Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 21 - The Barge of Death
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 21 - The Barge of Death
Tau
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Tau
You’re listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way, we’re just big ol’ nerds making improv fanfiction.
ROGUE RUNNERS is...rated R, for pretty much everything you can find in Greek Mythology: violence, assault, self-harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at Whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Intro music. It eventually fades to magma sloshing against the raft as it moves.]
Tau
The raft finally stops next to kind of the small pier of stone. And you see, again, just small snaking paths of rock around you. And you see them branch off in two directions. 150 feet to your left, you see another raft. And 150 feet to your right, you see another raft.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf walks to the right.
Michael (Arete)
Arete follows.
Tau
Is everybody going to the right?
Amanda (Annie)
This can't be good. Annie's gonna follow.
Tau
You notice that this path in particular, as you step into the stones, the stones give a little bit and sink a little bit into the magma
[SFX: A quiet scraping of stone and splorking sound.]
Tau
So you have to kind of keep moving to so that they don't sink all the way. So make a group survival check for navigating this difficult terrain.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(sharp intake of breath) 11.
Amanda (Annie)
21! Yay!
Nicholas (Alexander)
Seven again.
Michael (Arete)
I rolled a critical failure. But with my bonus, it's a nine.
Tau
You get yourselves about halfway over this kind of floor is lava situation, and you each incur...
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
...only two fire damage each.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So nothing because of Athena.
[SFX: A scrape and glint of steel for Athena's boon.]
Tau
That is correct. So yeah, I guess you're good. That's Athena for you, she's awesome. You're about halfway across, and then now that you have a little bit better view, you can actually see a Crystal Globe with a heart on it towards, like as in the reward that you picked from the last gate sitting, about three fourths of the way along this path.
[SFX: Far off glitter sound of the globe.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Stagger your steps, we weigh less," and Rolf is going to move forward towards the heart and pick it up.
Tau
Is everybody doing this?
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Tau
Make another group survival check.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps) 21 again.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Nine.
Michael (Arete)
17.
Nicholas (Alexander)
22.
Tau
You do this really deftly and take no damage. You also arrive at the globe. So do you touch the globe, Rolf?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
[SFX: The ding and clink of it breaking followed by a heartbeat.]
Tau
The globe shatters and little pink hearts fly out of it. The smell of sulfur and Asphodel leaves you for a moment and suddenly you smell rich flowers and perfume. And you also feel, Rolf, a little bit of a stirring in your lower regions. As the air around you becomes light and bright. And instead of seeing fire all around, you kind of just see this vague mist and you see floating through the mist as if on a cloud the figure of a beautiful voluptuous woman with long, long hair. And that voice speaks to you all in your mind that says (light and airy) "It's been so long since I've heard for my little godling. These days on Olympus are long without hearing from the handsome little prince. Can you entertain me in his stead? What shall I call you my little wretches? Think of this boon as a loving embrace to say welcome. It is nice to meet you." Roll a d20
Michael (Arete)
"Hi Aphrodite. Nice to see you."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
10
Tau
This is a common rarity boon, you may choose from an Aphrodite power boon, an Aphrodite survivability boon, or an Aphrodite utility boon.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
How has everyone been handling damage? I think if we increase our output, become deadlier, we get through this faster
Amanda (Annie)
"Sure. "
Michael (Arete)
"Seems fair enough to me."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Very well."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"So we agree on power?"
Michael (Arete)
"Aye, aye"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Aphrodite. Empower us please."
Tau
Alright, you take the Aphrodite power boon. So your attacks have a chance of charming your foes. So with a common rarity boon, the DC is only five. However, bear in mind how many attacks you make and how many times you're gonna be forcing whatever you're attacking to make that save. And if you do successfully charm it, it is charmed for one round or until you deal damage to it next.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Thank you."
Michael (Arete)
"Your husband says hello as well."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Pbbt.
Tau
The mist clears and the voluptuous woman vanishes with a small airy little (chuckle) and suddenly you are back in the fiery hell of the river Phlegathon.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, so what does this do?
Tau
So anytime you land attacks, specifically attacks, the enemy is forced to make a saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Uh huh.
Tau
And the DC for it is fairly low, so the DC is five only with a commentary but however you're gonna make that save many many times. And if ever fails, it becomes charmed, which means it can't harm you and it has to treat you as at least friendly until the next round or until it takes damage next
Michael (Arete)
Hopefully our enemies are not too wise.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
What lies before us?
Tau
You very safely traverse to the other gate. You see a bone raft that you could very safely get on and you see a Crystal Globe on it that shows a ewer.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Iris, here we come, onto the raft."
Amanda (Annie)
"Onto the raft."
Michael (Arete)
Arete boards the raft.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Indeed.
Tau
Okay, you hit it, the raft starts moving, make a group Perception check.
[SFX: The magma swirls as the raft moves.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Tch, 11 again.
Michael (Arete)
10.
Nicholas (Alexander)
12.
Amanda (Annie)
19.
Tau
All right, only you notice this. As the barge keeps moving past all of these like hellish features emerging from the magma, in the distance, you see another long Hydra head. However, this Hydra head is not alive. It is a long Hydra head that is curled around a giant stone spike emerging from the magma and its head is just impaled on the stone spike.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, Annie's going to pull on Alex's cape so she can get his attention.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(choking) "What?!"
Amanda (Annie)
"I didn-I, it wasn't like a YANK! Geez. There was a gentle pull- ahw, look!" and she's gonna point all the way in the distance to... so that he notices the Hydra head.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Very cool. Thank you."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well, what do you think it means?"
Michael (Arete)
"What are you guys talking about back there? If you have something to share, share it with the group."
Amanda (Annie)
"Look, I saw that, it's a Hydra head on a spike and I just thought--"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Saw what?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Look where I'm pointing? Follow my finger. It's a Hydra head on this big old spike. And it's really I don't know I just thought--"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Look alive child, that is what awaits us all for the rest of eternity."
Tau
Annie, make an insight check.
Amanda (Annie)
Good lord! 23.
Tau
A question rings in your mind. "Did Pelops do this?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh sh- what the shit? Guys, do you think maybe, do you think maybe Pelops did that, all by himself?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"If he did, we shall thank him when we see him next."
Michael (Arete)
"I mean, it's entirely possible that he did that. But you know, it's a river but it's not exactly like water. But whenever I see rocks jutting out of water, and we're in the Grecian times, I always tend to think of between a rock and a hard place. So that is where my mind goes, but Annie, that's a great thought too."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I think next we see him, we make a more concerted effort to stick with him. I apologize for the chatter."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Okay."
Michael (Arete)
"You do not need to apologize for chatter. Chatter is what builds us up together as a team and you are doing a great job," and Arete looks in Rolf's eyes and just sees the dead look staring back at him and shivers just a little bit.
Tau
As you guys are like fairly cramped on the raft, you guys notice something. Which is that as you're standing near Rolf, Rolf does not notice as far as you're all standing near Rolf, you hear the sounds of battle the closer you stand to Rolf.
Michael (Arete)
"Hey Rolf, I think I can hear your inner turmoil."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"What."
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna do like a thing where she's gonna, like lean in to see if it gets louder, and then lean away and do like a back and forth.
Tau
It does.
Amanda (Annie)
"Whoa..."
Tau
That's literally what happened.
Amanda (Annie)
"Woah, how did you do that?"
Tau
But it also fills you with tremendous sadness.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Tau
You also feel like the pain of loss and grief and terror.
Amanda (Annie)
So it's like I lean in, and I'm like, I have a frown.
[SFX: The sounds of battle grow louder]
Amanda (Annie)
But then I lean away. And I'm like, smiling again.
[SFX: The battle sounds fade and the music resumes.]
Amanda (Annie)
It's like, "Oh, this is this is really messing with my mental state. And I should probably stop but you guys gotta try this. This is kind of cool."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(stern) "What do you refer to?"
Amanda (Annie)
"It's like, every time I lean closer to you, I feel a huge wave of of loss and fear and dread, but then I lean away from you. And it goes away, but I can still kind of hear it. Does that make sense?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"You've come to realize the only thing that is guaranteed in life..."
Amanda (Annie)
"Wh--?"
Michael (Arete)
"Is that death, is it death? Did I get that right?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Bingo, baby."
Amanda (Annie)
"Well, yeah, sure."
Michael (Arete)
"Oh yay! Did I win a prize?"
Tau
At that moment, you see the raft moving at this very consistent speed toward the edge of this magma plane that you're on and it is going to go straight off the edge very soon.
[SFX: The rush of the magma grows louder.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Can I roll an investigation to see if there are any potential off points nearby?
Tau
Sure.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I rolled a one so it's a four.
Tau
It keeps moving. It's gonna go off in about five... four... three...
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Anastasia! Feather fall."
Tau
Two...
Amanda (Annie)
"Feather fall!"
[SFX: The viol plays rapidly, desperately.]
Tau
You cast feather fall as this raft goes straight off the edge...
[SFX: A FWOOMF of the magma fall then it fades away.]
Tau
...as you are released into the abyss, past the river Phlegathon into the darkness below you, you start falling slowly, slowly, slowly into blackness, for you don't know how long. Suddenly it is black everywhere around you. And the heat passes for a moment. It's like it's almost as if you're not in Asphodel anymore. But then the heat comes back but in a different form, as you see a flame underneath you and then more and more flames and then suddenly you see a ferris wheel of flames underneath you.
[SFX: The fwoomf fwoomf fwoomf of flames lighting.
Tau
And then you see that it is this flaming wheel with spokes on it flying everywhere as you slowly descend onto the cracked stone tile beside it. And you hear a man going...
[SFX: Axiom moans on the wheel.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I look at Alexander.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And I look at him.
Tau
At that moment. You feel this powerful wind all around you, kind of like, I don't know if you guys have ever been at one, but have you ever been like by like a helicopter as its landing or taking off? You feel this just like powerful whirlwind all around you, beating at you and then suddenly there is this whirl of steel wings.
[SFX: The brrrr of the whirlwind and the quick scrape of blades on blades.]
Tau
As Nemesis appears in front of you and her sharp feathers gleam against the fire light. And she cackles (echoing in many voices) "What is that you brought me? It smells so good. Give it here, give it here." And then she runs up to Alexander. She puts her hand along the side of his face. She goes, "Oh, my handsome beloved, what have you brought me," and then she slides her hand down your torso down your waist. She reaches her hand down to your... jar. She takes the jar and then she holds it up to her lips and she kisses then she licks it. She goes, "So much suffering inside. What could you possibly have brought me that is deserving of eternal torture here?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"That would be Tisiphone the Fury."
Tau
"(gasps) A most magnificent prize. Do you believe she is deserving of what I'm about to deliver to her?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I do not."
Tau
"Well, then why did you bring her in here? You're such a tease."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"It was a tactical move in case we were to harm her again. I was not expecting to see you so soon."
Tau
"What's done is done. You have made use of my gift and done so admirably." She puts the jar in her other palm and then she kind of just rolls it around a little ball. And it's almost as if you can imagine Tisiphone being rolled around in that jar, like as if it were like a pokéball or something. But it's like, it's clearly tumultuous for whatever is inside. She goes, "I can feel her heart racing. She's screaming over and over and over, such agony. Ah, pardon me. I forget myself."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(snorts) "Do you need a towel? Moist cloth?"
Tau
"Oh, that will not do." And then she takes the jar. And then she points it at the flaming wheel and she opens it and Tisiphone comes flying out of the jar and she goes (shrieks). And she is impaled on one of these giant flaming spokes.
[SFX: The wet shink of impalement.]
Tau
And she howls in pain as the wheel begins turning and she says "You have performed beautifully. Who will you bring me next?" She then grabs your forehead and kisses your forehead, Alexander and she goes "Here." And then she holds up another jar to your lips and then she puts it in your hands. It's this one is an empty jar. "Please take my blessing. It is the only thanks that I could give you." And then you all instantly increase by one level.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Whoa.
Tau
Wow. Whahahat?
Tau
So you feel empowered with this hateful, sinister energy flowing through you. And again Nemesis asks, "Who will you bring me next time?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Bring you the rest of the Furies hopefully."
Tau
"Magnificent. Their suffering will be astronomical."
Michael (Arete)
"Dope."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Yes, the whole whole collection would be nice, wouldn't it?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Have you any requests?
Tau
"Yes, I command you to complete it for me and post haste."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well, it shall be done."
Tau
She licks her lips that she says "Well, hurry. I can't wait very long." And then she goes (laughs) and she leaps onto the flaming wheel and grabs another spoke as the wheel spins and she is blown away by it and suddenly the room fills thick with smoke.
Michael (Arete)
"Goodbye, Nemesis."
Tau
When the smoke clears, you all find yourself once again trapped in a very narrow room almost closet size and you see a little Crystal Globe with a ewer inside.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I press it.
Tau
Again you hear the sound of waterfalls all around you and you hear a voice ring out in your ears. (clear, certain) "You know I'm so used to hearing the sound of my own voice that I could very startled when I started hearing others. Is that La Voix in your hands? I can't think of anything else which would produce such heavenly sound such as my own. You take care of it for me will you? Kisses!" You may select Iris power boon, Iris survivability boon, or Iris utility boon. Roll a d20.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yep, that's a three.
Tau
Okay. Yeah, this is a common rarity boon.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"The survivability was quite good last time. Are we curious as to what else Iris has to-"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Nope"
Amanda (Annie)
"No."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Nooo. Let's do that survivability. Please."
Amanda (Annie)
"Mhmm."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Thank youuu."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Mhm."
Tau
Okay. When you are attacked, you may expend your reaction to interpose a shimmering shield of prismatic light between you and your attacker conferring disadvantage on the attack. So now in this extremely cramped closet room directly above you, you see a little Crystal Globe with a pomegranate and a skull and crossbones on it.
Amanda (Annie)
(sighs dramatically)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We made it."
Amanda (Annie)
"How's everyone... feeling?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"40 out of 73."
Michael (Arete)
"Feeling good. Looking gorgeous."
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay, Alex?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I have 68 at the moment
Amanda (Annie)
"Out of?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Out of 84. Ooh, I have ten to give to myself. Laying hands on myself."
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay." Annie will use a third level cure wounds on Rolf.
[SFX: Soft, music of longing plays.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ooh, damn.
Amanda (Annie)
23!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Thank you, Anastasia."
Amanda (Annie)
"You're welcome. I just figured we should all go in with our best foot forward."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Agreed. This will not be easy."
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah, it looks like you kind of needed it."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Much appreciated. Any final concerns?"
Amanda (Annie)
"No, no, I think I'm ready to go."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I press the globe.
[SFX: Soft clink followed by scraping stone.]
Tau
Alright, the globe shatters and you see a very narrow ladder to climb out of the Oubliette.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"After you."
Amanda (Annie)
Annie will start climbing
Michael (Arete)
Arete will follow after Annie and climb away.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Alexander?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander will follow, yep.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And Rolf will follow him.
Tau
As you began climbing up and up and up the ladder, it gets impossibly dark around you and you have to be increasingly careful as you try to kind of just feel in the darkness for the next rung. Finally, you feel yourself emerging on a platform. You can't see anything yet. You feel around whoever's at the top and you kind of emerge from kind of what what seems like a like a manhole sized hole onto some rock and dirt.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie is just gonna pop out and crawl her way out. "(grunts) Okay, okay."
Michael (Arete)
Following the noises that Annie is making Arete will use her noises as a almost a directional path.
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah, it's up here, come on."
Tau
Once all of you are out, the hole slams shut below you...
[SFX: THUNK!]
Tau
...and suddenly you all feel a strange sense of movement, and the air gets hot again. And as the air gets hotter, the river Phlegathon begins lighting up all around you and you realize that you were on a moving platform. But not just any bone raft. Imagine a ribcage of a person lying down. You are all inside this giant ribcage and massive spines of bone like for the ribs are arching above you. And you are all actually on top of this large spine that runs through the middle of it. And it seems to be a moving barge. And this barge is increasing in speed and begins barreling through the Phlegathon.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"The barge will not be easy to clear, we must survive."
Amanda (Annie)
"Everybody hold on."
Michael (Arete)
Hearing that, Arete will hold on to the nearest immovable object.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Can we get into like diamond formation, like back to back? All of us?
Tau
This is your opportunity to do that.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
(nervous) Okay.
Tau
All right, everybody roll initiative
Giancarlo (Rolf)
14.
Amanda (Annie)
I got a 14 too!
Michael (Arete)
12.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Five.
Tau
So all four of you make a dexterity saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Everybody add four because you're next to me.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I rolled a one so... 10.
Michael (Arete)
16 for Arete.
Amanda (Annie)
17.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm gonna use inspiration to reroll.
[SFX: DING.]
Michael (Arete)
Geezus christ.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Eight for Alexander.
Tau
So as you're on this barge, as it begins picking up speed, you see the small shadow appearing on the ground between all of your backs and then it widens past your feet and something is crashing down from above you. So Annie and Arete dodge out of the way meanwhile, like this kind of like mini stone obelisk slams from above and drops on to Alexander and Rolf for 11 bludgeoning damage, and both of you are knocked prone.
[SFX: THUNK.]
Giancarlo & Nicholas
(grunts)
Tau
After that, you start to hear some shambling from opposite sides of the ribcage and suddenly these skeletons start emerging from the rib cage's gaps...
[SFX: The skeletons snarl.]
Tau
...and they first start slowly crawling towards you. But then once they're like halfway to you, they immediately leap at you and these two skeletons are going to attack Annie and Arete each.
Amanda (Annie)
"Iris protect me!"
Tau
Okay. So this one attacks with the disadvantage, it only gets 20. Does that hit?
Amanda (Annie)
(struggling) Uh, yeah it hits. Only a 20 (wheeze laughs).
Tau
As the skeleton swipes at you, it seems to have these sharpened bone nails and it claws at you for 11 piercing damage. And then it is going to attempt to attack you again, it gets a 15.
Amanda (Annie)
That hits too.
Tau
Okay, it deals nine bludgeoning damage.
[SFX: A bloody SLASH.]
Amanda (Annie)
(lets out an oof of air)
Tau
The other Wretched Faithless is going to--ope. That's what it's called by the way, Wretched Faithless. You could just call them Faithless for short. This other skeleton is going to attack Arete, it gets a 17 for its first swipe at you.
Michael (Arete)
Okay, I'm going to go ahead and use uncanny dodge as my reaction which will halve the damage.
Tau
Okay, so it'll be half of 11 reduced by three is eight, so four piercing.
[SFX: A wet crackling STAB.]
Tau
And then it's gonna swipe at you again with its fist this time, it gets a 19.
Michael (Arete)
That hits.
Tau
Okay, that's nine bludgeoning damage. Annie it is your turn Rolf, you're on deck.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna use thunderclap on the Faithless that was attacking her.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
So roll a constitution saving throw.
[SFX: Dic rolls.]
Tau
It gets a 12.
[SFX: The viol tremors over the strings ever higher.]
Amanda (Annie)
That's pretty awesome because they get hit for... (scoff) it's just three damage, come on. Annie's gonna be like "Ares and Dionysus, aid me in this attack." And we're gonna... that is total 18 damage.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So Annie has already done damage. Rolf is going to stand up and cast acid splash upon the Faithless attacking her. He has to roll a dexterity saving throw and he is going to expend a blood crystal raising the DC to 18.
[SFX: Tau rolls the dice.]
Tau
Okay, well he got a six.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Excellent. "Ares! Empower this splash," and he is going to take 23 acid damage as well as Dionysus hangover.
Tau
Okay, it looks more than half dead.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Excellent. And then I'm going to dash as a bonus action calling upon Hermes and Poseidon in order to raise my AC by three and I'm going to dash into the one attacking Arete and try and push it away.
Tau
It more than saves but you splash into and you are adjacent to it.
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to draw La Voix and "Ares and Dionysus, aid these stabby stabs." Ooh! I critted.
[SFX: Children shouting hooray!]
Michael (Arete)
Oh that's exciting. A 28. I'm assuming that hits.
Tau
Yeah, that hits and it's a crit and remember you're also critting your sneak attack damage and your Ares damage. Just roll up the damage normally we're just going to double the final result.
Michael (Arete)
58. There we go.
Tau
You stab into this Faithless with the might of Ares and Dionysus and who knows who else and you stab it really really hard to the point where you feel like if even anyone else hit it again, it would probably die but it is super low but it's there. Do you do anything else?
Michael (Arete)
Yes, I call upon Hermes as I disengage and increase my AC by five.
Tau
At that stage you, Rolf, and Alexander see these giant bombs fly out and land immediately at your feet from targets you can't see it. Does a 14 meet your AC Alexander?
Nicholas (Alexander)
It doesn't meet mine, no.
Tau
Okay. Does a 17 Meet your AC, Rolf?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Are you shitting me, it's 15 with Neptune. "Iris!"
Tau
So it's got the disadvantage, it rolled higher on the disadvantaged one.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Shit.
Tau
Okay, so you dodged the bomb, Alexander, was the other bomb explodes at your feet Rolf and you take... four force damage so that's what, one force damage.
[SFX: A blunt hit and bones clatter.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yes."
Tau
You take one force damage and then finally you can see the source of these and standing at the very top of the ribcage, you see these two kind of dancer skeletons and they're just dancing and throwing bombs above you, yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Above us, focus fire."
Nicholas (Alexander)
So Alexander is gonna roll out of the way of that bomb and then stand up to attack the weakest one which I think Arete was attacking. 26 would hit?
Tau
Yep.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So, feeling the might of Ares, he will swing at it for 31 damage.
Tau
Okay, tell me how you obliterate it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
After the roll, he will push himself with his hands up to his feet to charge at the skeleton and unsheath his sword and with those slashing uppercut...
[SFX: Bones clatter apart.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...hopefully cut it right in half. Is the other one within 15 feet?
Tau
No
Nicholas (Alexander)
Damn, how far is that one?
Tau
It is 20 feet from where the current one is standing
Nicholas (Alexander)
With Hermes and Poseidon dash, as much as I can, towards it and then throw a javelin. Does a 19 hit?
Tau
That does.
Nicholas (Alexander)
With the fury in his eyes, he will slash at that one for 24 damage.
[SFX: A whip of air and then the clatter of bones.]
Tau
Oh, okay, it is super low but not quite dead but like breathing on it would kill it. Okay, the stone obelisk that dropped on you flies up into the air again. And something else is going to actually crash down on the Faithless for three HP
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh no.
Tau
And that is our good friend Pelops.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasp)
Tau
Who, you see, again like a streak of lightning through the sky. All these lights stream through the sky as he crashes down on that Faithless.
[SFX: A torrenting boom.]
Tau
It blows the ribcage underneath you for the Barge of dDeath gets a deep fissure underneath it to the point where the entire barge caves in on itself a little bit and you're all standing on a slight incline now. So Alexander and Annie could you make dexterity saves please?
Amanda (Annie)
That is 15.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I have 15 as well.
Tau
Oh, excellent. Okay, so you both save exactly.
Amanda (Annie)
Yay!
Tau
So you both only take eight force damage.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughing) You fucking asshole.
Amanda (Annie)
(singsong) Which is five!
Tau
As the impact from Pelops' landing just sends shockwaves that you can feel vibrate like through your face bones. And so then Pelops crashes down, he hops off his lance, he yanks it out of the fissure and wipes off some Phlegathon flem from his lance as it goes flying and he goes, (helmeted) "Who's next?" And it would have been the Faithless but he's gone. Next up is Annie.
Amanda (Annie)
Is the rock, rock thing rock har- What's left?
Tau
There's the rock thing in the sky. There's the two dancers at the top of the ribcage.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, hold me closer to tiny dancerrrr.
Michael (Arete)
(softly singing) Hold me closer, Tony Danza.
Amanda (Annie)
Tony Danzaaaaaa, yeah! Okay.
Michael (Arete)
(still singing) Count the headlights on the highway.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie wants to cast stinking cloud on the Tony Danzas at the top.
[SFX: A wet explosion.]
Tau
Okay, so what happens?
Amanda (Annie)
They have to make a constitution saving throw against poison.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
So they got a five.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay so on a failed save, the creature spend its action that turn retching and reeling.
Tau
Alright, they are retching and reeling and they're going (retching, rasping). At the same time you hear...
[SFX: Magma sloshes as a whalelike cry emerges.]
Tau
As a massive Hydra head emerges on one end of the barge and another Hydra head goes...
[SFX: Magma sloshes again as another Hydra roars.]
Tau
...emerges on the other end of the barge. And these two Hydra heads are swimming alongside the barge chasing all of you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Rolf, focus on the ones above."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I thought, yes. Okay," I'm going to cast ice knife at first level. So I'm going to fuse it with a blood crystal and aim it at whichever one is nearest me and hope that the other gets caught in the blast. That was a two plus 12 plus my blood crystal, was going to bring it up to a 18.
Tau
That definitely hits.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Excellent. "Ares empower me." The first one takes 20 piercing damage.
Tau
(rasplike cry)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So with blast nova, that means I also deal the 20 damage to the adjacent target.
Tau
That is correct.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Excellent. So they both take 20 piercing damage. And then as the shard explodes, they must succeed on a dexterity saving throw and the DC for that is going to be a 20.
Tau
Okay, I got a 15 and a 17.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Wonderful, so they are both going to take 17 cold damage.
Tau
All right. So here's what actually happened. You shot your ice knife up, it went into one of the Wretched and it went "Ahh" and then you felt like Dedalus' power radiate like an ice cloud from it, that dealt identical damage to its partner. So then it took that hit. Then the explosion of the ice knife itself.
[SFX: A hard explosion.]
Tau
And you just hear (announcing voice) "C-C-COMBO BREAKER." Both of the Wretched Dancers freeze up and then shatter as these ice statues as a hail of bones and ice fall over you.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"You're up."
Tau
Arete, it is your turn.
Michael (Arete)
Can we get to the Hydra heads, how close together are these ribs?
Tau
You can hop between the ribs and try to attack them through that without issue.
Michael (Arete)
Great I will take the left Hydra head. So Arete draws La Voix and he says "Ares and Dionysus and Aphrodite, aid me in my stabby stabby." Does a 14 hit?
Tau
It does not.
Michael (Arete)
Okay. And then as his bonus action, I will disengage "Hermes engage my disengage," that's additional AC and I will gain that five AC for that and that is the end of my turn.
Tau
All right, the Hydra head on the right hand side is going to breathe fire on to everyone. Everybody on the barge make a dexterity saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Wait, who's with me? Add four.
Tau
I'm gonna say Pelops is with you
Nicholas (Alexander)
22.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
26.
Amanda (Annie)
(depressed) Seven.
Tau
Who did not get a 15 or better?
Amanda (Annie)
Annie.
Michael (Arete)
That would be Arete.
Tau
So you are taking 35 minus three is 32, half of that is 16. So everybody who succeeded take 16. Everybody who failed to take 32 fire damage.
[SFX: The Hydra ROARS.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, as an action I'm gonna have to use my holy bulwark to get my AC up plus four. And then as a bonus action I'm just going to dash with Hermes and Poseidon, add another plus three AC and I'm going to dash at the one that's breathing fire and kick its head.
Tau
Rolf make a dexterity saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Critical failure, so six.
Tau
All right, you take 11 damage as the obelisk lands on you and you are knocked prone.
[SFX: A thud and stony crack.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Focus the Hydras, we can handle the obelisk," I say before it kills me.
Tau
Okay, it is Pelops' turn. So Pelops seems annoyed with these Hydras, as if he's been dealing with these all day. He says, "I've had enough of you," and he leaps into the air and then he hovers in the air and across his visor you see all these lights light up and you see this kind of like circular reticle move around his visor and it locks on to the Hydra on the right. And he like holds back his javelin, and he does that like midair like twist like they do in 300 and then he flings the javelin, the javelin mid air breaks apart like a rocket shuttle almost and it breaks apart into seven different lances.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Sick.
Tau
And all of those lances start homing in on that Hydra but they don't actually crash into it. They start spinning around the Hydra and shooting these lasers all on the Hydra.
[SFX: A cascade of staccato lasers]
Tau
These lasers are all burning into this Hydra and it takes 52 force damage.
[SFX: The Hydra cries out in pain.]
Tau
These lasers fire at it and then all of the javelin pieces reassemble and then fly back into his hand as a circular javelin.
Amanda (Annie)
Yooo.
Tau
Then it is left Hydras turn. It's just gonna reach straight over down into the ribcage and it's just going to attempt to bite Arete.
Michael (Arete)
Cool.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Does a 25 hit?
Michael (Arete)
"Oh Irissss."
Tau
Okay, so does a 19 hit?
Michael (Arete)
Meets it, beats it, sure does.
Amanda (Annie)
Damn.
Tau
So you take 15 piercing damage as the bone bites into you, make a strength save.
Michael (Arete)
Before I do that strength save, my auto adrenaline ejector activates.
[SFX: Glass cracks and the boost deploys.]
Michael (Arete)
(gasp)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You can be invisible or flying.
Michael (Arete)
I pick invisible.
Tau
Okay make a strength saving throw.
Michael (Arete)
17.
Tau
It's not able to hold on to you. It chomps onto something and then suddenly you go invisible.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie wants to cast blindness deafness on the right Hydra head.
Tau
For this very constitution (deep breath) he got a 25.
Amanda (Annie)
You can see, you get you have sight, so congratulations. Ahhhh.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to cast a fourth level witch bolt upon the bone Hydra that Alexander and Pelops have been attacking. And I'm also going to expend one of my blood crystals. That is a 25 to hit.
Tau
Okay, that certainly hits.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ares! Dionysus! Do your thing." It is going to be 56 lightning damage.
[SFX: BOOM of thunder.]
Tau
Yeah, okay, now it's starting to look pretty beat up.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And I'm going to dash to raise that AC.
Michael (Arete)
I'm going to go ahead and while invisible, use my new grave marker maneuver, marked for death, on the Hydra that I am near.
Tau
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
You need to make a constitution saving throw.
Tau
What does it have to beat?
Michael (Arete)
15.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Okay, it got a 13.
Michael (Arete)
So upon the failure is treated as vulnerable against the next individual instance of damage it takes before the start of my next turn. I shout whisper (gravelly) "Hey, lefty over here is now vulnerable. Come and attack it."
Tau
(Pelops) "Should I aim for that one?"
Michael (Arete)
"Yeah." And then another new ability allows me to pop back into invisibility until the end of my turn. So then as my bonus action, I will take cutting action to disengage to raise my AC whilst still invisible and then I pop back to being visible as I end my turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
You're going to cut at the Hydra that I'm next to. Well, first one was a critical fail. Second hit is a 19. Gonna use a divine smite at that second level. And with Ares and divine smite... that would be 39 damage.
[SFX: Hard thunks then the Hydra cries out.]
Tau
Yeah, it looks really bad. You would almost certainly kill it on your next blow, knowing you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, then for my bonus action, I will dash towards the other one.
Tau
Okay, it's going to make an opportunity attack at you.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
It only gets an 11.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, it doesn't go.
Tau
It is the obelisk's turn it is going to fly straight up into the sky and then Pelops is going to turn to the Hydra on the left and he is again going to leap into the air, that reticle is going to move around his visor and lock onto it. He's going to throw his lance, the lance is going to break apart and then shoot a bunch of lasers at it.
[SFX: Bursts of lasers.]
Tau
See if it saves. It does not save, it's a five. So he rolls a 35 on it which becomes with the vulnerability the grave mark that Arete placed on he's gonna do 70 damage to the Hydra on the left. The Hydra on the left is gonna bite Arete, it is going to attempt to-- it only gets a 14.
Michael (Arete)
It don't make it.
Amanda (Annie)
Like all of my spells these constitution. Unless I get really lucky and it works so I want to really try doing constitution on the Hydra on the right again.
Tau
Blindness deafness?
Amanda (Annie)
Yes, blindness deafness. Sorry.
Tau
It gets a 21
Amanda (Annie)
Annie just gonna stomp her feet, be like "You know just forget it just forget it. Who's next? Just go just go!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to continue to dash in a circle riding my little wave and maintain concentration on my witch bolt.
Tau
This is the one on the right?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Tau
Just explain how you obliterate it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I continue spinning in a circle but I'm spotting the bone Hydra and it just glaring at it the whole time as my body kind of rotates around my head and just continue to strike lightning at it and it explodes.
[SFX: A ROAR then clattering explosion.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He doesn't even say anything, just turns and focuses on the one on the left. Oh and he holds a hand out to retrieve his blood crystal.
Tau
The barge continues barreling forward, the left Hydra's continuing to give chase. Arete it is your turn
Michael (Arete)
As everyone starts to turn their attention towards the other Hydra, Arete shimmers for a brief moment (POP) and is gone as he uses deathshroud. And then Arete will attempt to mark for death once again on this lovely little Hydra before him. You have to beat a 15 with that con saving throw.
Tau
Got an 11.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Whoa.
Amanda (Annie)
"You see? You see sometimes it works. Sometimes it works, huh! Ridiculous. Ridiculous!"
Michael (Arete)
Alright, so it has been marked for death and Arete pops back into visibility as you see him just kind of throw a little sticker at it. And it's got like a little skull and cross bones.
Tau
(laughing) Okay. That's how it, it says "kick me" on it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander starts running at it and then starts running vertically up its neck with the 18, does that hit?
Tau
That hits.
Nicholas (Alexander)
48 For the first hit.
[SFX: The Hydra roars.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm assuming a 21 hits.
Tau
It does.
Amanda (Annie)
Hahahaha.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Well. It's 40 damage.
Tau
It is super low. Anyone could breathe on it. Pelops is going to leap onto the Hydra and he is going to stab down into it with his javelin...
[SFX: The dice clatters.]
Tau
...and he only deals 27 damage to him with the attack. That does kill it. So he steps straight down into the Hydra. The skull of the hydrogel shatters and it just starts sinking into the magma.
[SFX: The bone shatters and the magma bubbles.]
Tau
Annie it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
I'll do thunderclap on the obelisk. It has to make a constitution saving throw though.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
So.
Tau
(wheeze laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
I'm going to jump off a barge!
Tau
17 plus three. Rolf it is your turn, Arete you're on your deck
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to cast acid splash upon it. Please make a dexterity saving throw and I will recall my blood crystal and infuse it. That you have to be to 20
Tau
Gets a 17. It has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects. It still doesn't beat it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Thank God. Okay, "Ares! (tired) Let's finish this." So that is 23 acid damage.
Tau
You deal a bunch of acid damage to it. It's corroding through the stone.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
We're literally fighting rocks. That's the end of my turn.
Michael (Arete)
Arete runs over to the obelisk with La Voix, stabs into the top of it. "Ahh!" Does a 20 hit?
Tau
It does hit.
Michael (Arete)
Marvelous and Rolf is adjacent yes?
Tau
Yes.
Michael (Arete)
Great. So that means I get to do my little sneaky sneak. 26
Tau
Okay, three paper cuts would kill it. It looks really bad. Alexander it's your turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander looks at the rock and he goes "We meet at last," and he's gonna--
Amanda (Annie)
Good lord.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Run up and slash it. Okay 27 lands?
Tau
That does hit, describe how you kill it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Reverse King Arthur's Sword in the Stone.
Tau
All right, it does shatter.
[SFX: The stone shatters loudly.]
Tau
A giant super pomegranate lies where it exploded.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
A super pomegranate?
Nicholas (Alexander)
I slap it. Woopshh.
Tau
And the barge comes to a stop. You slap the super pomegranate, you can upgrade any boon of yours to heroic rarity.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Iriiiis!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"With Iris or Athena? Iris might be good."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Iriiiiis!"
Amanda (Annie)
"I have no complaints there."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I don't either."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Iriiiis!"
Amanda (Annie)
"Okay i think um it sounds like we're gonna go with Iris."
Michael (Arete)
"Yeah, let's go for it. Why not?"
Tau
Okay, so Iris heroic... plus five AC.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh, I love you.
Tau
Yeah, that's pretty bonkers. I basically can't kill you at this point.
Amanda (Annie)
Well, we'll see about that.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
We still got saving throws to fail.
Tau
The barge pulls to a stop, you see a bone raft at the very edge of it that shows... a green icon of a bow and arrow.
Michael (Arete)
"Let's all skedaddle."
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna touch the orb.
Amanda (Annie)
The raft starts speeding along the magma to who knows where....
[SFX: The magma lappping at the raft slowly fades away until the outro music comes in.]
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood, stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon Mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Audio editing by Daniel Manning. Sound design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C., with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. Transcription by Eli Barraza.
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