pelops. Do you think it would be more beneficial for us to travel together concretely all the time?"

 

Tau 

"Honestly, now that this Hydra's dealt with, I think you've outlived your usefulness."

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Noooo.

 

Michael (Arete) 

I knew it. I knew there was gonna, I was like as soon as he showed up AND it was dead, I was like, ohhh. We have to fight Pelops. But I didn't say anything in case like.

 

Tau 

"But me guess, we join forces and then the slaves of Olympus just keep snatching up every treasure and boon on the way?"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(annoyed) "You are welcome to have them, you have denied the gods' aid!"

 

Tau 

(irritated right back) "I don't care for them! I don't need them!"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

(almost yelling) "Then what's the problem?!"

 

Tau 

"HA!"

 

Giancarlo (Rolf) 

And you see like his eyes turn bloodshot with like the crystals flowing through his blood.

 

[SFX: A subtle fwoomf.]

 

Tau 

When he sees that, he goes "Finally one of you is bold enough to bite back!" and then he enters into a combat stance.

 

[SFX: Electro fight music plays.]

 

Tau 

Roll initiative.

 

Amanda (Annie) 

Ah, damn it.




[SFX: Outro music.]

 

ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood, stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon Mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Audio editing by Roshan Singh Sambhi. Sound design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C., with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. Transcription by Eli Barraza.

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